How Much Influence does the last relation have over the choice of the next?

[Blaze]

so i was thinking that we all move in and out of relationships all the time, but for this question i'm thinking more of dating or romantic relationships. for example, in my 20's i went out with a guy who was kinda lazy for about 3 years, so the next guy i chose was pretty diligent. but he was also kind of cut-throat (SeTi) so the next guy i choose is more emotional and laid back.

has anybody noticed these type of patterns over time? do we think we look for different info elements from people as we change relationships?

[Joy]

Such has been the case for me. The most notable example was going from a relationship with an LSE to a relationship with an LSI. He was the "anti-Kevin" in many ways.

[Blaze]

Such has been the case for me. The most notable example was going from a relationship with an LSE to a relationship with an LSI. He was the "anti-Kevin" in many ways.

yeah...this is exactly what i was thinking about. i was wondering whether it could be understood in terms of information elements...like what were you missing from the last relationship that you seek in a consequent relationship.

i think for me most recently it was not getting any action with the first, getting some action from the second, but no Fe, then seeking the Fe from the third. or something like that.

[xyz]

Sorry, I never get to choose. the extraverted girls are always the ones who trap me.

[BLauritson]

I've gone from EII to SEE to ESI. Why? Because each time that person was the only one who I was interested in and who was interested in me also. If we remove that last part of the equation, I've been interested in probably half the types of the socion in the past. I don't think there's been any pattern to it. It's just been about who's there, who's available and who's interested in me (in that order).

[FDG]

Uhm, even if I didn't have many relationships, and all my relationships have been with ESIs (lol) I can totally see how this plays out in a way which is similar to what Sunshine described in her first post. But I also think it's not that hard to find a good match.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I need somebody kind of fierce and aggressive but also knows how to spell (lol - don't ask) and can discuss philosophical things with me. Can tease me but in a playful way. Can be both romantic and rough. The devil and angel too.

However I usually find a person either too hard or too soft and I dump them accordingly. Haven't found the person that was 'just right' so to speak.

I expect them to do 50% of the work in an equal relationship. If they ALWAYS are the one coming on and suggesting things, or I'm the one that is ALWAYS trying to pursue them, that is not a relationship to me.

[JuJu]

All of my long-term relationships have been with Alphas... Every sort of Alpha...

Where the hell do I meet some Deltas? Advice?

My pattern (of long-terms) has gone:
1) ISFp
2) ESTj
3) ESFj
4) ENTp
5) INXp
6) INTj
7) (current, not yet long-term) ISFp

I'm starving for a ISTp

[Blaze]

All of my long-term relationships have been with Alphas... Every sort of Alpha...

Where the hell do I meet some Deltas? Advice?

My pattern (of long-terms) has gone:
1) ISFp
2) ESTj
3) ESFj
4) ENTp
5) INXp
6) INTj
7) (current, not yet long-term) ISFp

I'm starving for a ISTp

man you're looks like a duality searching pattern. interesting.

[iAnnAu]

I did this early on ... I dated a guy who turned out to be clinically depressed, and the next guy I dated was hedonistic. I'm not sure if I would have been anywhere near as interested in him except that instead of trying to convince me I didn't want to do stuff that he didn't want to do (like the first guy did), he wanted to go out and do stuff that I wanted to do.
But he was terribly irresponsible, to the point of not being able to hold a job. The guy I dated after him was stable to the point of boring. Intelligent and competent but another stick in the mud when it came to doing fun things.
After him I decided not to date for a while, and then the next relationship I was in seems to not be as much in reaction to the previous.
I still seem to have no pattern at all to my SOs ...

[jessica129]

I tend to get into it with the same types and bitch about how I get the same problems over and over again. Dunno, can't help it.

[Ms. Kensington]

i think it was like.. INxx earlier on, and then ENTp until maybe last year or so.. i was trying to consciously consider my opportunties.

[Joy]

yeah...this is exactly what i was thinking about. i was wondering whether it could be understood in terms of information elements...like what were you missing from the last relationship that you seek in a consequent relationship.

i think for me most recently it was not getting any action with the first, getting some action from the second, but no Fe, then seeking the Fe from the third. or something like that.

Si creative to Se creative, EJ to IJ, Ni PoLR to Ni Hidden Agenda... yes, I believe there's a Socionics explanation for it.

(Even the Fi Hidden Agenda to Fi Role was a relief at the time because I couldn't deal with the LSE's possessiveness and jealousy.)

[tcaudilllg]

If a given person hasn't been stimulating a part of your mind for a while, then if that part of your mind is well developed then you will want in your next partner someone who can stimulate that part. It doesn't matter whether they can offer what the other partner gave in abundance; all that is sought at that point is the stimulus of that which went unstimulated.

[Blaze]

bump

any new thots on this?

[Gilly]

My last two girlfriends have both been LII...*shrug*

[07490]

I tend to get into it with the same types and bitch about how I get the same problems over and over again. Dunno, can't help it.

What type would that be? If you don't mind me asking.

[Creepy-Diana]

.

[Gilly]

It's easy to look at all of this stuff in an intellectual way, categorizing and figuring it out, but when it all goes to hell when applied to real life, you've got something wrong.

Truer words you've never spoken.

[Blaze]

I haven't had many relationships, and have only recently realized how different people can be in some aspects. Surprising revelation, heh. Fe is more important to me than I thought, and having someone who values Se enough to at least try, also matters.

It's easy to look at all of this stuff in an intellectual way, categorizing and figuring it out, but when it all goes to hell when applied to real life, you've got something wrong.

yes i know what you mean. i try to apply as best i can. for example, i've had open conversations with a male ESI at work...we took some risks with each other and tried to develop a friendship....making some things explicit. we usually misunderstand each other though. but now we know that we will invariably misunderstand each other, so we don't personalize the other, and have been getting along pretty well. funny, he was as paranoid about me as i was about him! when we are both stressed, the shit hits the fan and it all goes to hell. but we eventually get back to understanding.

for myself, i have some middle-aged tolerance, so i'm open to any of the better socionics relations. i would really like to have a close female isfp friend though, if i could find one.

[redbaron]

When younger, I dated IEI and then jumped to ESI. Then EIE very briefly (maybe briefly doesn't count?) and then went to SEI (touch and go, ultimately could not make up his mind) and finally ESE. lol

I do think you're drawn to the thing you're not getting, especially when non-dualized. :wink:

[electric sheep]

1. ESI
2. EII
3. IEI
4. EIE
5. would have been ESE, but she was a total bitch

Now I'm with a different ESE--a very perverted one. She seems nice enough though
(she's actually quite brilliant)

[Blaze]

1. ESI
2. EII
3. IEI
4. EIE
5. would have been ESE, but she was a total bitch

Now I'm with a different ESE--a very perverted one. She seems nice enough though
(she's actually quite brilliant)

awesome...perversion is a good thing.

[sarinana]

1) ESI (very short relationship)
2) ESE (also short)
3) LSE
4) IEI
5) IEI
6) SEE
now I tried to get this very introverted and calm type and got burnt quite a bit... ;/

[Joy]

My relationships (including important or semi-important ones to me at the time):

1.) EII > ESI
2.) IEE
3.) SLE (very short lived, got dumped for an IEI)
4.) LSE *shudders*
5.) LSI
6.) LII
7.) ESI

I also briefly dated an ESE and a couple other people who I haven't typed as well, but they weren't significant enough to put on the list.

[Blaze]

Old thread but while I am not one to 'move in and out' of relationships, I find who I have had feelings for prior has no effect on who I would consider dating after. When I have feelings, I have feelings whether it's been for a SEE, EII, LIE, ILI, etc, etc. I don't really develop these feelings often but they tend to stick for so long that there's always 'someone' but I found it just happens when I really do not expect it or look for it despite me being really picky. Likewise there are people I would choose to have feelings for but cannot because I just don't feel that way and never will. And I have had attractions only to find I just like the person as a friend when I get to actually know them versus 'admiring from afar' so to speak.

Having said that, I wish I could have feelings for no one. Life would be so much easier.

wow. we are so different.