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Thread: Information elements and wanting to physically touch others

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    Default Information elements and wanting to physically touch others

    is there a function, or a type or something like that - that prevents one from wanting to touch another person? time and time again i see people casually touching each other at work. a shoulder, an arm, etc. i can't imagine wanting to touch anyone. but at times i would like to - as a consoling method or whatever.

    i'm not sure what i would have to do, to actually touch someone. it's the same hesitation i get when i need to say something important to someone.

    i'm actually not sure what i'm asking - does anyone else have this "problem"? i think it would make me appear more compassionate or caring if i could lend a soft touch to someone. but i just can't figure what's stopping me...

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    SFs are the most comfortable with it, and NTs are the least comfortable.
    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Rocky's posts are as enjoyable as having wisdom teeth removed.

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    Default Re: the ability to touch people physically and being touched

    Quote Originally Posted by mike_INTJ
    is there a function, or a type or something like that - that prevents one from wanting to touch another person? time and time again i see people casually touching each other at work. a shoulder, an arm, etc. i can't imagine wanting to touch anyone. but at times i would like to - as a consoling method or whatever.

    i'm not sure what i would have to do, to actually touch someone. it's the same hesitation i get when i need to say something important to someone.

    i'm actually not sure what i'm asking - does anyone else have this "problem"? i think it would make me appear more compassionate or caring if i could lend a soft touch to someone. but i just can't figure what's stopping me...


    I read you loud and clear. I was horrible at both years ago, but through martial arts I've gotten better at touch, yet.... I still evade people whenever I can. Walking to class, in halls, especially people in HS. In middle school, people made fun of me because I was easier to knock over than other people.

    I still hesitate about saying important things.... but I've developed a tested method of "look, if (I) you were going to say it, then get it overwith", (well, there's more to it than that, but, for now, that will suffice).

    I'm incredibly hesitant to touch other people, but I have gotten better. I've trained myself over the last few years to learn how to initiate contact with people, when neccesary or advantageous. However, if someone touches me unexpectedly, I either have a very awkard response, or just stand there without reaction. At this moment I cannot differentiate as to why I am either/or on this subject.....


    Bottome line: you're not alone. I wouldn't be surprised if this was fairly common.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Default Re: the ability to touch people physically and being touched

    Quote Originally Posted by UDP
    Quote Originally Posted by mike_INTJ
    is there a function, or a type or something like that - that prevents one from wanting to touch another person? time and time again i see people casually touching each other at work. a shoulder, an arm, etc. i can't imagine wanting to touch anyone. but at times i would like to - as a consoling method or whatever.

    i'm not sure what i would have to do, to actually touch someone. it's the same hesitation i get when i need to say something important to someone.

    i'm actually not sure what i'm asking - does anyone else have this "problem"? i think it would make me appear more compassionate or caring if i could lend a soft touch to someone. but i just can't figure what's stopping me...


    I read you loud and clear. I was horrible at both years ago, but through martial arts I've gotten better at touch, yet.... I still evade people whenever I can. Walking to class, in halls, especially people in HS. In middle school, people made fun of me because I was easier to knock over than other people.

    I still hesitate about saying important things.... but I've developed a tested method of "look, if (I) you were going to say it, then get it overwith", (well, there's more to it than that, but, for now, that will suffice).

    I'm incredibly hesitant to touch other people, but I have gotten better. I've trained myself over the last few years to learn how to initiate contact with people, when neccesary or advantageous. However, if someone touches me unexpectedly, I either have a very awkard response, or just stand there without reaction. At this moment I cannot differentiate as to why I am either/or on this subject.....


    Bottome line: you're not alone. I wouldn't be surprised if this was fairly common.
    it's probably common - but hard to search for. i had a problem as i was trying to explain it. maybe it's a spontaneous thing - i don't have that ability. and though i don't want that ability - as i plan everything. i'd still like to be able to do it. that comfort touch thing.... there must be something behind it. a trick of some sort.

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    I meant fairly common for INTj types.



    it's probably common - but hard to search for. i had a problem as i was trying to explain it. maybe it's a spontaneous thing - i don't have that ability. and though i don't want that ability - as i plan everything. i'd still like to be able to do it. that comfort touch thing.... there must be something behind it. a trick of some sort.
    anything anyone sets their mind to, they can acheive.

    that's my position, whatever their "type".


    You can use a lot of tricks to adapt yourself to what you want, or need, to become. Thinking of them is easy, but following through takes a lot of balls sometimes... well, a lot of times.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Diana
    You know, especially when I was younger I really didn't want anyone to touch me. Even as a baby. I'd be perfectly happy playing by myself, and only cried if someone picked me up or tried to hold me. I'm not that bad any more, I think I've grown out of that mostly. Still touchy-feely people can make me uncomfortable -- and I know what you mean about the consoling people thing. I feel very awkward even if I do manage to give them a hug or something. It just seems like it's somehow too invasive or something. I can do it, but it's an effort.

    Secretly, I crave to hug someone close. BUt this person is someone I really know really well, and therefore, is nonexistant. I guess it's something I would hope for, someday.

    Probably because anytime I hug or touch anyone else it's so awkward or...... like..... I just don't want to be there. (not only from "physically uncomfrotable" standpoint, but like.... it's weird from an emotional/mental standpoint. I start thinking about... what is being implied, or like.... "so what am I supposed to do?)

    PS: ugh, and then there is this little cousin of mine...... maybe some other time.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rocky
    SFs are the most comfortable with it, and NTs are the least comfortable.
    rocky! that's the coolest thing you've ever said!

    I will argue though that NTs, in relationships, say more with an embrace than they ever do with words. We're very affectionate.

    BUT acquaintences and relatives and friends should NEVER presume that it's okay to touch me or even get in my bubble.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    or even get in my bubble.

    it's a good thing I prefer distance, I see


    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    yeah good thing ecommunication is all about distance
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    One of my favorite things to do is to touch people who hate being touched.
    Binary or dichotomous systems, although regulated by a principle, are among the most artificial arrangements that have ever been invented. -- William Swainson, A Treatise on the Geography and Classification of Animals (1835)

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    *is scared of Cone*
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cone
    One of my favorite things to do is to touch people who hate being touched.
    and the funny thing is - i don't mind poking people. a quick - though soft, jab in the arm. but it's usually only done if i turn off my brain; and not think.

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    =)

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    Quote Originally Posted by maizemedley
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocky
    SFs are the most comfortable with it
    My ISFj friend would disagree. So would my ISFj father in law.

    My ISFp friend is a huggable magnet. I love her! I rest head on her shoulder and interlock arms with her while we walk...very touchy feely.

    ESFp, also very hugy.

    ESFj...I don't know.
    maybe it's a girl thing? though i have seen guys do it as well. maybe it's the invisible threat of harassment suits. ideally the recommended methods is a shoulder rub - as many won't reject. but it's like i have chains attached to my wrists and i can't get myself to do it....

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    over here, many of the female population tend to greet each other or take their leave with a loose hug and a mock kiss on either cheek. all my close friends know that i would at most tolerate the loose hug. i go rigid at the mock cheek-touching/kiss thing. it's just uncomfortable. i don't hug family either. but i do tease my brothers and jab them a lot.

    on the other hand, an important characteristic for my significant other to have is touchability. i turn quite tactile with a significant other.

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    Quote Originally Posted by maizemedley
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocky
    SFs are the most comfortable with it
    My ISFj friend would disagree. So would my ISFj father in law.

    My ISFp friend is a huggable magnet. I love her! I rest head on her shoulder and interlock arms with her while we walk...very touchy feely.

    ESFp, also very hugy.

    ESFj...I don't know.
    ... I meant more that the SFs were the most physically in touch with their bodies and how they feel, but then there's also the emotional part, too...
    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Rocky's posts are as enjoyable as having wisdom teeth removed.

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    maybe it's a girl thing?
    no I'm sorry, you're wrong
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    As an ISFp I don't usually go out of my way to touch others, but I normally don't mind if they touch me just as long as I know them well enough and I'm comfortable with them. I have an INFp friend who will do EXACTLY what maizemedley described doing with her ISFp friend.

    As for a function that keeps people from wanting to touch others, I don't know. I know that I would hesitate depending on the person. There are some people I get the feeling that just don't like to be touched so I avoid touching them.

    The ENTp I know HATES to be touched, especially by males and most females. He seriously gets hostile about it. I also know an INTp who doesn't like it when other people touch him, but he's not completely averse to touch, if it's on his terms he doesn't seem to mind it so much.

    I know an ESFp, INFp (the one I mentioned above), and ENFp (all females) who are touchy feely. Especially the ESFp and INFp.
    ISFp, SiFe, , or SEI....whatever we're calling ourselves these days.

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    lol @ joy being a man
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    I'm quite masculine.
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    Many female ENTP tend to be rather masculine and hang out with boys more then woman sometimes (and prefer to get the spotlight of attention ).

    As for INTJ and touching. I find it sick and twisted that we don't always like to be touched or touch, it caused me allot damage. Likely common for INTJ I guess.
    Logical-Intuitive Extravert (ENTj)
    TeNi

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    I remember hating holidays as a kid because my relatives would be expecting me to be happy and to hug them.

    And yes, I prefer the company of men.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cone
    One of my favorite things to do is to touch people who hate being touched.
    lol. I don't care if people touch me as long I feel comfterable too. I don't mind hugs(which I show that I don't like hugs nor admit I like hugs). Most my INTJ's friend show they don't like to be touch nor tolerate it neither unless their in a really good mood.
    ISFP, SEI

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cone
    One of my favorite things to do is to touch people who hate being touched.

    Yeah, that's why I've enjoyed learning how to punch people in the face properly...
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP
    Quote Originally Posted by Cone
    One of my favorite things to do is to touch people who hate being touched.

    Yeah, that's why I've enjoyed learning how to punch people in the face properly...
    So you like doing what he likes doing?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zeia
    Quote Originally Posted by UDP
    Quote Originally Posted by Cone
    One of my favorite things to do is to touch people who hate being touched.

    Yeah, that's why I've enjoyed learning how to punch people in the face properly...
    So you like doing what he likes doing?

    No, I do not like to touch people for the sake of enjyoing their reactions. Unless I know the person really really really well. But otherwise, no, far from it....

    that's one answer to your question, though I am not sure what you are implying
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    As your attorney I must advise against this.
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    This is something I've never been comfortable with. My whole family isn't very touchy feely though. I think the one and only time I've ever hugged my father was at my wedding.

    My aversion to touching caused problems in my marriage. I had to make a conscious effort to be more affectionate physically with my husband. Now it's more natural feeling with him, but I still don't like to hug/touch other people. Makes me uncomfortable thinking about it, so I'll stop now.
    ~ESFj~

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    when I'm married, I couldn't be too distant. That would........ defeat the idea of marriage, somewhat. I want to be close to my wife, more or less. The aspect of intimacybetween two people is appealing to me.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cone
    One of my favorite things to do is to touch people who hate being touched.
    Cone I am shocked , because the one INTp classmate I talked about was in the habit of doing that also. hmm..It seems type does influence us more than we think..

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    Hey, it's another justification of something INTjs and INTps dissagree about
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    edit

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    Quote Originally Posted by ILENTp
    Don't. touch. me.

    Why. do. people. write. like. this. .......?


    I don't really get, you know?

    It just looks bad, and is not really dramatic, either.


    "best. thread. ever."

    what, what is it about writing like that that is so appealing to some?
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP
    Quote Originally Posted by ILENTp
    Don't. touch. me.

    Why. do. people. write. like. this. .......?


    I don't really get, you know?

    It just looks bad, and is not really dramatic, either.


    "best. thread. ever."

    what, what is it about writing like that that is so appealing to some?
    ... Why ... Do ............ People ......... Write ...... Like .............. This ................?

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    Default INTj/touch

    I'm not sure if it's an INTj or a more general NT thing, but I have always been a little funny about touch. I particularly despise touch when I can't see the person - like when someone comes up behind you and puts a hand on your shoulder to get your attention.

    I am fortunate to have 2 sisters who were far younger than me & very affectionate. I made a point to hug them whenever I would come home because the rest of my family doesn't hug or touch each other. So now they're normal touchy people and my aversion to touch has been worn down a little.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zeia
    Quote Originally Posted by UDP
    Quote Originally Posted by ILENTp
    Don't. touch. me.

    Why. do. people. write. like. this. .......?


    I don't really get, you know?

    It just looks bad, and is not really dramatic, either.


    "best. thread. ever."

    what, what is it about writing like that that is so appealing to some?
    ... Why ... Do ............ People ......... Write ...... Like .............. This ................?

    I went over that in another thread.

    As I was writing in that thread, it made me think of this thread, and what I wrote here about "writing. like. this.".
    Pet peeves, apparently.

    ... Why ... Do ............ People ......... Write ...... Like .............. This ................?
    It's kind of an inaccurate comparison, though. I don't seperate my words one at a time.

    why. do. I. write. like. this. ?
    why..... do.... I..... write.... like......... this....?

    You are refering to completely different things, though your comparisson here, as you wrote it is inaccurate

    And I don't really do either of them. ('either' as in: 1 write. like. this. 2 the inaccurate reference to using a lot of periods "........." )





    ......... I know what you are trying to say, or point out, but there is a difference between the two, and I feel I haven't been able to illustrate it very well in this post. And no, it's not just "because I'm different", or I want to be "idyosincratic" or whatever. I see there being a valid difference. Important difference? I don't know. But I was compelled to write this whole post because of it.

    Obviously.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    ahh..... I'll just move on. I was going to write something more, but I've said enough about this for now
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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