I've seen myself as enneagram 7 for a long time, but I read something in an enneagram book at the bookstore I work at the other day that made me think about the possibility of being a 4. I have issues with depression and soforth, but I don't really run from them like I think a 7 would. I'm liable to let myself go deep down into a depression, or even dig deeper intentionally, because I value it as an experience of its own, a different kind of experience. Most enneagram literature speaks of 7s as avoiding these intense negative states, whereas I see them as just as meaningful as my "positive" states, potentially even more "self-revealing," if more dangerous (but then that makes them all the more appealing). I hate it when people hide from the "dark" side of things; my brother-in-law is one of these people, although he would never admit it. I enjoy exposing the truth when it shocks and stirs people up; when I was studying Freud on my own, I wasn't afraid (well, maybe I was, but it didn't deter me) to go deep into the personal aspects and explore the dark, creepy sides of his theories that most people like to keep the book shut on...and for obvious reasons.
I also think that being a type from the Identity Triad makes some sense of my flitting around from type to type, as well as my problems with identity dysmorphia as a general phenomena (I discussed this with numbers in chat yesterday and he very much identified).
I know people tend to see me as upbeat and energetic and extroverted and so forth, but honestly, there is such a melancholy-emo side to me that I just never present because I fear being judged or whatever...I've convinced myself over and over that it's just a self-defeating tendency, because I'm so intense and hard on myself and internally dramatic, but I honestly can't deny that it's a part of me, for good or ill. It's a side of myself that, as I mentioned in my type thread, I'll never show to anyone who I don't see as fully accepting of me and "safe" in their attraction to me, so that I know I won't drive them away with my intensity, but it's something that I really can't deny, and doing so causes me a lot of anxiety and makes me more prone to acute depressive episodes.
Listen to this: I have avoided going out and making friends here in Virginia because I know I will be moving soon and don't want to make moving harder on myself emotionally; thus, I isolate myself and am constantly at home at my apartment, sitting on the computer, reading, reflecting, writing, etc. Now would a whimsickle, footlooose-and-fancy-free 7 sacrifice the right to hang out and socialize and have fun and such that is literally at their fingertips, just because they were afraid of an emotional break? SERIOUSLY?
Originally Posted by http://www.thechangeworks.com/ennprimer/fineenn9styls1.html#anchor1995402