Results 1 to 18 of 18

Thread: How can ENFps and INFjs learn self-control

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    near the beach
    Posts
    184
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default How can ENFps and INFjs learn self-control

    I'm wondering what are the best ways for the delta feelers to acquire excellent self-control skills.
    me

  2. #2
    schrödinger's cat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    1,186
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Get mobbed for a few years. Works wonders.

    EDIT: I realized this might sound as if I'm making fun of your topic, but I'm not. I think ENFPs who get constantly criticized for being the way they are (too wild, too scatter-brained, too zany, too unrealistic bla bla) will try and avoid discomfort by hiding their true character. That probably only works if the criticism comes from a lot of directions and you haven't got anything to balance this out.

    Same thing could be true for INFJs. It would surprise me if it wasn't.

  3. #3
    escaping anndelise's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    WA
    TIM
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp
    Posts
    6,338
    Mentioned
    210 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Re: Feeler's self-control

    Quote Originally Posted by ENFperator
    I'm wondering what are the best ways for the delta feelers to acquire excellent self-control skills.
    Might want to lower your aim a little from excellent to acquiring them, first.
    Practice makes perfect after that.

    Self Help books.
    A good self-hypnosis book. (wish I could recommend one, though)

    Altering one's environement to reduce negative triggers, is probably the easiest.

    After reducing negative triggers, I would have to say that the best way to gain self-control is to:
    1) Define your personal principles and what you will/will not allow in your life.
    2) Rephrase them into positive statements. Meaning, take out the "will not"s and make it "will"s.
    3) Prioritize them. If you could work on x but not y, or y but not x, which would be more important?
    4) Focus on the most important one for a month, then add the next most important one and work on both for a month, on down the line.
    5) Focus on it by imagining yourself doing/allowing/following the principle/whatever in as great a detail as you can...focusing more on the actions and possible blocks and successfully getting around those blocks.
    6) Focus also by keeping it in the back of your mind throughout the day or throughout the situation.

    There will most likely be starts and stops, redefining principles/allowances, and reprioritizing. But each time you restart, the process gets easier and easier. And previously worked on items become easier to implement.
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp

  4. #4
    schrödinger's cat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    1,186
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    It might all depend on what exactly it is you want to control. (Or want someone else to control, or want people in general to control...) Did you have anything specific in mind?

  5. #5
    schrödinger's cat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    1,186
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Sorry, that was me. And the question was addressed to ENFPerator (forgot to add that). Which brings me to one of the things this ENFP tries to control: absent-mindedness.

  6. #6
    In Transition Raver's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    TIM
    Ne-IEE 6w7 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,703
    Mentioned
    92 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Hmmm...My self-control varies from time to time. Sometimes, I can control my urges (whatever they might be ) and other times I just let go in a spurting bottle of milk . Well, anyways you guys got the idea. :wink:

    Self-control is all about mind over matter, you must focus and become the object, once you are the object, you have the object under your control and you can destroy it and if you please you can decide to turn into the object and then lie there forever. It really is your choice.
    "Nothing happens until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change."

    Ne-IEE
    6w7 sp/sx
    6w7-4w5-9w1

  7. #7
    schrödinger's cat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    1,186
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Anyone else feel that the key to self-control is knowing which things you actually CAN control?

  8. #8
    escaping anndelise's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    WA
    TIM
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp
    Posts
    6,338
    Mentioned
    210 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by schrödinger's cat
    Anyone else feel that the key to self-control is knowing which things you actually CAN control?
    Which you CAN, as well as which you actually WANT to put the effort into.
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp

  9. #9

    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    near the beach
    Posts
    184
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    @anndelise: Thanks for the advices. I’m working on most of these things.

    @schroedinger’s cat: I want to control my own moods and thoughts.

    “I think ENFPs who get constantly criticized for being the way they are (too wild, too scatter-brained, too zany, too unrealistic bla bla) will try and avoid discomfort by hiding their true character. That probably only works if the criticism comes from a lot of directions and you haven't got anything to balance this out. ”

    I agree. Doesn’t avoiding discomfort mean avoiding feelings of shame and guilt?
    me

  10. #10
    schrödinger's cat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    1,186
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Hm... if it's your moods and emotions you'd like to control, then anndelise's strategy probably works best. I'll add two things that work for me:

    Don't bottle your moods up and stomp them out the moment they begin to stir in your subconscious. You can only deal with what you see. Anger is a good example. If I learn to identify my anger, accept that I'm angry right now, and find a good way to vent, it's all over fairly quickly. If I deny my anger (because I think I shouldn't be angry, or because I hate confrontation), then it takes a loooooong time to pass.

    Reducing negative triggers is good. What also helps is producing positive triggers. Things, people, places, things to do... whatever gives you energy, makes you feel fully alive, makes you feel good about yourself... all those can help you control your mood. Make a list. Or several lists. It's fun.

    It's also helpful to identify things that help you in particular moods. Things you do when you're angry/sad/lonely etc., music you listen to, people you could talk to...

  11. #11
    schrödinger's cat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    1,186
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Oh, and THE one, the only, the best way to control one's moods:

    WRITE.

    Reasons:
    (a) helps you see things clearly and get an overview
    (b) helps you to vent in a safe way
    (c) you even get to act out your aggression or wishful thinking, and then you can laugh about it and throw it in the bin
    (d) it's cheap
    (e) over time, you might begin to notice certain patterns emerge... like, I'm always livid whenever someone jumps the queue, and I think I'm beginning to realize why this is so. And knowing this defuses things

    And *drumroll* (f): it's fun.

    Sheesh, I've just realized how old I sound... *shaky quavering voice*: "Write, my son, write!"

  12. #12

    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    M-H λ
    Posts
    2,609
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    @cat: anything can be controlled

    establish a routine, break tasks down into smaller tasks that can be accomplished in the course of say 15 minutes, practice the ability to ignore things completely, deny your impulses, stop the double talk, and decide something even if it is wrong

    oh and turn off that little voice that Y&C is talking about in that other thread

  13. #13
    Creepy-

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by schrödinger's cat
    Sheesh, I've just realized how old I sound... *shaky quavering voice*: "Write, my son, write!"
    The embodiment of Delta spirit :wink:

  14. #14
    schrödinger's cat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    1,186
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    @ Pedro: you're right, but I was talking more about this: Can everything about us be controlled totally, and if so, is it worth the trouble? Should we do it, or is it wrong? If you want to control something (mood, behaviour), then perhaps it's helpful to think about why you want to control it, in what situations, to what an extent. I've learned that the hard way.

  15. #15

    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    near the beach
    Posts
    184
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    @schroedinger’s cat: I do write a lot. Okey, I guess I’ll go and write down another 100 lists… :wink:

    P.S. I like your new avatar.
    me

  16. #16
    schrödinger's cat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    1,186
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Thanks

    Now imagine what would happen if, in 500 years' time, archaeologists find the kind of lists ENFPs write and try to reconstruct our civilization based on that...

  17. #17
    escaping anndelise's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    WA
    TIM
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp
    Posts
    6,338
    Mentioned
    210 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    *quickly burns her lists*
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp

  18. #18

    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    near the beach
    Posts
    184
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by schrödinger's cat

    Now imagine what would happen if, in 500 years' time, archaeologists find the kind of lists ENFPs write and try to reconstruct our civilization based on that...
    me

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •