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Thread: SLEs/ESTps being clingy in relationships - really?

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    Default SLEs/ESTps being clingy in relationships - really?

    QUOTE:

    I have casually dated an ESTp that did not work out because he was far too possessive and clingy. Two traits that I absolutely cannot tolerate.
    - Vague (in another thread, on failed dual relationships)

    /QUOTE


    I am curious about others' experiences with ESTP's in relationships... I don't doubt that they can be possessive (although I'd be interested to hear first-hand accounts of this to put it into context), but I myself have not seen them be clingy; quite the opposite, actually. What are others' experiences?

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    ...been here longer than the fucking monarchy Ezra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by songofsappho View Post
    QUOTE:

    I have casually dated an ESTp that did not work out because he was far too possessive and clingy. Two traits that I absolutely cannot tolerate.
    - Vague (in another thread, on failed dual relationships)

    /QUOTE
    You know, the way to make this vB code-tastic would be to write

    Quote Originally Posted by Vague
    I have casually dated an ESTp that did not work out because he was far too possessive and clingy. Two traits that I absolutely cannot tolerate.
    Ideas don't determine who's right. Power determines who's right. And I have the power. So I'm right.

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    mutual clinginess is good

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    Quote Originally Posted by glamourama
    and others were of the can't-stop-I-have-to-know-what-happens type thing, kind of like tila tequila: a shot at love... I certainly didn't watch that but that's the only explanation I can think of for why my roommate did, and fuck I'll admit I watched I love new york and shit.
    aaaaah, I watched that... it was running a marathon one day... and I became entranced... I couldn't stop watching though it was torture. I felt between embarrassed and entertained... lol.

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    Quote Originally Posted by glamourama View Post
    yeah. it's cute.
    anyways so like in middle school I read this one teenage romance manga (I know, lol) I think was an SLE-IEI pair, and they did that clingy stuff, there was this part where they went shopping and got separated, then they saw each other again on opposite sides of the escalator, so the dude jumped over the rail thing to be with her, and he was like "now we're together again!!" and it was kind of sweet and cheesy and cute at the same time, but yeah I suddenly remembered this all of the sudden from reading this thread, I don't know why. weird.
    Was it Mars?

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    what is essential is invisible to the eye fox's Avatar
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    Mars!! My favorite manga! Very clear INFp-ESTp duality between the two main characters in my opinion. They made a Taiwanese drama based off the series, it was great.

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    Quote Originally Posted by glamourama View Post
    omg, I used to be really into asian dramas! I will watch it sometime since you say it is good.
    Yeah, watch it! It made me feel all fuzzy inside, heh. IEI-SLE relations are the best.

    [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ik39KLxFzrM[/ame]
    [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dao8TRiX31M[/ame]

    Last edited by fox; 04-28-2008 at 11:31 PM.

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    OMG hahaha my IEI brethren ...

    I'm not ashamed anymore, I'm not ashamed!

    I just read glamourama's post and well, jeez, how could I not be one of you guys? *Runs crying back into Beta NF-hood*

    I absolutely love clinginess. I need it. People say they're annoyed by that but in a relationship, I'd LOVE to be with someone constantly. I'd love to feel needed so badly that the other person can't stand to be away from me. That escalator jump thing is so funny, I really lol'd.

    The thing with the Mars characters though - the dude is an SLE yeah, but the IEI girl seems to be unhealthy... she's WAY too introverted for my tastes. Or is that normal for you two? Would you say you could actually identify with her level of introversion?


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    Yes ScarlettLux, come back to Beta land!

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux View Post
    The thing with the Mars characters though - the dude is an SLE yeah, but the IEI girl seems to be unhealthy... she's WAY too introverted for my tastes. Or is that normal for you two? Would you say you could actually identify with her level of introversion?
    Yeah, she is pretty unstable and unhealthy. Her character was raped; it messed her up pretty badly, and caused her to deeply withdraw and develop a fear of men. Apparently she was a lot more outgoing before the whole trauma happened. I do identify with her introversion, but of course mine is not as extreme.

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    Quote Originally Posted by glamourama View Post
    scarlett! <3

    ahaha, I think it is too, and cheesily cute (: (in a good way)

    yeah, I can be pretty damn introverted, but not all the time... I'd have to read the manga again/watch the drama to remember the details though to properly compare myself to her... all I can remember is the main characters' personalities and their interactions. I forget their histories and the plot and such, and their names too for that matter, lol
    Why not just be yourself?

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    ...been here longer than the fucking monarchy Ezra's Avatar
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    Possessiveness and clinginess are two different things. Perhaps they go hand in hand in some respects e.g. a possessive person could be clingy and vice versa. Anyhow, I'm far from clingy, and little possessive. I put this down to how mentally and spiritually healthy I am. I actually read in Influence: Science & Practice that those whose bonds with their partner are very strong actually didn't have particularly good upbringings; that is, they were neglected or treated like shit in some way or that the bonds with their parents were far less strong than is healthy for the child.
    Ideas don't determine who's right. Power determines who's right. And I have the power. So I'm right.

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    ESTp's are very possessive and clingy. This can be a reassuring show of 'interest' for an INFp, but I think we soon realize that this does not translate to fidelity.

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    gay sex
    Last edited by istpunk; 07-17-2008 at 09:40 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by istpunk View Post
    Only weaklings see possessive/clingy people as someone who won't be disloyal or lie to them. ENTPs/ESTPs thrive on the weaknesses on others. Like LOKI's graph from my interpretation if there is no exchange of neediness then the person who is also needy will most likely "cheat" and seek others.

    I know plenty of ESTPs whom when they found out that I was much more athletic and intellectual than they were they would downplay it or mock my abilities. ENTPs would begrudge themselves and start working against me in a chess-like manner because of my own natural ability to break down the chaos they created and create a much more logical way of doing things. Thanks to socionics and my own personal experiences as well as others, I can fine tune myself to falsify my trueself just like a chameleon especially towards personality types who are in superior positions. This especially helps since I have a good amount of "Intuitiveness" to interpret "the force"
    d00d.

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    People are PROUD to be clingy?

    ... Well, I'm not saying I get it, but at least you guys have each other.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    Snomunegot munenori2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sunshine Lively View Post
    d00d.
    Ya rlly.
    Moonlight will fall
    Winter will end
    Harvest will come
    Your heart will mend

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    Quote Originally Posted by Loki View Post
    Hmm, I look at this chart as three undesirable things (maybe it's just semantics on my part since I haven't read the thread much). Also, I don't see why infidelity is outside the other two. Can't someone be possessive, clingy, and still cheat on you?
    Moonlight will fall
    Winter will end
    Harvest will come
    Your heart will mend

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    The Iniquitous inumbra's Avatar
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    meh, my diagram has failed.

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    To clarify...

    IME, exceptionally clingy and possessive people often need more validation than one person can possibly deliver. They tend to overlap relationships in order to ensure that their emotional needs are always met, on cue.

    Ironically, "you only lose what you cling to." (Buddha)

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Yes ScarlettLux, come back to Beta land!



    Yeah, she is pretty unstable and unhealthy. Her character was raped; it messed her up pretty badly, and caused her to deeply withdraw and develop a fear of men. Apparently she was a lot more outgoing before the whole trauma happened. I do identify with her introversion, but of course mine is not as extreme.
    Ahh, now it makes sense
    Yep, officially back in Beta land !


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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Oh and re: possessiveness/clinginess...

    I kinda think Victims enjoy being "possessed", in a sense. In fact, I'm sure of it. We're always unsure of how much someone else likes us and to have that validation played out in a strong, forceful way is something very reassuring. It is only AFTER I am satisfied that the other person "REALLY REALLY LIKES ME" (lol) that I will reciprocate that tenfold.

    However, I also mutually identify with being an Aggressor in some cases, especially with IEI males. I seem to know their minds so well and what they want that I basically just provide that for them anyway, even if it is not my natural way of acting? I dunno. This is one of the reasons I thought I was an Aggressor (SEE) for a while b/c of how I would love to almost "own" someone (as twisted as it may sound I do know liveandletlive shared similar sentiments)!

    I think it's more about enjoying the fact that YOU are with someone entirely, wholly. There is no doubt in your mind, or fear.

    LokiVanguard, I have noticed in my time that IEEs are particularly NOT clingy or possessive at all, which makes sense for you SLIs, eh? In my (horrible) relationships with some, I have felt terribly distant & isolated from them, always wanting more more more. I think I came on WAY too strong for them after the initial attraction. This may have more to do with being a sx first though....

    Ezra, maybe I do have some psychological complex or whatever... I mean, I never feel close enough to people unless I see them everyday, for a long time, talk very "in depth" with them... that real chemistry sort of thing. Meaningful. I honestly think that has a HUGE part to do with sx first, don't you? I have heard similar stuff from plenty of sx firsters.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Ezra View Post
    I actually read in Influence: Science & Practice that those whose bonds with their partner are very strong actually didn't have particularly good upbringings; that is, they were neglected or treated like shit in some way or that the bonds with their parents were far less strong than is healthy for the child.
    This is true to some extent. It's called fear of abandonment; a lot of times adopted children, and kids who grow up with divorced parents will experience it when they get older.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux View Post
    LokiVanguard, I have noticed in my time that IEEs are particularly NOT clingy or possessive at all, which makes sense for you SLIs, eh? In my (horrible) relationships with some, I have felt terribly distant & isolated from them, always wanting more more more. I think I came on WAY too strong for them after the initial attraction. This may have more to do with being a sx first though....
    Sometimes I wish SLI's could make it easy.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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