does anybody in alpha ever feel like this? that things won't change, that you're treading water, same old same old?
it's been two years since i got divorced or very nearly. my exhusband had an affair with a woman we both worked with....he got fired...she and i still both work at the same place. thankfully, not in the same office. but still. i would like to get the fuck out of here and into the next job. i have had no luck. at my level (mid management) other agencies generally want to promote from within. over the last couple of weeks i made it to the home stretch on two different jobs only to be told, we decided on an internal candidate. please, all i want to do is move on. why don't i seem to be able to do that?
second, my house. i want out of there. i don't want to live where i lived with him. the housing market is in the shitter, i can't sell and i don't think i can rent it right now since i don't have enough cash to buy something else.
third, relationship. i kind of want things to move forward but it's not there yet. don't get me wrong it's not like things are bad but it's like kind of at a standstill and there's not a lot going.
these are big areas of life. i'm over the emotional part of getting divorced but i WANT TO MOVE ON.
don't get me wrong it's not that i'm not grateful for the things i have but i don't know what to do next. i keep trying to get things to move and they are not moving and i hate hate hate the same old boring stagnant set up. plus i want to change the things that are connected to my marriage. in a big way.
it sucks already having to see him and deal with him on a weekly basis. it sucks having to see the ghosts of my marriage and the memory of everything that happened wherever i look. is it so wrong for me to be asking God for a change? i will do whatever work is necessary, just get me on to the next thing. please.