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Thread: Caregivers and needing someone to fuss over / focus on

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    UDP's Avatar
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    Default Caregivers and needing someone to fuss over / focus on

    background thread: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...ad.php?t=11832



    Paranoid Ni: "I feel like I don't have any purpose in the world; I wander through life without really being sure of what I'm going to do with myself. I just want one person to need me so I know that, if all else fails, I have something to live for."
    Basic desire: To be needed
    Would you say most caregivers you know have a tendency to want someone in their lives for that reason - to just be occupied?

    I was thinking about the above quote today, and basically trying to consider some caregivers I know who seem to be that way. One ESE was really, really social and involved in lots of things, and I may be beginning to understand why she was that way, because a lot of her friends were there, and she was constantly looking for all of these people to be worried about, check up on, fuss over, see how they are doing, etc.

    She has since found a steady boyfriend, and seems much more calm and happy.


    If we look at...
    Paranoid Se: "Sometimes it feels like the world is working against me; I never have everything I need to accomplish my goals. I just want one person who will always help me, even when it feels like everyone else is working against me."
    Basic desire: To be supported
    It seems the reciprocal would be someone who would want someone to fuss about them, or feel comfortable because of it. I can see how the ESE was basically secretly hoping there would be someone like that, and in fact did come across someone like that.


    So would you say that it is somewhat important for a caregiver to have people it can fuss about and look after, on a day to day basis? And how do they deal with spreading themselves too thin? In one sense, it appears that monogamy comes up as a means to feel like "ok, so long as this one person is ok, then everything is alright" - as a means of focusing.


    Anyone want to expand up that, or anything else her?
    Last edited by UDP; 02-18-2008 at 05:16 AM. Reason: added background thread
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    "Maybe I fall more on the second quotation, simply because I don't seem to accomplish that much"

    (for the record, you would fall into the second quote, because you are "paranoid Se")
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Snomunegot munenori2's Avatar
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    Sorry, I had to delete my original post to start from scratch and because I thought it over a bit more. I didn't feel like I was getting my thoughts across. Here are the highlights of what resounded with me:

    Paranoid Ni: "I feel like I don't have any purpose in the world; I wander through life without really being sure of what I'm going to do with myself. I just want one person to need me so I know that, if all else fails, I have something to live for."
    Basic desire: To be needed
    vs (though upon reflection it just sounded too paranoid)

    Paranoid Se: "Sometimes it feels like the world is working against me; I never have everything I need to accomplish my goals. I just want one person who will always help me, even when it feels like everyone else is working against me."
    Basic desire: To be supported
    Ooh, checked the source post. This is more up my alley, I think. That seems closer to the target.

    Paranoid Si: "I often feel like nobody values or needs me. I want someone who is willing to strive to attain me, so that I know that I'm worth fighting for."
    Basic desire: To be desired
    Moonlight will fall
    Winter will end
    Harvest will come
    Your heart will mend

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    redbaron's Avatar
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    I would say that my ESE husband is much more all about looking after people and checking up on people than my SEI friend and dad. My ESE definitely wants to be needed. I think the SEIs I know like to be needed and appreciated too but a top priority for them is maintaining some personal space (the ones I know are men so this could have something to do with it also). Both ESE and SEI can spread themselves too thin I think, especially ESE because of the tendency to rush around all energetically trying to knock things off the to-do list. SEI has a high need for relaxing and knowing when he needs to relax, knowing his limits. I think the ESE has a harder time with sensing those limits and instead tends to run himself down or bite off more than he can chew, project-wise.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    I would say that my ESE husband is much more all about looking after people and checking up on people than my SEI friend and dad. My ESE definitely wants to be needed. I think the SEIs I know like to be needed and appreciated too but a top priority for them is maintaining some personal space (the ones I know are men so this could have something to do with it also). Both ESE and SEI can spread themselves too thin I think, especially ESE because of the tendency to rush around all energetically trying to knock things off the to-do list. SEI has a high need for relaxing and knowing when he needs to relax, knowing his limits. I think the ESE has a harder time with sensing those limits and instead tends to run himself down or bite off more than he can chew, project-wise.
    I agree with this. At least about the ESE part of it. This time of the year we have performance reviews at work and I talked to an Engineer of mine the other day who said that everything that was brought up about me was very good except one thing... and even that, he said, wasn't even that bad.
    He brought up the fact that I would rather get everything done myself than spread things around to everyone, and that I should spread more of my work-load on to my coworkers. My reply to him was, well... I would if I thought they'd do as good of a job as I do...lol. I'm a firm believer in the phrase, "if you want something done right, do it yourself." I do let other people do work they are supposed to be doing, but since I'm the first one in the loop when something out of the ordinary comes up, then I'll usually just do what I was asked to do.
    I'm sure there are times where I have had too much on my plate and started handing work out to others... the one good thing though, is that because I do so much... I never have to worry about others bitching about pushing something off on them...lol.

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    Yes, my husband is a believer in that also "if you want something done right, do it yourself".

    He thinks he could fix all the traffic problems, if given the chance. I just laugh to myself over that one.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    I remember that whole thread with Gilly's descriptions ... and I still to this day identify with Paranoid Se so much more than anything else. I know I said that I believed that was actually meant for Ni Ego types but was mistaken - it is actually for Ne Ego types. Hehe.


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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux View Post
    I remember that whole thread with Gilly's descriptions ... and I still to this day identify with Paranoid Se so much more than anything else. I know I said that I believed that was actually meant for Ni Ego types but was mistaken - it is actually for Ne Ego types. Hehe.
    LOL. I still think he probably has both mixed up 'cos I identify with the Paranoid Si description.

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    redbaron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by eunice View Post
    LOL. I still think he probably has both mixed up 'cos I identify with the Paranoid Si description.
    I identify with both, but more with paranoid Si.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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