Power is love. Love is control. Control is money.
So I was talking to Esper the other day. She said something about ENTj something-or-other. Anyway, something struck me to read the ENTj description again.
And I saw this thing about MONEY IS POWER. And liking to have "money" to get rid of problems! Oh baby, that's just what I like to do. I just want to throw money at problems, and make them go away!
Anyway, my flatmate was talking to me the other day. And he started saying something that linked back to it. Like about having money as a kind of simplification thing. And the strangest thing came over me. It's like he was reminding me of what I "used to believe" and he seems to have similar attitudes to me in regards to money.
There's a kind of "considered spending", although "it's really good to spend money" thing that comes across - like: Make the right decisions. Buy the right things. And yet, it's really good to spend money!
Now I know what people who like to just spend and spend are like. They go broke - it's like they spend - then they have none. They don't seem to have "limits" they just want to "get rid of money". And the attitudes not quite like that.
It's more like "having things considered in advance" and then being able to "suddenly spend money".
But it comes across similarly, in a kind of "the power of money" way...
Anyway, the other day, a friend of mine was saying how I come across as being "well off" and never really seem to come across as struggling financially. Although, *my* experiences is that I often struggle financially. And he seemed to add fuel to the fire, saying that I don't sweat small things or something. Which lead me back to thinking about how when i get involved in lots of small minor details, it really pisses me off. And I don't want to create arguements, and conflict about really minor things. And so it severely pisses me off when people are trying to "make" on little things. Like they're trying to be "fair" or "balanced" or something. And I just want to THROW MONEY AT THE WHOLE THING AND MAKE IT GO AWAY. OR THE OTHER PERSON CAN JUST SUFFER, AND I'M NOT GOING TO GET INVOLVED IN SILLY LITTLE THINGS LIKE THAT.
Which then brings me to something else. In a way, it's like I want to avoid the bottom segment. I divide people into three. Those who able. Those who are not able. And those who are self-sufficient.
And often being not able, and not having money kind of go hand in hand. Like if someone can't even get a job. Then they can't be worth much can they? And if they want to "borrow" money or something. That bothers me - like I can "give" people money, if they're going to be okay for the segemnt of time that I feel it adequete to pay for, for them ... But to borrow, and then deal with them making more issues by not paying it back, and then avoiding me. And then downtalking me. And blah blah . And I didn't even care in the first place . Nah, best not to get involved.
So I was thinking about how everyone has their own kind of way to look at money, to feel it. Of what it means to them. How they spend it. On what etc etc etc
Which then brings me back to something else. Often people seem to "remember" that I like "better" things than them or something. They often seem to try make themselves seem like they're "easier satisfied" than me etc. And sometimes I've had this really annoying thing with people where it's like they "offer" to go for less. Which I kind of find insulting.
It's like if you offer someone a beer. And they say they only want "half" of it. Like "I can only drink half a beer". I mean come on - you drink a whole beer - or not a beer - and it's not unreasonable to "expect" that people shouldn't waste a beer. And only drink half.
But then I see the kick. It's like some people do this thing called "sharing" like. You have half the beer. I have half the beer. And I'm like *I WANT MY OWN BEER*.
And so it's like it can seem like I'm selfish to some people because I "never want to share" and then to other people it's like "I just give people beer". And sometimes it seems like it's devaluing. Like, I habitually try to "remove meaning" from anything I offer anyone else - like if I give someone something I expect nothing in return. If I'm nice it doesn't mean I'm not going to turn around and be an asshole, 2 seconds later. Sometimes it's like I like to contradict myself, by doing things like doing a nice gesture, and saying something "mean" at the same time. I like to say no - and then do yes - I like to pretend like I'm going to take advantage of people etc etc.
If money is power .. it's like with money .. you can have flexability to do as you wish. To behave as you like etc. And the only thing that you really lose out on is things like "sharing".
Like you can do the same as someone else - You can have everyone doing the same thing - or moving/shifting people etc etc.
But it's the little finicky things like sharing that seem to escape.
It's like it creates a bit of seperation. Like you don't interchange things so much. You don't borrow etc. It's like you have your things. I have my things. With giving, without borrowing or whatever.
Anyway, I so then I started to think back even further. To how most girls "automatically balance". If you give them something, they'll return it. If you do something for them, they'll want to do something for you in return etc.
And yet I'm kind of the opposite. I don't balance. I mean - I give things away. I do things for other people sometimes etc. But I *never* expect a kick-back, unless it's upfront and it's like a win-win situation noted at the time.
So anyway - by having money - you can do things like "give" things to people, without expect of return. And then you can get an impression whether people will "give" back to you, or ignore you, or take offence etc.
You can not care too much about small minor financial setbacks. You can focus on what you want to focus on when you want to focus on it. And thus it brings a degree of power.
And with power you can "love" others. You can "help" them, and "support" them. And not always be looking out for yourself.
And then that love can give a degree of control. Like when you love other people, you can control and influence them. You can do what you wish "in the name of love".
And that control can bring money.
And it runs fill circle.
So it's like it makes everything work out.