I met my dual

[calenwen]

1

[xyz]

And the attraction between us is undeniable. In fact, he just confessed it today. Now this would all be very fine and good and lovely if I DIDN'T ALREADY HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

I hate situations like this.

You know what you gotta do.

[calenwen]

1

[xyz]

No...

I was in a relationship with an ENTp before and it was almost too ... easy. Like boring?

Heh, well, in this current one, you've been pulling your hair out, righ?

Maybe ENFps'll do it for ya. Either way, you're taken.

[betterthan]

Are dual relations not meant to be the most intense? I thought they weren't meant to be boring and that was the whole point, or a large chuck of the point.

What was boring about it last time?

If you think that it will be boring then why does it matter that you met?

[Blaze]

And the attraction between us is undeniable. In fact, he just confessed it today. Now this would all be very fine and good and lovely if I DIDN'T ALREADY HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

I hate situations like this.

hmmmmm well what was the outcome with said BOYFRIEND? depending on your answer maybe there are possibilities here....

[xyz]

I've been told many times it's a little boring when you first start out, especially if you use any of those stupid chick flicks as any sort of normalcy meter. Over time though, you'll never get to miss any type as much as your dual.

[calenwen]

1

[tiny_dancer]

So I guess all that stuff with your boyfriend worked out? That's a rock and a hard place.

[xyz]

We decided to work stuff out and things have been going okay but like RIGHT after we decided that I started talking with the ENTp and, well, we really click. How stupid this all is. I'm just going to ignore the ENTp to avoid drama. But then I just found out that we're both moving to the same neighbor in like two weeks. Wtf. Seriously.

You got some bad karma going on.

[Blaze]

We decided to work stuff out and things have been going okay but like RIGHT after we decided that I started talking with the ENTp and, well, we really click. How stupid this all is. I'm just going to ignore the ENTp to avoid drama. But then I just found out that we're both moving to the same neighbor in like two weeks. Wtf. Seriously.

i'm curious though....how did it go? what were you able to agree on?

btw you are young the world is your oyster and if you wanna go for it with entp hell, you're not married yet are you?? lol

[jessica129]

Time to cheat!

[calenwen]

1

[Blaze]

well....let's see what happens....lol.

glad you and infp got on a page though

[tiny_dancer]

Yeah, I think if I were going to do the last few years over, I wouldn't spend so much time trying to make things work when they just didn't feel right to begin with. Either you're both in the place where you really want the relationship, or you're not. No sense wasting years of your life and missing valuable experiences for someone you're lukewarm about (or the other person is lukewarm about you...)

[diljs]

What type is the boyfriend?

As an SEI, I don't expect you to leave an existing relationship personally.

This is something which I both am attracted to (would like loyalty in a relationship) and frustrated about (they're all in a relationship already, damnit!) when it comes to SEIs.

[calenwen]

1

[duality is cringe]

Are dual relations not meant to be the most intense?

I think they're just supposed to be the easiest and/or most comfortable.

Whatever you do, don't let socionics dictate your decision. If you're going to cheat, might as well tell your bf you're gonna bang other guys. Sneaking around and doing things behind his back that would cause him pain and embarassment is just cruel and unecessary.

Good luck with your 'situation.'

[calenwen]

1

[calenwen]

1

[Blaze]

Oh, and, btw, no I'm not nor have I ever been married. I want to wait a long while before a commitment of that size!

yes i kinda knew you are not married...but i was more like, you do still have the option to see other people, if you want to that is,

[calenwen]

1

[Blaze]

Haha, I figured as much but I wouldn't want any rumors floating around that I was married. Marriage still kind of scares me.

marriage is scary. and way more serious than it seems at first. i think you're smart to hold off!

[calenwen]

marriage is scary. and way more serious than it seems at first. i think you're smart to hold off!

Thanks! Encouragement is good. I for sure want to wait until after I finish my Master's program.

[ScarlettLux]

Current boyfriend is IEI. I have left two relationships before but... it took me forever to finally end both of them. I mean, things had to be majorly failing before I would admit that it was a lost cause.

Aww, an IEI male =*[ Do what you feel will be best long-term, but you don't need me to tell you that. My boyfriend is also an IEI and just in general, IEIs are likely the most "passionately" romantic of all the types... it's just an overall thing that goes on with them. Just be straight up, I feel for this guy and I don't even know him. No game playing, but you don't strike me as a girl who would anyhow.

Who is that in the picture you posted? The current or the ILE? Don't go for what you feel may just be fleeting though -- you've been with this other guy so long, it must be so hard to just leave something you've had for that period of time... Is it truly worth it?

ETA: Anyone who bases their relationship choices and such on Socionics intertype relations needs to really get a smack in the head... by me! Not saying you are, obviously =P Just a general warning to everyone out there who takes these things too much to heart and forget to realize there are other options besides this all-hailed "duality"

[calenwen]

1

[ScarlettLux]

Well, that's the curious thing about my IEI. He's really not that "passionately romantic," doesn't share his feelings too much, etc. - it's the only aspect of his personality type that doesn't fit with being an IEI. Eh, whatever.

You sure he's IEI?

[calenwen]

1

[Ms. Kensington]

And the attraction between us is undeniable. In fact, he just confessed it today. Now this would all be very fine and good and lovely if I DIDN'T ALREADY HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

I hate situations like this.

i think you know what to do.

[Ms. Kensington]

Are dual relations not meant to be the most intense? I thought they weren't meant to be boring and that was the whole point, or a large chuck of the point.

What was boring about it last time?

If you think that it will be boring then why does it matter that you met?

no there is no point to duality. The point of maybe pursuing duality is because it's supposed to be the most complementary relation.

[calenwen]

i think you know what to do.

That's exactly what Luis said....

[cracka]

Ugh, the grass is always greener on the other side, right up until you hop the fence and you're looking back at what you left behind. Then time passes and the filter you were looking through that made everything cool on this side goes away and you're left wondering why I did what I did.
Tell the new guy that you really don't want anything to do with him and that you're taken and madly in love with your man.

[Khola aka Bee]

And the attraction between us is undeniable. In fact, he just confessed it today. Now this would all be very fine and good and lovely if I DIDN'T ALREADY HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

I hate situations like this.

OMG be careful...coming from someone who went there and completely stuffed it up and is also SEI-Fe. I rushed in way too fast and he mistook my nervous jokes as I dealt with it all as a lack of ethics as a result. Plus I stupidly brought baggage from the last r'ship into the fray by rushing in.

Stay in contact with him, tell him how you feel...and go against the SEI grain and GO SLOW.

All the very best girl, I hope you don't stuff up as monumentally as I did with my dual.

Actually I don't think that's possible

I'm very happy for ya babe

[Khola aka Bee]

That's actually a really good point....



VI?

Hahaha omg he looks so similar to my current *whatever he is now*

lol ENTp!

Ok...here's how I see it.

Break up with the other guy- it might be nice to be with him, but if you are so passionate about this ENTp guy, then your current bf is not the one for you, or you wouldn't be second guessing. Don't cheat, but if you think like me, you wouldn't anyway Or at least you wouldn't want to.

Go for it

Lemme know how it goes, I'd love a happily ever after for you <3

[BurntOrange]

Alright, so I hadn't read that IEI thread so this is partly my reply to that, too.

Just... be careful. You said that you've ended 2 relationships in the past only after it became completely terrible and obvious it wouldn't work. There are a lot of relationships and a lot of people where those issues might not be as big or would take a lot longer to come out, but do you really want to get tied down to that? Settling for less than you really want is a great way to be unhappy.

I was in a relationship with an ENTp before and it was almost too ... easy. Like boring?

I think I get what you're saying. With SEIs that I share values/interests with it definitely does feel easy; although I'd probably say comfortable, maybe low maintenance. As for boring though, I do not relate. SEIs make everything more enjoyable for me. I laugh the most with them, have the best adventures with them, and get the most out of little moments with them. It might just be that you knew a boring ILE, if you mean that your time together was actually boring vs just basically saying easy again. THen again, to quote Harvey Danger, "well if you're bored then you're boring." Blame goes two ways I guess haha

The only other thing I could see you meaning is that you're trying to get excitement out of your relationships by getting into ones with inherent difficulty and conflict and almost making a game out of trying to overcome it, and that honestly sounds unhealthy to me and a poor foundation for what's supposed to be an honest connection between two people that nothing in the outside world can touch. I mean, I guess there's nothing wrong with that if it makes you happy, but just be sure it's what you want. See, if you already feel like you have too much history to break it off when you're having problems at 1 year, imagine how big the problems would need to be at 5 years, 10 years.

I guess what I'm saying is that if you have any doubts, you're too young not to explore them, and it certainly isn't going to get any easier to try the longer you wait. History with a person is great, and it definitely is safe, you know what you're getting, but ignoring chemistry isn't going to turn out well. You can always build history, but it isn't so easy to get a deep connection. Ending up finally realizing it won't work and then regretting all the wasted time is not very fun. That said, if you are happy and it's working for you then just screw it and be happy, and I'll be happy for you.

P.S. - I might be projecting in this post a little. It's just that I grew up with look-a-like parents (of different types), and it wasn't bad for me I guess but I always feel terrible for them. They settled for each other because it was safe and now all they have is like this lukewarm friendship and fear of moving on keeping them together. It's a pretty common question to my sister and me when alcohol and my extended family come together, "Why are they still together?" I always assumed they were just waiting for me to hit 18 and move out then they'd move on, but they're still together. I have no recollection of seeing them kiss or show each other any sort of affection anywhere outside of old video from when they were just married. At this point I think they're resigned to just dying without really knowing love or much excitement at all for the rest of their lives...

OH and one of my earliest memories was my mom just coming up to me and being like, "never get married early. Promise me you'll never get married early." That's great for a little kid, and maybe why I have commitment and fidelity issues (then again it might just be innate, as that's probably pretty close to how I am with everything haha). I thought my response to that was going to be to make sure to do it just to bug her haha. Anyway, yeah, figured I'd mention I definitely have issues too and its skewed to that side of the spectrum so I might not be the most objective person to listen to, but I don't think you should ignore this side of things either.

P.P.S. - SOMEONE MAKE ME STOP WITH THESE HUGE POSTS

[BurntOrange]

Ugh, the grass is always greener on the other side, right up until you hop the fence and you're looking back at what you left behind. Then time passes and the filter you were looking through that made everything cool on this side goes away and you're left wondering why I did what I did.
Tell the new guy that you really don't want anything to do with him and that you're taken and madly in love with your man.

gahhh, I could not disagree with a statement more. Being safe is so over-rated. Let's say she's in a very good relationship, she could definitely do worse. Now she decides it's not good enough, and let's say there's a 9/10 chance that the next relationship is worse than the last, does that mean she should run back to the last one instead of looking for something better, what she was originally looking for? NO. Nothing has changed, she still should want better than the first relationship. Going back to what's less painful is what's called settling. There's still a shitload of guys better for her out there and doing relationships based off of fear is about the ugliest thing in the world. I mean, there's a decent chance that this ILE wouldn't be any better for her than the IEI, but it shouldn't even be about that. It's the current relationship vs potential relationships, all of them. It's either right or its not. If its not and the ILE is a safety net to moving on, there's nothing wrong with that.

You have to look for someone special and maybe it won't be easy but you will NOT be happy if you just settle for the best instantly available instead of actually looking for that ideal relationship. Sure, it won't be easy, and at times you'll be less happy for short periods, but in the long run of your life you'll be so much happier if you suffer through some periods of loneliness and regret to find that relationship where your connection and your history combine so that the grass is never greener.

[Khola aka Bee]

Current boyfriend is IEI. I have left two relationships before but... it took me forever to finally end both of them. I mean, things had to be majorly failing before I would admit that it was a lost cause.

I hear you! It took abuse and two years of being unhappy to get me out of my last one!

[Khola aka Bee]

gahhh, I could not disagree with a statement more. Being safe is so over-rated. Let's say she's in a very good relationship, she could definitely do worse. Now she decides it's not good enough, and let's say there's a 9/10 chance that the next relationship is worse than the last, does that mean she should run back to the last one instead of looking for something better, what she was originally looking for? NO. Nothing has changed, she still should want better than the first relationship. Going back to what's less painful is what's called settling. There's still a shitload of guys better for her out there and doing relationships based off of fear is about the ugliest thing in the world. I mean, there's a decent chance that this ILE wouldn't be any better for her than the IEI, but it shouldn't even be about that. It's the current relationship vs potential relationships, all of them. It's either right or its not. If its not and the ILE is a safety net to moving on, there's nothing wrong with that.

You have to look for someone special and maybe it won't be easy but you will NOT be happy if you just settle for the best instantly available instead of actually looking for that ideal relationship. Sure, it won't be easy, and at times you'll be less happy for short periods, but in the long run of your life you'll be so much happier if you suffer through some periods of loneliness and regret to find that relationship where your connection and your history combine so that the grass is never greener.

words of wisdom <3

[Khola aka Bee]

Alright, so I hadn't read that IEI thread so this is partly my reply to that, too.

Just... be careful. You said that you've ended 2 relationships in the past only after it became completely terrible and obvious it wouldn't work. There are a lot of relationships and a lot of people where those issues might not be as big or would take a lot longer to come out, but do you really want to get tied down to that? Settling for less than you really want is a great way to be unhappy.



I think I get what you're saying. With SEIs that I share values/interests with it definitely does feel easy; although I'd probably say comfortable, maybe low maintenance. As for boring though, I do not relate. SEIs make everything more enjoyable for me. I laugh the most with them, have the best adventures with them, and get the most out of little moments with them. It might just be that you knew a boring ILE, if you mean that your time together was actually boring vs just basically saying easy again. THen again, to quote Harvey Danger, "well if you're bored then you're boring." Blame goes two ways I guess haha

The only other thing I could see you meaning is that you're trying to get excitement out of your relationships by getting into ones with inherent difficulty and conflict and almost making a game out of trying to overcome it, and that honestly sounds unhealthy to me and a poor foundation for what's supposed to be an honest connection between two people that nothing in the outside world can touch. I mean, I guess there's nothing wrong with that if it makes you happy, but just be sure it's what you want. See, if you already feel like you have too much history to break it off when you're having problems at 1 year, imagine how big the problems would need to be at 5 years, 10 years.

I guess what I'm saying is that if you have any doubts, you're too young not to explore them, and it certainly isn't going to get any easier to try the longer you wait. History with a person is great, and it definitely is safe, you know what you're getting, but ignoring chemistry isn't going to turn out well. You can always build history, but it isn't so easy to get a deep connection. Ending up finally realizing it won't work and then regretting all the wasted time is not very fun. That said, if you are happy and it's working for you then just screw it and be happy, and I'll be happy for you.

P.S. - I might be projecting in this post a little. It's just that I grew up with look-a-like parents (of different types), and it wasn't bad for me I guess but I always feel terrible for them. They settled for each other because it was safe and now all they have is like this lukewarm friendship and fear of moving on keeping them together. It's a pretty common question to my sister and me when alcohol and my extended family come together, "Why are they still together?" I always assumed they were just waiting for me to hit 18 and move out then they'd move on, but they're still together. I have no recollection of seeing them kiss or show each other any sort of affection anywhere outside of old video from when they were just married. At this point I think they're resigned to just dying without really knowing love or much excitement at all for the rest of their lives...

OH and one of my earliest memories was my mom just coming up to me and being like, "never get married early. Promise me you'll never get married early." That's great for a little kid, and maybe why I have commitment and fidelity issues (then again it might just be innate, as that's probably pretty close to how I am with everything haha). I thought my response to that was going to be to make sure to do it just to bug her haha. Anyway, yeah, figured I'd mention I definitely have issues too and its skewed to that side of the spectrum so I might not be the most objective person to listen to, but I don't think you should ignore this side of things either.

P.P.S. - SOMEONE MAKE ME STOP WITH THESE HUGE POSTS

No way! I love your posts, they make me think and consider things from different perspectives, and they are more readable to me than most mammoth posts

Plus I think you're helping Calen

[BurntOrange]

Thank you, good to know someone is getting something out of them at least. I keep just getting lost typing and I waste so much time making those posts haha. It's good though, I always have these like hour long blocks where I have nothing to do and between watching sportscenter, watching downloaded TV shows, or getting lost in making posts I actually am preferring the latter and finding it passes the time quicker. That said, it does seem like you just managed to get the same point across as me in like 1/10th the words though haha