The most pressing issue I have is perhaps a manifestation of something that has been a part of my life for a while now. And in regards to typing, I really don't know how to classify myself.
Whever I take any tests, and I have taken quite a few (though I will try some more of the ones listed in the different pages here), I usually come out as an INTJ, though usually about 60% introversion. (Oh, I should probably also say that I am new to this whole thing, so I really don't know a lot about the types, just some breif things about INTJs). When I took this sort of test as a child, I was fairly split between being introverted and extroverted, and some of that is coming back now.
I know I'm a Tj, at the very least.
(even though I liked English class a lot in High School..... I've come to realize that it was mostly a form of expressing my thoughts, and that quite frankly I despise artistic writting as a passtime; impractical. But I like to write my theories and such out.......)
(This will probably be a very, very sporadic post, because even now I don't know how to arrange it, so, thanks for bearing with me)
A while ago, less than a year, as most kids do, I was looking for something somewhere that seemed famliar to my own personlity type. Don't get me wrong, I rather liked being somewhat unique in my high school, or...... wherever else I was.... but I was just curious to see what was about. I stumbled on Chinese zodiac, and found myself to be somewhat similar to my year, the year of the Rabbit/Cat. But even then, that wasn't very...... ......I want to say "scientific", but...... I suppose I was really looking for something that had a little more practicality/weight to it, so I came to personality typing and such.
So.... there are some things, I suppose, that I am wary about, because I like the idea of being an INTJ, but I really am not sure if I should address myself as such, or at least in this forum, I'll ask everyone's thoughts and such. I'm somewhat open, as you can see. I don't mind telling people things about myself, and sometimes I seem to enjoy it. But I am always ... careful about what I say. (sometimes, even...... being out in the open is the best way to stay hidden, perhaps).
When I am in a very comfortable environment with people I know (about 4 people I am this way with, I suppose), I am very warm and light hearted.
But then again.... especially lately...... I'm beginning to feel some 'INTJ vibes' when I am in more public places, and around people. I have ....... always been very much a person of solitude, both by choice and simple unavoidable circumstance. My mother was very independent, increidibly so, to be honest. SO I suppose I get a lot of it through interacting..... or....... not interacting with her. (She was never short on showing love, though). Anyhow...... yes, so lately....... I've just been feeling more and more like an INTJ, from what I've read about 'those types', heh.
Things like not sleeping, or not eating
(ding ding ding - I'm quite tired at the moment.... but I wan to get this post over with, you know...... )
But, for an INTJ, I guess I have good taste. I like things that are visually appealing, and thought that is somewhat superficial, I admit to being that way sometimes. For instance, even though I'm a guy, I like to dress fairly well. (And for the longest time..... I've always been able to, for some reason, move about without being noticed, so that was never an issue with me. I'm learning to harness the power of 'chosing when to be noticed and when to go unnoticed.....)
I'm finding that some of my personal perception is actually distorted. I think that, especially in these past few months while waiting for college ( leaving in 10 days), I've had a lot of solitude, and within it I've had a lot of time to consider things. But also...... I think, for a while, I wasquite distorted in that I began interpreting my own personal norms and thinking them the same as everyone elses. Like...... what I consider being "social" is probably less social, compared to the more general acceptance of those terms. What this is leading to, is.....
I'm realizing lately that I am probably either one of these two things, or maybe even something in between, of course:
I'm either more of an INTJ than I ever thought, or hardly one at all.
But I suspect the first one....
I don't think I every really fit into any one catagory or another, and I suppose some of that is by personal doings - I don't like to be associated to things that I don't really believe in, which....... is most everything.
(but now that I'm coming to terms with more higher levels of thinking..... and seeing the connections more so, I wonder about my personality type, and how that may be changing)
(I have no idea how I'm going to end this)
Heh, I am quite tired.
I suppose, and, I have considered this numerous times... that if I were really caught up on making a better first impression, that I would not post this now, and revise it all and such, blah blah blah. But for a number of reasons, I'll just leave it as is.
I'm quite theoretical, obviously. I can't stand most fiction at all. I'm somewhat conceited, but open minded. Prideful, maybe even arrogant, but still... reserved I guess.
Oh yes..... before I go,
I was wondering about this, in regards to perhaps being an INTJ:
INTjs are about self improvement, and advancements and such, right? Well, I fit in there. But I wonder.............. because, I have done some things to try to improve myself, in regards to being more social and stuff, and learning how to deal with situations and people in certain ways, and learning how to deal with emotions, and 'god forbid' my own emotions (ugh... now THIS is a story for when I have more... time... to talk about it.) BUt anyhow... I was wondering if an INTJ can 'improve' himself out of being an INTJ?
(however, as I've said..........
I think that last paragraph is a good example of my frame of refernce being blurred. ANd also..... there was a period of time where I tried to NOT be a certain way, so as to coutnerbalance my personality, and be the best me I coul dbe. However, as I have repeatedly said by now.... I'm feeling more and more INTJ-ness in myself.)
I am quite certain... that this post refelcts some of this...... contradiction that I have been coming across in my own dealings.
I guess, if anyone should actually read this, that I am looking for second opinions in regards to what my personality type is. Recently I have a much renewed interest in 'not' attaching myself to a lable, so I wonder if it is from that. Furthermore, though.... I wonder if I am still coming to terms with accepting myself as an INTJ. I've always thought of myself as one, since I've taken the tests and stuff. I see a lot of tendencies...... but.... well... I guess there has to be a reason for me to write all this out here, right? heh heh heh......
so, what do you think?
PS: let me try to say something else taht I think might be important...
It is almost as if there were a period in my life, where I was very tentative about what sort of person I was going to be (note: I'm 18 now). So in all reality, I guess I'm quite young, and I guess that explains why I am recalling shifts in my personality. BUt, uh, as I was trying to say, I think..... for a while I tried repressing and expressing different parts of my personality. It was an interesting period. During that time, I noticed that I am not quite as one dimensional as I had been living for the entirity of my life up to that point, so it was somewhat surprising to me, to see things... or maybe even to feel things in such a different way. So I've done some different kinds of experiementation in that regard, but lately, especially, I'm feeling more and more at home when it comes to being an INTJ.
I don't really realize how independant I am, I don't think, simply because I've always been that way. That's what I was trying to allude to at some point in this post. I'm still somewhat in a blind because my own environment has shaped me to be one way.... ah....... yes, that's a good way to explain it: I grew up naturally with lots of solitude, and being able to be independant (I made myself breakfast as a toddler before anyone else woke up ), but, naturally, I sought to fit in and stuff during my younger years. But now I guess I'm really coming away from that.
And it is so strange for me to say this, because, really, not much has 'actually changed'. But I suppose the actually connection between 'who' I am and how I think about it all is coming about, and that, perhaps, is providing this sense of..... at peace with oneself.
Damn, I really need to stop this post.
It's not even that I enjoy talking about myself so much as I just want to .... try to communicate as best as possible, really. And I realize this now more so then ever. I don't mean to conclude that I am an INTJ, but I suppose in some ways I have. If nothing less........ I am really enjoying expressing the INTJ side of my personality in these days. It is very natural to me.
( I think I am also, subconsously, writting a longer introduction so that I can get it out of the way, too. ) (And the mental stimulation is invogorating,
Alright, this is the end.
Thanks for reading.
Goodnight/morning/whatever it is wherever you are.