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Thread: Fe v Fi interaction

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    Default Fe v Fi interaction

    So let me get this straight


    From a Fi valuer's perspective,

    to get along with Fe people, you sort of have to act like "you're already good friends", and then things go smoothly.


    Does that make sense?


    Where as, in general, Fi people reserve more a close sort of interaction for those they've 'known' or "gotten to know".

    ?


    anyone who wants to clarify any of this, feel free.
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    You also have to factor in introversion and extroversion.
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    I do think there's something to be said for general tendencies regarding the matter of familiarity. Whether a Fe valuing type is ethical or logical, introverted or extroverted, they generally think that acting familiar with people (if done properly) is a good thing. Fi valuing types are more likely to see that type of behavior as being inappropriate when a relationship hasn't been (or isn't in the process of being) established.

    btw, I think that this is where a lot of the misunderstandings about Fi dominants come from. Fi PoLR (or other Fe valuing) types sometimes see a Fi dominant's (or other Fi valuing type's) acting like familiar interaction as inappropriate given their relationship (or lack there of) and assume that it's because the Fi type is enforcing some sort of societal rule when this is not at all the case.


    But we all value all of the information elements to some degree. There's no healthy Fe valuing type who doesn't care at all about relationships and no healthy Fi valuing type who absolutely refuses to behave with anything other than businesslike demeanor and distance.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kioshi View Post
    When I was a kid, the father of a friend once commented that he didn't know how to talk to me. He looked at me and he spoke to me as a father might a child. Then I would look at him and speak to him like his grandfather spoke to him as a child. I looked over at him and said just speak to me as a friend.


    My first girlfriend probably made one of the best first approaches a person could make. Like most people she found it very difficult to approach me. She often made comments to her mother. Finally her mother told her to just assume we were friends and talk to me like a friend. I was observing a group of kids in the courtyard. She approach from the side so as not disturb me and sat down. A moment later she commented about a girl that was the center of attention in the group. I responded. It worked great. It simply didn’t cross my mind that I didn't know her.


    Another classic was a boy on my first day at new school. I was busy exploring my new environment. He approached and asked what I was doing. Being the British gentleman (I was into Kipling that year) I politely introduced myself and stated the nature of my business. I would have offered him my card if I had one. His face lit up and he introduced himself. He was an American journalist and would be my guide. We had been friends since childhood. When I was ready he would introduce me to some of the natives. And that was that, we were friends.


    Seriously, Fi or not, at least with me it's good advice. Just assume we're friends. It's not like friendship is all that difficult. If you want to be friends, then let's just skip past the bullshit and be friends.
    Interesting PoV.
    But I disagree. I don't understand how you can call someone a friend just from the first meeting. You barely know the person.
    This Fe interaction?
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    I seem to be quite unpredictable in how I interact with strangers. Sometimes if it's someone I'll likely never see again in my life then I might act sort of how the Fe approach has been described, although it might just be because it's only a short interaction.. hmm.. I can only think of one example when I say this so maybe I'm putting too much weight on that. I think for the most part, say if we have a new coworker starting (which is about the only time I ever meet new people), I'll be polite to them for obvious reasons but how I talk with them in general would depend on that person. If that person seems to have a similar.. aura, for lack of a better term, to someone I'm already acquainted with, then I'm likely to warm to them a bit easier than I might do otherwise. I dunno, a lot of this sort of thing goes on in my head when I'm interacting with a stranger but I'm not sure if how I act externally is in any way different per person.. bah I dunno, I'm not really getting anywhere here.
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    I definitely do the whole "already know you" thing when I talk to people I have just met or am not that close with. To me, it's a good thing to act warm and lively, as if I really like the person, because in general, I do. Well, I mean - I don't know anything about them, or not much ... so why should I pre-judge? This is how I think about it. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, not just a blank slate ... a blank slate leaning towards the positive.

    I don't see the point of being closed off to someone new ... If you want to establish an connection too, then wouldn't it be easier to be friendly from the on-set instead of having to get through all these barriers and maybe even character "tests" or whatever? It is very disheartening when someone does not respond to my


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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    i think this post reeks of valued Te and Fi.
    Not at all. I can actually relate very well to what he wrote.
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    are you sure you are not ENTj? you easily sound as one in my head.
    Have you ever considered the possibility that you're getting socionics all wrong?
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    i'm not sure that time of acquaintance necessarily has anything to do with Fe/Fi. it may in certain instances, but in those it's a manifestation of Fi people not being particularly receptive towards or fast on developing an interpersonal connection. all of this is basically not to say that such a connection can't develop rapidly on an Fi level, or that an underlying Fe atmosphere will necessarily support the immediate taking of somebody under one's wing.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    are you sure you are not ENTj? you easily sound as one in my head.
    Absolutely positive.
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    Quote Originally Posted by niffweed17 View Post
    i'm not sure that time of acquaintance necessarily has anything to do with Fe/Fi. it may in certain instances, but in those it's a manifestation of Fi people not being particularly receptive towards or fast on developing an interpersonal connection. all of this is basically not to say that such a connection can't develop rapidly on an Fi level, or that an underlying Fe atmosphere will necessarily support the immediate taking of somebody under one's wing.
    Actually this is amazing because this exact scenario happened to me yesterday. At uni i saw this INTj guy i know and i sat at this table, and before long a cute Asian girl sat down aswell (along with others). I went to get some pasta and came back and straight away shes like "sit here" next to her. Im like "yeah im looking for a job too" and shes like "we should go up to the employment agency upstairs". Then she hands me and my INFj friend the phone and asked for our numbers.

    At first glance lol you could think she was hitting on us but i knew somehow that it was Fe. In my head i was thinking, um i really dont know you well enough to go up to the employment agency. I was also reluctant to give her my number. Either she will ring me one day (kind of weird) or she wont (so pointless).

    I can understand that this is very reserved and Fi of me from an Fe point of view. I admire how Fe people can just hang out with randoms like that.

    I think in my head i see Fe as a greater level of socialiability and acceptance, Whilst Fi is more reserved with perhaps more occasional strong "bonding experiences".
    Last edited by meatburger; 03-07-2008 at 02:57 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by niffweed17 View Post
    i'm not sure that time of acquaintance necessarily has anything to do with Fe/Fi. it may in certain instances, but in those it's a manifestation of Fi people not being particularly receptive towards or fast on developing an interpersonal connection. all of this is basically not to say that such a connection can't develop rapidly on an Fi level, or that an underlying Fe atmosphere will necessarily support the immediate taking of somebody under one's wing.
    This is sensible. This is good. Me likes.

    I'm thinking there are slight correlations. Fe is probably more off-the-bat and Fi a little bit more standoffish at first, but there are certainly instances of very rapid Fi-connecting and Fe getting off-put. Depends on the people and the situation. Maybe you could mark it down to the one depending on external observations and the other on the not-so-apparent. Different people tend to focus more on one or the other (as socionics teaches us), but we use both. Hmm, I was going to say something articulate that would tie this into a more coherent point, but at the moment it's escaping me. What niff said.
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    Quote Originally Posted by dolphin View Post
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    i think this post reeks of valued Te and Fi.
    go shoot yourself before you post anything else that's so opposite to "truth" in socionics. Everything is subjective in socionics, but you just get it all wrong. that's one dumb post.
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    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger View Post
    Actually this is amazing because this exact scenario happened to me yesterday. At uni i saw this INTj guy i know and i sat at this table, and before long a cute Asian girl sat down aswell (along with others). I went to get some pasta and came back and straight away shes like "sit here" next to her. Im like "yeah im looking for a job too" and shes like "we should go up to the employment agency upstairs". Then she hands me and my INFj friend the phone and asked for our numbers.

    At first glance lol you could think she was hitting on us but i knew somehow that it was Fe. In my head i was thinking, um i really dont know you well enough to go up to the employment agency. I was also reluctant to give her my number. Either she will ring me one day (kind of weird) or she wont (so pointless).

    I can understand that this is very reserved and Fi of me from an Fe point of view. I admire how Fe people can just hang out with randoms like that.

    I think in my head i see Fe as a greater level of socialiability and acceptance, Whilst Fi is more reserved with perhaps more occasional strong "bonding experiences".
    I do that sometimes. I just start talking to people as if we've known each other for a long time. Works extremely well with alphas and betas. It almost doesn't work at all with gammas and deltas. It is especially effective with types. I have had soooooo many casual-discussion friends who I see very rarely, but whenever we meet, we get into a very active conversation.

    I especially relate to starting a conversation from absolutely nothing. There is no "hi" or "how are you". Just a random stranger saying, "the bus seems to be late" and the other person replies, "yeah, at least 5 minutes already!" and there's a brief conversation. And then people go their separate ways. Sometimes works, sometimes doesn't. Seems correlated to the amount of .
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    Quote Originally Posted by dolphin View Post
    I'm not exactly sure how to explain this...hmm. I wish I had a better understanding of Fi. Fi would be so useful - if I were actually able to evaluate, to understand my connections to people. But basically Fe is pretty much "default" mode of operation, and I use it. Then I end up really close to a person without knowing exactly how I got there. Being sincere in the moment but not really having a grasp of where things are headed is quite scary, I end up really confused as to what is real, like "What I did I really mean? Am I insincere/shallow/manipulative?" Questioning if you know where a path is headed and if you meant to go down that path after you've already started down it is a horrible tendency. I've bombed situations like this before and it's not pretty. It's hard to trust yourself. Can I really cope with life, my future, my actions? It's like not having control. Or not being able to see how much control you have, or the effects of your behavior on others. It's a blind feeling.
    Wow, dolphin - this is a perfect demonstration of role function.


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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    i think this post reeks of valued Te and Fi.
    Consider what a Fi PoLR is and how a Se extrovert with a Fi PoLR would go about initiating relationships and then consider how that person's dual would ideally respond.
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    lol i posted another post which totally contradicts that and i still got the shit lol it's like people have then READ the post, but because they hate me, still posted it awww
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    Quote Originally Posted by dolphin View Post
    But basically Fe is pretty much "default" mode of operation, and I use it. Then I end up really close to a person without knowing exactly how I got there. Being sincere in the moment but not really having a grasp of where things are headed is quite scary, I end up really confused as to what is real, like "What I did I really mean? Am I insincere/shallow/manipulative?" Questioning if you know where a path is headed and if you meant to go down that path after you've already started down it is a horrible tendency. I've bombed situations like this before and it's not pretty. It's hard to trust yourself. Can I really cope with life, my future, my actions? It's like not having control. Or not being able to see how much control you have, or the effects of your behavior on others. It's a blind feeling.
    I don't know if this is indicative of role function, because I'd have to say I often share this perception of , and it's supposed to be my primary/lead function. A "potential" can occur to me based on a single impression, but the next curve in the road will change where that is heading in an instant.

    ie: During the early phase of friendship with someone, I'm more or less unsure when we're going to get to that point where I can relax and know the bond has "solidified". Up to then, it's tenuous and I feel like I always have to maintain it somehow-- and the interactions reflect a kind of uncertainty and hesitation. I like a certain comfort zone with close friends. Sometimes, I kind of pursue people, knowing the potentiality of the relationship, and strive to make the reality match. (slackermom mentioned this somewhere abt INFps-- seeing where something can go and not just waiting for reality to catch up with the potentiality). It's easy for me to see that with certain people, but since they're not seeing all the places we can go and experiences I'm imagining we can have, it can be a mite perplexing for them, I guess.

    I often don't trust that things will just "work out" without my interference. Everything can feel so ambiguous and out of my control when something becomes important to me. So I tend to dwell on them and constantly feel I have to act to push them along in the direction I want them to go. That's where the concerted use of comes in...!

    But I still am never certain I can exactly pinpoint that moment when a bond has "crystallized" and the relationship is definitely established. I just know that I no longer worry when I can point to a comfortable reciprocity.
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    ? ? ??? ? ? ???
    don't understand that post.
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