Not another enneagram thread ...
I can't decide between 4, 7, and 9 at the moment.
Sometimes I have issues with identity, but I don't really think it's a main concern of mine. I try to recreate myself a lot, and seemingly insignificant incidents can make me resolve to sort of overhaul my personality in a way. I don't know if that necessarily qualifies as having identity issues though. Because I think I can separate my behaviour from my personality and am not really concerned with whether or not I'm being 'true to myself' - as long as I'm not going against my values. I think I'm a pretty optimistic person in general - I can sound depressed the way I talk about things, but usually I just find it interesting to delve into the whys and wherefores and after I've talked about it or written about it, I'm fine. It can be embarrassing sometimes when I confide in someone about how I'm feeling ... because I'm usually quite aware (after I've thought about it) of why I'm feeling what I am, so I tell the person everything and it seems like such a dark and tangled web of emotions that the person feels quite alarmed for me .... but really I just like connecting the dots and explaining everything. That's helps me to get over things. So the person looks at me strangely when I'm smiling and laughing the next moment. Makes me look insincere I guess. But really, it's just therapeutic for me to get my thoughts and feelings out. Helps me make sense of them. I don't think I'm really scared when it comes to going into dark places - there's always a feeling of optimism that pervades even my darkest moments - so I endure dark feelings in the knowledge that they are passing. I don't think I'd ever be able to truly 'lose' myself in a feeling - not because I'd be afraid to really - just being that I'm sort of always outside of myself and can see the feeling for what it is - a passing phase. I can indulge in painful emotions at times, but I don't feel I lose perspective. There is always the rational side of me telling me what's going on I guess ... and it's annoying at times - I wish I could truly be submerged in emotions at times and not be analysing them at the same time.
I sort of relate to the 7's need for external stimulation. I hate boredom, but usually don't have a problem with finding something that interests me to focus on. I often sacrifice future consequences for the sake of feeling stimulated in the present. I find it hard to endure drudgery for the sake of future rewards.
When I feel at my healthiest, I'm usually doing a lot of things, showing outward concern for others and generally living outside of myself. When I'm like that, I don't feel any danger of 'losing my identity' really. I feel like I gain an identity by being more externally-focused.
When I feel unhealthy, I'm overly-analytical of myself and my behaviour, I think too much about what I feel like doing and that sort of thing. I guess I can be healthy and analyse myself, but ultimately I want to just forget myself - becuase it's only then when I really find myself. Oh, isn't that poetic ...But really, I feel like I get my sense of identity from other people in a way. Well, not really ... but I guess I feel relatively secure in my sense of identity so that adapting to different people and situations doesn't phase me or shake my core. I sort of feel like it's my responibility to be flexible and accepting ... because I'm naturally like that and a lot of people aren't. Sometimes I'm not really aware of what my motivations are in doing certain things until I analyse it (though it's usually pretty easy to work out), but my motivation isn't really that important to me - as long as I'm being true to my system of values.
Lol I guess this is getting further and further away from type 4 ... but anyway. What type do you think I am?
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Originally Posted by Mimosa Pudica
please, let me have evolved already! 