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Thread: Typing thoughts on my conceivably future brother-in-law

  1. #1
    Snomunegot munenori2's Avatar
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    Default Typing thoughts on my conceivably future brother-in-law

    Without mentioning my own thoughts at the moment, let me tell you a tale...

    This guy is very serious. He lacks a sense of humor in many ways. He is prone to focusing on peripheral issues and going on at very great length, such as a passing mention of emails whereby he expounds on how he receives a lot of spam, but from the domain of his aikido club. Very dry person. It also may be worth mentioning that he has ADD. Also, he has this thing where he has to be with my sister all the time. If he isn't, he calls about three times an hour, often about completely inane stuff like what he's thinking of making for dinner.

    My ESTj mother has formulated a method of setting up verbal traps or landmines for him, which he seems to stagger unerringly into oblivious to what lays in trepidatious wait. He also seems to have poor volume control. As he talks (and he is very long-winded) his volume seems to slowly but inevitably climb. I've never known anyone who puts his foot in his mouth as much as he does. Examples:

    My Mom: I love my job but I hate the politics. It's not what you know, but who you blow.
    guy: Well, I'm terrible at giving blowjobs, so I probably wouldn't do too good in that line of work.
    My Mom: Well ... I didn't mean it that way.

    guy: I have a lot of interests, but I have to do them one at a time.

    guy: I don't like vacations much. I have to spend time away from the people I care about and hang out with my parents.

    My brother's (INTj) comments:

    Brohan: I don't know what it is about him that disturbs me. Like when he went on about the absinthe at our aunt's house. Hmm...
    Me: I think I know what you mean. He just doesn't relate to other people at all. He's completely cut-off from other people.
    Brohan: Yeah, I think that's it. He's sort of elitist. No, that's not quite right. He has this sort of thing like those nobles that had no idea what it was like for the common people. An ivory tower sort of outlook. Like he lives in his own world, not reality.
    Me: I can definitely see that. I've tried to give him the benefit of the doubt for a long time, but he just doesn't understand other people at all.
    Moonlight will fall
    Winter will end
    Harvest will come
    Your heart will mend

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    eunice's Avatar
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    This guys seems kind of strange.

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    Expat's Avatar
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    I agree, he could well be LIE. Signs of low but arguably as role, seeking.

    If so, maybe you've gotten him wrong. He's trying to be sociable and interact with people he doesn't know well but feels he should (ie his gf's family) but being extremely clumsy about it.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Snomunegot munenori2's Avatar
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    I definitely was thinking ExTj. Describing how he acts as an Fe-role seems to fit very nicely. At least, that kind of behavior was the most apparent to me. He certainly does try pretty hard at the get-togethers, maybe too hard. It might be that I am being a little harsh on him, but after about eight or nine months of knowing the guy he hasn't improved much on closer acquaintance. Whatever type he is, he strikes me as the odd subtype.

    I found the interplay between him and my mom to be the most entertaining. In a way, it was like watching a game of cat and mouse, but instead of feasting on the prey, my mom kept maneuvering him into awkward moments. It wasn't mean-spirited or anything. I'm not at all sure that she even understood the dynamic of the whole thing. Basically she would crack a joke or try to inject some levity and he'd take whatever was said and carry on with it unnecessarily.

    ENTj is kind of interesting in that my sister that he's dating I believe to be ISFj. This also might explain how out of place he often seems at family events, since my extended family is predominantly Alpha or Delta (such as the obliquely referenced debacle at my aunt's house). The environments he finds himself in are pretty much always Ne/Si oriented. If any positives can be mentioned about him, he does seem to genuinely care about my sister (although he's a bit clingy) and, if he is not so oblivious to his faux pas, then he's very stoic and determined to be liked.
    Moonlight will fall
    Winter will end
    Harvest will come
    Your heart will mend

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    Expat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by munenori2 View Post
    If any positives can be mentioned about him, he does seem to genuinely care about my sister (although he's a bit clingy)
    He's clingy because he cares about her, I'd rather guess.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    reyn_til_runa's Avatar
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    sure he doesn't have aspergers?
    whenever the dog and i see each other we both stop where we are. we regard each other with a mixture of sadness and suspicion and then we feign indifference.

    Jerry, The Zoo Story by Edward Albee

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    Snomunegot munenori2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat View Post
    He's clingy because he cares about her, I'd rather guess.


    When I say clingy, I mean that when they are apart my sister routinely fields an average of three or so calls per hour from him. This last weekend was the only time that I know of them being apart (from Thursday night to Sunday afternoon) since they started seeing each other and she received precisely 31 phone calls in that period. She answers them all and doesn't seem put off by it. If it were me, I'd feel smothered.

    @ reyn: As for the possibility of aspergers, I don't know enough about that to be a good judge. He seems to share a few of the characteristics described on the wiki entry, for what limited worth that has.
    Moonlight will fall
    Winter will end
    Harvest will come
    Your heart will mend

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