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[reckoner]

Quick preface: I have spent the past year and a half trying to determine my correct MBTI, Socionics, and Enneagram types. This self-exploration was ignited by a bout with depression (or perhaps an acceptance of the condition itself), and growing anxiety about my career and life-path in general. I have always typed IXXP on the MBTI and Socionics tests, and typically type 5w4 or 4w5 in the Enneagram. But deep down inside I have a sneaking suspicion - some doubt - that I might be somehow manipulating the results to coincide with what I view are my ideal types. I thought it might be helpful to give you a brief overview of my behavior/thoughts/motivations in both my childhood and adult life. So here goes...

As a child, I never felt like a "child." I never felt much like an adult either. I was extremely shy, especially around strangers or groups of people greater than 3 or 4. I internalized this shyness/discomfort into outward stoicism, causing people to find me "aloof" (even to this day). I was extremely sensitive. I felt I could not connect, internally speaking, with my peers. Despite this disconnect, and the loneliness borne from it, I externally appeared to be getting on with a normal childhood; making friends, playing sports, etc. I was a very good and conscientious student, even if it was a struggle for me to concentrate and not drift off into my thoughts. I did well mostly to please my parents. They valued education and it was the one way I knew of that could gain their attention and praise. As a child I always sided with the underdog, and felt a particular kinship with animals. I was always friends with both "outcasts" and "popular" people. I felt it was my obligation to bring disparate groups of people together. I wanted everyone to feel respected and on an even playing field. At age nine, I was diagnosed with a life threatening medical problem for which I would be in and out of the hospital for two years while receiving treatment. As a result of the treatments, I lost my hair and was unable to participate in sports, which I love as a child. In my mind, my sickness made me both a pariah and a messiah of sorts. I suffered from survivor's guilt and an exhileration from having survived. I thought it only right to burden myself with the obigation of an "extraordinary life" as penance for my survival, an issue that I believe has caused me great pain and anxiety into adulthood.

Other things, as noted, I loved sports...both participating and spectating. I did not, however, enjoy being watched. In high school I was what they considered a great practice player; as soon as I got into a real game in front of a crowd I appeared to have never played the game before - too nervous. Also, I never cared if I won or lost, just as long as I "felt" good about my performance and had a good time - this did not play well with my coaches...lol. As a student I struggled to B+'s in math and science, but excelled in English/Literature and History. I had no real ambition to be anything as an adult, but I would often tell people I wanted to be a pediatrician or an activist lawyer for the ACLU. I never wanted to be "normal" but I did not want to appear rebellious or non-conformist just for the sake of being notice as such. My goal was invisibility, yet I also silently yearned for a spotlight...as if I wished I could receive the praise and love that came with public acceptance/approval while remaining anonymous...it's hard to explain. My real dream was to be a philosopher like the Greek citizens of old. I loved to discuss the mysteries of life with my close friends, of which there were (and are) few. I did not have girlfriends. I would typically pick one girl and idealize and idolize her for two to three years, observing and occasionally interacting in the shadows. I fully loved these girls and would have given my life for them. I took to the girls who seemed as if they were hiding some deep secret or psychic pain. I felt if we connected we could escape the world together and create our own perfect bastion of peace and tenderness, away from the reality of everyday life. I was extremely idealistic. I believed that we could make the world a better place for everyone. I just didn't know how, besides "LOVE."

I attended an extremely large, highly ranked public university. I felt lost from the start. I did fairly well, but I had no motivation for the careers I witnessed my peers pursuing - doctors, lawyers, investment bankers, accountants. By my third year I fell into depression, though I didn't realize it at the time. I skipped classes for weeks at a time, laid in bed all day, and took up smoking marijuana. I felt as if my opportunity - my life itself - was slipping away from me. I continued in this state for the rest of college and somehow salvaged a degree and decent gpa from the ordeal. The next few years were filled with an assortment of jobs at which I quickly lost motivation and my productivity floundered causing me to quit in fear before they could discover my shitty work ethic and fire me. I decided to pursue a professional degree in my mid-20's but began skipping classes and ultimately quit halfway through my second year due to depression, anxiety, fear and dissatisfaction. I now work in a field in which I hate in order to pay off the loans incurred while generally avoiding life in grad school. I worked with a therapist and made great strides in rebuilding my self-esteem. I came to acknowledge that I longed to do something creative and over the past year or so, I've narrowed it down to writing.

Just some general things about me. I'm forgetful and messy. I'm still very sensitive. I love surrealism - think David Lynch. I love music that approximates dread and longing, or that feels like the bittersweetness of life and death. Art must have meaning. I often sing non-sensical silly songs for my wife which she either finds hilarious or annoying or both. People say I have a great sense of humor, and I believe they are right - at times. I love alone time and I love the outdoors. There is nothing better than spending a night alone in the woods under the stars next to the fire, preferably in the mountains. There is something primal about the experience; I feel connected to my humanness and life feels palatable in these moments. I enjoy exercise as it reduces my anxiety and increases my confidence and self-esteem. I love sex...it is an outlet where I can truly lose myself in an experience and it becomes, to me at least, almost a uniting of our souls. I do not like responsibility, and will avoid it if at all possible. I like to make decisions based on "feel." I love cooking. I love to read. My favorite authors include Updike, McCarthy, Hemingway, Lawrence and Wharton. I also love the pastoral nature of Hardy's novels. I hate the ocean...it scares me and I feel it is not the domain of men but extraterrestrial beasts. I love the mountains because you are connected to the Earth while still getting the birds-eye macro view of it.

Sorry this was so long...there is so much more...and so much I am forgetting...

[dbmmama]

hi reckoner, welcome

you sound very sweet. definitely IP. beyond that, i was hearing a few different things. but, remember, of "this place," you are now in the belly of the beast. most people here are in the same boat as you and are not experts but claim to be. so, take everything everyone says with a grain of salt.

which of the IPs do you feel the most like?

[Elro]

Overall impression is IEI.

[reckoner]

Thanks to everyone for the quick replies. I'm going to hold off in revealing what I almost exclusively type as, or what I feel I may be, until I get the input of a few more folks. The power of suggestion...

[hellothere]

I thought IEI as well. I was reminded of myself in parts, but not completely... some details did not remind me of myself...

[Elro]

revealing what I almost exclusively type as, or what I feel I may be

Oh, believe me, that won't stop people from disagreeing with you.

[dbmmama]

my guess is SEI.

[reckoner]

You guys have me pegged pretty well. I type exclusively as either INFp or ISFp. With about 75% of the time leaning towards INFp. I do feel connected to both of the type descriptions and feel as if I can swing either way depending on my mood and level of anxiety. Anxiety tends to bring out my more SF impulses (need for physical activity, escape to outdoors, wild outlandish singing, etc.) while a calmer or depressed state brings out the NF in me. I can be a bit bi-polar (hmmnn...oh god...i hope i'm not bi-polar).

[Mea]

Oh, believe me, that won't stop people from disagreeing with you.

what's wrong with disagreeing?
I don't think you're LSI-Ne

[Mea]

INFp > ISFp IMO.

[dbmmama]

You guys have me pegged pretty well. I type exclusively as either INFp or ISFp. With about 75% of the time leaning towards INFp. I do feel connected to both of the type descriptions and feel as if I can swing either way depending on my mood and level of anxiety. Anxiety tends to bring out my more SF impulses (need for physical activity, escape to outdoors, wild outlandish singing, etc.) while a calmer or depressed state brings out the NF in me. I can be a bit bi-polar (hmmnn...oh god...i hope i'm not bi-polar).

for overall, your description does sound IEI. but, i did hear the SF stuff in there and i personally would not rule it out for now. especially if you think you could have bi-polar tendencies. i do too. and it's hard for me to tell between SF and NF depending on my mood and level of anxiety about stuff too.

just saying, stay open cause you never know what could have happened within all the stuff you mentioned growing up that might have messed up your natural tendency. i'd still say it could go either way as you learn more about this all.

yes, you have been studying it for a long time. so have i. interacting with people here is giving me a clearer understanding by our interactions alone.

[Mediator Kam]

I don't want to ride coat-tails here, but I definitely agree with the IEI typing. I do not believe he/she is SEI.

I never wanted to be "normal" but I did not want to appear rebellious or non-conformist just for the sake of being notice as such. My goal was invisibility, yet I also silently yearned for a spotlight.

E4 type looking for to place him/her in the spotlight?

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

People are typed INFp too much for me though. Or maybe something about this just draws INFps together? I would honestly say he's some sort of alpha type though, not beta. ISFp. Mediator. Just look at what he said about bringing people together. Hanging out with both popular and unpopular people and such.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I don't really want to find myself though. I'm not sure. I mean, I enjoy my complexities. I feel if we find out too much that will destroy the mystery so it's the search that matters. The gray "bisexualities of life" as I call them, make life worth living. Otherwise things seem too jaded and cut and dry.

I struggle with my identity somewhat, but I followed the normal peer model of identity and I had an identity in my teenage years when it was formed. Now I'm not emo about that. I'm more emo about finding a relationship like most 20somethings. I already know who I am. Now it's about finding somebody that can put up with me lol.

Please guys spare me that 'love yourself first' nonsense. I'm ready to love ANOTHER PERSON damnit.

[reckoner]

I love that so many of you have chimed in. A couple other things about me:

I live very much in my head. I have to make a conscious effort to be observant of what is around me. I hate video games where your character can die and I refuse to play them. Even as a child I wouldn't play donkey kong or pac man because I felt that I was dying everytime my character lost its life. I liked to de-arm my GI Joes and pretend they were traveling on diplomatic missions or participating in a weekly bowling league. I specifically remember pretending that one of them was a political dissident named Vlad from Eastern Europe seeking refuge in the U.S. I was also humorously religious as a child and sought personal integrity and purity. One of my saddest recollections was when I committed what I believed was my first "sin." I was six years old and sitting on the school bus and the word "shit" kept coming into my head. I believed this was a bad word and that I was a sinner and impure for allowing it to enter my mind. I felt unworthy of God. I did not like Sesame Street. My favorite TV show was Mister Rogers Neighborhood. I was afraid of my father. He had a volatile temper and did not like to talk to his family. I believe he is ISTP.

I dress for comfort, not to make any kind of statement. I often feel bursts of energy and emotion that make me feel like I might explode or spontaneously combust...I view this as a good thing. I seek to make soulful, genuine, intimate connections with people. I have no use for acquaintance-type relationships. I can respect standing up for yourself and even using force when necessary, but I abhor "war" and find it senseless and sad. I have a passion for burritos; I could eat them for every meal - unfortunately, I am going vegetarian so I can only eat bean or veggie burritos. I enjoy playing musical instruments for the feel of the experience but I don't have any real desire to master them. I like laying on my back in the grass and watching the leaves of trees rattle in the breeze above me. I am intrigued by the Apocalypse - not in a crazy "end times" Biblical way - but I like to daydream about the different scenarios (asteroid, nuclear annihilation, super-virus, drought, etc.) and how humanity, and I myself personally, would respond (I feel we would respond poorly).

[Exodus]

IEI-Ni sounds plausible. Some things point to Ni, but much of this is unrelated to type.

[Expat]

IEI seems correct to me.

As for a disproportionate number of newcomers being typed as IEI (and, I would add, EIE): As Starfall said, I think they are types very likely to look into this stuff. I think this has always happened, from the very beginning, but in the early days of the forum the discussions on people's types were less focused, which would put off Ti super-id types.

[Ezra]

IEI is pretty obvious. I saw the Ni from the start, probably from the way you "understood" certain facts about life, and from your style in general. The Fe creative came later on. As a side note, 4w5 I would buy over 5w4.

what's wrong with disagreeing?
I don't think you're LSI-Ne

I think it's quite clear that Elro is an LSI-Ne. It would be foolish to disagree with this.

As for a disproportionate number of newcomers being typed as IEI (and, I would add, EIE): As Starfall said, I think they are types very likely to look into this stuff. I think this has always happened, from the very beginning, but in the early days of the forum the discussions on people's types were less focused, which would put off Ti super-id types.

Yeah, this phenomenon occurs not just with socionics, but with MBTI and Enneagram and any other theory too. I always saw it as like an escape haven for - particularly - Ni base types, who found life either too dull or too daunting and thus they've retreated into this kind of theoretical world with plenty of wonderful people to analyse and talk and think about; people who will understand and appreciate them for who they are. Oh, the joys and wonders of the internet.

[Kristiina]

Everything that you write is very dominant (ILI and IEI). At first I would have said ILI, because you pay so much attention to the words you use. IEIs leave out some text and exchange it for a smiley or two. but you pay so much attention to how things make you feel, so this indicates creative.

sidenote. you use the word "love" a lot. This is stereotypically trait. e.g. "I LOVE cats <3<3<3". For a moment I thought this means that ILIs use it too, but if you're creative, then you just further confirmed this stereotype.

[hellothere]

sidenote. you use the word "love" a lot. This is stereotypically trait. e.g. "I LOVE cats <3<3<3". For a moment I thought this means that ILIs use it too, but if you're creative, then you just further confirmed this stereotype.

hmm could you explain why you think this is more Fe than Fi? Unless the point was not to express a sentiment but to set a mood, it sounds like this description of Fi vocab from the wiki:

"Speech which is based on like/dislike"

[dbmmama]

hmm could you explain why you think this is more Fe than Fi? Unless the point was not to express a sentiment but to set a mood, it sounds like this description of Fi vocab from the wiki:

"Speech which is based on like/dislike"

i would tend to agree. when reading this last post of his, it sounded very INFj to me. not liking violence, war, but obsessing about it in his visions. a LOTof this post was about not liking violence....don't IEIs VALUE Se?

lying in the grass (Si) and he mentioned nature in his first post where he would daydream (Ne).

and the whole idea of sin and how far he takes it sounds very Fi to me, a very deep morality.

he has a passion for burritos but is going to deprive himself of something Si he loves to be a vegetarian. sounds classical martyr to me.

[dbmmama]

i would tend to agree. when reading this last post of his, it sounded very INFj to me. not liking violence, war, but obsessing about it in his visions. a LOTof this post was about not liking violence....don't IEIs VALUE Se?

lying in the grass (Si) and he mentioned nature in his first post where he would daydream (Ne).

and the whole idea of sin and how far he takes it sounds very Fi to me, a very deep morality.

he has a passion for burritos but is going to deprive himself of something Si he loves to be a vegetarian. sounds classical martyr to me.

reckoner,

do YOU identify with the INFj description at all? bear with me, i'm learning as i go here and i don't want to lead you to a type that isn't really you. i'm just making observations based on my understanding, which may be off as well.

[akeaneau]

Why do so many people get typed as IEI? Are there just lots of IEI's about or does the internet make everyone sound IEI?

[reckoner]

reckoner,

do YOU identify with the INFj description at all? bear with me, i'm learning as i go here and i don't want to lead you to a type that isn't really you. i'm just making observations based on my understanding, which may be off as well.

I have no problem bearing with you at all. I'm here for everyone's input and open to suggestion. I read this description and found that I relate to a lot of it, especially the parts about preferring one-on-one communication and prioritizing tasks, and of course, relating to people and intuitively sensing the feelings and moods of others.

http://wikisocion.org/en/index.php?t...tive_introvert

I do not relate to the optimism part, though. And I have no problem loosening up and having a good time in certain activities. I take life very seriously, but I don't view myself as an overly "serious" person. I am silly, spontaneous, and fun with those I feel comfortable with. My humor is typically satirical, ironical, or cornball.

I am no longer a particularly religious or moralistic person. I subscribe to the doctrine of "live and let live." I admire people who doggedly live life as they so feel, as long as they respect others right to do the same in the process. I am very open to dissenting viewpoints and pride myself in being able to look at situations from a variety of angles. While I enjoy a good debate, my goal is never to "win." But rather, to simply enjoy the back and forth exchange of ideas and hopefully gain some new insight. I enjoy letting the other person feel they've won or at least come out even; unless they are an ass or promote some hateful backwards philosophy (racism, sexism, etc.); in which case I seek to change their viewpoint or humiliate them.

I don't view myself as overly self-sacrificing or a martyr type. I am switching to vegetarianism for ethical reasons and my compassion for other living beings. Sometimes you have to give up something you value, for something more important. I care not, personally, for asceticism.

Oh, and my preferred state is melancholy. I feel most vital and content when melancholic.

[dbmmama]

I have no problem bearing with you at all. I'm here for everyone's input and open to suggestion. I read this description and found that I relate to a lot of it, especially the parts about preferring one-on-one communication and prioritizing tasks, and of course, relating to people and intuitively sensing the feelings and moods of others.

http://wikisocion.org/en/index.php?t...tive_introvert

I do not relate to the optimism part, though. And I have no problem loosening up and having a good time in certain activities. I take life very seriously, but I don't view myself as an overly "serious" person. I am silly, spontaneous, and fun with those I feel comfortable with. My humor is typically satirical, ironical, or cornball.

I am no longer a particularly religious or moralistic person. I subscribe to the doctrine of "live and let live." I admire people who doggedly live life as they so feel, as long as they respect others right to do the same in the process. I am very open to dissenting viewpoints and pride myself in being able to look at situations from a variety of angles. While I enjoy a good debate, my goal is never to "win." But rather, to simply enjoy the back and forth exchange of ideas and hopefully gain some new insight. I enjoy letting the other person feel they've won or at least come out even; unless they are an ass or promote some hateful backwards philosophy (racism, sexism, etc.); in which case I seek to change their viewpoint or humiliate them.

I don't view myself as overly self-sacrificing or a martyr type. I am switching to vegetarianism for ethical reasons and my compassion for other living beings. Sometimes you have to give up something you value, for something more important. I care not, personally, for asceticism.

Oh, and my preferred state is melancholy. I feel most vital and content when melancholic.

to me, you still sound EII. i believe my mil to be EII and everything you write and how you express it is just like her. now, of course, if i have HER wrong, i have you wrong. but i do know her very well and i don't see any other type for her right now.

the "famous" EIIs on Rick's site, socionics.us , are exactly like her. melancholy as well.

"compassion for other living beings" to me is the crux of EII.

"back and forth exchange of ideas with gaining new insight" is Ne

you may want to read about IEE as well.

[reckoner]

to me, you still sound EII. i believe my mil to be EII and everything you write and how you express it is just like her. now, of course, if i have HER wrong, i have you wrong. but i do know her very well and i don't see any other type for her right now.

the "famous" EIIs on Rick's site, socionics.us , are exactly like her. melancholy as well.

"compassion for other living beings" to me is the crux of EII.

"back and forth exchange of ideas with gaining new insight" is Ne

you may want to read about IEE as well.

I know for certain that I am not IEE. This is my wife's type, and although similar in some respects, our personalities differ in very distinct ways. I need to read up on the function descriptions, as I'm still relatively new to Socionics.

EII is certainly a possibility, but I am wary of the "J" function. In every test I've taken, I have a strong "P" function. Also, not sure how accurate that Socionics Type Assistant is, but I come out as a very strong INFp.

Hostage_Child - thank you for your comments. As mentioned above, I think I need to gain a better understanding of the individual functions before I can really continue this discussion or respond in a meaningful way.

[iceman22]

I like to of service to others. I'm a nice guy and I hate conflicts. I'm very impulsive and am outgoing. I go a little over the top.

[reckoner]

I like to of service to others. I'm a nice guy and I hate conflicts. I'm very impulsive and am outgoing. I go a little over the top.

ESFp?

[Ms. Kensington]

well, i related with almost everything he or she posted, except about actually being involved with sports.

What about being watched don't you like?

What else did you long for besides being recognized?

[hellothere]

Why do so many people get typed as IEI? Are there just lots of IEI's about or does the internet make everyone sound IEI?

Go back and read some of the old posts in this thread, as this was already talked about.

lol yes, as thehotelambush said: RTFT!

[hellothere]

i would tend to agree. when reading this last post of his, it sounded very INFj to me. not liking violence, war, but obsessing about it in his visions. a LOTof this post was about not liking violence....don't IEIs VALUE Se?

lying in the grass (Si) and he mentioned nature in his first post where he would daydream (Ne).

and the whole idea of sin and how far he takes it sounds very Fi to me, a very deep morality.

he has a passion for burritos but is going to deprive himself of something Si he loves to be a vegetarian. sounds classical martyr to me.

Hmm I'm not so sure about INFj - I still think INFp is more likely, remembering that Fi is INFp's 8th function. Also I really really hope that "valuing Se" doesn't meaning "liking violence"!


I still do want Kristiina to explain why she thinks statements like "I love X" are more Fe than Fi. Maybe if it's expressing a temporary emotion then I could understand it being more Fe, but if it expresses a deeper, more constant feeling towards 'X' then I would have thought it was more Fi.

[reckoner]

What about being watched don't you like?

I feel like I am being judged. Just generally self-conscious. I don't want people to see me make mistakes, which are natural and inevitable as an athlete. Also, just to clarify, I got into athletics because my father (ISTP, I believe) was a great athlete and exposed me to sports. I wanted to impress him and earn his praise, so i took up sports, though I was never near the athlete he was and my propensity for "choking" drove him nuts. Having said that, I do still really enjoy playing sports as it offers me, when in the flow of the activity, one of the few opportunities to escape the world I inhabit in my mind. But as a young child I preferred reading, plays, and musicals to sports, until I fell into a "traditional" gender role to please my father. My father thought/feared I was gay for many years due to my shyness, lack of girlfriends, and sensitive nature.

What else did you long for besides being recognized?

I believe I misspoke a bit the other night. It wasn't so much the "spotlight" I wanted, but rather recognition or validation that I was the special, original, and unique person I believed I was. I just wanted a little love, romantic or otherwise. I wanted to find someone I could share my thoughts - my world- with.