IEEs-ENFps how do you flirt?

[thePirate]

Edit: Some examples wouldn't hurt

[Park]

With one leg up?

[tereg]

With subtlety.

[xyz]

Apparently with so much subtletly sometimes I think you guys are running away!

[tereg]

For me, I just try to achieve a subtle sophistication in my flirting. I don't like doing the in-your-face kind of stuff.

If it seems like I'm just running away, it's because I'm trying to find the right moment and execute it with class and sophistication.

[Ms. Kensington]

For me, I just try to achieve a subtle sophistication in my flirting. I don't like doing the in-your-face kind of stuff.

If it seems like I'm just running away, it's because I'm trying to find the right moment and execute it with class and sophistication.

yeah i think true ENFp flirting is hard to spot. I think in general they can be pretty complimentary and flirty. I think only after they have gotten to know you a while one of the compliments seems different, or gasp, there is some silence. That's what I take to be ENFp signs of affection.

[Sirena]

With subtlety.

Apparently with so much subtletly sometimes I think you guys are running away!

For me, I just try to achieve a subtle sophistication in my flirting. I don't like doing the in-your-face kind of stuff.

YES.

I also think it becomes even more difficult for us to flirt once we discover we really like someone. At that point I become more self-conscious about things. I can even go into shut down mode and become rather shy around this person.

[tereg]

YES.

I also think it becomes even more difficult for us to flirt once we discover we really like someone. At that point I become more self-conscious about things. I can even go into shut down mode and become rather shy around this person.

This too.



Btw, you're also one of those here that when I see them post I feel like I'm reading my own thoughts.

It's awesome.

[Sirena]

This too.



Btw, you're also one of those here that when I see them post I feel like I'm reading my own thoughts.

It's awesome.

Likewise tereg! I should come around to stickam more often when you're there. It'd be cool getting to talk to you.

[tereg]

Likewise tereg! I should come around to stickam more often when you're there. It'd be cool getting to talk to you.

I'm on right now, playing some chill music.

You're more than welcome to come.

http://www.stickam.com/member/loadCh...?roomId=705241

PW: chill5

[Sirena]

I'm on right now, playing some chill music.

You're more than welcome to come.

http://www.stickam.com/member/loadCh...?roomId=705241

PW: chill5

Oh, unfortunately I can't right now. I have people over. But maybe later on...if you're still there.

[Sirena]

Flirt? I don't think I know how to flirt.

After thinking about this for quite a while now, I've come to the conclusion that some men mistake my friendliness for flirting, and when you talk with someone in a polite and open manner, some people (men) might think you want something more that conversation. I think men are strange...

This has happened to me also. There definitely have been guys that have confused my friendliness and niceness for something else, I guess not realizing that this is just how I am with everyone. A better indication that I like someone in that way, as I said before, is if I seem "less" open. If my feelings are involved, at the beginning, I have a hard time taking things so lightly and my mind starts doing all sorts of weird things. This happens during the first stages, while I'm still unsure if the feelings are reciprocated. Eventually, once I feel comfortable again, I'll go back to being my usual self.

[tereg]

Oh, unfortunately I can't right now. I have people over. But maybe later on...if you're still there.

I'll have it up all night, so stop in whenever you want.

[xyz]

I'll try and picture a girl being bitchy and cold as flirty then.

[Sirena]

I'll try and picture a girl being bitchy and cold as flirty then.

Now, now, you should know better about your duals!!!

[xyz]

Now, now, you should know better about your duals!!!

heh, yeah... you're right...

[Park]

Is that how you flirt?

[xyz]

Whatcha doin later tonight?

[thePirate]

No examples yet =(

[Ms. Kensington]

I'll try and picture a girl being bitchy and cold as flirty then.

haha. noooo

well i know that when ENFps do like someone they will not stop talking about them or about how many pieces of pepperoni were on their slice

[tiny_dancer]

i know that when ENFps do like someone they will not stop talking about them

hahahaha This is true. Unfortunately, I'll never be able to flirt with someone I actually like. And if I *really* like you I won't even be able to string a coherent sentence together. Kind of like the guy I'm currently interested in - I think I've said at *least* 547 stupid things to him... give or take a few... Being ENFp sucks.

[Sirena]

hahahaha This is true. Unfortunately, I'll never be able to flirt with someone I actually like. And if I *really* like you I won't even be able to string a coherent sentence together. Kind of like the guy I'm currently interested in - I think I've said at *least* 547 stupid things to him... give or take a few... Being ENFp sucks.

<3. Ditto! Fortunately, some guys find this cute.

[thePirate]

hahahaha This is true. Unfortunately, I'll never be able to flirt with someone I actually like. And if I *really* like you I won't even be able to string a coherent sentence together. Kind of like the guy I'm currently interested in - I think I've said at *least* 547 stupid things to him... give or take a few... Being ENFp sucks.

lol, if you're a girl that really doesn't matter..unless you're ugly

>_<


Can any ENFP guys out there provide examples?

[jewels]

Lately I've realized that I do flirt, but very rarely. And I think I flirt in all the stereotypical ways (except I refuse to smile across a room at someone).

I'm actually pretty aware of how I'm coming across (I think most of us ENFps are), but when I was in HS I did have a giggly overly-nice stage and there were guys who *gasp* thought I liked them. lesson learned. So now I don't smile as often and save it for people I actually like.

I agree that if I like someone, I do get quiet (and over-think!)

For example, recently some guy on the street (not sure if he was homeless or just trendy) held out a sub sandwich (half-eaten) and said "hey, want a bite?" As I was walking by. "No thanks, but thanks anyway!" I said and kept walking. If I liked him, I would have said "uh...um...sandwich...? uh..uh. I um...yeah so sandwiches."

[Park]

<3. Ditto! Fortunately, some guys find this cute.

It is.

[Sirena]

I agree that if I like someone, I do get quiet (and over-think!)

For example, recently some guy on the street (not sure if he was homeless or just trendy) held out a sub sandwich (half-eaten) and said "hey, want a bite?" As I was walking by. "No thanks, but thanks anyway!" I said and kept walking. If I liked him, I would have said "uh...um...sandwich...? uh..uh. I um...yeah so sandwiches."

I wonder why this happens. Recently, I found myself in a similar situation. I started talking to a guy who I thought was nice and funny and at first I would crack jokes and say whatever came to mind. After a few more serious conversations, I started developing feelings for him and all of a sudden, I found myself avoiding him and became a lot more quiet during our conversations. I couldn't believe the stuff that was coming out of my mouth. It was frustrating because the more I wanted to show him that I liked him, the less I was able to. I'm sure he probably thought I was uninterested at that point or that there was something wrong with me. ENFps, why do you think this happens? I wonder if we tend to psyche ourselves out.

[kensi]

With one leg up?

with 7 up! the more friends the better

[kensi]

yeah i think true ENFp flirting is hard to spot. I think in general they can be pretty complimentary and flirty. I think only after they have gotten to know you a while one of the compliments seems different, or gasp, there is some silence. That's what I take to be ENFp signs of affection.

\i think it all depends on the subtype...ive noticed different ENFPs with different styles.

[kensi]

haha. noooo

well i know that when ENFps do like someone they will not stop talking about them or about how many pieces of pepperoni were on their slice

thats another reason i'm ENFp

[Topaz]

I really love to tease women and make them laugh. The more they laugh the more outrageous I become. If we are out dancing I like to make them feel special like Im protecting them and watching over them. I make eye contact frequently and sit close to them but I never resort to pawing them or being overtly sexy. I like women to know that Im a gentleman and that I respect them. That may not be the cultural norm or whats encouraged nowadays but I dont care.
There have been a few ladies in the past that I was so infatuated with I found it impossible to be myself. It seemed like all my charm and wit went right out the window. It felt like I was made up of spare parts from the junk yard.

[ThePenIsMightier]

lol, if you're a girl that really doesn't matter..unless you're ugly

>_<


Can any ENFP guys out there provide examples?

Yeah, I'll go ahead and try, but don't expect much.

Generally if I'm trying to flirt, I'm trying to get her to laugh. Make jokes, poke fun. The longer this game goes on, the more silly I become. It's like I've got so much I want to say, something about me daydreaming about being a pirate at work yesterday is going to creep into the conversation. Turns out when I really like someone, I don't want to push them away about some thought I had about what if bears were as smart as humans (Stephen Colbert would not be amused). So I'll end up clamming up and being really quiet. Going from not able to shut up to being quiet overnight tends to send mixed signals.

The only other thing I can think of is that I like to kind of "talk with my eyes." So I tend to make direct eye contact whenever I'm talking to someone I'm attracted to. If I get close enough, even start looking over there way in a group, trying to communicate all incognito. It's like that episode of Scrubs where JD has the medicated denture gum he's trying to give Turk and has to "sell it with his eyes."

Whoever the last guy was that posted was made some good points too. I'm definately not oversexual when I'm trying to woo someone. Try to handle that kind of thing with a bit of tact and class.

So yeah...help any?

[Ms. Kensington]

I really love to tease women and make them laugh. The more they laugh the more outrageous I become. If we are out dancing I like to make them feel special like Im protecting them and watching over them. I make eye contact frequently and sit close to them but I never resort to pawing them or being overtly sexy. I like women to know that Im a gentleman and that I respect them. That may not be the cultural norm or whats encouraged nowadays but I dont care.
There have been a few ladies in the past that I was so infatuated with I found it impossible to be myself. It seemed like all my charm and wit went right out the window. It felt like I was made up of spare parts from the junk yard.

aw, but i wonder what happens next. more and more outrageous!

[jewels]

I wonder why this happens. Recently, I found myself in a similar situation. I started talking to a guy who I thought was nice and funny and at first I would crack jokes and say whatever came to mind. After a few more serious conversations, I started developing feelings for him and all of a sudden, I found myself avoiding him and became a lot more quiet during our conversations. I couldn't believe the stuff that was coming out of my mouth. It was frustrating because the more I wanted to show him that I liked him, the less I was able to. I'm sure he probably thought I was uninterested at that point or that there was something wrong with me. ENFps, why do you think this happens? I wonder if we tend to psyche ourselves out.

The part where you wrote "I couldn't believe the stuff that was coming out of my mouth." made me laugh -- I've so been there! sometimes I will state the obvious in a really "duh" sort of way, "so, this is my refrigerator...and that is the oven."

And I also think that maybe, ISTps might actually be pretty aggressive once they know that you're into them? This is a total guess, as I've never had that happen. But I also tend to really pull back after showing some interest and act kinda aloof until they make the next move. I notice other girls acting much more "interested" and making it easy for the guy, but I've always wanted a guy to work harder and kinda show that he isn't scared. And maybe ISTps are less scared of stuff? Doesn't the description say they'll go and approach a threat or something? I dunno, just random ideas here.

[Simon Ssmall]

ENFp male here. Well what others perceive as flirting is totally not flirting but just being friendly, i end up running away from girls in the end since i feel they are interested in me as a guy and not as a friend, if i can see she can handle that i just tell that im not interested while pretending to be all akward and worrying about it which makes them accept it easier and thanking for being honest. However sometimes i just run away, try to keep contact to a minimum untill it dies off which i know can be mindboging to them but i just cant put myself to saying things like "you don't interest me" as this would probably hurt their self esteem too much.

Now how i flirt...i don't think i know how to flirt which is funny as most people see me as all flirty. I usually pick girls i am familiar in some way. It can be internet, i often propose to meet in person if i like the conversations. It can be old aquaintence from school/university/work/friends of a friend. Then i just invite them to a date or two, but it wont be like a date, it would be like two people hanging out more. Then comes the time when i feel like a friend and only then i feel like i can proceed with saying i like her as a girl not just as a friend, usually by that time i already know that she likes me, if not it is quite scary for me. Now to be fair, "feel like a friend" can come in two dates , i guess its just feeling of me being accepted and interesting.

Im not sure how you can differ me from flirting and not, i guess if i invite you somewhere everyday or really really often and you are of different gender then i am really interested in you. If i see you as a friend i will hang out with you for a day or two and thats it, im gone doing something else with someone else. One of the compliments i say which i dont say to friend and do say to girls i like is "it is so easy to talk with you" , which usually is a sneaky lie in a way, i mean i know that it is easy to talk with me for most people, it has nothing to do with who she is in most cases but it is my way of saying you are special for me.

Also i give signals with eye contact, when i look at a friend i look in a normal way, when i look at the girl i'm interested i like to make it special in a way, to keep eye contact longer, to have that slightly dreamy look. One of my girlfriends told me she even felt uncomfortable due to it as she saw it as superficial and done on purpose instead of being a natural look. If it is a bigger group of people you will notice my eyes are on you quite often, as soon as you notice this i will keep eye contact for a second and then turn away and continue as normal, this will probably happen again and again unless i feel you feel uncomfortable with it, but if the eyes are accepting then it can happen often.

[unefille]

The part where you wrote "I couldn't believe the stuff that was coming out of my mouth." made me laugh -- I've so been there! sometimes I will state the obvious in a really "duh" sort of way, "so, this is my refrigerator...and that is the oven."

And I also think that maybe, ISTps might actually be pretty aggressive once they know that you're into them? This is a total guess, as I've never had that happen. But I also tend to really pull back after showing some interest and act kinda aloof until they make the next move. I notice other girls acting much more "interested" and making it easy for the guy, but I've always wanted a guy to work harder and kinda show that he isn't scared. And maybe ISTps are less scared of stuff? Doesn't the description say they'll go and approach a threat or something? I dunno, just random ideas here.

I wish that were the case, but I don't think so, lol.

I don't know though. I really really suck at showing interest. The moment I'm interested in someone, I completely freeze up. My brain knows what I should do - I should sustain eye contact, lean toward them, ask them questions, direct conversation at them, smile, touuch them etc - but I absolutely don't. I say random and bizarre things instead and find it almost unbearable to look at them. Completely retarded. If I don't like some though, I'm have complete self-control and can be witty and biting and make them laugh and be all playful.

But my recent experiences with other extroverts make me very cautious of aggressive pursuit. I really don't like it. It makes me feel persecuted. I REALLY don't like people making demands on me (by calling me all the time, asking me what I'm doing, just being in my life, uninvited - maybe it's the sp as well, I don't know), or tell me how amazing and fantastic I am (just feels incredibly overthetop), but things which I think SLIs are unlikely to do much of.

I think that I both want the guy to decide that he wants a relationship, but to also wait and give me room to decide the same thing. I don't know what that implies for IEE-SLI relationships - at the moment, the only way I can think of it working is for the pair to be good friends who happen to spend a lot of time together, with common interests, and just have that progress naturally into a relationship.

Also, I really don't like 'sneaky' relationships, where guys try to transform your friendship into something more without telling you. I find it dishonest, like I've been tricked. There has to be a moment - a clear moment of transition and declared intentions (but not too overtly, because I don't think a lot of things to be spoken). That comes more easily when the other person isn't all touchy-feely, because then all they have to do is open up to you and initiate intimate physical contact and you know that you're not just friends anymore. But I need that moment to come gradually, after I've signalled that I'm open to that. I just...get cagey and irritable when I feel like I'm being emotionally pushed into anything. I guess that's the E-I aspect? I guess I always need to feel like I'm controlling the pace of the relationship.

[Topaz]

I wish that were the case, but I don't think so, lol.

I don't know though. I really really suck at showing interest. The moment I'm interested in someone, I completely freeze up. My brain knows what I should do - I should sustain eye contact, lean toward them, ask them questions, direct conversation at them, smile, touuch them etc - but I absolutely don't. I say random and bizarre things instead and find it almost unbearable to look at them. Completely retarded. If I don't like some though, I'm have complete self-control and can be witty and biting and make them laugh and be all playful.

But my recent experiences with other extroverts make me very cautious of aggressive pursuit. I really don't like it. It makes me feel persecuted. I REALLY don't like people making demands on me (by calling me all the time, asking me what I'm doing, just being in my life, uninvited - maybe it's the sp as well, I don't know), or tell me how amazing and fantastic I am (just feels incredibly overthetop), but things which I think SLIs are unlikely to do much of.

I think that I both want the guy to decide that he wants a relationship, but to also wait and give me room to decide the same thing. I don't know what that implies for IEE-SLI relationships - at the moment, the only way I can think of it working is for the pair to be good friends who happen to spend a lot of time together, with common interests, and just have that progress naturally into a relationship.

Also, I really don't like 'sneaky' relationships, where guys try to transform your friendship into something more without telling you. I find it dishonest, like I've been tricked. There has to be a moment - a clear moment of transition and declared intentions (but not too overtly, because I don't think a lot of things to be spoken). That comes more easily when the other person isn't all touchy-feely, because then all they have to do is open up to you and initiate intimate physical contact and you know that you're not just friends anymore. But I need that moment to come gradually, after I've signalled that I'm open to that. I just...get cagey and irritable when I feel like I'm being emotionally pushed into anything. I guess that's the E-I aspect? I guess I always need to feel like I'm controlling the pace of the relationship.

Good post Unefille. I think you hit the nail on the head.

[iAnnAu]

ha - this thread has been making me think, so how do ISTps flirt?
I don't think we do. At least, I don't, and the other ISTps I've known IRL don't either. Most times I've ended up dating someone, they've done the initiating - I can only think of two exceptions. The first exception, this guy was already dating someone else, and I accidentally (I was drunk) admitted I had a crush on him; he informed me his relationship was open and then took to pursuing me. The second one, I made the moves on a good friend for merely casual sex, and sometime later we realized that once a week had become pretty much every night and finally agreed to call it dating.
Once, an identical noticed me in a bar, walked right up to me and asked for my phone #. I gave him my email address, but after an online convo or two, we decided that both of us wouldn't mind some sex together, without all that complicated dating stuff, and moved straight to that. We hung out before and after the sex, but things were really all about that, which for once was refreshing (and obviously couldn't have lasted that way for too long, which we also both acknowledged).