Where to find/meet ENFps? Where are you hiding?

[Creepy-]

LokiV and I want to know. So does Jessica. And probably every other ISTp here.

[tereg]

I certainly hope that I'm not hiding.

[xyz]

I certainly hope that I'm not hiding.

You guys *do* seem to hide

[Sirena]

You guys *do* seem to hide

LIES! How many ENFps do you know already, huh, huh? Greedy!

[xyz]

LIES! How many ENFps do you know already, huh, huh? Greedy!

Cuz I hunt them down like gasells!
And like sappho said, it's probably not gonna be us who are doing the approchin

[thePirate]

Cuz I hunt them down like gasells!

O_O

*runs*

[jessica129]

LokiV and I want to know.

and me

[tereg]

No. *sigh* I am a bit of a loner.

Outside of work that is. I've actually given this a bit of thought. I think in order for me to dwell in the domain of ISTp's I would need to go a little bit outside of my comfort zone. That is probably why we seem to be hiding, because our natural domains don't naturally intersect.

The best place to catch me in the public eye, honestly, is when I'm at work.

Otherwise I'm at home feeding my endless appetite for random bits of information, or interacting with people here on the forums, and for those bursts of time when I start working on one of those projects I've been putting off for several months/years.


This actually happened just yesterday to me, but I went out to go buy some computer stuff for this sort of open-ended project that I started working on a couple of weeks ago, and it's weird but I always feel really strange when I go do something like this, and I feel like whenever I go do something I don't normally do, I always feel slightly out of place.

So, I don't normally like going out and doing things on my own. If I do, it's something spontaneous that I decide to do that might be for change of pace or... it could be for any number of reasons. Group activities... eh, it depends.

I like settings where I can have conversations with a person and it have depth.

If I'm out somewhere alone or whatever, I'm usually not looking to find someone to have a conversation with because normally I feel like leaving people alone. I do remember this one time (when I was at a coffee shop) I thought this girl was looking in my direction and smiling and I mounted enough courage to walk over and ask her about it, which turned out to be just nothing. But that's very rare for me to gather that much to do that. Normally, I just leave people alone.

I just go, get my drink/food, enjoy the scenery for a bit, observe things going on around me but not in a rude way, and just leave.

If I'm with a group, it's a little different I suppose. If I'm out seeing a movie with 2 or 3 other people, I'm just sort of blending in I guess. Yeah. I'm usually the one that tries to blend into my surroundings if I'm with a group. I don't like to be the one that sticks out in a crowd. That is, unless I'm purposefully doing something goofy, but it has to be for the right moment.



I dunno. I've always just been a bit of a loner.

[jessica129]

are you sure you're ENFP, Tereg?

[tereg]

are you sure you're ENFP, Tereg?

What because I don't seem spontaneous enough or active enough to be ENFp?

I think part of it has to do with the fact that most of the people I've been around my life have been Alphas, Betas and Gammas. I can think of very few Deltas that I've interacted with over the years.

I mean don't get me wrong, these people are good friends, but they're not... hmm. I dunno, I just haven't felt that connection.


A lot of it is just situational frustration, feeling like I'm stuck or not really moving forward.

That's partially why I spend so much time on here. The interaction here is a respite for me.

[xyz]

If he is, and if what he just wrote is true, I'm about to give up hope.

Don't give up! I don't think all ENFp's are as big loners as tereg is, but I do get the sense that a lot of us (istps and enfps) can be homebodies.

I mean if you think about it, in looking for an extravert, do we *really* want attention whores?

[tereg]

If he is, and if what he just wrote is true, I'm about to give up hope.

Ugh. I'd feel worse if you actually did give up.

I have flashes of brilliance socially. But they are flickering flames.

Seriously, I try to leave people alone, but also, I try to balance that with being gregarious and friendly with people though. So it's not like I'm just giving people the cold shoulder. I just really try to respect people's space.

[tereg]

I need the other ENFp's to get my back here.


Plz?

[Cheesy]

If you want a more outgoing, active and feisty ENFp, look for the Fi subtype. That's the subtype that's more likely to initiate things with people and be more in control in a social setting.
I identified my ENFp friend as the Fi subtype and she seems more confident than the other subtype, she would be more likely to initiate contact with people she finds interesting. She's pretty awesome when it comes to that and it comes naturally for her.
The Ne subtype is slightly more subdued, still got all that Ne energy but is less dominant (for a lack of a better word). Both have an advantage in being who they are but I find a pretty significant difference between the subtypes in that regard. But this is only coming from my limited experience.

[tereg]

As far as leaving people alone, the way you phrase it makes it sound like it's an effort not to talk to them... is it?

No. Hmm. I do it more out of respect. Like...

I mean in a way it is sort of an effort not to talk to them, but not in the sense that I wouldn't be kind or welcoming or friendly if they talked to me. I think what it comes down to is, in my mind, a person's space in the public realm is theirs. Like, if I saw a girl by herself in the corner reading a book next to a lamp. That is not an invitation for me to go up to her and talk to her (because they're alone). I'd feel like I'd be bothering them if I interrupted them.

However, if I put myself in that position, where I'm in the corner alone doing something, and someone came up to me, I wouldn't feel like they were bothering me at all.

And part of that is because I understand that some people are naturally curious or outgoing. So, in understanding that about some people's nature, it just doesn't bother me because they are just being themselves. Outward curiosity does not naturally to me. I am curious about things, but I process them to myself, or maybe with a trusted confidant.

It's a weird situation because I'm basically using a double standard. But I think because I just haven't ... practiced (for lack of a better word) ... being outwardly curious and outgoing, that suddenly doing that would be awkward, a disservice and a potentially unnecessary disruption.

Of course, I'm making a very large assumption about the person in the corner that they wouldn't welcome a friendly conversation. I dunno, I've always erred on the side of cautiousness when it comes to social interaction. If I have 5 "successful" social interactions and one that blows up in my face.... bleh.

Yeah self-confidence and social confidence is a bit low these days.

Edit: I should point out that some subtlety flies over my head. Like if a girl was trying to get my attention and I didn't notice, it's not because I didn't want it, it's because I completely missed it. And yes, that has happened on multiple occasions with me (only knew because someone told me later what I was "missing").

I dunno, I always feel comfortable getting to know people with informal conversations, one-to-one. How that is initiated can vary, but, that's how I best get to know people and where I feel the most comfortable (relatively speaking)

[Sirena]

tereg, I'm with you on everything you've said! I am the same way. Just wanted to drop by and say that. More later.

[tereg]

tereg, I'm with you on everything you've said! I am the same way. Just wanted to drop by and say that. More later.

I had a feeling you'd say this. And that you would post that in this thread.

[tereg]

I just thought of something.

Not often, but every once in a while, I'll have a sort of... well for me... it's a bit of an ambitious adventure that is (relatively) monumental.

But I'll seek things that I can do that I would be comfortable doing and be able to be more visible to other people.


Something I've been rolling around in my head for some time now is to take a road trip, take about a week off from work and just go.

And I think the meetup concept is perfect for me actually. I have a community that I enjoy being a part of, that I'm comfortable interacting with, and so it would be a sort of thing to sort of put myself out there and do something bold(er) than I normally would do. So, I had been thinking about making a roadtrip later this fall, and probably going to the Atlanta area since I know that several people from this forum have done meetups there and it would give me a chance to start to plan and think about doing it.

But I think that might be the best way, honestly, is for me to put myself out there and do something a bit spontaneous and just put myself there to meet others that I'm comfortable meeting.

Basically I'm open to doing some big time road travelling, more than I've ever done before in my life.

I think ENFp's have this sort of sudden drive to do spontaneous things like this as well, to put themselves out there to do something they deem comfortable and potentially a lot of fun with the potential for a good life experience.

[tereg]

I have to go in a couple of minutes, but I wanted to say thanks, Tereg, for being such a good sport about this little interrogation and our (my) probing into your psyche... it helps, I think, and it also is a good reminder that ENFp's, in spite of their charm, are human too. I need to be reminded of this sometimes.

But so you know, if I'm at a coffee shop reading or writing, when I could more easily be at home doing the same thing, a person is welcome to approach, so long as they're polite/nice/other things you said

If I happen to be at a coffee shop and I recognize you, then I will stop by and say hi.

[tereg]

I have to go in a couple of minutes, but I wanted to say thanks, Tereg, for being such a good sport about this little interrogation and our (my) probing into your psyche... it helps, I think, and it also is a good reminder that ENFp's, in spite of their charm, are human too. I need to be reminded of this sometimes.

For some reason, I enjoy talking about stuff like this. This sort of verbal processing helps me too. But I'm always more than willing to talk about stuff similar to this. So, you're welcome.

[xyz]

For some reason, I enjoy talking about stuff like this. This sort of verbal processing helps me too. But I'm always more than willing to talk about stuff similar to this. So, you're welcome.

Hrm, maybe I should start jumping in on people I see doing things alone they could just as easily be doing at home. gotta get out of my comfort zone somehow.

[JuJu]

I go to the gym every other day... Usually, there are a lot of betas and gammas there--are you ISTps there too?? I've only seen one or two ISTps, I think... (There are three or four ENFps who go to this gym regularly.)

Almost everyday I go out to eat at least once, either alone or with a few friends. Usually, i start up conversations with ppl I don't know, ppl who work at whatever the restaurant is... (I'm a Fi-ENFp--Cheesy, I believe, mentioned the differences.)

Almost all of my friends are Alpha... Actually, my close ones, all of 'em...

Honestly, I would like to find an environment where I'd be more likely to meet Deltas... I relate to what tereg writes about "missing that connection" with other Deltas.

Regardless, wherever I'm going--and it's not like I'm sitting in my house all day, hard to find--I'm not meeting a lot of ISTps... Usually I see some whenever I drop off my car to be fixed (I'm being serious, I noted it the other day,) but where the hell are you ppl?

You are wanted. Come over to my apt.

[Topaz]

Hey kids,
Just thought Id drop in and see whats up. Identifying ENFPs IRL can be tricky if you dont know what to look for. I can answer only for my behavior but I have noticed this in many other ENFPs as well. Look for the smile. I find it almost impossible not to smile at someone when they look at me. If they smile at me I may say hello in anticipation of starting a polite conversation but Im a bit shy so I may quickly look away. If I lock eyes with someone and smile and they do not acknowledge me but look past me or look through me I feel a little insulted or negative towards that person. I hate rejection. However, my opinion about someone is seldom written in stone and if someone warmed up the next time I saw them I would be elated. The people Im most likely to talk to are the ones I see on a regular basis, either at work, school, church or in social circles. I never throw parties but I love to attend them and so I have a number of friends who are ENFJs and ESFJs (the party givers).
Let suppose there is someone you suspect is ENFP but you are not certain. The best thing to do is to ask them "Are you ENFP?" Even if this person never heard of socionics or MBTI they will be curious as to what you are talking about. They would not reject you but on the contrary they would ask you what you mean. Explain as best as you can. Dont worry about not getting it all right. ENFPs will strain to piece together the information just so you wont feel awkward. I personally would be flattered and a bit nervous if someone asked me that (what did I do to make them think that?). I would engage the person in conversation about personality types because I LOVE talking about stuff like that. In fact it may be difficult to get me to shut up Naturally the conversation would shift from being about me to being about you and who you are and what you like etc. I would ask questions but I would be cautious so as not to seem too prying. I personally beleive that an ENFP when engaged can focus on another person like no other type. I begin to notice all the aspects of the other person, their smile, manner, energy level, interest, expressions, dress etc. If they say theyve been somewhere that sounds interesting I might begin to ask their opinion about the people, climate, and so on. I may ask them to compare it with other places theyve been. If the person seems really interesting I will begin to look for where their interest align with my own. "Youve been to Italy? I love Italy. I went there a few years back. I always thought it would be a good idea to rent a villa with some friends and stay for a few weeks instead of staying at a hotel. That would be fun"
You'll notice I have not invited them to do anything. I just begin to raise the possibility which could lead the other person to see that life could be fun being around me.
OK thats all I can write for now. If you ask me some specific questions maybe I can think of some more stuff.

[tereg]

Hey kids,
Just thought Id drop in and see whats up. Identifying ENFPs IRL can be tricky if you dont know what to look for. I can answer only for my behavior but I have noticed this in many other ENFPs as well. Look for the smile. I find it almost impossible not to smile at someone when they look at me. If they smile at me I may say hello in anticipation of starting a polite conversation but Im a bit shy so I may quickly look away. If I lock eyes with someone and smile and they do not acknowledge me but look past me or look through me I feel a little insulted or negative towards that person. I hate rejection. However, my opinion about someone is seldom written in stone and if someone warmed up the next time I saw them I would be elated. The people Im most likely to talk to are the ones I see on a regular basis, either at work, school, church or in social circles. I never throw parties but I love to attend them and so I have a number of friends who are ENFJs and ESFJs (the party givers).
Let suppose there is someone you suspect is ENFP but you are not certain. The best thing to do is to ask them "Are you ENFP?" Even if this person never heard of socionics or MBTI they will be curious as to what you are talking about. They would not reject you but on the contrary they would ask you what you mean. Explain as best as you can. Dont worry about not getting it all right. ENFPs will strain to piece together the information just so you wont feel awkward. I personally would be flattered and a bit nervous if someone asked me that (what did I do to make them think that?). I would engage the person in conversation about personality types because I LOVE talking about stuff like that. In fact it may be difficult to get me to shut up Naturally the conversation would shift from being about me to being about you and who you are and what you like etc. I would ask questions but I would be cautious so as not to seem too prying. I personally beleive that an ENFP when engaged can focus on another person like no other type. I begin to notice all the aspects of the other person, their smile, manner, energy level, interest, expressions, dress etc. If they say theyve been somewhere that sounds interesting I might begin to ask their opinion about the people, climate, and so on. I may ask them to compare it with other places theyve been. If the person seems really interesting I will begin to look for where their interest align with my own. "Youve been to Italy? I love Italy. I went there a few years back. I always thought it would be a good idea to rent a villa with some friends and stay for a few weeks instead of staying at a hotel. That would be fun"
You'll notice I have not invited them to do anything. I just begin to raise the possibility which could lead the other person to see that life could be fun being around me.
OK thats all I can write for now. If you ask me some specific questions maybe I can think of some more stuff.

All of this is great and I identify with it tremendously. Especially the bolded parts.

[xyz]

Thanks so much you two.

By the way, if I head

"Youve been to Italy? I love Italy. I went there a few years back. I always thought it would be a good idea to rent a villa with some friends and stay for a few weeks instead of staying at a hotel. That would be fun"

I'd instantly, without thinking, say "yeah we should do it!"

[thePirate]

Hey kids,
Just thought Id drop in and see whats up. Identifying ENFPs IRL can be tricky if you dont know what to look for. I can answer only for my behavior but I have noticed this in many other ENFPs as well. Look for the smile. I find it almost impossible not to smile at someone when they look at me. If they smile at me I may say hello in anticipation of starting a polite conversation but Im a bit shy so I may quickly look away. If I lock eyes with someone and smile and they do not acknowledge me but look past me or look through me I feel a little insulted or negative towards that person. I hate rejection. However, my opinion about someone is seldom written in stone and if someone warmed up the next time I saw them I would be elated. The people Im most likely to talk to are the ones I see on a regular basis, either at work, school, church or in social circles. I never throw parties but I love to attend them and so I have a number of friends who are ENFJs and ESFJs (the party givers).
Let suppose there is someone you suspect is ENFP but you are not certain. The best thing to do is to ask them "Are you ENFP?" Even if this person never heard of socionics or MBTI they will be curious as to what you are talking about. They would not reject you but on the contrary they would ask you what you mean. Explain as best as you can. Dont worry about not getting it all right. ENFPs will strain to piece together the information just so you wont feel awkward. I personally would be flattered and a bit nervous if someone asked me that (what did I do to make them think that?). I would engage the person in conversation about personality types because I LOVE talking about stuff like that. In fact it may be difficult to get me to shut up Naturally the conversation would shift from being about me to being about you and who you are and what you like etc. I would ask questions but I would be cautious so as not to seem too prying. I personally beleive that an ENFP when engaged can focus on another person like no other type. I begin to notice all the aspects of the other person, their smile, manner, energy level, interest, expressions, dress etc. If they say theyve been somewhere that sounds interesting I might begin to ask their opinion about the people, climate, and so on. I may ask them to compare it with other places theyve been. If the person seems really interesting I will begin to look for where their interest align with my own. "Youve been to Italy? I love Italy. I went there a few years back. I always thought it would be a good idea to rent a villa with some friends and stay for a few weeks instead of staying at a hotel. That would be fun"
You'll notice I have not invited them to do anything. I just begin to raise the possibility which could lead the other person to see that life could be fun being around me.
OK thats all I can write for now. If you ask me some specific questions maybe I can think of some more stuff.

heh, thanks. Ive been lookin for a post like this for days.

[jessica129]

Topaz always has the best posts.

So anyways, when it comes to flirting...i wish more people would approach me. I wouldn't find it to be ignorant at all.

[Topaz]

Topaz always has the best posts.

So anyways, when it comes to flirting...i wish more people would approach me. I wouldn't find it to be ignorant at all.

Thats good to know Jess. Im rather shy about approaching people without some kind of introduction from someone else or some situation that would allow me to open conversation easily. I find it best to look for something objective to talk about when approaching a quiet woman instead of directing a lot of attention directly at her. Its too intimidating and they end up shutting down. I will talk about the surroundings or something going on with other people that we both can discuss. Its like a set up for more deeper conversation and it wouldnt seem like the kind of flirting that a lot of guys do. As the conversation continues and the person seems more comfortable with me Id begin to ask slightly more personal questions.
My intentions are not to "bag a babe" but to find out if the other person has the qualities for a more enduring relationship. That may sound silly but its true.
I like it when someone is willing to reveal their true selves and be honest but I also understand that it takes time to build that kind of trust. They also have to be willing to take the time to get to know me. That means finding out who I really am, what are my goals and whats important to me. I find it exciting when someone who is reserved and hard to get to know gradually opens up and begins to trust me. I consider that trust sacred. Its like planting a seed and watching it grow and blossom into a beautiful flower.
OK so when it comes to intimate relationships Im not a light-hearted person. It can get intense and very romantic. Well, that's not entirely true. I can be light-hearted but I like to build a solid foundation with the other person. No shortcuts.

[jessica129]

I don't know if this is just me or an ENFp thing, but somehow I'm more shy when I know someone a little than when I don't know them at all. I don't mind walking over to a complete stranger I feel is interesting and talk with him/her all night, but I would probably never call or contact them again later on, as I don't know how to address people I know "a little". I would feel like I'm intruding their lives. They must be complete strangers or good friends for me to contact them. Making friends becomes really hard when you are like me, I realize that. I'm strange. After reading about ENFps in here, I'm starting to think this way of acting might be an ENFp-thing. If so, I guess you shouldn't wait for the call of that nice ENFp you talked with in the bar.

uh oh, i'm the exact same way. haha. But Topaz seems a little more go-getting...maybe it's a difference in subtypes.

[jessica129]

Or a difference in experiences and surroundings? I was more go-getting when I was a student. For some reason that has changed.

Anyway, if it's BOTH an ISTp AND an ENFp thing, no wonder we never find each other......

That's how it is for me. I give ENFP's permission to intrude upon me. Please..please. To have someone genuinely interested in me approach me and initiate and not be scared and not be looking for one thing in particular, well my god, i think that'd be the greatest day of my life.

[xyz]

That's how it is for me. I give ENFP's permission to intrude upon me. Please..please. To have someone genuinely interested in me approach me and initiate and not be scared and not be looking for one thing in particular, well my god, i think that'd be the greatest day of my life.

Will do Jessica. No worries.

Conversation is the key.

yeah.

[xyz]

Are you ENFp, now???

Maybe if I think like my duals I'll be able to find em. Won't be too much of a stretch... you guys already sorta seem to act a lot like us... just... I don't know, with a different focus.

[xyz]

And as you seem to be relaxing all the time so you never get anywhere, we seem to waste all our energy all the time so we never get anywhere. Is that what you mean?

Exactly

Like, we never seem to be part of any readily identifiable group, more like we infultrate already existing groups or places. I dunno, something like that.

That and i'm expected to approach ANYWAY, introvert or not, so I guess I just have to get off my lazy ass and do it.

[xyz]

I think I'm in love... That was exactly the essence of what I tried to communicate in about 4000 words above... I felt it, but didn't know how to nail it down, so I just went on with examples explaining and explaining and explaining and... How come you manage in 2 lines...?

In a (completely nerdy and not fitting) nuclear physics metaphor: I talk about the electron cloud and you spot the nucleus.

I feel so understood.

haha, thanks... it's that whole 'lazy' thing

[jewels]

I don't think that ENFps actually are loners, but it's more of an independence thing. I don't like to compromise more than half of the time, and would prefer to do something alone vs. cringing at doing something I don't want to. I've heard a guy ENFp say "I'm good alone."

Maybe that's why we work well w/ ISTps?

That said, I am very social. yet, I rarely talk to strangers as in "hello! How are you and what is your name?" I don't do that. But, I will make a comment to someone in line, and it might turn into a conversation -- but not really my intent. I'm friendly, but not gregarious.

I do organize a lot of social things because I like to get people together, but it's a lot of work. So when I have a bf I tend to be lazier. If I organize something I will be gregarious and introduce everyone, but only so they feel comfortable. I'd prefer to leave that to someone else.

During meals though, I tend to talk way too much. Everyone will finish eating and I will have a full plate. So at times I think I probably ramble.

For academics, look in: communications, journalism, art, drama, music, psychology, business, marketing

For jobs, look at: HR, marketing, art, journalism, psychologists, sales, customer service, writing, acting, teaching, interior design, fashion, etc.

That said, I've known a few ENFp guy engineers and one guy nurse. I've met one girl ENFp in fashion, another teacher, and another worked w/ pre-school kids.

Look for people who are a bit messy (car, home, papers all over at a coffee shop, etc).

When I've met identicals, the things that stick out are:

sensitivity and a bit shy (like what you say to them really affects their mood), really friendly and warm, develop rapor with you almost instantly, laid back, and they seem very calm, but then will get jumpy and excited about something for a bit, and then back to calm. Also kinda impulsive emotionally (like quick to jump into a relationship w/o really thinking it over).

Still, I've not found where the ISTps are hiding. I can't seem to notice them even when they are right in front of me. Huge blind spot!

[consentingadult]

Still, I've not found where the ISTps are hiding. I can't seem to notice them even when they are right in front of me. Huge blind spot!

Indeed a huge blind spot: recently I did a little bit too much smoking weed, and while being high, I had one epiphany after another about people in my past that I now realize must have been SLI's. All people that have been good to and for me, in the psychological sense. I now think that SLI's are so down-to-earth that it's all too easy to take them for granted. This is, by the way, a process I have been working on for the last two years: learning how to recognize people that are good for me and connect to them and staying away from people that are bad for me, instead of the other way around.

Long story short: they aren't hiding, typically they will be right in your face, but you won't realize it until they are far away and it's all to late.

[tereg]

How might we spot you at the gym?

I used to go a lot more often as well. That was a while ago though. But I dunno, I always felt better about going to the gym with someone I knew (as a spotter) than going alone. If I ever went the gym alone, it was basically cardio and non freeweight sort of stuff.

But I always had that feeling like there was someone there watching me. Really uncomfortable at times. So, being the goofy sort that I am, I was always trying not to make mistakes or do something to get noticed. Like fall on the treadmill or slam the weights down really hard after a set or randomly bumping into things.

Where are ENFp's usually in academics? I'm assuming the Humanities, but that's where I am and I don't meet a lot of ENFp guys there.

I got my degree in electrical engineering, but I've always been interested in a wide variety of subjects. I was one of those people that, seemingly despite a lot of people that were in the engineering realm, I actually enjoyed my non-engineering classes a lot. It wasn't just filler for me.

Stuff like Jazz Appreciation, British Literature, the history and government classes, etc.

There was a satisfaction that I got from those classes that I couldn't get in engineering classes, yet at the same time, I still felt like a bit of an outsider because... well, I was still an engineering student. I liked the discussion sections of the classes that had them, and I was able to be open and lively but still conscious of being not obnoxious and snobby. But, I remember sort of in the back of my mind not really wanting to reveal my major without it being directly asked of me. I wanted to be a different than the stereotypical norm of an engineering student in a non-engineering class. It gave me a bit of anonymity.

- Out on the town - lately I've been going out dancing a lot on the weekends... alcohol + dancing to good music = fun, and if you ask me to dance and we can have fun laughing and maybe chatting a little bit, that's always nice.

I suspect, though, that ENFp's may not frequent dance clubs much... is this true?

It is true for me. Mimosa Pudica said it best which I will reference in a bit. But I have that same sort of uneasy feeling like there's someone watching me. It's not comfortable, but at the same time, I know that if I was with people that I enjoyed being around and they wanted to do something like that, I'd feel a little better about it. But yeah, I much prefer places that I can actually talk to people instead of awkwardly looking around or awkwardly going back and forth between being a wallflower and the outgoing social type. Yes, that actually does and can happen in the same place.

I think that w the exception of some sporting events and nights out, ISTp's tend to gravitate towards low-key environments where we can relax while getting something done... and maybe chat with a friendly ENFp from time to time

I'd much prefer a setting like this. This sounds more inviting to me.

That's how it is for me. I give ENFP's permission to intrude upon me. Please..please. To have someone genuinely interested in me approach me and initiate and not be scared and not be looking for one thing in particular, well my god, i think that'd be the greatest day of my life.

Like I said, every once in a while I gather up enough courage to do it. It can happen. Whenever I notice even the simplest of kind gestures like a smile or a wave, it really does mean a lot to me, and I will (sometimes awkwardly) try to reciprocate it and be friendly about it. The courage comes when I decide that I'm fully comfortable enough taking the risk.

I don't know about male ENFps (or any one else but me, really), but I'll probably act just like you describe. Focus on what I'm doing, to avoid becoming self-conscious and also because I'm there to work out and not to chat, so I'll probably not contact anyone at all. Afterwards I'll be more contact-seeking.

Yeah, this is how I am as well. I should have added that I also do this in public settings. I generally keep to myself and focus on what I'm doing, but well aware of the level of self-consciousness I have. But that's what I sort of mean when I say I'm sort of a loner. I generally just keep to myself and I'm not on the prowl for other people. Generally. If I see a smile or something like that, that changes a bit.

Here's another thing. There are places that I go to regularly where I've gotten to know the people who work there (enough to be deemed a "regular customer"). So, it's cool to go in and chat with them a bit whenever I'm getting something to drink or eat. But, also, even at a place like that or others. If I'm eating alone, I actually eat rather fast. Like I'll get my sandwich or whatever, eat it in about 3-5 minutes, and then get up and go. And this is partially why like when I get lunch, I'll get it to go and just bring it back to my office. The feeling of people watching of course is not as strong, but I feel... aware... of what's going on around me. I generally don't like overly crowded places. I feel like I'm in a bubble, more when I'm alone, but even if I'm with others.

When working out I'll always push myself too hard, and end up tomato red, -can't seem to do anything half way, so while working out, I'll probably seem extremely focused and committed... I try to work out with a pulse monitor to keep my pulse lower, it helps, but it freaks me out, as I try to be perfectionistic about keeping my pulse at the exact right level.... It means you'll see me checking my pulse like every 5 seconds... And after working out like a pro for some months, I might be missing from the gym for about 4 months before I'm back into perfectionistic gym-mood again. I'm totally on or totally off. That's probably a sign of an ENFp. Black 'n' white-lifestyle..

Being perfectionistic is what I was referring to when I was saying trying not to mess up or make mistakes. I look uptight and sort of like a goofball and then end up messing up anyway. I do it to try to not draw attention to myself. I'm there to just do what I need to do and go.

If they are like me, they'll be missing most of the year, until they HAVE to do something to manage their exam. They might be present like the first weeks of a semester as their intentions are good, but then you won't see them until some weeks (err... days....) before the exam, and at that point they'll be studying like crazy. They'll probably prefer to study alone as they are in such a hurry to catch up with everything, and they are likely to look for excuses to not study until the last night...

This was interesting because I felt like if I sort of let myself go that I basically was like this (at least in the preparation for tests bit). I was more like this in the years before high school. When I got to college, I managed it a bit better.

I rarely missed classes in college. And I was sort of constantly conscious of the material that was being covered in each of the classes I was taking. Whenever there was an upcoming test or exam, it wouldn't take me long to feel prepared for it. It never felt like cramming to me I guess, even though many times I would technically be studying for it the night before. But the "starting point" became later and later as I got farther along in college. It became more tedious and stressful to prepare for them. And I wasn't grasping the material like I felt like I should have been able to. I felt like a slacker when during my last semester I missed like 5 or 6 lectures in, I think it was U.S. history from 1492-Civil War. That perpetual feeling like I was behind really weighed on me (even though I really was just fine, even though I was getting by).

I think you'll find ENFps everywhere, often simultaneously... At one point I was in 5 different studies (psychology, marketing management, economy, engineering and linguistics) in 4 Universities in 3 cities, in 3 different languages and in 2 countries at the same time... Yes, I'm not normal, and yes I'm incredibly curious, and NO, I was not a dedicated student. I was also president of the biggest student organization, worked at the gym as a coach, worked in 3 different bars, in a restaurant, in a research office, as a construction worker (building a bridge), as an IT consultant (programmer), as a student assistant of maths and in the hospital as an x-ray assistant for periods of 1/2 to 1 1/2 years each. All this while partying harder than most others (mostly in the middle of the night, as I had no time before 2 AM...). I have no idea how I found the energy. I had fun and felt like I had no responsibilities whatsoever. I think the feeling of responsibility takes away my forces like nothing else.

Bingo. It really drains me too. Unfortunately that sense has been with me for most of my life, so I'm a bit green when it comes to feeling like I have no responsibilities. It's a bit foreign to me.

I guess that's bad, and I have a strong feeling both my extreme range of interests and the fear of responsibility are typical ENFp traits.

It's true for me, I know.

[tereg]

So look for the person having strange combinations of interests for about 23 hours a day, apparently without ever sleeping/feeling tired. He's probably ashamed he can't seem to focus on one thing... and he's probably planning to be(come) more organized/committed/focused. Any day soon.... By the way, you might not notice this person, as he never tells about all the other things he's doing (as he's probably not too proud of not having more focus). But he'll seem very committed about what he's doing at the exact moment you see him... Extremely enthusiastic (extroverted) if he likes what he's doing, crazily focused and stubborn (introverted) if he doesn't, but "have to". I don't think ENFps in common knows how to relax, so they probably won't.

This is perfectly described for me as well.

I prefer a more quiet bar so that I can have a talk with people. I have always been like that. When people went to night clubs, I preferred bars or the outdoors. I never liked dance places too much, especially not places where people try to pick you up all the time, or places that are so loud you can't have a conversation. I can go out to dance, as I like to move, but then ONLY to dance and drink. I hate it when people approach me for other reasons than to talk. Comments like "you look so incredibly beautiful, I've been watching you all night" make me vanish real fast. I find such comments soo ... not interesting. I even prefer direct questions like "do you want to fuck?" over complements, at least it doesn't feel meaningless. I guess I potentially could have met a lover or a boyfriend in a bar, but I never have.

Conversation is the key.

My ESTp sister actually prefers the same places, but she looks for sex, so don't tell me it's because I'm female I look for conversation. I love sex, don't misunderstand me. It's just that I don't look for sex in a bar and particularly not in a dance club... I don't find it sexy. You'll have to ask other ENFps and ENFp guys to see if this is typical for ENFps or just typical for me.

So, from the guy perspective. I never liked dance places too much either. But I didn't like them just because anytime I went I always felt out of place. There's no intimacy there. I never liked the predator/prey feel that I got from places like that. It's just not how I roll. I wouldn't go solely to pick up on someone or to socialize with random people. If I ever go to dance, it's exactly to just let loose and immerse myself in the experience.

But if I go out, I want to go somewhere where I can talk to someone I'm comfortable talking to. And enjoy the atmosphere at the same time.

I think ENFps go to similar places, only they go there to chat and will not be able to relax. Sooner or later they might end up in the middle of a totally improbable and weird happening that won't be anything near relaxing. God knows how. They just attract such situations. At least that is true for me. *blush*

But, yes, despite the fact that I prefer to go to these more intimate environments, I still have a hard time relaxing. I'm the guy that the people will go "LOOSEN UP MAN. RELAX." when we're out.

Thats good to know Jess. Im rather shy about approaching people without some kind of introduction from someone else or some situation that would allow me to open conversation easily. I find it best to look for something objective to talk about when approaching a quiet woman instead of directing a lot of attention directly at her. Its too intimidating and they end up shutting down. I will talk about the surroundings or something going on with other people that we both can discuss. Its like a set up for more deeper conversation and it wouldnt seem like the kind of flirting that a lot of guys do. As the conversation continues and the person seems more comfortable with me Id begin to ask slightly more personal questions.

In an ideal world, conversations with strangers happen with a mutual contact. And I like this line of thinking in the conversation as well, a lot. Something objective to talk about. I also have a sense of what can and can't be said that might make a person shut down. But sometimes I stress over trying to think of something to say that I feel would keep their interest. But the conversation follows a very real path that I can follow in my mind. It has to flow and build gradually.

My intentions are not to "bag a babe" but to find out if the other person has the qualities for a more enduring relationship. That may sound silly but its true.

I like it when someone is willing to reveal their true selves and be honest but I also understand that it takes time to build that kind of trust. They also have to be willing to take the time to get to know me. That means finding out who I really am, what are my goals and whats important to me. I find it exciting when someone who is reserved and hard to get to know gradually opens up and begins to trust me. I consider that trust sacred. Its like planting a seed and watching it grow and blossom into a beautiful flower.
OK so when it comes to intimate relationships Im not a light-hearted person. It can get intense and very romantic. Well, that's not entirely true. I can be light-hearted but I like to build a solid foundation with the other person. No shortcuts.

All of this is tremendously true for me as well. I love how this is phrased. I see conversations very much in the same way. That trust is, indeed, sacred to me.

Or a difference in experiences and surroundings? I was more go-getting when I was a student. For some reason that has changed.

Anyway, if it's BOTH an ISTp AND an ENFp thing, no wonder we never find each other......

I was more go-getting in the first few years of college. But it slowly just burned me out and drained me.

[ThePenIsMightier]

So, from the guy perspective. I never liked dance places too much either. But I didn't like them just because anytime I went I always felt out of place. There's no intimacy there. I never liked the predator/prey feel that I got from places like that. It's just not how I roll. I wouldn't go solely to pick up on someone or to socialize with random people. If I ever go to dance, it's exactly to just let loose and immerse myself in the experience.

I'm the same way. I'd much rather go to a more relaxed type of bar and socialize than a big dance club. Too bad I really don't have that many options, the more laid back places where I'm at are 21 and up. So I've got a good year to wait on that. It just feels way too much like a meat market, and that's not for me.

The atmosphere of the place is very important for me. There's a little bar up at school that makes you feel like you're in an old south parlor. Just a relaxed, classy place. Sit out on the balcony with some friends, maybe have a cigarette and have little conversations with the people near by. The setting just helps me to relax a bit, which is important.

I also have a sense of what can and can't be said that might make a person shut down. But sometimes I stress over trying to think of something to say that I feel would keep their interest.

I'm not sure I could have said that any better. Holds very true for me.

[JuJu]

For academics, look in: communications, journalism, art, drama, music, psychology, business, marketing

For jobs, look at: HR, marketing, art, journalism, psychologists, sales, customer service, writing, acting, teaching, interior design, fashion, etc.

That said, I've known a few ENFp guy engineers and one guy nurse. I've met one girl ENFp in fashion, another teacher, and another worked w/ pre-school kids.

jewels, really well-put

There are quite a few ENFps, male and female, in my journalism grad program... There's an information systems program that parallels the journalism master's, and there is one ISTp in it.

ISTps, please help me out here..? Toward which jobs do you usually gravitate? Which kinda things do you like to study..? I'm trying to meet more of you... Hoping to meet more of you

About ENFps:

sensitivity and a bit shy (like what you say to them really affects their mood), really friendly and warm, develop rapor with you almost instantly, laid back, and they seem very calm, but then will get jumpy and excited about something for a bit, and then back to calm. Also kinda impulsive emotionally (like quick to jump into a relationship w/o really thinking it over).

Exactly..! This last relationship, as soon as the topic was broached, I said, "yay!" I probably should've thought about it first--then it might not have happened haha

Also, I relate to the 'I'm not a loner, but I do well alone' idea... ENFps, it seems, might need company a bit less than the other extroverts..?

P.S. tereg, I feel you with the disparate fields of study... My degree programs have been in art history, film, history of science, and now journalism.... I agree with you about responsibilities too--obligations vs. wanting to be there out of enthusiasm=very important