My best friend is a ESFp. Sometimes, she frustrates the fuck out of me, and I dont understand why she goes abou living her life the way she does. It does not make sense to me what so ever.
She has NO motivation to do much, unless she thinks its fun. She has not had a job for the last 4 months, and mooches money of her mother. She is 22. She lives at home, she has been seeing a married man for the last three years, she doesnt have a drivers licence and she cannot take active participation in society.
She has a tendancy to personalize her work enviroment. By that, I mean she gets TOO friendly with her boses and co-workers. She cannot separate work from personal life.
She quit her last job, because she felt that she was being treated badly, and did not get the recognition she felt she deserved...not enough praise. Althought true, everyone gets treated like shit at work, not every person can be acknowledged for every little thing they do. And, she has not returned to a job since then. That was 4 months ago. I keep trying to motivate her to get a job, she doesnt want to. She has been "working on" her resume for the last two weeks. Nothing can get through to her. Not even the fact that she owes numerous people money. She has this inpecable gift of gab that makes people want to give her money. It's sick. She uses the "i dont know what i want to do" excuse, to get out of having a job. I tell her, get something that you can have a little spending cash, WHILE you figure out what you want to do. Her response to that is either "yea yea" or "you dont understand" I have been picking up for her A LOT, and it's getting old really fast.
She complains almost daily about her family treats her like crap. This is true, however, some of the shit is warranted. She spends her day lazing around the couch, not doing much, either talking to one of the guys she's boning, watching tv, or on the internet. This is mostly when I am not around. Her family bitches at her, a lot, for not brining any source of income. I can understand that. Her mom is a single mother, working full time, with her and two younger children. Both of my friends' YOUNGER brothers have a job. One of them at 17, even has a car. Ridiculous. Even they pester her, because she borrows money from them as well. This IN PART, causes a lot tension in the household, because even though her brothers are somewhat more responsible in the work sense, they are party animals and they frequently distroy the house and don't do much about it. A lot of the blame that goes on in the household is put on her, even when it is not her fault. I think, because she's the eldest, therefore should know better and set an example, but she does not. She does have some serious family issues, so I tell her to move out, separate and start her own life. That it would be better if she did that, but again, her excuse is "i am afraid of being alone" or "i have no money to move out" yet when I tell her to get a fucking job, her response is "i know, but tis not easy as you think it is".
She is seeing a married man, for the last three years. There is too much to go into specifics, but it's an emotional roller coaster. She bases a lot of her time-spend, on waiting around for him. When even he himself said he will not leave his wife. There was a time where I once threatened him, if he didnt leave her alone I would ruin his life, and HE backed off...but she went and persued him and kept it a secret that they were seeing each other still for like 2 months. Then recently, more drama ensued as per, and I was sick of her always being up and then down, and always crying. So I gave her an ultimatum thinking she would choose a best friend of 10yrs to a married man she's been seeing for 3....she chose him. We didn't talk for almost 2 months. We are fine now, but still...
She doesn't have a drivers license, yet she still drives her moms car at times. She is 22, and this is another excuse, she uses that she cant get a job, it's hard to try and find one using the public transportation system. Oh, my, God. I dont even know what to say in reference to the license...I dont understand it, I got mine as soon as I could. I love driving and having the freedom of deciding to go when and where I want.
As far as active participation in society, well...money wise, she is never careful with money. She has accumulated debt, that she has not been paying off. She hasn't paid taxes in years. I seriously think, this girl will be in deep shit if she doesn't sort herself out.
I think she feels sorry for herself too much, and she doesn't accept responsebility. I think she expects for great things to just occur, because she is "worthy of it". I dont undersand how someone can just live in a shitty situation, and complain about it til the cows come home, but do absolutley nothing about it.
She loves her family, and they are her downfall, and she refuses to stand up for herself. Sometimes I want to shake her until she gets the shaken-baby-syndrome. Tell her to wake up, and smarten up. I've tried so many times, she never takes my advice. There have been times where Ive pushed her as much as I can, and she just reverts to her old self. I dont know why she is so deluded. And, when the rotten fruits of her un-labour fall into her lap, she complains, cries, and is depressed because "nothing ever goes right" for her.
I love her, but sometimes I want to beat the shit out of her to knock some sense into her. There is no point though, because she will just sit there and smile, and end up making some funny remark.
How do you get through to people like this? I really think she needs help, I just dont think she realizes how BAD everything really is. She lives in some sorta dream.