My hard-to-type cousin

[Slacker]

I thought this might be mildly interesting to someone or another so I'll type it up.

I have this cousin. I've been wondering what her type is because she's seemed so hard to type. She's very friendly and open, but she seems uncomfortable most of the time. She's much younger than I am - in her early 20s - and I usually see her with my aunt and uncle, who are very clearly ESFj and INTj.

So my daughter is going to be the flower girl in her wedding later today. I saw her at the rehearsal yesterday and her parents were late. Before her parents got there, she was SO DIFFERENT from how I've seen her in the past. I thought after a couple of minutes, "She seems like she could be ESFp." But I wasn't sure - I thought maybe she was just really excited about the wedding. Then she introduced me to her fiance, who has an Fe PoLR in a big way and was having a bit of trouble with the attention he was getting due to the impending wedding, but he doesn't seem to be an Si type from my brief interaction with him, so I think he might be an INTp. In which case my impression that she might be ESFp makes sense.

So what I'm thinking is that as an ESFp maybe she's kind of held her natural self back around her ESFj/INTj parents? She was very different before they got there. Maybe she's just excited about the wedding too, but it was more different than that - she had this huge confidence I haven't seen before. And she was much more open with jokes and teasing people.

[Creepy-bg]

you're family seems naturally good at finding duals

[Expat]

So what I'm thinking is that as an ESFp maybe she's kind of held her natural self back around her ESFj/INTj parents? She was very different before they got there. Maybe she's just excited about the wedding too, but it was more different than that - she had this huge confidence I haven't seen before. And she was much more open with jokes and teasing people.

It's hard to know without more information but I think that would make a lot of sense. Quasi-identical and conflictor parents, and Gamma with Alpha? Ugh. I'd guess she grew up hearing she was doing something wrong whenever being herself.

[Slacker]

you're family seems naturally good at finding duals

I have a large extended family. Not all are married to duals by a long shot. My parents are ENFj/ENTj. My brother and ex-SIL were ISFj/ESFp. But yeah, some of us are married to duals. And probably a higher percentage of marriages that last are to duals.

[Slacker]

It's hard to know without more information but I think that would make a lot of sense. Quasi-identical and conflictor parents, and Gamma with Alpha? Ugh. I'd guess she grew up hearing she was doing something wrong whenever being herself.

My aunt and uncle wouldn't believe doctors who said she didn't have ADHD and pressured them to give her Ritalin anyway when she was younger. I've also heard them say that she's "aggressive" - which I wouldn't have thought at all before I saw her teasing people yesterday.

[schrödinger's cat]

That's scary. Poor girl. I'm familiar with this thing where people mistake your personality for a problem you need to work at. But to have one's type mistaken for a disorder? Ouch.

The rest of that story sounds familiar. I'm thinking... do I know anyone who ISN'T serious and tense around her Mum?

[Mea]

So what I'm thinking is that as an ESFp maybe she's kind of held her natural self back around her ESFj/INTj parents? She was very different before they got there. Maybe she's just excited about the wedding too, but it was more different than that - she had this huge confidence I haven't seen before. And she was much more open with jokes and teasing people.

Yes. I think that's very possible with conflictor and quasi-identical parents.
I can imagine the horror.

The part where her parents thinks she has ADHD reminds me of my parents thinking I was anti-social when i was younger, which I'm definitely NOT.
So, do you see something like your cousin and your uncle conflicting? Some examples would be nice.