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Thread: Importance of freedom and privacy to the ENFp-ISTp duality

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    Creepy-guest

    Default Importance of freedom and privacy to the ENFp-ISTp duality

    I am an ENFP. When i feel my privacy and freedom is being violated i find it hard to control my temper and i can become quite confrontational. I am a nice guy that will help my friends when in need but whenever a friend has stayed with me in my house or apt , if he's not the type of person that likes to conversate and can find humor and laugh at he things i find humorous i feel uncomfortable with that person . I then start to wish they would leave or find another place to stay. This feeling accumulates to a point weeks later that i will find excuses to ask them to leave or if i have none i just tell them bluntly they cannot live with me. Or if i do not ask them to leave i find a place in the house where i can have my space and privacy and not be disturbed. If i cannot find a place i get real irritable and aggresive. I need a place where i can be free of health destructive toxins such as cigarrete smoke and where i can relax and let my hair down without the fear of being judged. I value my health very much and i am into healthy living lifestyle. So if a person who does things that violate my health i have to restrain my self from not exploding on that person.

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    Topaz's Avatar
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    Default ENFPs and privacy

    I have to agree with you on the privacy thing. I dont mind living with other people but I do need a spot where I can be alone and not have anyone around. I have met few people that I can be around for long periods without getting tired of them at least for a period. Their personality simply wears me out. Plus its hard for me to know what I want when others are around at times, especially when shopping. I like to shop alone for personal items. When I do find someone who is not judgmental of me but seems to take me in stride I become very attatched and in love with them.
    My health is very important to me too. I try to hit the gym, walk and eat healthy but I never feel like Im doing enough or doing things properly even though Im in better health than others younger than me. Smoking and drugs are unthinkable.
    topaz

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pedro-The-Lion
    Both ENFPs? Is this health consciousness characteristic of ENFPs? What if someone in serious and loving but not playful? What if someone is playful and witty but unable to display affection? Just curious. By the way I tend to freak out an ENFP friend of mine any tips for fixing this that would be realistic? I don't think I could change unilaterally it takes 2 to tango after all.
    Moods have alot to do with how much activity actually takes place along the lines of health. My moods have alot to do with the weather. So in the spring and summer Im very active but in the late fall and winter I get depressed and sluggish.
    I sometimes like to get serious, quiet people to loosen up. A little goes a long way with me but I cannot really be that close with someone who does not like to be touched and will never reciprocate.
    I find intjs Ive known to have a fire and ice personality. One minute loving and warm the next cold and intimidating. Its very difficult for me to be just .. well normal around them. Either we have to be very close or stay away and dont bother me. I think its because the relationship is supervision and there is a great deal of misunderstanding in intentions.
    I actually enjoy the tension that comes with thinking types because it causes me to stretch myself and learn greater self control. On the other hand I like it when they can bend themselves and share feelings and affection.

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    If I have to be alone the ideal state for me is to be alone-- with someone else present, preferably and introvert. When Im with say, my istp friend for example, my mind stops racing and things seem ok. I can relax and focus on whats in front of me and not worry about what I should or could be doing next.
    With intjs I sometimes feel they are waiting for me to do something but I have no idea what. Or if I say something I wonder if they are thinking " thats so stupid".
    One of my requirements for easing the pangs of lonliness is to have a good heart to heart discussion with someone. If I can talk about my deepest concerns and feelings with one other person from time to time I am perfectly happy and full of cheer and good deeds. If I have no one to confide in I become very withdrawn and depressed. Naturally I expect the other person to share as well. I dont like one sided conversations.

    One thing that concerns me is that my dual istp seems not to need anyone. They can spend long periods of time alone and even when they are lonely they will hardly reach out to anyone. I once became afraid my istp friend woudl commit suicide he was so withdrawn and ill tempered. I wonder if I married a girl like that would I end up frustrated, trying to drag her out of her shell, or lonely having accepted that there are just somethings you cant make people do.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Topaz
    One thing that concerns me is that my dual istp seems not to need anyone. They can spend long periods of time alone and even when they are lonely they will hardly reach out to anyone. I once became afraid my istp friend woudl commit suicide he was so withdrawn and ill tempered. I wonder if I married a girl like that would I end up frustrated, trying to drag her out of her shell, or lonely having accepted that there are just somethings you cant make people do.
    I think a lot of ISTP women would quite like for someone to drag them out of their shells, but it is just very difficult for them to trust anyone. I think you should rather try to take her out and do something with her and try to discuss things that interest you, rather than try to get close to her heart too soon. Everyone loves an enthusiast, and there is no type to match an ENFP in full swing.

    My experience has been that I have found couple of female ISTPs quite attractive, but I just could not quite figure out how to get them to relax and open up to me. It felt like I was desperately trying to figure out things to say to keep the discussion going, but could not really think of anything. As a rule of thumb, I would say that the more introverted someone appears, the more delighted they feel if an extrovert genuinely needs their love or friendship.

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    As a rule of thumb, I would say that the more introverted someone appears, the more delighted they feel if an extrovert genuinely needs their love or friendship.
    Thanks for these words of encouragement. I hope that is true. I have difficulty even identifying istp women let alone charming them. I dont know if I even know one.

  7. #7
    Creepy-guest

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    It also depends on the persons personality also. I rather live with a talkative person or talkative people. Just because a person is a istp does not mean they is quiet and withdrawn. I known plenty of the opposite personally. When I was in the military i shared a room with one and worked with a few over the years. I think the introversion has to do in what kinda enviroment they grew up in. From my experience they are pretty talkative and have pretty keen observations about other people which when they like to blunty share with others (we always have a good laugh).They like to They can notice any particular peculiarty about a person easily.If they notice something strange about someone they will bring it up and lightheartlilly mock that person( not in their face unless they know them real well). I think that come from their Si. They can be quite blunt like their mirror the estj also. They try not to be to blunt and hurt anyone feelings and try to be tactfull if the situation calls for it unless you made them angry. They are well respected by their peers and is generally known as a dude not to mess with.Most have that silent intimidation vibe when you first observe them upon meeting them. They are also generally well liked from my experience . They're known as the first person you call when another person is threathening you with bodily violence.Also if both parties grew up in the same type of culture and environment then that helps a whole lot. At that time i did not know anything about socionics or personality types but looking back i understand why we understood each other so well. I did not have drag him out of his shell because he was not a withdrawn type of person.

  8. #8
    Creepy-

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    Istp woman are hard to notice because they appear ordinary to an enfp. I can notice them after observing them and talking to them for a little time. Its easier to notice and EXXP easier.

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    Personally speaking I try to conciously controll the words I let out around ENFPs because I don't want my comments (which often have nothing to do with anything) to be taken the wrong way inadvertently.
    This is probably what would make me feel uneasy around a person. I can tell when people are putting on and talking down to me or being careful about their speech. It comes off as if they are hiding something (critism?).
    I think I could probably handing it better if people just spoke what was on their minds.
    I wont lay all blame on other types (including intjs) Its really me that has to control my own thinking and feelings. The thing is that I am not easily intimidated and when I have been its usually by an intj or a very loud STJ that will force open conflict. Even in the loud STJ scenario I give it to em' with both barrels. They aren't used to having people stand up to them. Then I turn around and become nice. This confuses them. I think it send the message "I dont hate you, but you cant walk all over me" This builds up a certain trust and eventually they become pussy cats. Ive had some really agressive people eating out of my hand :wink:
    In my opinion this is the gift of Fi used in a creative way. It wins people over and softens conflict, helps people work together in a friendly way.
    Anyway this is getting way off the topic but it does provide a basis for why an enfp would want to spend time alone. He must act ethically and not do what he feels is harm to others or himself. It takes time alone away from the influence of others to know, and reafirm their real values and evaluate their actions.

    The typical ENFP uses Introverted Feeling to coax Extraverted Feeling out of the subject while the typical INTJ just waits for Extraverted Feeling to magically appear. Thus the frustration you noted with introverts not sharing their feelings with you.
    This I would have to give some thought to. I usually dont expect anything from people that they cant give. Whether they want to or not is a different story.
    Your feelings about enfps are not of apathy, but of frustration it seems. I dont know your story but I would guess that there is one in your family or you had some romantic involvements that went sour. Enfps do not give up easily on a challenge so it would not be simple to get rid of one if they became attached to you
    One thing is that people (Js) LOVE to try to control enfps (and other P types as well) This wont do. Its part of the delitght and the frustration that people experience in dealing with us.
    Well thats my story and Im sticking to it ! Well, hmmm Im going to think it over and get back to you....
    yeah

    Topaz

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    OK you've given me a lot to respond to and I hope I may do so in a satisfactory fashion. First lets establish that I cannot speak for all ENFPs. That having been said, I will try to be as honest as I can about myself.

    Let me give you an example. I tend to disagree with ENFPs on ethical matters. I hate it when they try to smooth things over without dealing with the conflict.
    My response to this is that most people dont like conflict no matter what the type. Not dealing with conflict may be more of a symptom of immaturity than type.
    My way of dealing with conflict varies according to the situation. My way of handling a situation may not be clear to another person (esp of a differnent type)
    For example someone may say something I think is offensive or hurtful or just wrong. Usually and angry outburst is counter productive. Before responing I might have to process my thoughts.
    This is why an ENFP may suddenly seem deflated if confronted by their behavior. There may be a certain amount of hurt and confusion as to what to do and a fear of making a situation worse.

    Very interesting. Two things they are not necessarily trying to control you. This is relates to your role function. They honestly may not (at least I don't) see themselves as being "controlling." Secondly, it DOES NOT send that message (not to me at least). It sends the message, "I am pretending to be nice to you to get what I want but I actually hate you and my outbursts are indicative of the way I really feel." This is probably because thats the way the INTJ operates when he can't control his emotions any longer.
    Im sorry to hear that you would missunderstand my way of relating. Its true that not everybody will respond the same way to the same information. I try to be sincere about how interact with others. This idea of pretending just to get what I want is not something I subscribe to in most cases. (I might fake it at gun point I am not a vidictive person. If I dont like you I will probably just stay away from you. If I have to interact it would probably be in a cut and dried business fashion. Fortunately that almost never happens. I usually have good relations with everybody although some people are closer than others. I must admit that most of the people I am close to are of the same religion so I know what values they profess.
    As far as 'getting what I want' I hardly look to hostile people for support. At this moment I cant even think of anything I want that I would need to "use" anyone for.
    Very interesting... fascinating in fact. I had no idea ENFPs spent so much time evaluating themselves and their morals. I tend to think of ENFPs as pranksters whose job is to make everyone happy.
    You gotta be kidding. I spend an enourmous amount of time thinking about ethics, good and evil, kindness and selfishness. There is far more to ENFPs than just playing pranks and being a court jester. Some young ENFPs may feel that they always have to make people laugh or somehow save them or fix things for others. As I get older I appreciate my more serious side.
    ENFPs can have paradoxical personalities and views. Your ENFP friend may have laughed at the story of the broken arm for various reasons one being the way the story was told. Obviously the guy with the broken are isnt dead and the arm will heal. He probably was looking for a laugh to lighten the mood. But I wasnt there so I dont know. Many things strike me as absurd. Sometimes we have a choice of laughing or crying.

    I didn't know ENFPs liked challanges. They always seemed to get off track easily and seem to get easily depressed (or easily deflated by negative comments). Also, I doubt people are trying to control you as much as you might think.
    I personally like challenges and I do get off track thats true. But it hasnt prevented me from ultimately achieving my goals. I just have to keep realigning myself from time to time.
    One of the things I like about intjs is their ability to set a goal, go straight forward and achieve it. They can have such great focus.


    more to come....

  11. #11
    Creepy-An other ENFP

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    That's so funny to read you ENFP guys! I like it! I feel the same way! spending time alone is important to me, to center my self and some of my E friends do not really understand it... And i spend my time thinking on ethical issues to, to theorise about people, and stuff... I like non judgemtal people which means that my best friends are rather ENFPs too. Many people get on my nerves after a while if they stay too long with me, because i also need diversity in relationships. I don't like people standing in my back and looking about what i do and don't do. I like being free, being myself, being uncontrolled, i don't care about controlling people... When someone get to closed and i don't want it, i step back! I like people who allows me being free.

    And pedro, i like humour but not when people laugh at others.

    I don't like criticising people, except if they really nerves me. But then i do not criticise but just say what i don't like... well i don't get the impression it is really criticising. I pay attention to whom i say my critic because i don't really want to harm the person in his/her back, just talk about things that burdens me...

    My friends say i laugh for anything... i just laugh and smile all the time, except when i am tired...

  12. #12
    Creepy-IcE

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    I am an ISTP guy. I love how I interact with ENFPs... The problem is I feel I have this silent intimidation look... I do want to be taken out of my shell. No one does this like an ENFP. I think I watch the news sometimes just because it is overwhelmingly ENFP filled (plus its that need to constantly be gathering facts about the outside world). Another stumbling block is I am horrible at showing my emotions and feelings. I find ENFPs are often taken because they are so appealing to the opposite sex. Sux.

  13. #13
    Creepy-

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    Oh my gosh...That is so....OMG!... I recently tested as an ENFP, and the other day me and some friends were at a restaraunt. I have an interest in a certain ISTP that was with us at the time. He spent most of the hour *watching the news* and then participating in the conversation very sparsely.

  14. #14
    Creepy-baydog111

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    There are i times i need to be around people and there are times i want to be alone, especially if i had a bad day or bad interactions with people. Whne i am alone i try to explore in my mind why some people are evil. Maybe i want a world where every one is kind and considerate for their fellow men. There are times that i need excitement. I like like exciting things, people and especially exciting places. I find that when i travel i like friends to be with me so we can share the excitement together. Just a liitle thoughts i wanted to share.

  15. #15
    Creepy-Frustrated ISTP

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    LOL "watching the news".... sounds like me.

    the only advice that I can give is pursue and try and try and try. Earn trust and try and try. ISTPs are really hard to catch for the ENFP dual I think, for whatever reason . I put up my shield too long and then when I realized I liked that ENFP it was all too late and she was taken. Sometimes I think Im her backup still or something.... One of the most frustrating experiences of my life.

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    indeed...

    well ISTPs and ENFPs both seem to behave in the stereotypical extremes...

    ISTP male

    ENFP female...

    No offence to ENFP males out there of course...

    ISTP females suffer with being feminine (a few do at least) im sure...
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    Default ENFP ISTP Dual Topic

    I'm an ENFP and have had a good ISTP male friend for a year and a half. When we first met I liked him right away but he was coming out of a 5 year relationship and I could tell that he needed to be free for a while so I opted for the friend option. We even talked about the fact that he was in his "lover" phase.

    In all honesty I gave up on him in a romantic sense until recently. But then we really spark when we go dancing and we seem to connect in some kind of unexplainable way? Plus I find his stories about hang gliding, flying and glacier travel totally exciting. I miss him when I don't see him or talk with him for a while. Everybody notices the energy between us but frankly he perplexes me on a romantic level because I find him really hard to read. He's so subtle; one moment I'm totally convinced that he's into me and then he backs off and I'm confused. Usually I will make the first move if necessary but for some reason I hold back with this fellow.

    How is this ENFP ISTP dual thing supposed to get started??? Should I just keep DOING all these fun activities with him? Do I need to make the first move?

    Like one of the ISTP men said in a previous post, I'm in danger of giving up and going out with someone else. There are no shortage of men that seem to be attracted to me but not that are ISTP. Frankly, I find ENFP/J and NT men easier to connect with, except ENTJ which doesn't work for me.

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    Hey ENFp girl.

    Your post was basically the typical ENFp - ISTp post at the moment. They are all the rave

    The problems you are having are basically identical to everyone else. It proves that duality is not always some massive overwhelming thing, it needs to be nurtured over time etc.

    My advice is yeah bugger it make the first move. Even though i also get on with ENFp girls quite well, a full blown relationship wouldn't last long..
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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    I think with ISTps, to at least some extent the ENFp is going to have to be the initiator. Unless you aren't enjoying the fun activities, I'd keep it up. That's supposedly what ISTps like most about us - we get them out of the house and give them fun stuff to do.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Diana
    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    Hey ENFp girl.

    Your post was basically the typical ENFp - ISTp post at the moment. They are all the rave
    They are, the whole forum is brimming over with this exact dilemma!
    .
    I am so glad to see other ENFps with this problem I was starting to think it was just me.

    I didn't realize a lot of ENFPs were on the news, hmm. I don't usually watch TV, but I was just randomly watching it the other day and noticed a large amount of ISTP guys. I couldn't figure out why (since I don't usually notice them on TV), but then I realized I had watched several home remodelling shows, and I think they were the carpenters.

    Also, responding to the title of this thread, maybe ISTp and ENFp are good together because both are independant and need that space? Of course, the ISTp needs a lot more space than ENFp, but maybe that's why the ENFp likes to chase, to bring the ISTp out of their shell again?

    I don't know, but I've found I tend to only like distant hot/cold guys I can't figure out (which usually means guys that don't want relationships). Which is of course doomed to not work out. Of course, I don't know if that's an ENFp thing or not! I have friends of other types that like the same types of guys (that are hot/cold and don't want relationships). I have an INFj friend who does the same thing.

    what do you all think? Is that an ENFp thing?

    Okay, also, I think Heith Ledger is an ISTp and Michelle Williams is an INFj.

    Okay, now I'm just rambling. I'll stop now :wink:
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Diana
    Quote Originally Posted by jewels
    I don't know, but I've found I tend to only like distant hot/cold guys I can't figure out (which usually means guys that don't want relationships). Which is of course doomed to not work out. Of course, I don't know if that's an ENFp thing or not! I have friends of other types that like the same types of guys (that are hot/cold and don't want relationships). I have an INFj friend who does the same thing.

    what do you all think? Is that an ENFp thing?
    That gets old and tiresome, doesn't it? I mean, why go through all that effort, and they're not even interested anyway? I'm not ENFp though, and for me I'd get sick of it. I'd want some attention shown to me. Some effort put in to show that a guy actually cares about me, and not just his job or his car (ha! yay stereotypes, lol) or whatever it is he happens to care about.
    the thing with "cold/distant" guys is that it takes a while to get in and get to know the person, how they respond to things, what they like, what they dislike, etc etc

    this is refreshing to some enfps who tend to get bored with someone after discovering too much of the above information after the first hour or so of meeing.
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp

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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels
    I don't know, but I've found I tend to only like distant hot/cold guys I can't figure out (which usually means guys that don't want relationships).
    What Diana said.

    Be careful with these Ti concepts like "usually means guys that don't want relationships" .
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    Be careful with these Ti concepts like "usually means guys that don't want relationships" .
    ugh, that's not a Ti concept

    all it shows is that jewels has a connection between what she considers to be distant hot/cold guys and guys who don't want relationships

    it's a discrete relationship, yes, but not limited to Ti
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp

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    I also feel like the main topic. I have this ISFp friend who is clingy and I told her recently that I was not hedonistic at all, so I didn't wanted to spend my time on restaurants, watching movies and all the things she invites me into. I like my projects and I like to spend my time just thinking and learning. When I listen to music or watch movies I'm generally alone.

    -----------------------------------------------

    SLI are logicals, concrete people. They don't really think much about relationships, emotions and such unless those are too evident or are overwhelming them.

    For example, the other day I went to see my friends and my ISTp friend said he was going to see a teacher and I said that I was bored and would go with him.

    We talked for like an hour while searching for this teacher and then returned to the office. He simply stepped away and started to use a computer, without saying anything to me. I simply thought "well, ok".

    I started to speak with annother friend (ENFp) in the same room, we started to joke around and to laugh loud and in less than 10 minutes I had this ISTp friend observing us quietly. He even stand up and got close to see if he could get a bit of attention, still without saying anything. It seemed evident to me that he felt the "deacceleration" and only then realized how he was enjoying my company.

    Between ISTp and ENFp, the thing pretty much works without words, which is also something to keep in mind. If you are used to long conversations you will feel a bit akward when it goes silent, but you get used to it fast. The ISTp doesn't critize you for not talking, and then you don't feel forced to make up a conversation. This allows you to speak about the things you really care, when you really care, and this pleases both because the topics interesting for an ENFp are generally also interesting for the ISTp.

    In general, it is a matter of being aware about the need of being around duals. Before learning about socionics, I tried to be around more loud types, mostly NT, because I always found them quite interesting. But I've been trying to stay close to my ISTp friends because even if the conversation is not as interesting as with an NT, I feel quite comfortable around them, it's like feeling energized and in good mood.

    Your dual is the person who appreciates you the most. Even ISTp show this clearly, if you know where to look at.
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    That's a very nice post, Mike.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    True only irritation is the inconsitency of ENFPs. You are my best friend today, and gone tommorow. You always come back but it can be frustrating This doesnt occur in close relationships I find though.
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    Quote Originally Posted by IcEPiCk
    True only irritation is the inconsitency of ENFPs. You are my best friend today, and gone tommorow. You always come back but it can be frustrating This doesnt occur in close relationships I find though.
    Its not exactly like that. Actually people stay my best friend throughout it doesn't change. Its just we have so many things we want to do we cant devote enough attention to people. I actually noticed i have a mechanism where i will push people away slightly if they are getting too close / expecting too much time.
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    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    Quote Originally Posted by IcEPiCk
    True only irritation is the inconsitency of ENFPs. You are my best friend today, and gone tommorow. You always come back but it can be frustrating This doesnt occur in close relationships I find though.
    Its not exactly like that. Actually people stay my best friend throughout it doesn't change. Its just we have so many things we want to do we cant devote enough attention to people. I actually noticed i have a mechanism where i will push people away slightly if they are getting too close / expecting too much time.
    Yea. Precisely. Not so much getting too close(eh.. what kinda close are u referring to?) but it's more like when they expect a lot of time out of us. I have close friends who get very turned-off when I tell them I can't make it when they ask me out. And it's not that I don't wanna catch up. But I've already got plans. So, we're not really "gone". Though I give priority to friends who are closer.
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    I seem to go through cycles. For a while it seems everybody wants me and then suddenly everything dries up and nobody wants me. Everything becomes dark and grey. I might go into a funk for a few days. Then I'll get busy on my own projects and start exersizing and taking care of business and suddenly my phone will start ringing and everybody is inviting me places. It goes like that for a while and then suddenly it all crashes again. It was actually an ESFP that pointed out to me that this was a cycle. He had the same thing happening to him. I wonder if its universal?

    Anyway, I learned the hard way that with some ISTPs its best not to go to them when you are in a sad or crummy mood. Forget about it. They cant help you get out of it but will probably get drug down into your mood. Its best to work it out yourself or find another ENFP or even an ESFP who can sympathize and cheer you up. Perhaps some of you other ENFPs have had a different experience or a different take on this. What say you?

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    The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Topaz
    I seem to go through cycles. For a while it seems everybody wants me and then suddenly everything dries up and nobody wants me. Everything becomes dark and grey. I might go into a funk for a few days. Then I'll get busy on my own projects and start exersizing and taking care of business and suddenly my phone will start ringing and everybody is inviting me places. It goes like that for a while and then suddenly it all crashes again. It was actually an ESFP that pointed out to me that this was a cycle. He had the same thing happening to him. I wonder if its universal?

    Anyway, I learned the hard way that with some ISTPs its best not to go to them when you are in a sad or crummy mood. Forget about it. They cant help you get out of it but will probably get drug down into your mood. Its best to work it out yourself or find another ENFP or even an ESFP who can sympathize and cheer you up. Perhaps some of you other ENFPs have had a different experience or a different take on this. What say you?
    Topaz I totally agree. That's been my experience too. I used to have those same conversations w/ an ESFP also. It happened to him too. Both of us would plan a lot of stuff with our friends and see them all, and then get caught up in our own things and forget to make plans, and then wonder why people weren't planning stuff and inviting us. Sometimes they did, but a lot of our friends expected us to make the plans, even though we didn't know that. They assumed we were like the "plan makers" or something, even though I don't think ENFP or ESFP really cares about being the one to make the plans, we just want the plans to happen. ESFPs do cheer me up really fast. I'll be taking myself all seriously, and then they'll make a joke and suddenly I'm just laughing away.

    Meatburger, I agree about pushing people away. I do that when people start to get cligny. I hate that. It's like, I want all these people around, but not because I'm obligated to see them. I want to go just because I want to go. When people start complaining that I couldn't make it to something or asking what my schedule for the whole week, it freaks me out.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Topaz
    I seem to go through cycles. For a while it seems everybody wants me and then suddenly everything dries up and nobody wants me. Everything becomes dark and grey. I might go into a funk for a few days. Then I'll get busy on my own projects and start exersizing and taking care of business and suddenly my phone will start ringing and everybody is inviting me places. It goes like that for a while and then suddenly it all crashes again. It was actually an ESFP that pointed out to me that this was a cycle. He had the same thing happening to him. I wonder if its universal?
    Oh my god Topaz i understand this completely. In fact im going through this sort of funk right now. Except its not beein a couple of days its been like 8 months since my friends have all left. You can start to wonder if its you not being happy enough so people dont want to be in your presence. Im sure it is this to some extent. For an ENFp to not have friends to hang out with is the worst blow they can have. ESFp would probablly be the same.

    Quote Originally Posted by jewels
    Meatburger, I agree about pushing people away. I do that when people start to get cligny. I hate that. It's like, I want all these people around, but not because I'm obligated to see them. I want to go just because I want to go. When people start complaining that I couldn't make it to something or asking what my schedule for the whole week, it freaks me out.
    Yeah i dont mind people getting close, it's exactly like you described jewels. Thats where the problems occur. You will make friends with someone and have a great time. Sometimes those people dont have many other friends to hang out with so they want to see you again, but you have other people to see etc. We are basically forever closing and then opening the psychological distance with people as best we can.
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    cunnilingus epilepsy inducer
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    Between ISTp and ENFp, the thing pretty much works without words, which is also something to keep in mind. If you are used to long conversations you will feel a bit akward when it goes silent, but you get used to it fast. The ISTp doesn't critize you for not talking, and then you don't feel forced to make up a conversation. This allows you to speak about the things you really care, when you really care, and this pleases both because the topics interesting for an ENFp are generally also interesting for the ISTp.
    A problem I've experienced is that I get into a position with ENFps where things get a little too comfortable and too many problems are being solved together and we like being around each other too much. Which is ok, if there are problems or the problems are being solved. But if there aren't I find myself creating problems for them to solve and they don't say “fuck off its not helping”. This situation can easily escalate to a point of sheer stupidity, so I force things to be less serious and keep things interest based with ENFps which is much easier with male ENFps.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Topaz
    I seem to go through cycles. For a while it seems everybody wants me and then suddenly everything dries up and nobody wants me. Everything becomes dark and grey. I might go into a funk for a few days. Then I'll get busy on my own projects and start exersizing and taking care of business and suddenly my phone will start ringing and everybody is inviting me places. It goes like that for a while and then suddenly it all crashes again. It was actually an ESFP that pointed out to me that this was a cycle. He had the same thing happening to him. I wonder if its universal?
    Sadly.. this is true. I'm currently in the "dark & grey" part, and i'm just rotting at home getting lonely.

    Quote Originally Posted by Topaz
    Anyway, I learned the hard way that with some ISTPs its best not to go to them when you are in a sad or crummy mood. Forget about it. They cant help you get out of it but will probably get drug down into your mood. Its best to work it out yourself or find another ENFP or even an ESFP who can sympathize and cheer you up. Perhaps some of you other ENFPs have had a different experience or a different take on this. What say you?
    Eh. I have to agree with this, dunno about the other ENFps - ISTps. I try not to go to a ISTp when I'm not in a good mood. They get affected by it.
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    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    Quote Originally Posted by jewels
    Meatburger, I agree about pushing people away. I do that when people start to get cligny. I hate that. It's like, I want all these people around, but not because I'm obligated to see them. I want to go just because I want to go. When people start complaining that I couldn't make it to something or asking what my schedule for the whole week, it freaks me out.
    Yeah i dont mind people getting close, it's exactly like you described jewels. Thats where the problems occur. You will make friends with someone and have a great time. Sometimes those people dont have many other friends to hang out with so they want to see you again, but you have other people to see etc. We are basically forever closing and then opening the psychological distance with people as best we can.
    That's the sad part. It's like, you're trying to spend as much time with some who don't have many other friends, but sometimes, you have no time. And you tend to feel guilty because of that. I do. Especially if they rarely ask me out and I can't make it.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mea
    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    Quote Originally Posted by jewels
    Meatburger, I agree about pushing people away. I do that when people start to get cligny. I hate that. It's like, I want all these people around, but not because I'm obligated to see them. I want to go just because I want to go. When people start complaining that I couldn't make it to something or asking what my schedule for the whole week, it freaks me out.
    Yeah i dont mind people getting close, it's exactly like you described jewels. Thats where the problems occur. You will make friends with someone and have a great time. Sometimes those people dont have many other friends to hang out with so they want to see you again, but you have other people to see etc. We are basically forever closing and then opening the psychological distance with people as best we can.
    That's the sad part. It's like, you're trying to spend as much time with some who don't have many other friends, but sometimes, you have no time. And you tend to feel guilty because of that. I do. Especially if they rarely ask me out and I can't make it.
    I used to spend time with some pretty dull people if they requested my attnetion because I would feel sorry for them. They'd be like "Come sit over here with me" and I would say OK cause I didnt want them to feel bad. I guess I resloved to spend more time with people I that like and find interesting. Now I just give dull people the scraps and dont feel guilty about it. I feel Ive paid my dues. :wink:
    On the other hand I do have some friends who are low key and thoughtful. You have to take time when communicating with them but its worth it. I cant hang out with them all the time but I try to make time for them.

    Topaz
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