Beta Quadra slow to open up about their deepest selves

[zenbrat]

I notice that Betans are slow to open up about their deepest selves. Types in this quadra seem to have issues centering around trust, love and being loved, so we often have an 'outer self' to sort of draw people in while keeping them at arms length from a needy core. I often hear Beta's say something like "you won't like me, or think I'm so great once you get to know me".

How long does it take for someone to really get to know you?

What do you look for when deciding "this person is safe to open up to"?

What sorts of things make you hold back with certain people?

For other types - how do you experience getting to know Beta?

[PotatoSpirit]

What do you look for when deciding "this person is safe to open up to"?

Good sex.
I very rarely open up.

[Satan]

I notice that Betans are slow to open up about their deepest selves. Types in this quadra seem to have issues centering around trust, love and being loved, so we often have an 'outer self' to sort of draw people in while keeping them at arms length from a needy core. I often hear Beta's say something like "you won't like me, or think I'm so great once you get to know me".

How long does it take for someone to really get to know you?

What do you look for when deciding "this person is safe to open up to"?

What sorts of things make you hold back with certain people?

For other types - how do you experience getting to know Beta?

No-one is easy to REALLY GET TO KNOW. The people that *appear* to be most, are just faking it. They're artificial, and just trying to "relate" so much, that it "appears" that they're opening up. But it's not real. It's not true. It's just makeup. It's a disguise.

That said, I'm sure I've heard the "You won't like me once you get to know me" line before. The bit that bugs me is the "Once you get to know me". It's like uhh, commitment? BYE!

[Ezra]

"you won't like me, or think I'm so great once you get to know me".

Words from my mouth.

How long does it take for someone to really get to know you?

It depends. People only really get to know me once they've seen me express my outright anger at something. And I don't get angry often.

What do you look for when deciding "this person is safe to open up to"?

I often think I'm more trusting than I am. Anyway, I'd say it was when i'd established long-lasting relations with them; say about a year or so.

What sorts of things make you hold back with certain people?

People who are blatently in-the-moment fun-lovers. All they want is a good time. If I revealed anything personal to them, they'd probably share it in jest without realising how much it affects me.

[misutii]

I have trouble trusting people as well... I usually deal with this by learning to trust certain people only with certain things... this probably results in different people having different views of me. It's not that I distrust people because they're "evil", because I know they're not, but because they can be ignorant and/or stupid and hurt me without even noticing what they're doing. When this happens it's difficult to blame them directly, because I know they don't know better, and so I blame myself for being naive and tell myself 'I won't let this happen again'.

I don't see the point of opening up to people simply for the sake of opening up. If something/one is making me feel like shit I'll only talk to a friend about it if I know they can help, but really I see my situation/state of mind/feelings as my own responsibility to take care of. Other people's advice tends not to work for me, I suppose cause I'm the one that usually plays the role of listener/advisor. When I do something stupid it seems counter-productive to make a friend listen to me and make me feel better because I know that in such a situation I might twist the story to get more sympathy than I deserve and the last thing I need is for someone else to justify my stupidity. Really I know the difference between right and wrong and I'd rather deal with the consequences alone.

[Ms. Kensington]

I think both Alphas and betas have that thing where they're like "you wont like me once you get to know me" bit, I think some deltas do that too but they are more likely to express their faults and talk about them than Gammas. So, I think it's weak and unvalued Fi and the Se intensifies it because it's more territorial than an Ne and Si. If youre going to get in their territory you have to be trusted. I think I'm that way too but it's less sort of a conscious thing-- I'll be more willing to "test" out people before making sure that they're trustworthy.

I think people with Se don't like being "called out".

[FlameReborn]

Ha. Ha. Ha. I only have two friends I'd really trust. It only took eight ears for them to get this far.

It's all the same to me. Beta, Gamma, Delta, Alpha. I won't let you in unless I sense someething between us, and then i'll still have a knife poised over the connection till I'm sure.

Trust is the color of a dark seed growing,
Trust is the color of a heart's blood flowing,
Trust is the color of a soul's last breath,
Trust is the color of death.

[Ms. Kensington]

bwahaha

[Wittmont]

Ha. Ha. Ha. I only have two friends I'd really trust. It only took eight ears for them to get this far.

It's all the same to me. Beta, Gamma, Delta, Alpha. I won't let you in unless I sense someething between us, and then i'll still have a knife poised over the connection till I'm sure.

Trust is the color of a dark seed growing,
Trust is the color of a heart's blood flowing,
Trust is the color of a soul's last breath,
Trust is the color of death.

Such fear

[FlameReborn]

I dunno. Do you think I'll be lynched by my own quadra? Then again, I have a friend on another site whose sig says "Exit, pursued by a bear" . . . Maybe I should try it sometime.

[FlameReborn]

That about describes me. Except, I don't mind quite that much.

[FlameReborn]

I had to look it up to remember...

Well, you can try now. I dare you...

[implied]

I think both Alphas and betas have that thing where they're like "you wont like me once you get to know me" bit, I think some deltas do that too but they are more likely to express their faults and talk about them than Gammas. So, I think it's weak and unvalued Fi and the Se intensifies it because it's more territorial than an Ne and Si. If youre going to get in their territory you have to be trusted. I think I'm that way too but it's less sort of a conscious thing-- I'll be more willing to "test" out people before making sure that they're trustworthy.

I think people with Se don't like being "called out".

what is this "you won't like me once you get to know me" thing? i hadn't associated this with beta specifically but -- what are you possibly going to do? i mean, if it's that bad, why are you warning me? so i can leave early and save myself the trouble?

[FDG]

Some people say I'm beta, so I'll add my 2 cents.


How long does it take for someone to really get to know you?

- Nobody can really know another person fully.

What do you look for when deciding "this person is safe to open up to"?

- I generally open up very easily, I need to have things in common with the person though, otherwise I see no point in opening up.

What sorts of things make you hold back with certain people?

- Nothing in common, or them sounding like con-men.

what is this "you won't like me once you get to know me" thing? i hadn't associated this with beta specifically but -- what are you possibly going to do? i mean, if it's that bad, why are you warning me? so i can leave early and save myself the trouble?

So you can create an huuuuuuuge drama where finally the bad person will be rescued by an angel that kills him-herself in trying and then the rescued party kills him-herself because of the newfound guilt.