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Thread: Duality and duals ignoring one another

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    Default Duality and duals ignoring one another

    edit: Typo on "ignoring" and can't edit the title ...boo hoo

    Anyway, I just read another thread that mentioned how duals can ignore each other at first. I noticed this over the weekend, and am curious about other's stories of this happening.

    So this weekend, I got about 15 people together (almost all hadn't met each other). I knew everyone's types, so it was interesting to see who talked to each other and who didn't....

    So here is some random info:

    The ISFp and ENTp did not talk at all. This surprised me.

    The ENTp talked to an ISTj the most, in a conversation where the ISTj related facts from the news.

    I talked the the ISFp (who wasn't talking to anyone else) the most, followed by an ESTj.

    Another ENFp mostly talked to an ESFp and the ISFp.

    An ESFj talked to an ESTj for quite a while.

    An ESTp and INFp talked mostly to each other (arrived together), left often to do their own thing, and then would return and barely speak to anyone else until the very end (could have been shy though).

    The INTj mostly talked to the ISTj, though kept trying to start conversations w/ me, but I was busy w/ food stuff at that moment.

    The ESFj and INTj talked for a while, but didn't seem to have any special connection.

    The ISFp asked the ESTj if she could have an extra slice of pizza, and the ESTj snapped "well how many people are there? Is there enough for everyone?" And the ISFp was very hurt. Later, the ESTj apologized and felt very bad about it. The ISFp explained she was sensitive about such things.

    Another INFp talked to just about everyone, and was very friendly. However, she mostly talked to the ISTj and the ESTp.

    Also interesting, the ISTj jumped at the chance to keep score during a game, and handled all of the (what i consider boring) tasks such as timing things, and making sure rules were followed, which rocked.

    I kept wondering why the duals didn't hang more. So perhaps this is why it's hard to get the dual thing started?
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Yeah, duals probably just seem invisible to each other. I think it has something to do with them not having many glaring differences on a first look through.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    And then the wicked wolf fell upon little Red Riding Hood, and ate her all up, because he failed to see they were duals.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard View Post
    Yeah, duals probably just seem invisible to each other. I think it has something to do with them not having many glaring differences on a first look through.
    Yeah that makes sense. I think specifically w/ ISTps my problem is that if a person doesn't look super interested in being social, I just move on to someone else who has an expression of "talk to me!! please!" Meanwhile, ISTps are cool just doing their own thing, so I figure they are content being alone, etc.

    Even when I was talking to an ISTp aquaintance the other day (who I don't know very well, but have played sports with a few times) I got the vibe that he really didn't want to be talking and would have preferred to stand there is silence, which made me sort of reluctant to keep the conversation going. Usually, everyone shows up and chats, etc, but he shows up, and gets his sports stuff ready over by a tree by himself.

    I'm questioning duality again.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    I don't think large group situations are really ideal for meeting duals specifically.. I dunno, it's a difficult one. I shall have to ponder on this.
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    lol at the ISFp asking for more pizza (c:
    "Language is the Rubicon that divides man from beast."

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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post

    I'm questioning duality again.
    Me too. hehe

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mimosa Pudica View Post
    And then the lioness ate the cute little Bambi.... :wink:
    We're not Bambis!
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard View Post
    We're not Bambis!
    bambis in wolf's clothing

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    Quote Originally Posted by qbsirena06 View Post
    Me too. hehe
    interesting. hehe
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    I don't think duals really vibe until they spend time alone together. ESTp's and I don't really engage one another in social situations upon first meeting. We exist as little more than scenery to one another if there are others in the room.

    Once we have some sort of one-on-one interaction/conversation, those dual "fuzzies" kick in. We don't even have to talk about ourselves to feel that connection, that "this person is on my wavelength". We smile at each other a lot after that and subsequent meetings are very warm - we are very glad to see one another again.

    This may not happen the 1st, 2nd or even 5th time we're thrown into the same crowd together since we never intentionally approach one another. We seem too different - like we would have nothing to talk about.

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    Quote Originally Posted by zenbrat View Post
    I don't think duals really vibe until they spend time alone together. ESTp's and I don't really engage one another in social situations upon first meeting. We exist as little more than scenery to one another if there are others in the room.

    Once we have some sort of one-on-one interaction/conversation, those dual "fuzzies" kick in. We don't even have to talk about ourselves to feel that connection, that "this person is on my wavelength". We smile at each other a lot after that and subsequent meetings are very warm - we are very glad to see one another again.

    This may not happen the 1st, 2nd or even 5th time we're thrown into the same crowd together since we never intentionally approach one another. We seem too different - like we would have nothing to talk about.
    I agree. I think someone else mentioned this before, that in groups your dual tends to fade into the background, but 1 on 1 your dual becomes more apperent.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    yeah. i only know one person who i recently met who is my dual - a woman. but i only was able to type her because i really really focused on it since she was someone new.

    otherwise i might have thought differently about her.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Quote Originally Posted by qbsirena06 View Post
    Me too. hehe
    What are you questioning about it?

    Duality simply refers to the order of your psychological function and how they relate to other groupings. It exists, as per socionics.

    Duality does not say you are guaranteed relationship success.

    People seem to want to get mad and blow up at this "magical duality" idea, where duals make your world perfect. But that's not entirely reasonable - obviously there's more to relationship success than functional ordering.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mimosa Pudica View Post
    mmmmm..... You are, so.....


    ... wolf's clothing, yeah, but still .... Bambis.



    I like bambis, what's the problem????
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard View Post
    Write something you lazy fuck! Don't ignore your dual.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Winterpark View Post
    Write something you lazy fuck! Don't ignore your dual.
    "Language is the Rubicon that divides man from beast."

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    gay sex
    Last edited by istpunk; 07-17-2008 at 09:21 AM.

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    ESFp's are pretty much the only type that doesn't ignore me.
    ...the human race will disappear. Other races will appear and disappear in turn. The sky will become icy and void, pierced by the feeble light of half-dead stars. Which will also disappear. Everything will disappear. And what human beings do is just as free of sense as the free motion of elementary particles. Good, evil, morality, feelings? Pure 'Victorian fictions'.

    INTp

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    Quote Originally Posted by istpunk View Post
    There's some fallacies in what you said Jewels and a couple for others:

    1. Type personalities are not cookie cut.

    2. Communication compatibility also has to do with socio-economic, education, etc background.

    3. Differences/Opposites attract, however studies show that the more commonalities you have with another person the more likely you will bond easier.

    Even sometimes appearance alone in terms of attraction is the starter for any relationship to begin. I'm not talking about whether someone's appearance is sexually attractive but more of facial tolerance matching.

    The previous posters statements cannot be fallacies until proven so. Do you have supporting documentation for your claims?

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    Duality: Supposedly a good idea if it ever happens! (tm)
    ILE - Ti.

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    I find that duals come to me easily, only because I've learned to open up and be social. I usually make contact after a period of time, prior to which the ENFp made the initial contact, which is later forgotten, and I don't quite find that too weird. I have always believed for all my socionics years that the extrovert breaks the ice first. And it is natural for them to glaze me over, being beings with an attention span that almost rivals that of a goldfish. And I do understand that most of the time, I'm just too cool and sexy for their in-the-clouds limbic system.

    But one thing I've noted, whenever I open my mouth to speak in class, the ENFps can't help but get highly aroused, hot and bothered, or just interested to the extent of salivating. That is something that always keep me going. Otherwise I'd just ask God to take me to heaven; this life ain't that worth living without the delta quadra.
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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post

    I'm questioning duality again.

    co-sign

    Although, I met this ISTP girl the other day who surprised the shit out of me. She was NOTHING like any other ISTP I had met. Really cute, great conversationalist. She had LIFE to her. I saw EMOTION . She wasn't timid either, pretty confident, and open. She told me alot of people tell her she gives out a 'bitch' vibe, which I saw nothing of. LOL.

    I had a great time talking with her, gave me some hope for duality.

    That being said, I'm wondering about semi-duality now. One of my closest friends is an ISFP, and after knowing each other for almost 2 decades, we haven't really gotten into many fights. Actually, we havent had an arguement in YEARS, only disagreements which are trivial in comparison to the 'bigger picture'. Also, it doesnt really break the harmony, I dont see that.

    But then again, we're both pretty mature, and have a deep understanding about one another. ISFP so far is my ideal..but after meeting that ISTP, I want more.

    <Crispy> what subt doesnt understand is that a healthy reaction to "FUCK YOU" is and not

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    She told me alot of people tell her she gives out a 'bitch' vibe, which I saw nothing of. LOL.
    Was that secretly me?

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    A nice thing to notice in a group setting is that Illusionary couples are drawn to eachother.

    I've read this in the Illusionary descriptions but have also noticed this in reality.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jem View Post
    lol at the ISFp asking for more pizza (c:
    That would be me.
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    Quote Originally Posted by zenbrat View Post
    The previous posters statements cannot be fallacies until proven so. Do you have supporting documentation for your claims?
    This is all getting way too serious.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    A nice thing to notice in a group setting is that Illusionary couples are drawn to eachother.

    I've read this in the Illusionary descriptions but have also noticed this in reality.
    I've noticed this too with ESE and EII.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by zenbrat View Post
    I don't think duals really vibe until they spend time alone together. ESTp's and I don't really engage one another in social situations upon first meeting. We exist as little more than scenery to one another if there are others in the room.

    Once we have some sort of one-on-one interaction/conversation, those dual "fuzzies" kick in. We don't even have to talk about ourselves to feel that connection, that "this person is on my wavelength". We smile at each other a lot after that and subsequent meetings are very warm - we are very glad to see one another again.

    This may not happen the 1st, 2nd or even 5th time we're thrown into the same crowd together since we never intentionally approach one another. We seem too different - like we would have nothing to talk about.
    yep, exactly. It took me like two years to get to be friends with an SLE that I know. We ignored each other for a long time. But then we were alone a couple of times and it was suddenly exactly as you described--same wavelength, connection, etc. This funny understanding that we can be ourselves or something. I dunno. It really took me by surprise. I didn't even think I would like him before I got to know him, which is weird. I just didn't think we'd have anything in common.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by ChibiKeba View Post
    Doesn't it sometimes happen that the introvert will notice their dual extrovert long before the extrovert notices they exist? I remember reading that somewhere on this forum...
    I dunno. Makes sense to me. In my case, I did notice him but I wrote him off at first as being uninteresting and "too busy" or something. He seemed caught up in being successful (and indeed he works a lot and makes a lot of money) and wouldn't have time in his life to be my friend.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    I think especially since learning Socionics...or perhaps not, I can't even remember what I was like beforehand now, but anyway I know I've often noticed ESFps pretty early on (again, not necessarily knowing they're ESFp, especially before learning of Socionics). I think they notice me by the fact I just pay a lot of attention to them. It just develops gradually over time really.
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    Well when I met my dual, who is SLE, I don't have any memory of him until the first time he asked me out, which I think is odd .

    We had been in the same class for a good 5 months, then it took me anither 4 or 5 months to develop a crush on him...and nothing changed, we didn't talk more, I just started to like him.

    So I think it can be very slow...

    But I have recently met another SLE, and I felt the connection right off, and we hadn't even had a conversation (and it wasn't just lust ), I think it was different this time because I knew he was my dual...

    But the first time around the feelings were very slow to develop, but once they did it was crazy -I am so into you!- (good times, good times!).

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