"Victim" and "Caring" types: mutually uncomfortable?

[UDP]

What is your experience, if you've ever been in situations like this?

[UDP]

** this is particularly referring to romantic relationships. But I cannot change the title of the thread now that I've set it, apparently.

[Mediator Kam]

My relationship experience is massive fail as you know Jesse.

I'd imagine the victim would be all "omg I need to be directed to do things"

and the caregiver doesn't really do that kind of thing. I feel caregivers are more chill, go with the flow with relationships. Not to say they care any less about the relationship.

[Expat]

What is your experience, if you've ever been in situations like this?

I can only say the obvious. The Caregiver's instinct is to try to make you comfortable, as in creating a cosy environment and situation, which is not really what the Victim wants. The Victim will also tend to expect the Caregiver to behave like an Aggressor, with makes the Caregiver go "are you weird or what?"

If you're seriously interested, I can be more specific over PM.

[UDP]

Thanks. I seem to have answered some of my questions on my own for the time being, but, I may ask more in a pm later.



Right now, I am currently thinking about how victims don't really have "direct needs" like infantiles do. Infantiles do, even if they seem to avoid letting them out too directly. But they have specific ones, or at least that is how it seems from a caregiver perspective IMO. Victims seem to be more dependent on what the other person wants, and wants to mold towards that.

So the caregiver is trying to meet and satisfy specific needs, but the victim is trying to react to specific desires, or something to that effect.

The victim wants to become the 'loyal knight', but the caregiver wants to satisfy, care for, and support. It is like........ the two introverted functions are conflicting. Si and Ni.


More on this later

[redbaron]

Well let's see. I'm a victim married to a caregiver (ESFj) for going on 14 years now. I actually kind of like the careful quality that pays so much attention to my responses. Maybe it's just that we've adjusted to each other after many years together. He always takes the lead (even if I initiate) and he reads me like a book. I never consciously know what I want until I'm experiencing it so I'll admit, I'm kinda tricky that way.

[FDG]

You're right. I know that with an ENTJ, it works better if I either sound like I need him or if he's doing something stupid I knock him out the first time. ENTJs are like enforcers but need someone to define the rules for them to enforce.

Eh, that's kind of reductive for a human being, you know.

[implied]

Interesting, you as an INFP (Supervisor) with an ESFJ (Supervisee) Besides the "Supervisor" rank I'm beginning to notice that Introvert (Supervisor) to Extrovert (Supervisee) relationships being quite good (but not the other way around! with Extrovert being Supervisor and Introvert being Supervisee) Everytime I hang out with my supervisor (ESFJ) I have this incredible need to escape.

I've met an INTP (Supervisor) -ESTJ (Supervisee) married couple and they work very well together. It was kinda funny watching them cook together when I came over one night, the INTP was making jokes with me while making some kind of pizza and the ESTJ kept telling him to be careful and this and that. It's funny to watch them talk to each other like best friends with no one really dominating the other.

i could honestly see both these relations working out pretty well. i think you're right about supervisor-introvert/supervisee-extrovert being not so bad. i don't suppose either INXp type would be super duper imposing. but i think it's probably just bad to be supervised by an extroverted function.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

I thought about this one before, but I think introvert or extrovert supervision can be just as bad as each other. It depends on what the two people are doing, how much pressure the supervisor is looking to put on supervised weak function I think.

[Khola aka Bee]

Ok guys I have officially found a video on Victim-caregiver here! I'd say the white pony whatsit is victim fo sho!!

[Khola aka Bee]

It reminds me so much of my interactions with Nick that's its kinda funny! Although I think I'd be nice and let him keep his kidney