Results 1 to 36 of 36

Thread: Life Before Death: Photo Essay

  1. #1
    Exits, pursued by a bear. Animal's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    TIM
    It sneaks up on you
    Posts
    3,051
    Mentioned
    83 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Life Before Death: Photo Essay

    The concept can seem disturbing at first, but it's actually done really tastefully. They took pictures of hospice patients before and after death.:

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/ga...ture=333325401
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

  2. #2
    Landlord of the Dog and Duck Subteigh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    TIM
    EII-Ne Sp/So
    Posts
    14,935
    Mentioned
    243 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Wow...

    that fourth person in the eighth photo looks very peaceful and happy. Most of the other ones look quite creepy, especially in black and white. If I'd been told they were pictures of people sleeping, I might not have said this. This is a total worthwhile exercise and not at all voyeuristic.

  3. #3
    implied's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    7,750
    Mentioned
    7 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Subterranean View Post
    Wow...

    that fourth person in the eighth photo looks very peaceful and happy. Most of the other ones look quite creepy, especially in black and white. If I'd been told they were pictures of people sleeping, I might not have said this. This is a total worthwhile exercise and not at all voyeuristic.
    i agree. i really enjoyed these, baby.
    6w5 sx
    model Φ: -+0
    sloan - rcuei

  4. #4
    jessica129's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    10,122
    Mentioned
    68 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I do not like this. At all. How incredibly depressing.

  5. #5
    jessica129's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    10,122
    Mentioned
    68 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    No, I wasn't aware that we all die at some point....thankz so much for clearing that up, baby!!!!!111

  6. #6
    implied's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    7,750
    Mentioned
    7 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Baby View Post
    I don't see how it's depressing at all... unless for some reason you were not already aware that all human beings die at some point.
    well, i can see her point of view as well. a few of the captions were sort of depressing. such as the woman who was proud of her own independence and ability to take care of herself up until her death. there's something very frantic and "last moment" about a lot of these pictures.
    6w5 sx
    model Φ: -+0
    sloan - rcuei

  7. #7
    what is essential is invisible to the eye fox's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Space
    TIM
    ILI
    Posts
    12,802
    Mentioned
    367 Post(s)
    Tagged
    9 Thread(s)

    Default

    This photo series reminds me of this song:



    Very interesting to look at.

  8. #8
    Garmonbozia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    1,757
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    I do not like this. At all. How incredibly depressing.
    Hmm...

    ... yes. A sickness common among the bourgeois.


    (Christ but I'm such a c-u-n-t.)

    I saw these a few days ago, Baby. They actually made me feel a lot better about seeing dead people. I developed a phobia after my mother's death; she looked dreadful. It was so bad that I could not even bring myself to attend my brothers funeral.
    Voted best beach in the world by yahoo 728 times!

  9. #9
    jessica129's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    10,122
    Mentioned
    68 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I just find things of this nature highly depressing. It's not so bad as http://www.mydeathspace.com/

    That site is too much for me. Very eery.

  10. #10
    what is essential is invisible to the eye fox's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Space
    TIM
    ILI
    Posts
    12,802
    Mentioned
    367 Post(s)
    Tagged
    9 Thread(s)

    Default

    I also have a phobia of the dead, or anything dead. Whenever I go to viewings I can't bring myself to go near the body.

  11. #11
    Exits, pursued by a bear. Animal's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    TIM
    It sneaks up on you
    Posts
    3,051
    Mentioned
    83 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    For some reason I feel strangely empty when seeing a dead person. Even looking through those photos it didn't seem to register to me as unsettling at all for some reason.

    I am, though, really bothered by people suffering in life, or if they died a painful/violent death or at a young age where they didn't have the chance to do all they wanted to do in life. Thinking about that sort of thing bothers me deeply. But seeing a corpse, I think: "That person is no longer there anymore. It's just an inert mass of cells now." It's haunting in the same way an abandoned building is... a little screwed up I know.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

  12. #12
    Garmonbozia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    1,757
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    I just find things of this nature highly depressing. It's not so bad as http://www.mydeathspace.com/

    That site is too much for me. Very eery.

    That site is fantastic! I may have a phobia of Looking at dead people but reading about the crazy ways people die is always amusing not to mention educational.

    One girl overdosed on Bengay of all things!
    Voted best beach in the world by yahoo 728 times!

  13. #13
    Garmonbozia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    1,757
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Baby View Post
    For some reason I feel strangely empty when seeing a dead person. Even looking through those photos it didn't seem to register to me as unsettling at all for some reason.

    I am, though, really bothered by people suffering in life, or if they died a painful/violent death or at a young age where they didn't have the chance to do all they wanted to do in life. Thinking about that sort of thing bothers me deeply. But seeing a corpse, I think: "That person is no longer there anymore. It's just an inert mass of cells now." It's haunting in the same way an abandoned building is... a little screwed up I know.
    I used to feel like that. But it's different when it's your mother and she is all bloated and waxy and grey.
    Voted best beach in the world by yahoo 728 times!

  14. #14
    jessica129's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    10,122
    Mentioned
    68 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Garmonbozia View Post
    That site is fantastic! I may have a phobia of Looking at dead people but reading about the crazy ways people die is always amusing not to mention educational.

    One girl overdosed on Bengay of all things!
    Bengay? lol.

    It's distrubing but oddly fascinating...seeing the comments on their myspace before they died...seeing the last day they logged on not knowing the next day they'd be dead....seeing their pictures and how carefree they seemed with no idea that they'd be dead in a few months...It's eery. And I hope to god no one disrespects me by posting RIP messages on my damn myspace once i die.

    oh yeah, i don't have one.

  15. #15
    Exits, pursued by a bear. Animal's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    TIM
    It sneaks up on you
    Posts
    3,051
    Mentioned
    83 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Garmonbozia View Post
    I used to feel like that. But it's different when it's your mother and she is all bloated and waxy and grey.
    Yeah. I can see how that can be disturbing.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

  16. #16
    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Toronto, Ontario
    TIM
    Beta sx 3w4;7w8
    Posts
    3,401
    Mentioned
    18 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Wow, I must have some serious issues - I just spend like half an hour + looking at Mydeathspace and reading the myspace comments for the deceased's.

    One in particular REALLY interested me - a guy that died of a drug OD and his girlfriend is obsessed with continuous posting... "i miss you, i love you.." Like SO many of them, since his death in November! It's so sad how she can't let him go ... but it's kinda disturbing to see the extent and how much she actually comments him. =/


    Dress pretty, play dirty ღ
    Johari
    Nohari

  17. #17
    UDP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    East Coast West Coast Dirty South
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    14,826
    Mentioned
    33 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    It is just a way of pretending to have a legitimate excuse for yourself to not move on with your life. "Oh, she's really taking it hard". More like "oh, her life is stagnated for the last 6 months. She better get her ass in gear otherwise that event is going to define the rest of her existence"
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

  18. #18
    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Toronto, Ontario
    TIM
    Beta sx 3w4;7w8
    Posts
    3,401
    Mentioned
    18 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    It is just a way of pretending to have a legitimate excuse for yourself to not move on with your life. "Oh, she's really taking it hard". More like "oh, her life is stagnated for the last 6 months. She better get her ass in gear otherwise that event is going to define the rest of her existence"
    Yeah but... it's still sad ... melodramatic in what she has written, but teenage infatuation is very intense - can not separate it properly from real love. We fall hard, fast, and something like that can destroy a person for a very, very long time. I know I would be unbelievably depressed.
    =[


    Dress pretty, play dirty ღ
    Johari
    Nohari

  19. #19
    UDP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    East Coast West Coast Dirty South
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    14,826
    Mentioned
    33 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    But its such bullshit. The worst thing, imo, would be to prolong it. She needs to realize her life not some weak tv drama series.
    Last edited by UDP; 04-13-2008 at 07:59 PM. Reason: removed
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

  20. #20
    MysticSonic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    2,993
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    UDP wtf are you talking about? Getting over a death isn't something you just do. You can't just pull yourself by your boot straps with this one and pretend like you're not feeling hurt and suffering from grief, hence the name GRIEVING PROCESS. Have you ever had someone close to you die? Ever? Beyond that, you have no idea how they were tied together or what they depended on each for, and how losing something like that so suddenly, with complete knowledge that you'll never get it back in the same exact way, is affecting her.
    "To become is just like falling asleep. You never know exactly when it happens, the transition, the magic, and you think, if you could only recall that exact moment of crossing the line then you would understand everything; you would see it all"

    "Angels dancing on the head of a pin dissolve into nothingness at the bedside of a dying child."

  21. #21
    Exits, pursued by a bear. Animal's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    TIM
    It sneaks up on you
    Posts
    3,051
    Mentioned
    83 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MysticSonic View Post
    UDP wtf are you talking about? Getting over a death isn't something you just do. You can't just pull yourself by your boot straps with this one and pretend like you're not feeling hurt and suffering from grief, hence the name GRIEVING PROCESS. Have you ever had someone close to you die? Ever? Beyond that, you have no idea how they were tied together or what they depended on each for, and how losing something like that so suddenly, with complete knowledge that you'll never get it back in the same exact way, is affecting her.
    I like the way Mystic put it better than I did, so I'm seconding this and removing my post.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

  22. #22
    UDP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    East Coast West Coast Dirty South
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    14,826
    Mentioned
    33 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MysticSonic View Post
    UDP wtf are you talking about? Getting over a death isn't something you just do. You can't just pull yourself by your boot straps with this one and pretend like you're not feeling hurt and suffering from grief, hence the name GRIEVING PROCESS. Have you ever had someone close to you die? Ever? Beyond that, you have no idea how they were tied together or what they depended on each for, and how losing something like that so suddenly, with complete knowledge that you'll never get it back in the same exact way, is affecting her.

    Are you reacting towards my "tone", or towards what I said?
    If you want to encourage the girl to continue posting on the site for another 6 months, great.

    I'm sorry if my response triggered memories of a loss you are dealing with. Yes, it was not PC or sensitive. It was just a bit boring seeing everyone say how bad it is, how sad it is, and so on. There are other perspectives on matters, and I expressed one of them. It is not necessarily my own - primarily because, as I was writing in my response to baby, I don't know the girl - and neither do any of us - so my real take on the matter is something that I cannot construct.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

  23. #23
    Exits, pursued by a bear. Animal's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    TIM
    It sneaks up on you
    Posts
    3,051
    Mentioned
    83 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    UDP, I'm going to quote your reply to me, even though you removed it, because it is a doozy of a response and I want people to see it:
    Quote Originally Posted by UDP
    You doubt someone cannot stop coming to a site and rehashing past memories for 6 months? Oh, you can stop that. Very easily.

    Quote Originally Posted by Baby
    Human psychology is complicated.
    In some ways, yes. In other ways, peolpe make things much more complicated than need be.

    Quote Originally Posted by Baby
    There's probably a lot of issues surrounding her attachment to her boyfriend that we have no way of knowing about. Telling someone to "get over it and on with life" is glossing over a whole bunch of emotional wounds and triggers that are perpetuating her grief and which she needs to deal with before she can move on.

    Prolonging her period of grief is probably not helping things, but neither is shutting down whatever it is that's compelling her to act this way.
    Shutting down - the site? I have no intentions of petitioning to do that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Baby
    And there is a reason she's doing what she's doing beyond mere self-indulgence.
    The hell do you know anything more than I do?

    Look, I get you are making some great ethical human condition stand, but you're just countering my point here (which is fine). But don't "act" like you know her or whats going on. You nor I do.

    Quote Originally Posted by Baby
    This is not bullshit.
    Again, how do either of us know?
    I suppose I am destroying my own argument in this process, but so be it. It's better to be realistic about what you can draw conclusions from than just express your own thoughts about something.

    Quote Originally Posted by Baby
    It's a fact of human existence, and anyone who's ever lost someone knows that that void in your life is not easily filled with some Protestant work ethic. She'll move on when she's ready to move on. Which obviously isn't now.
    Oh geez. Yeah I realized too late I'd get some sort of a response like that. For one thing, Ecclesiastes was written by king solomon, and the book is hardly about protestant work ethic. but that's outside the point. The bible has nothing to do with the core of my response, and I regret that it might be seen as "my backing"; it was not at all such.


    And it is also a "fact of human existence" that not everyone moves on when it is time for them too. It is much easier to be weak and linger in states of stagnation than be courageous and push forward.
    My response to the bulk of this: You are correct in that I have no way of knowing whether or not this girl is ready to move on or not, but I wasn't the one who called her behavior "bullshit" before knowing anything about her relationship to her boyfriend.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

  24. #24
    Kim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    TIM
    IEE e7 783 sx so
    Posts
    6,857
    Mentioned
    380 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    UDP, not all things work for everybody, so quit assuming that "being strong and pushing forward" is the way to go. When a close friend of mine committed suicide, I got together with other friends who knew and loved her almost every day and for months all we ever talked about was her, her life, and the circumstances of her death. To outsiders, we must have seemed obsessed, but it's what we all needed at the time and today we all agree that it helped us pull through. And this girl on myspace might need this, too.

    I am, to be very honest, thoroughly put out with your "be strong or perish" bullshit. Good for you if you can be an ascetic and courageous hero in all walks of life. Others can't be that or, guess what, don't want to be that. When I mourned my friend, I hard a hard time letting go and it was good that I realized that and took my time. There is no one answer to how people should deal with trauma, so quit assuming you have all the answers.
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

  25. #25
    UDP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    East Coast West Coast Dirty South
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    14,826
    Mentioned
    33 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Baby View Post
    My response to the bulk of this: You are correct in that I have no way of knowing whether or not this girl is ready to move on or not, but I wasn't the one who called her behavior "bullshit" before knowing anything about her relationship to her boyfriend.
    Fair enough. The BS remark was over the top I suppose, it was my reaction to SLs last post, rather than the situation, but still out of place I guess.





    Quote Originally Posted by Kim
    UDP, not all things work for everybody, so quit assuming that "being strong and pushing forward" is the way to go. When a close friend of mine committed suicide, I got together with other friends who knew and loved her almost every day and for months all we ever talked about was her, her life, and the circumstances of her death. To outsiders, we must have seemed obsessed, but it's what we all needed at the time and today we all agree that it helped us pull through. And this girl on myspace might need this, too.

    I am, to be very honest, thoroughly put out with your "be strong or perish" bullshit.
    Why? And I think that is an unfair statement on your part. I am pushing for the be strong stuff because it has been 6 months. It is time. I have sought help from people myself, I do not stand alone in life. So your remarks about asceticism are unwarranted. I just spent the last 2-3 months in heavy deliberation about spiritual and relationship and other matters myself, and I did not do that on my own. I am very thankful for those friends that were there to help me.

    Good for you if you can be an ascetic and courageous hero in all walks of life. Others can't be that or, guess what, don't want to be that. When I mourned my friend, I hard a hard time letting go and it was good that I realized that and took my time. There is no one answer to how people should deal with trauma, so quit assuming you have all the answers.
    Interesting, I've run into this before. Why do you assume I am assuming I have all the answers to everything? I do not.

    I guess your reaction is that way because I am trying to figure out how to get out of, past the situation, rather than focusing on how bad her situation is. Look - the way I see it, there are tons of people, like yourself, who will readily say "there there there" - and that's great. Perhaps this is biased from my own experience, but, I felt/see/saw a lack of "look, its just time to move on" in my own life. Maybe that is because, right now, I am at a point where I've analyzed a great deal in my life, I don't know.

    It seems like whenever something bad happens, there is just the great response of sympathy. That's good, that is supportive, and it is probably the right thing to do. But there has to be some sort of balance. You have to move on, at some point.

    If I was this girl's friend, and it was 6 months of this stuff, I'd think it would be my duty as a friend who was looking out for her well being to be an advocation for getting on with your life. Particularly because, as here on the forum, I would expect most of the response to be "that's so sad", etc. The last thing I will say is that I am not suggesting this because she is weak and pathetic, but because moving on is an essential part of her being healthy, and the health of everyone around her. If you are stuck in the past, you can be dead to the present.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

  26. #26

    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    USA.
    TIM
    INTj
    Posts
    4,497
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Baby View Post
    The concept can seem disturbing at first, but it's actually done really tastefully. They took pictures of hospice patients before and after death.:

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/ga...ture=333325401
    i love you

    (i do think it's disturbing though)

  27. #27

    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    USA.
    TIM
    INTj
    Posts
    4,497
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Baby View Post
    For some reason I feel strangely empty when seeing a dead person. Even looking through those photos it didn't seem to register to me as unsettling at all for some reason.

    I am, though, really bothered by people suffering in life, or if they died a painful/violent death or at a young age where they didn't have the chance to do all they wanted to do in life. Thinking about that sort of thing bothers me deeply. But seeing a corpse, I think: "That person is no longer there anymore. It's just an inert mass of cells now." It's haunting in the same way an abandoned building is... a little screwed up I know.
    this is cool too

  28. #28
    Exits, pursued by a bear. Animal's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    TIM
    It sneaks up on you
    Posts
    3,051
    Mentioned
    83 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ms. Kensington View Post
    i love you

    (i do think it's disturbing though)
    Heh, yeah I find it more and more disturbing, actually, several days after seeing it the first time for some reason.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

  29. #29
    Kim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    TIM
    IEE e7 783 sx so
    Posts
    6,857
    Mentioned
    380 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Why? And I think that is an unfair statement on your part. I am pushing for the be strong stuff because it has been 6 months. It is time.
    It is time in YOUR frame of reference, but you know nothing about hers. Perhaps the postings are helping her with life and are not even holding her back. And to be honest, if I lost my boyfriend, I doubt I would be ready to move on after six months. We are talking about someone's closest companion here. It takes people years to move on. And what does "moving on" mean anyway? The mourning process is called process for a reason. It is not stagnation, but learning to cope with the absence of someone and the duration of this learning process depends on too many things for anyone to judge how long is too long.

    I have sought help from people myself, I do not stand alone in life. So your remarks about asceticism are unwarranted. I just spent the last 2-3 months in heavy deliberation about spiritual and relationship and other matters myself, and I did not do that on my own. I am very thankful for those friends that were there to help me.
    Sure, but what's your point? You give advice around here and much of your advice wouldn't help me at all, and sometimes I find it even potentially counter-productive. When you give advice, it sounds like "this is what you have to do and that's that." Any rhetoric containing "strong vs. weak" is potentially damaging.

    Interesting, I've run into this before. Why do you assume I am assuming I have all the answers to everything? I do not.

    I guess your reaction is that way because I am trying to figure out how to get out of, past the situation, rather than focusing on how bad her situation is. Look - the way I see it, there are tons of people, like yourself, who will readily say "there there there" - and that's great. Perhaps this is biased from my own experience, but, I felt/see/saw a lack of "look, its just time to move on" in my own life. Maybe that is because, right now, I am at a point where I've analyzed a great deal in my life, I don't know.
    What you don't understand that focusing on the trauma in the moment is part of the process that will get you past the pain (or at least to a point where the pain is bearable). What you are saying is that you want the person to get the advice that you needed and never got, but you fail to see that this advice might not be what she needs. And you go as far as to accuse her of "finding an excuse to get stuck." That's arrogant and insensitive because you don't know anything about her.

    It seems like whenever something bad happens, there is just the great response of sympathy. That's good, that is supportive, and it is probably the right thing to do. But there has to be some sort of balance. You have to move on, at some point.
    Yes, but the point varies from person to person and greatly depends on circumstance. Who are you to say "move on" to someone you don't even know? Someone who has lost her boyfriend? That is HUGE and 6 months is not a long time.

    If I was this girl's friend, and it was 6 months of this stuff, I'd think it would be my duty as a friend who was looking out for her well being to be an advocation for getting on with your life. Particularly because, as here on the forum, I would expect most of the response to be "that's so sad", etc. The last thing I will say is that I am not suggesting this because she is weak and pathetic, but because moving on is an essential part of her healthy, and the health of everyone around her. If you are stuck in the past, you can be dead to the present.
    And that is my problem: it is your "duty"? You don't even know if she WANTS to move on. She might need this time! Mourning does not mean you want empathy all the time, but it means that you need to redefine your life. It takes time. If I were her, I would tell you to stop giving advice about a state of mind that you clearly don't understand.

    Health is different for different people. What makes you healthy can make me sick. That's what I am trying to make you understand.
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

  30. #30
    UDP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    East Coast West Coast Dirty South
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    14,826
    Mentioned
    33 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kim View Post
    It is time in YOUR frame of reference, but you know nothing about hers. Perhaps the postings are helping her with life and are not even holding her back. And to be honest, if I lost my boyfriend, I doubt I would be ready to move on after six months. We are talking about someone's closest companion here. It takes people years to move on. And what does "moving on" mean anyway? The mourning process is called process for a reason. It is not stagnation, but learning to cope with the absence of someone and the duration of this learning process depends on too many things for anyone to judge how long is too long.



    Sure, but what's your point? You give advice around here and much of your advice wouldn't help me at all, and sometimes I find it even potentially counter-productive. When you give advice, it sounds like "this is what you have to do and that's that." Any rhetoric containing "strong vs. weak" is potentially damaging.

    Interesting, I've run into this before. Why do you assume I am assuming I have all the answers to everything? I do not.



    What you don't understand that focusing on the trauma in the moment is part of the process that will get you past the pain (or at least to a point where the pain is bearable). What you are saying is that you want the person to get the advice that you needed and never got, but you fail to see that this advice might not be what she needs. And you go as far as to accuse her of "finding an excuse to get stuck." That's arrogant and insensitive because you don't know anything about her.
    I think you're over reacting a little bit, heh.

    No, I don't want her to get the advice I never got, I went into detail about that to provide a possible explanation for why I might see things that way.

    As for you're remark about me being insensitive because I don't know anything about her, you must not have read any of my posts to baby. A lot of what you are saying in your last post I already addressed and acknowledged.


    Yes, but the point varies from person to person and greatly depends on circumstance. Who are you to say "move on" to someone you don't even know? Someone who has lost her boyfriend? That is HUGE and 6 months is not a long time.
    See above.


    And that is my problem: it is your "duty"? You don't even know if she WANTS to move on.
    You didn't read what I wrote, did you? You seem to just be ethically provoked here. I said "If I was this girls friend", not "I am this girls friend and I know her situation and what is best for her".

    See the * below.

    She might need this time!
    You have to accept that you don't know any better than I do. You're not her friend. You don't know the situation. As I said earlier, none of us know what the girl needs right now. See the * below.

    Mourning does not mean you want empathy all the time, but it means that you need to redefine your life. It takes time. If I were her, I would tell you to stop giving advice about a state of mind that you clearly don't understand.
    You should take your own advice and stop pretending like you're this girls best friend. I agree with what you say, that it takes time to redefine your life. And you have no understanding of how much I know about the state of mind we're talking to. If you disagree with me that's fine, but you do not know my level of understanding of the matter.

    Health is different for different people. What makes you healthy can make me sick. That's what I am trying to make you understand.
    Perhaps you should consider that I already understand that, and made my comments knowing what you are trying to say, instead of just writing me off as arrogant and insensitive - maybe you'd then actually have to interpret and digest my words, rather than "reacting" to the tone of my posts.




    *

    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    Are you reacting towards my "tone", or towards what I said?
    If you want to encourage the girl to continue posting on the site for another 6 months, great.

    I'm sorry if my response triggered memories of a loss you are dealing with. Yes, it was not PC or sensitive. It was just a bit boring seeing everyone say how bad it is, how sad it is, and so on. There are other perspectives on matters, and I expressed one of them. It is not necessarily my own - primarily because, as I was writing in my response to baby, I don't know the girl - and neither do any of us - so my real take on the matter is something that I cannot construct.
    If you want to argue with me because your matter of concern is different than my own, so be it. I think you are failing to see the reason I am emphasizing the perspective I presented in this thread - primarily because it is underrepresented. But whatever. You of course are free to make up your own mind.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

  31. #31
    Kim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    TIM
    IEE e7 783 sx so
    Posts
    6,857
    Mentioned
    380 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Now I am left with what Baby said, which is that I might not know her any better than you, but I didn't post this:

    It is just a way of pretending to have a legitimate excuse for yourself to not move on with your life. "Oh, she's really taking it hard". More like "oh, her life is stagnated for the last 6 months. She better get her ass in gear otherwise that event is going to define the rest of her existence"
    and lots of other idiotic stuff. As long as you feel entitled to judge someone in mourning like you did, you are insensitive and clueless. Stop trying to rationalize that.
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

  32. #32
    UDP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    East Coast West Coast Dirty South
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    14,826
    Mentioned
    33 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Fair enough. It was not my objective to "rationalize" my level of sensitivity about the matter.

    My opinion remains that going to a site for 6 months after someone is dead is generally unhealthy.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

  33. #33
    what is essential is invisible to the eye fox's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Space
    TIM
    ILI
    Posts
    12,802
    Mentioned
    367 Post(s)
    Tagged
    9 Thread(s)

    Default

    If it helps her deal with the death, and adds comfort to her wounds then how could it not be healthy? If the love of my life died I couldn't seem myself wanting to erase them from my memories so quickly.

  34. #34
    jessica129's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    10,122
    Mentioned
    68 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    What's the point in visiting his myspace after he's long been dead? It's not like he'll be updating it anytime soon. aha.

  35. #35

    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    5,101
    Mentioned
    6 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    Imagine it happened tho. SSSSSppoooooooooooooooooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk iiiieeeeeeeeeeeee
    haha, that's what I was thinking. Wait til he posts on her myspace again... lol.

    *new messages* from "insert dead person here" omg that would be some craaaaaaaaaazy shit...

  36. #36
    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    ESI-Se 6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,269
    Mentioned
    142 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    The pictures were fine. It was the descriptions that depressed me. Many of them never really felt like they enjoyed life and felt cheated.


    Guys. can we.. live n stuff before this stuff starts happening to us.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •