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Thread: How badly do we need our dual?

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    Default How badly do we need our dual?

    I know there are zillions of threads on this... but just how badly does one need them?

    Are we all going to be unconsciouslly or perhaps consciouslly searching for our dual? Or is this just a romanticised idea? I find myself typically searching high and low, I'm trying very hard! Do some people/ some types need their dual more than others?
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    The way I figure it, I've made it almost 28 years without duality (though I'm sure I've been a part of a dual pair at some point in life, it couldn't have been anything miraculous or anything that's stuck in my memory like OMG I miss my Dual!!!)... I can't imagine really needing them to get through life.
    Would it help? Sure, why not.

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    You don't 'need' anybody.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    put it this way: when you don't have your dual, you still survive. you make more mistakes and grow, though.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    i think it depends on how developed the individual is, but life sure is a hell of a lot easier with our dual by our side.
    ESFp-Fi sub
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    Being a great relationship makes your life better, ceteris paribus. That is all about duality, generally speaking. Nobody needs it, but everybody would be better off with a great relationship, be it duality or benefit or super-ego.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    I could be biased given that I'm surrounded by SEEs (and gammas in general, it's starting to seem) just by going to work (OK, not literally surrounded, but I think there are more SEEs than any other type where I work), but looking back on things I'm pretty sure I've been a lot happier in general when I've had SEE friends around. I'd say one year I only really survived because of an SEE friend I had at the time (and still do). I think it's highly subjective but meh, I'd much rather live my life with SEEs around than without.
    ILI (Indescribable Lovemaking Inc.)
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    according to what I've read if you spend all your life in a stable relative unstressful environment then having your dual is devalued and you probably won't even notice them simply for the fact that your dual is less likely to offend you or catch your attention, indeed dualization means finding peace, calming down. So instead of being attracted to your dual you're going to develop neurotic obsessions to incompatible types because they're exciting and what your boring life needs is excitement.

    However, when shit hits the fan and you're placed in a situation that actually means something, this is when you need your dual. You know the kind of situation where you're stressed to shit and everyone around you is stressed to shit the last thing you need in life is to deal with some stupid fucking bitch yapping at you when you get home - this is when you'll wish you had your dual.
    INFp-Ni

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    Éminence grise mikemex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard View Post
    You don't 'need' anybody.
    Of course we need other people. We need our parents when we are little children, we need our partners when we are adults and we need our friends all of our lives.

    Misanthropes and hermits are a deviation of the norm. Healthy people are gregarious.
    [] | NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)

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    - Ole Golly from Harriet, the spy.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post
    Of course we need other people. We need our parents when we are little children, we need our partners when we are adults and we need our friends all of our lives.

    Misanthropes and hermits are a deviation of the norm. Healthy people are gregarious.
    Maybe i'm trying to be independant and flailing at it. Maybe you're right.
    Maybe you can feel backstabbed or judged one too many times from friends.
    Last edited by xyz; 03-17-2008 at 10:34 PM.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    Your DNA is mine. Mediator Kam's Avatar
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    heh, I find my dual when I write. So I'm ok.

    If you've ever seen my writing, you know what I mean.
    D-SEI 9w1

    This is me and my dual being scientific together

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    Quote Originally Posted by dolphin View Post
    LokiVanguard, please don't be jad3d..... It's ok to like people....it's ok. It's ok.........
    Yeah... I probably just need to relax or be alone more or something. Thanks for caring though.

    Note: And just to be clear, I wasn't talking about anyone here on the forum or anything.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    Quote Originally Posted by BLauritson View Post
    I could be biased given that I'm surrounded by SEEs (and gammas in general, it's starting to seem) just by going to work (OK, not literally surrounded, but I think there are more SEEs than any other type where I work), but looking back on things I'm pretty sure I've been a lot happier in general when I've had SEE friends around. I'd say one year I only really survived because of an SEE friend I had at the time (and still do). I think it's highly subjective but meh, I'd much rather live my life with SEEs around than without.
    ure one lucky mofo
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    Right now, I need to choke my dual - badly. For the sheer pleasure of watching his eyes bug out of his head. Until my stress and tension are relieved into pretty little red lines on his throat.

    Enough of that... anyway.

    I'm not always aware of "how much" or "how little" is necessary to manage internal/external forces and territorial concerns. I'm either too aggressive or too evasive. My dual explains (or shows me) "how much" or "how little" is necessary, and when it should be important. I seek their advice in these matters. When I'm being too pushy or too submissive with a dual, they have ways of showing me that my (re)action is inappropriate for getting what I want/need from the situation.

    I get these lessons from my activity partner too, but his greater focus on makes him too forgiving for me to really 'get it' (). Nobody can lay the smacketh down on an Ego like a Ti-ESTp .

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    Nobody really "needs" its dual. It's no vital need.

    Duality is just helpful and cool :

    - because they compensate each others' weaknesses
    - because they feel each other as an agreeable partner
    - because such relation is cognitively very strong

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    It seems that different types tend to answer this question differently. Some are totally desperate and practically ready to die without their duals, whereas others are like, "ok, sure, whatever."
    It is easier for the eye of a camel to pass through a rich man than for a needle to enter the kingdom of heaven.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rick View Post
    It seems that different types tend to answer this question differently. Some are totally desperate and practically ready to die without their duals, whereas others are like, "ok, sure, whatever."
    Then, for the most weak-minded people/types, it's not ethical to say them things like "not having dual functions stimulated leads to depression" or such.

    Some people handle such lack pretty well, especially Beta ST's.

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    I need my dual at this point because I've gotten so used to having him around. But I thought I was doing OK before that, really. It is nice having things taken care of that you don't like to deal with without it being a burden for the other person though.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    I had words here once, but I didn't feed them Khola's Avatar
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    Not as badly as we need chocolates and vibrators *zing*
    Hello, my name is Bee. Pleased to meet you .



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    there are more love songs than songs about food or sheltering, and we need those things pretty bad, so i think we need duals pretty bad, or inversely, we don't really need our duals and more people need to write songs about food and houses.
    asd

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    I had words here once, but I didn't feed them Khola's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heath View Post
    there are more love songs than songs about food or sheltering, and we need those things pretty bad, so i think we need duals pretty bad, or inversely, we don't really need our duals and more people need to write songs about food and houses.
    *see above*
    Hello, my name is Bee. Pleased to meet you .



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    Quote Originally Posted by heath View Post
    there are more love songs than songs about food or sheltering, and we need those things pretty bad, so i think we need duals pretty bad, or inversely, we don't really need our duals and more people need to write songs about food and houses.

    I love this.
    I'm going to write an ode to houses.
    maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
    maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
    go ask the frog what the scorpion knows

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    Your DNA is mine. Mediator Kam's Avatar
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    or the green applesauce I recieved today.
    D-SEI 9w1

    This is me and my dual being scientific together

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kamangir View Post
    or the green applesauce I recieved today.
    All I recieved was pinches.

    ALL DAY LONG.

    People love to pinch the girl that forgets to wear green.
    People I don't even know!
    And then as soon as I got home I realized one of my socks was green and I could have avoided it all!
    maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
    maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
    go ask the frog what the scorpion knows

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    Your DNA is mine. Mediator Kam's Avatar
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    OMG tortuous.

    I make no care towards holidays. I didn't even know today was the day. So I threw on one of my favorite shirts and came to school. At school, I realized that it was green and today was St. Patricks' Day.

    I should have recieved the pinches.
    D-SEI 9w1

    This is me and my dual being scientific together

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    ...been here longer than the fucking monarchy Ezra's Avatar
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    We don't need our dual. Our dual is simply our most ideal person for a relationship with us.

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    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard View Post
    Maybe you can feel backstabbed or judged one too many times from friends.
    Have you ever been friends with an idealist?
    [] | NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)

    You know what? You're an individual, and that makes people nervous. And it's gonna keep making people nervous for the rest of your life.
    - Ole Golly from Harriet, the spy.

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    I also think that people who have been with their dual feel that they need them after they get used to them, but yes, as blaze says, even these survive without their dual.

    actually I have seen that for me it is more essential to be away from my superego and conflictor when i'm working in order to FEEL that I am progressing in life, than to be with my dual. I do think that as Rick said that it does depend on the person's type as well how they respond. I am able to tolerate being alone, and even like it, in an exponentially larger degree than my ESFp sister.

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    xyz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post
    Have you ever been friends with an idealist?
    Not really... why do you ask?
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    I don't think it's really needed, but it's definitely worth it to put some effort into it.
    Having superid functions split among friends is enough to feel good imo, an activity here, a semiduality there, an illusionary relative, whatever: take what you get and be on the lookout for more.

    Quote Originally Posted by anamericancer View Post
    And then as soon as I got home I realized one of my socks was green and I could have avoided it all!
    Freudian lapsus?
    LSI

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ms. Kensington View Post
    I also think that people who have been with their dual feel that they need them after they get used to them, but yes, as blaze says, even these survive without their dual.
    yes. people who have been with their dual all their lives do seem to need their dual. because after their dual dies, they usually die quickly after that. i've seen it again and again with the old.

    those of us who don't get our dual....perhaps God's plan is that we need to grow a lot. so we dont' get to be with our dual...it's so we can grow. people who get their dual dunno maybe they don't need to grow as much.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post
    Misanthropes and hermits are a deviation of the norm. Healthy people are gregarious.
    I'm not sure if you were being sarcastic or not. If you weren't, that's an ignorant statement. I guess i'm some sort of "freak of nature" if we go by these rules.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ms. Kensington View Post
    I also think that people who have been with their dual feel that they need them after they get used to them, but yes, as blaze says, even these survive without their dual.
    There is a difference between "surviving" and "living".



    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    I'm not sure if you were being sarcastic or not. If you weren't, that's an ignorant statement. I guess i'm some sort of "freak of nature" if we go by these rules.
    The more you become like mikemex, Jessica, the less of a freak you will be. Heed my words.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Creepy-Diana

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    .

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    Me and Mikemex are duals, we're supposed to agree on everything and dance in poppy fields hand in hand and live happily ever after. Come on guys, don't shatter my view of socionics.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dolphin View Post
    cause you n33d one....isn't it obvious?
    Duals or semiduals are nice.


    And start a tappin Jessica.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    I think duality stimulates growth.
    If the other dual is healthy yeah. And if you are too
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    hmmmm not sure growth is the right word cyclops. the presence of duality enhances your self acceptance and self actualization; your natural use of your ego block. your dual provides direct assistance to your superego block by coming in the back entrance via your superego block.

    so in some ways, i spose your dual permits your natural self expression, but it seems like they kind of enable you in your conscious weak areas, limiting growth there.

    if you spend a long time with your non-dual, you don't get as much appreciation for who you are (ego block functions) and you get some direct criticism of your superego functions. over time with a nondual, depending on the relationship, then, you directly develop your superego, as much as it can be developed.

    i would say that you can improve your role function somewhat, and you can learn to limit the negative consequences of your polr. this can toughen you up, so to speak. it's a painful road though.

    but i would also say it would be undesirable to remain in a non compatible relationship for too long....it just starts to hurt too much if your partner is vibes your superego too much. or where you are vibing theirs.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Creepy-bg

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    I could use a dual to pick up my room for me

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sunshine Lively View Post
    so in some ways, i spose your dual permits your natural self expression, but it seems like they kind of enable you in your conscious weak areas, limiting growth there.

    if you spend a long time with your non-dual, you don't get as much appreciation for who you are (ego block functions) and you get some direct criticism of your superego functions. over time with a nondual, depending on the relationship, then, you directly develop your superego, as much as it can be developed.
    In theory, yes -- but I've seen too many examples where it didn't happen. In most situations, you already spend a lot of time with non-duals, whether at school as a child, or with your family (or some members of it) or later, at work, etc. If you can spend some of your time with your dual, it's like a breath of fresh air.

    I can only see the "limiting" scenario in a situation where you don't interact with non-duals at all over a long time, especially your formative years. So, say, an IEE person who grows up in a semi-deserted island where everyone else is SLI, would have a very hard time dealing with non-SLIs.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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