I thought these were cool. They've been around for a while but I haven't seen them posted here before. These are from Tatiana Menshova's website. I don't know who wrote them, however. They're pretty funny if you can get past the babelfishness (even more so if you can't). My favorites are ILE (man and woman), ILI (female), IEI (man and woman), SLE (male), IEE (man and woman), and LSE (man and woman). I tried to clean them up a little.:
Don Quixote, Iskatel'
IS BETTER - THE ENEMY OF THE GOOD
MAN: In you the impression is created, that this person is situated in a constant search. He important did not dress necktie, in order to meet with you it did order expensive supper. Its main gift - great discoveries always to your services.
WOMAN: It will always consider as news itself with you - now about this it is written so many any literature! But still - there is never he will not say: indeed in the world there is nothing impossible!
Dumases, The mediator
GOD IS LOVE (dyum)
MAN: It is not necessary to compare it with the tomcat, which sweet urchit on solnyshke. Better delight in together with it by the natural beauty of this existence. Time will arrive - it compulsorily will begin "to catch mice". It is not important as, it is important that for you.
WOMAN: It does not be worthwhile to concern the elevated themes, when so well two together. But so that it would become even better you do not prevent it from living by your interests. Instead of it will divide with you equally all its problems.
SO TAKE CARE THE LOVES OF MY!
MAN: Not to love you it simply considers it indecent for itself. And if you as its answer do not fall in love - it means simply you do not know how this to make! Here do not prevent it from odarivat' you by the happiness of your participation in your personal life!
WOMAN: In it wonderfully they get along elegance for your calculation and economy of its own means. Its own nature in this case is very generous. But to "worthy diamond" is required "worthy mounting".
Robesp'er, the analyst
Within the framework OF THE REASONABLE
MAN: For the tender trembling to it completely will approach student or working bench. That that in the law court - it will not approach: there it will defend validity. But if you categorically prodeklariruyete, that they are agreeable with his taciturn proposal of hand and heart - it will consider this reasonable...
WOMAN: For you it is necessary to convince it of the fact that in your intentions there is much useful and for it. After being convinced, it... will consider this conversation of pleasant and useful. After estimating the time spent on the conversations, it will prompt as to conduct it with the benefit.
I SOGLASHAYTES VYIGRYVAYTE
AGREE and WIN
MAN: As if King Kong beauty, it keeps you in the palm of its cozy power. Feel free to wander on the "palm" while he likes you "smell and color." Razljubit - detail you raspishet safety Cup on all four sides of the new reality.
WOMAN: In love, as in the work, be prudent with it "on the same side of the barricade". If it could be decided "on its own throat song" that you speak of. Put her throat "immediately": power intoxicating…
Si je t’aime, prends garde à toi!
(If I love you, be on guard.)
MAN: "Eternally youthful man with a future" so fervently believes all your words, that gives the impression of the newly-born angel. Pravda "materialization" will be held, probably at your expense…
WOMAN: It must… buyers are extravagant and flowery gifts, which, and to whom it should have done. Already done? Well: You have passed the first test. Now, second: convince her to help you. Rather, it will offer another test number one, but you already sake.
LET US ACCELERATE THE CHANGES
MAN: Love that it is looking for, does not live on this sinful earth. You will have to "take off" with him. Imagine where you can land after this? Uvilnuv from such "flight", you become a risk for him "space object" for a massive impact.
WOMAN: Her appearance in your life will give a new countdown events. She was equally impressed by "black" and "white" side of your nature. Demonstrate they are not mixing: that harmony for you, for it - greyness and boredom.
LET US ARRANGE THE PRIORITIES (Oh so sexy, eh?)
MAN: On that long-extinct volcano ash. Feelings "volcano" so profound that you begin to doubt their existence. But there is always hope that "Vesuvius" prosnetsja. Vozdelyvayte better vineyards in its territory!
WOMAN: Surprisingly can enjoy "from all sides". Learn the secret of her charm does not count. Eat what you taught "on a platter" and not dripping never in the "kitchen" case!
MAN: It is hardly worth trying to compete with him in horse riding. Everything else better to do with that man. Even better, while standing firmly on the ground: the "Bolivar", as O. Henry wrote, "does not stand the two…"
WOMAN: It is always something fights: or to a lack of time or with the presence of wrinkles. Having power over it is the first ever win in the second, taking advantage of Mashina Vremeni.
MAN: If diplomat said "yes" - means "maybe". If the diplomat said "no" - a military officer. If the officer said "may be" - and he has heart.
WOMAN: If the woman said "no" - means "maybe". If a woman said "may be" - it is "yes". If the woman said yes… - she is able to keep that word.
HOT WITH THIS, BUT FIRST
MAN: The method to become the hero of your fairy tale will always find. If task is impracticable - will release dust into your eyes and will explain by other methods, whom it prevented you from seeing dust.
WOMAN: Both grain crops and spectacles will be sufficient by all. Patience will not be sufficient to remain apart from ristalishch in its honor. But main prize will be reached to that, who less than all is interested in proceeding.
In THE QUIET POOL...
MAN: Draw they are conducted everywhere. But large fish better is caught in turbid voditse. To you it is necessary to only correctly mount "bait". And to know how to use any caught essence, even - beyond.
WOMAN: She was ready to argue with the French people, who prefer wrinkles on the face, not on stockings. Wrinkles cerebral cortex are most hindered her look attractive in the eyes of the fun of the French fans.
Shtirlits, The administrator
MAN: It hesitates... But only when it comes to social work. When the discussion deals with the concrete reward for the labor - it rushes in the battle so that any woman dreams to prove to be the seized fortress.
WOMAN: Here vice versa: conquered remains only socially useful labor, and by it - steadfast control of its priorities.
CLARITY OF THE INTENTIONS
MAN: It does not hide its intentions to you soak. Not its fault, that everything will come out vice versa: indeed its main intention - soak to you to appear your best qualities.
WOMAN: It will always know how to give to you to understand that you - a good person. Further - try to guess from 3rd time, what from a good person awaits also not bad person.
NOT OCCASION FOR THE ACQUAINTANCE
MAN: If you still do not know the man kept in the house - it is betterto let him go. Replace it with a dog, to be fed, leashed and go take a walk. Regarding training - than man this it is obtained better.
WOMAN: It with happiness will promise everything to you, about which you did not have time even to think. You will share with information with the friend: it will envy. To it similar hardly someone promised.
BREADCRUMBS PLACES (antagonists)
MAN: Before being touched somewhere - to the path one should squat. It is possible on the needs. It is possible for the table. But then - one should lie down for a while. But then thorough to think - it does be worthwhile generally somewhere to be touched. Indeed the main thing in the life - personal calmness.
WOMAN: If to you be required unhealthy passions - videotape the horrors or you will purchase the sack of laughter. But healthy and useful food will be in your house to the breakfast, dinner and supper.