Results 1 to 17 of 17

Thread: Dual relations

  1. #1
    dinki's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    UK
    TIM
    IEI!
    Posts
    623
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Dual relations.

    Are frustrating and confusing, when they are not meant to be.

    What are your experiences with your dual(s)?

    Have you ever been in a relationship with one?

    Do you mind sharing ?

  2. #2
    calenwen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Cardiff
    TIM
    ISXj
    Posts
    949
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Well, I think you just read my thread, but basically I was in a relationship with my dual for a year. We got along really well, and the things that frustrated me in the relationship were all really minor. The reason we broke up is because our values were different and I couldn't handle the internal conflict that it caused me.

    I met another dual a few weeks ago and we just kind of ... flow. He also makes me feel good about myself. >.<
    Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
    John Muir

  3. #3
    xyz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    7,709
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Just have 1 dual friend. She's cool. We hang out whenever we can.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

  4. #4
    Blaze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    5,725
    Mentioned
    9 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    i don't have a dual in my life i really wonder what it would be like!

    but i'm getting really really hip to diagnosing people these days and i'm in a place of wanting to make a lot of new friends so who knows.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

  5. #5
    dinki's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    UK
    TIM
    IEI!
    Posts
    623
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by calenwen View Post
    Well, I think you just read my thread, but basically I was in a relationship with my dual for a year. We got along really well, and the things that frustrated me in the relationship were all really minor. The reason we broke up is because our values were different and I couldn't handle the internal conflict that it caused me.

    I met another dual a few weeks ago and we just kind of ... flow. He also makes me feel good about myself. >.<
    Yeah, I left a comment .

    Why the internal conflict, because of different values?

  6. #6
    dinki's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    UK
    TIM
    IEI!
    Posts
    623
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sunshine Lively View Post
    i don't have a dual in my life i really wonder what it would be like!

    but i'm getting really really hip to diagnosing people these days and i'm in a place of wanting to make a lot of new friends so who knows.
    Lol, diagnosing .

    You have never even met one?

  7. #7
    calenwen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Cardiff
    TIM
    ISXj
    Posts
    949
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
    Yeah, I left a comment .

    Why the internal conflict, because of different values?
    Yeah... It's hard to explain, but it just felt wrong somehow to be with someone who disagreed with me so drastically on all of the issues/beliefs that were important to me.
    Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
    John Muir

  8. #8
    Blaze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    5,725
    Mentioned
    9 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
    Lol, diagnosing .

    You have never even met one?
    i have...but mostly they have been other women.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

  9. #9

    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    1,276
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    My relationship was frustrating, but it was primarily maturity issues on his part. As for friends and coworkers, we get along great.

  10. #10
    BurntOrange's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    My head
    Posts
    365
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Well, I certainly find that the same issues of values and interests come up with duals as any other type, but overall I'm fairly certain that I get along with my duals better than other types. The big thing to realize is just that duality doesn't automatically equal soul mate or best friend. I know a lot of SEIs and the degree to which we get on varies immensely from individual to individual.

  11. #11
    zenbrat's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Tex-ass
    Posts
    232
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    My sons are duals (ENFp and ISTp). They can be really "on" or really trashing each other. It's the same way with me and my dual - it's hell or bliss.

    I don't think duality minimizes conflict. I think it just reduces the mean time for repair of the relationship once conflict hits.

  12. #12
    Blaze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    5,725
    Mentioned
    9 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BurntOrange View Post
    Well, I certainly find that the same issues of values and interests come up with duals as any other type, but overall I'm fairly certain that I get along with my duals better than other types. The big thing to realize is just that duality doesn't automatically equal soul mate or best friend. I know a lot of SEIs and the degree to which we get on varies immensely from individual to individual.
    well said. and i think that other, non-dual relationships can work well for the exact same reasons....

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

  13. #13
    Haikus
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    MI
    TIM
    IEI-Ni
    Posts
    10,060
    Mentioned
    223 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    The big thing to realize is just that duality doesn't automatically equal soul mate or best friend.
    Of course not. In my experiences, Best friend is more activity. Soulmate is more identical. Socionics dual is more about liking somebody well enough but also using the appropriate functions in society to serve a greater good; to accomplish something greater than your own feelings and viewpoints. You can like a person very much but it's a little more important than that. It goes hand in hand, I mean I can't imagine somebody hating their dual because they're so psychologically fitting, but there are a lot of other non-socionics factors.

    What if you met your psychological dual, but for example, they were from a different culture (had different moral views than you), spoke a different language and seemed kind of smelly? You would silently respect one another but I don't see any magic happening. When duals play out right under other factors as well, it is pretty sweet though. A homophobic ESTp muslim terrorist wouldn't exactly make my heart flutter.

    But remember that certain types will naturally be generally/usually be drawn to certain morals/belief system based on how the functions play off of one another; so I think socionics is pretty powerful still. The more pro-gay sentiments of Beta compared to the less accepting ones in Gamma is a prime example of this. Even before I came on this forum this was pretty evident. Isn't Delta supposed to be my conflicting quadra though or something? But see I'm so strong about that one issue so it's getting in the way haha. Wow it's weird how everything interacts with each other. I love it though it's like putting two things in a stage and watching what they'll do/say.

  14. #14
    Haikus
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    MI
    TIM
    IEI-Ni
    Posts
    10,060
    Mentioned
    223 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    My sons are duals (ENFp and ISTp). They can be really "on" or really trashing each other. It's the same way with me and my dual - it's hell or bliss.
    I believe your wording here is misleading. Duals mostly playfully tease each other, and that's probably what you're seeing. Outright trashing somebody/degrading them for real and the next minute loving each other and feeling overly relieved/too happy that you're getting along now is basic Conflicting behavior. Plus they're brothers so they'd do this anyway even if they are duals, but if they do it too much with their make-up moments not seeming to lead anywhere; they'd be Conflicting. I'd imagine a conflicting sibling relationship would be nightmare depending on the ages.

    And I just disagree about 'hell or bliss.' That makes no sense to me and cannot be applied in the here-and-now physical reality at all. =/ Yeah uhhh can you give more concrete, real-world examples of how the functions play off from a socionics point of view? What you're seeing might be personal quirks of your sons that have nothing to do with socionics.

  15. #15
    aka Slacker Slacker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    North Korea
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    8,819
    Mentioned
    24 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
    Are frustrating and confusing, when they are not meant to be.

    What are your experiences with your dual(s)?

    Have you ever been in a relationship with one?

    Do you mind sharing ?
    My husband (of 10 years) and I are duals. Our relationship is very easy. We don't really fight. We'll tease each other, and we'll disagree for a minute or two while we work something out, but we don't have actual fights. I didn't know anything about Socionics when I met him. I just felt very comfortable with him and trusted him, although I didn't think about him in a romantic way immediately. He went back home (he was just visiting here when I met him) and I found I really missed him, and we kept in touch and he came back a few times and finally came back for good.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

  16. #16

    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    1,834
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom View Post
    My husband (of 10 years) and I are duals. Our relationship is very easy. We don't really fight. We'll tease each other, and we'll disagree for a minute or two while we work something out, but we don't have actual fights. I didn't know anything about Socionics when I met him. I just felt very comfortable with him and trusted him, although I didn't think about him in a romantic way immediately. He went back home (he was just visiting here when I met him) and I found I really missed him, and we kept in touch and he came back a few times and finally came back for good.
    aww! This is so nice. I love stories like this as they give me hope, lol!
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

  17. #17
    xyz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    7,709
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    aww! This is so nice. I love stories like this as they give me hope, lol!
    me too.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •