VI my friend?

[tiny_dancer]

http://s255.photobucket.com/albums/hh149/tiny_dancer79/

I'm kinda curious about this friend of mine. What type do you think she is? She hasn't been in my town for..eek..3 years...so I'm not sure how much I'll remember that is consequential socionics-wise... but I'll give it a shot.

She loves debating law and politics. She never did this around me, though, since I don't know anything about either So I can't say much about her arguing style... She listened to speakers on both sides, though, moderate through extreme. Sometimes I'd wonder - how can she listen to this guy? She's a lawyer now, specializing in international law.

Her S.O. is an EIE. One long-standing point of friction is the fact that he's told her he needs more verbal affirmation and encouragement in general. Her response to that is, "I just can't do that. That's not me." I don't think I've seen her get emotional about anything, except where he's concerned. They seem comfortable with each other... although very independent of each other too.

Her description of how they started is that he is not what she previously went for. She broke up with a complete nut job and started dating him and he grew on her. She is of the opinion that you can 'grow' to love someone. (Whereas mine would be that there are some people who don't go together no matter how long you're with them) She also discounts her ESE friend's necessity for 'chemistry' - a 'click' - doesn't think that's important in the beginning.

Work - she's pretty reliable. I think she was given a lot of responsibility for someone her age.

She will stand her ground if someone is trying to give her the short end of the deal. One instance in particular makes me laugh - she sold her car, and a foreign person from a 'haggling' country offered to pay the asking price for it. He arrived and told her he'd pay significantly less. She argued with him for 30 minutes until he gave her full price. She threw in her box of car care supplies as a bonus.

Overall I'd say she is sociable, but she doesn't do a great deal of initiating. Kind of similar to myself, I guess.

If I can think of anything else I'll add it... I'm kind of wondering if she's LSE and I was totally clueless as to what one of those looks like...

[Joy]

I don't know about the pic, but from the description I'd say she sounds more LIE than LSE. Most likely logical and probably rational, in any case. ESI is also possible. She doesn't sound Ne creative or Ti dominant.

So yeah, LIE, most likely. I also think she needs to get out of that relationship. I can relate to the stuff she's saying (from past experiences), but it's apparent that she's unhappy and trying to justify staying in the relationship.

[Joy]

Big talk for so little info, and not even solicited.

She's essentially saying that you don't have to like someone in order to love him/her. The whole "I can make it work" concept is for people who aren't compatible with their partner.

But I don't expect that we'll agree on this no matter how many pages we invest into the discussion, so I won't try to convince you.

[force my hand]

She's essentially saying that you don't have to like someone in order to love him/her. The whole "I can make it work" concept is for people who aren't compatible with their partner.

But I don't expect that we'll agree on this no matter how many pages we invest into the discussion, so I won't try to convince you.

I read it as her not feeling sparks right off the start, but knowing that with familiarity comes feeling.

Just a wild guess - ESI.

[Joy]

I read it as her not feeling sparks right off the start, but knowing that with familiarity comes feeling.

I do agree with that, in a way. Excitement isn't what I look for in a relationship. To me it didn't quite sound like what you're describing though, but I could be wrong.

[force my hand]

I do agree with that, in a way. Excitement isn't what I look for in a relationship. To me it didn't quite sound like what you're describing though, but I could be wrong.

Not to get TOO carried away with analysis, but I guess when I consider the phrasing used in combination with the comment that she is very independent, I tend to think of it in more positive, moderate, mature terms instead of the more negative character of, "well, I need X from the person, so even though I don't feel this NOW, eventually I will" (which I find not dispicable, but pretty close).

[Joy]

Not to get TOO carried away with analysis, but I guess when I consider the phrasing used in combination with the comment that she is very independent, I tend to think of it in more positive, moderate, mature terms instead of the more negative character of, "well, I need X from the person, so even though I don't feel this NOW, eventually I will" (which I find not dispicable, but pretty close).

"Her description of how they started is that he is not what she previously went for. She broke up with a complete nut job and started dating him and he grew on her."

Sounds to me like she wanted someone who was more safe/stable/sane than her previous boyfriend and found him. It was a rebound thing, and she wasn't even sure how much she liked him in the beginning. She got used to having him around and would rather be with him than not.

[force my hand]

"Her description of how they started is that he is not what she previously went for. She broke up with a complete nut job and started dating him and he grew on her."

Sounds to me like she wanted someone who was more safe/stable/sane than her previous boyfriend and found him. It was a rebound thing, and she wasn't even sure how much she liked him in the beginning. She got used to having him around and would rather be with him than not.

Fair enough, just except that rebound thing... not necessarily a bad thing if the person rebounding has their shit together.

[force my hand]

As far as additional typings go, ESI isn't an implausible VI either. But I would think an ESI would be more confident in some sort of affirmation, even if not the Fe ego kind (which isn't the kind an EIE expects from an LSI anyway.)

Also, it's my understanding that ESI ethical judgements can be quite emotionally-charged, but the OP doesn't seem to have observed anything like that.

All of that is certainly a sore point for an ESI, but I'm wondering if Gamma Fi (or in general) might be be tempted to set a boundary for interaction, and then be steadfast in making sure it doesn't change. In other words, she felt from the start this is how the relationship 'should' or would be, and that any attempt to change it is summarily rejected on that ethical principle.

[Joy]

ESI's do have Fe for their ignoring function.

7th: You're good enough at this to know how to avoid giving it any more attention than is absolutely necessary. If people tell you that you should give it more attention, you often confidently tell them that they're wrong (or just ignore them).

[Joy]

Right, but the emotionality a Ti-base seeks is seperate from the affirmative words a Te-base seeks.

But granted again, I don't know precisely what "affirmation" an EIE would want. One possibility is that they want it to happen in response to their Fe, which an ESI might not be in sync with.

That had crossed my mind. I had also wondered whether the EIE is EIE (not that I doubt tiny dancer's typing skills... I'm just pointing out that there's no way to know for sure).

[tiny_dancer]

ESI, huh? Wow, I had not considered that. I figured I'd be able to tell if I'd hit her polr, but maybe she just doesn't show it much. Although I guess if that were going to happen, it would come out in a debate similar to the one Expat posted.. and we don't really do that.

Ethical judgements? mmm... not sure if I can think of any off the top of my head... but, you know, it's been a while.

Verbal affirmation... uh... I don't know if I can clarify that. I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but he sells high-end real estate (and he's quite good at it). I think he just wants to know that she's proud of him - to hear a 'That's fantastic! Good job!' when he makes a good commission, etc. I don't know.. I'm not sure that I interpret it correctly hearing it second-hand from her. He's looking for some sort of response that he's not getting.

I didn't mean to sound as though she doesn't love her boyfriend - I guess I should have phrased that differently. They've been together 8 years. He wasn't purely a rebound from crazy guy. She's a very stable person. I think she just decided to open up a little and consider someone who she may not have previously. It seems to be working fine for them, and they're happy. They do waffle back and forth over whether or not to get married. One gets cold feet, then the other gets cold feet. As I've never made it that far in a relationship, I can't say whether or not I'll feel the same way when I get there.

If you'd like me to post a pic of her boyfriend, I have one.

Anyway, she's coming to visit in a little while, so maybe I'll collect some more data! I'm sure there's more, but since she hasn't been here in a long time, I'm not sure if I remember things correctly or if I'm skewing things.

[Joy]

I still think LIE is possible as well.