Do any ILEs ever feel like

[EllaC]

They feel like something is wrong / not right, so they have to isolate themselves until it has been figured out and then they are back to face the world all smiles again?

Or do you go through periods of mass socialising and then mass hibernation (to a point...).

Any reasons for this do we think?

[JRiddy]

Yeah, it's that stupid PoLR. Most ILEs that I have encountered go through varying periods of intense socialization and hermetic withdrawal. My need for interest and excitement drives me to meet new people, who satisfy my and needs, and give me new input for as well because people are among the more complex and dynamic objects of study there are. But eventually, being around people (and often being the center of attention due to that certain kind of goofy ILE charisma) can become stressful when you begin to feel that you are alone in the crowd. Since feeling alone in the crowd (weak ) is hard to rationalize with , many ILEs find it easier to withdraw into their own interests and studies, where the physical reality of socialization isolation can provide a nice reason for the emotional sense of isolation. At least that is my interpretation of it. This cycle is especially evident in more extraverted, agreeable, and neurotic individuals.

[ScanDave]

Pretty much said it all.

I would like to add that when things are going great, being notified of making a Fi blunder can send me in to a withdrawal too. I will be so focused on overanaylzing the situation; thinking about what I did wrong and what I did right. And they should get off my back about it because I mean well.

[Khola aka Bee]

You're all making words.

[EllaC]

Wow, thanks for that guys... I thought it were just me! Appreciate your responses Very informative.

[Mr Saturn]

They feel like something is wrong / not right, so they have to isolate themselves until it has been figured out and then they are back to face the world all smiles again?

Or do you go through periods of mass socialising and then mass hibernation (to a point...).

Any reasons for this do we think?

This confirms my ILE.

It's as if you just want some time to organise yourself or even just some personal space. You feel a bit down or dramatic for a short while but then before your know it you're back up there.

Go Team Alpha?

[strrrng]

sweet, allie changed her screen name...

[strrrng]

Since feeling alone in the crowd (weak Fi)

I would have to say that this is false lol. "Feeling alone" is not exactly clear-cut, at least in the context you use it. Additionally, that general feeling could be caused by a multitude of factors, weak Fi not being one imo.

but I still agree with the general notion of the thread.

[Wynch]

Yes, I know completely how you feel, Ella. A lot of my friends have a hard time understanding how I can be so intensely sociable for a prolonged period of time and then withdraw entirely. To a certain extent I agree with JRiddy. Except that I believe the "alone in a crowd" feeling causes me to go into a period of inner reflection which requires complete solitude. I need the time to reign in and make sure that I'm in control. It's like Ti gets sick from Ne overload.

I think the best example of this is how I feel around guys. I surround myself with them because we have a lot in common, but the fact that I'm an ENTp female (charming, fun, clever, likes and is proficient at video and strategy games) seems to send them (mostly INTj...) into some kind of frenzy. After a while I get bored of it all, realize that it's all too easy to charm them into complacency and I go into a feminazi, man-hating state where Ti is in overdrive. Basically I become a cold hard biotch. Gradually, Ti overdose causes me to feel lonely and the need to reconcile with Si/Fe returns so I switch back to Ne-ENTp.

[JRiddy]

I would have to say that this is false lol. "Feeling alone" is not exactly clear-cut, at least in the context you use it. Additionally, that general feeling could be caused by a multitude of factors, weak Fi not being one imo.

but I still agree with the general notion of the thread.

Let me clarify. Weak Fi makes it difficult to know how close or far you are from other people. Though this general feeling can be caused by any number of things, I believe there is a specific way it manifests with weak Fi. Emotion in others can only be thought about or seen through expression. If someone is behaving "neutrally", they might as well have nothing going on inside them. Often this means you need someone to consistently express their feelings to maintain any feeling of closeness.

[dbmmama]

oh god yes.

Even on this forum... if I say something controversial with even the slightest possibility of damaging the Fe atmosphere and offending someone, I become a nervous wreck if somebody doesn't respond immediately... if it's the last post in the thread, unstoppable thoughts surge into my mind that I've broken some sacred taboo and that everyone is ignoring the thread on purpose. Oh, and everyone take a guess how fun this can be when Ne is in the ego block and you think that EVERYTHING you do has a possibility of being offensive to someone. This is why it's important to have the reassurance of an ISFp to learn and adapt from.

The trouble is that once I get a good idea into my head (or what seems like a good idea at the time anyway ), it becomes very difficult to censor myself from posting it or saying it...

(usually I like to explore the idea in full until I've exhausted whatever potential can come of it... and I find what others may point out quite interesting. I'm a process type, not a result type, so I can't move on to a different idea without regrets when the idea that's in front of me now isn't fully tapped out.)

... The goal of stating the idea is to engage the Fe atmosphere and to be appreciated for the idea, with the added bonus that I can refine the idea through discussion. But if the discussion isn't abrasive, but friendly and noncommittal, and the idea is proved wrong, I can easily reject it and move on to a better and more objective idea. Alpha Fe is the best paradigm for this to happen in. The goal is ultimately to explore possibilites and discover what's correct, not to line my pockets with wealth and a nice reputation... for which I couldn't give two shits.

Back to the topic... it's difficult for me to guage the psychological attitudes of people towards particular views. And quite frankly, I don't understand why people even have specific attitudes towards certain views... I don't like the concept of a clique centered around a specific idea because I think it destroys the possibility of exploring alternatives in order to refine our objective understanding. And as puerile and diletante as I may come off at times because I don't subscribe to group-held notions of what's right and wrong, I'm really, really interested in finding an objective, incontestable truth that transcends common opinions.

omg, this is exactly what i do. i get all Fe like here on the forum and irl i'm not. i JUST LOVE exploring opinions here to see what everyone has "got." and then to play with them all and see what we can come up with. i don't care or take anyone's opinion personally. that's what i'm here for...to learn from a variety of ideas about all of this.

i just did this with the thread about mr saturn and how it turned into a thing about ezra. i want to be in a place where we're free to openly express our opinions, whatever they are and be open to them being right, wrong, changeable, whatever, without anyone taking offense, etc. being able to exchange ideas without that worry. i have never been confident in knowing when I've "crossed that line" or not. my sis has tried to teach me that over the years and i've gotten better but not good at all without her or another's help.

it's got to be why i questioned my mom constantly as a kid about why people did what they did and when and etc. i couldn't figure it out on my own so i had to keep asking. and i never understood when they took offense when i was just sharing an opinion. i thought they were free to take it or leave it, it's all good. it's not personally dude!

my hubby and i are both likeminds this way. we talk to each other this way without ever hurting each other's feelers. it was hard for him to accept at first that i was ok with being that way with him. (most women aren't) but after a few dates he realized he better "hang on to this one." and now we talk about everything, everything. he doesn't like to get as deep as i do, he keeps it lighter but there's never a thought of "will she/he take this wrong?"

the main idea of this thread i do. that's the impulsive me. it's usually around some social thing that i don't understand if what i did hurt someone's feelings or not, to find out later that it did....yuck. and all i did was play devil's advocate to get them thinking in new directions for fun. nope, they took it like i was shoving my opinion on them...ahhh!

my hubby is actual worse than me with it. it's all stream of consciousness that flows out of his mouth without a filter. i think it's fun and funny and lots of others can get offended. "blurting shit out" he calls it. so he only has a couple of friends he can really be that way with because he's not an "academic" type.

i'm leaning toward ILE for him and I'm thinking alpha of some sort is where i belong, possibily (haha). i am the natural mommy caretaker but i "learned" to be that way through tons of research, looking at a multitude of theories and taking what made sense for me.

anyway, i like this thread and reading and understanding your guy's way of explaining things. thanks.

love
kj

[strrrng]

Let me clarify. Weak Fi makes it difficult to know how close or far you are from other people. Though this general feeling can be caused by any number of things, I believe there is a specific way it manifests with weak Fi. Emotion in others can only be thought about or seen through expression. If someone is behaving "neutrally", they might as well have nothing going on inside them. Often this means you need someone to consistently express their feelings to maintain any feeling of closeness.

makes sense.

[Mr Saturn]

I think it has to do with a sense that ILE's get that people are replaceable, and we're not poor at meeting new people or getting new friends. It's keeping friends once we're bored of whatever was the reason that friendship was build in the first place, whatever activity that initiated the contact.

How do we stop this? What if we don't want a relationship to end?

[Mr Saturn]

What do you mean?
If you DON'T want it to end it doesn't have to, right? Or are you asking how to solve our very short relationship attention-span?

Yes. ILEs have a short attention span it's true. What counters this? Or do we just have to find people who we don't tire of?

[dbmmama]

I've complained about this before when I was newer the forum I think.
It's almost like I have this anxious feeling that I'll never be satisfied in life... that as soon as I think I'm going to feel accomplished/content it never happens.
(but a couple ILEs have told me that they were like that too around our age and that I will grow out of it eventually... lol)

In my experience, ILEs get very optimistic/idealistic or excited by new people and opportunities, and it's almost impossible for people to live up to these subconscious expectations of ours. I hate that so much. It's not like I'm actively thinking about people not being interesting enough! It may be because we have such optimistic possibilities for people and we don't give them enough time to appreciate who they really are.

It's unfortunate, really.
As for a solution?

Maybe it's actually our fault?
I've always wondered if the reason they haven't proven to be interesting enough is due to the fact that I never gave them an opportunity...


;eiuhgfpap3wivy58p23tapwtlzsthjS:halskfjh;'wegavi actually I have no idea.

You?

sorry, i'd say you don't grow out of it. i'm still like that at 38.

the only reason i see that i'm with my hubby 17 years is because he's not very interesting! oh, that's sounds funny! he is all about food, sex, movies, having a good time. period. that totally fulfills stuff that i don't do naturally but i like to have in my life.

all of my intellectual stimulation comes from others, other places, etc...like here. do i want my hubby to be a person i get that from? no way! because it would make it too "business like" of a relationship. yes, we can talk about ideas and such and he even has a perspective of simplicity that i don't that helps calm me down and look at my ideas from a different place, because i tend to get too complex with it all.

and he is JUST FINE with me having other outlets that i get my brain stimulation from, as long as he gets what he wants, the food, sex, movies, etc....good times. and music, we're a very music oriented family.

yes, i can also size someone up to know if they will be interesting enough for me in the long run, i can see their potential in that way. most don't stack up. i guess that's why i don't keep friends for very long. they get boring to me because i already know "how much" i can "get" from them. they does sound condescending and boy i don't think i've even said that "out loud." but, it is true.

do y'all feel unique and don't want to? just want to be like everyone else sometimes? but it just doesn't play out that way? or is that just me?

[Wynch]

my hubby is actual worse than me with it. it's all stream of consciousness that flows out of his mouth without a filter. i think it's fun and funny and lots of others can get offended. "blurting shit out" he calls it. so he only has a couple of friends he can really be that way with because he's not an "academic" type.

i'm leaning toward ILE for him

sorry, i'd say you don't grow out of it. i'm still like that at 38.

the only reason i see that i'm with my hubby 17 years is because he's not very interesting! oh, that's sounds funny! he is all about food, sex, movies, having a good time. period. that totally fulfills stuff that i don't do naturally but i like to have in my life.

That is very unILE if you ask me. Blurting shit out is not really anILE trait. We internalize most of our thought processes then channel some Ne charisma to convince everyone that what we say is right. I mean, our train of thought is often on the "blurting shit out" sort of train, but we don't usually vocalize it unless we've already started fleshing an idea out. If we're blurt shit out it's more likely to be a random and useless comment with definite ADD appearances rather than something intrusive.

And only caring about food, sex, movies and having a good time is pretty much the antithesis of being ILE. Those are the things we ignore the most. Beside the having a good time. We like to do that.

[Gilly]

In my experience, ILEs get very optimistic/idealistic or excited by new people and opportunities, and it's almost impossible for people to live up to these subconscious expectations of ours. I hate that so much. It's not like I'm actively thinking about people not being interesting enough! It may be because we have such optimistic possibilities for people and we don't give them enough time to appreciate who they really are.

Such truth.

I agree with the beginning post as well. I definitely go through alternating periods of isolation/withdrawal and excessive socializing. Currently am in hibernation because I will only be living where I am for a few months and I don't really want to get attached to people just to leave them. I'm already having moral conflicts about leaving my job at the coffee shop because I feel like I'm just beginning to appreciate some of the people there (especially an SEI girl, an ILE guy and an ESE guy).

[Suomea]

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