IEEs/ENFps how do you express your love and affection?

[night_owl]

I only know two ENFPs, but they both express love differently. One is very gushy, quick to praise, warm etc.

The other is certainly not quick to praise or say words of love and affection, but chooses to express how she feels through hugs, or touches, etc.

So yes, if there are any ENFPs on here, I would love to hear how you express love!

[meatburger]

helloo. To be honest this is a really hard question for me.

Over the years ive become slightly jaded so im not sure how i would react. Probally in a multitude of ways. Im a little reserved with gushy i lurve you sayings etc. Hopefully i stay away from those. I do like to compliment a great deal though, saying to my mum "your a bit special aren't you" etc. I tell my mates just through going out of my way to invite them and make sure i say proper hellos and goodbyes "see ya mate", "hey hows it been?"

Im not really a big fan of hugging etc. I would say to a girl i would just give her a lot of attention, listen to her and try to make jokes. Oh and massages i like giving them even more than recieving lol

[Creepy-Cyclops]

helloo. To be honest this is a really hard question for me.

Over the years ive become slightly jaded so im not sure how i would react. Probally in a multitude of ways. Im a little reserved with gushy i lurve you sayings etc. Hopefully i stay away from those.

Interesting that you say 'jaded' over time. Through the years I have found myself to become a little more open with my feelings.

I think that over time, as we mature we tend to gravitate to being a little like our duals. We are still our type, but a little more like the other. This I think is the balance observed in mature people, or those who have it 'together'

So its not so much you are becoming jaded I think, it is just that you are toneing it down a little to be more ISTp. The fact that I'm a bit more expressive than I used to be means I'm a little more ENFp.

[xyz]

Interesting that you say 'jaded' over time. Through the years I have found myself to become a little more open with my feelings.

I think that over time, as we mature we tend to gravitate to being a little like our duals. We are still our type, but a little more like the other. This I think is the balance observed in mature people, or those who have it 'together'

So its not so much you are becoming jaded I think, it is just that you are toneing it down a little to be more ISTp. The fact that I'm a bit more expressive than I used to be means I'm a little more ENFp.

I'm finding out that this is true for myself as well. I mean, I still don't like being forced to talk about feelings but I can at least struggle through conversations like that now. Maybe you're on to something.

[dudeins]

i tend to be very touchy with people in normal conversation and to those who are in my immediate family and best friends.

when it comes to love, i'm very reserved at first because i have a tough time with commitment. so generally, i act sort of distant at until i decide i like the person enough to want to be a little more intimate with them.

expressing how i feel is a completely different story. i do not like to talk about how i feel to people or how i feel concerning our relationship. if its a friend or family i will tell them only positive things that will not create any conflict. even if a boyfriend tells me he loves me or compliments me, reciprocating is impossible. usually i feel horrible that i have nothing to say, but i don't like to feel vulnerable or say something that i don't mean (or may change in a months time).

generally i internally feel a great deal about a person i love, i just don't say it like i should.

[tiny_dancer]

I'm not gushy verbally, but I'm definitely affectionate.

Sorry, I'm tapped out of words today.

[meatburger]

when it comes to love, i'm very reserved at first because i have a tough time with commitment. so generally, i act sort of distant at until i decide i like the person enough to want to be a little more intimate with them.

expressing how i feel is a completely different story. i do not like to talk about how i feel to people or how i feel concerning our relationship. if its a friend or family i will tell them only positive things that will not create any conflict. even if a boyfriend tells me he loves me or compliments me, reciprocating is impossible. usually i feel horrible that i have nothing to say, but i don't like to feel vulnerable or say something that i don't mean (or may change in a months time).

generally i internally feel a great deal about a person i love, i just don't say it like i should.

OMG YES! I couldn't have said it better myself. Relationships scare the tar out of me. Basically because i fear i can see the end even before they begin. I hate how they are all lovey dovey at first and then shit slowly creeps in and i get bored. Then i have to dump or perhaps be dumped. Dumping someone is a horrible feeling i dont like it at all. Ive never been close to actually meeting a chick where i think its possible we could be really long term. I really want to turn that type of corner in my mind. If i could realise that a certian chick is right for me i would be very happy indeed.

[jewels]

I vacillate a lot on this. There were some people I gave a lot of compliments to and talked about my feelings on and on. But for the most part, unless someone specifically asked me, I didn't say very much verbally. The few times I wrote notes or whatever I ended up feeling stupid. I am always very physically affectionate, non-verbal stuff and I think that says the most. Sometimes I have a hard time even saying nice things back. I used to think I was completely un-romantic because of this. But I think I just don't like gushy-ness. But maybe with the right person I'd be more gushy. Hard to tell.

[mikemex]

I'm sure that a lot of people would consider me rather dry when it comes about loving other people. I'm there for them at any time they need it, they have my attention whenever they ask for it, but beyond that, I don't think I make big displays of affection.

It's probably a thing particular of me and not type related, but I don't like that "they are looking at me" sensation. It annoys me to hell to display affection on public. I get frozen whenever a strong Fe person expresses affection toward me. I appreciate it internally, but I don't respond to that externally, so they probably get a wrong impression.

[Topaz]

I used to be very physically affectionate but now I am only that way with a very few people and only every now and then. I hate rejection and if I think someone would be put off I wont even attempt to be affectionate with them. I would never date or marry someone who did not like to be touched. I am not gushy at all but I like to tease people, share things with them and give them a lot of attention. I will praise the things they do or ask them to do things for me so I can express lots of gratitude. I like to make things so sometimes I will make something for someone or I might buy them an inexpensive gift that is unique, useful or beautiful. Something to say I was thinking of them but not overboard. If Im in love I try to hide it and only leak it out to the person I like. I dont like for people to think they have me wrapped around their finger. I like to seem contrary and independent even if inside I am smitten to the core. I dont like other people getting involved in my relationships or asking me about my feelings for other people. I hope that people will understand how I feel about them by how I treat them.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

There's something about ENFp's that makes me want to bed them.

[aka-kitsune]

I get frozen whenever a strong Fe person expresses affection toward me. I appreciate it internally, but I don't respond to that externally, so they probably get a wrong impression.

This is one of my occasional difficulties with an ENFp I'm getting to know. I am strong in but often don't even realize how integral it is to my behavior. I guess I tend to look for bits of reciprocal to gauge how another feels about me. (The thought of my affection and attention being "unwanted" makes me paranoid.)

How would you respond if you really do like the person? What does it feel like internally? Warm?

[Reuben]

From what I gather generally, the ENFp aren't really good at expressing emotions. Perhaps good at evoking emotions from others, and excellent and discerning their own, but rather sub-par with expression for an F type. ENFp also seem to prefer physical administering of affection. Si dual-seeking maybe?

There are three main kinds of feelings you get when you really like a person, it's differs due to context.

1) You like a person but the person won't like you back.

This kind of feeling is like a blunt, cold stab of a knife; not particularly pain, not pleasurable definitely, but hurting in a numbing sort of way.

2) You like a person and you know the person likes you back.

This kind of feeling is warmly affirmative and strengthening. It's like a renewing fountain; the love spews out but always finds a way back in.

3) You like a person and you are trying to get the person to like you back.

This kind of feeling is a little cold, a little sparkish, like a cold shock. Every time you venture forward you have a chance of failure, thus the coldness. Whenever the person replies favorably you are warmed, every time the opposite happens, you get a cold shock.

Generally unrequitted love is cold, loss of out-flowing energy and the opposite is warm, regaining of out-flowing energy.

Don't take all this too seriously, could be crap for all we know.

(:

[Creepy-Cyclops]

From what I gather generally, the ENFp aren't really good at expressing emotions. Perhaps good at evoking emotions from others, and excellent and discerning their own, but rather sub-par with expression for an F type. ENFp also seem to prefer physical administering of affection. Si dual-seeking maybe?

There are three main kinds of feelings you get when you really like a person, it's differs due to context.

1) You like a person but the person won't like you back.

This kind of feeling is like a blunt, cold stab of a knife; not particularly pain, not pleasurable definitely, but hurting in a numbing sort of way.

2) You like a person and you know the person likes you back.

This kind of feeling is warmly affirmative and strengthening. It's like a renewing fountain; the love spews out but always finds a way back in.

3) You like a person and you are trying to get the person to like you back.

This kind of feeling is a little cold, a little sparkish, like a cold shock. Every time you venture forward you have a chance of failure, thus the coldness. Whenever the person replies favorably you are warmed, every time the opposite happens, you get a cold shock.

Generally unrequitted love is cold, loss of out-flowing energy and the opposite is warm, regaining of out-flowing energy.

Don't take all this too seriously, could be crap for all we know.

(:

I like this blueblade. It's a very informative post. I think I may have given up on love, but probably secretly still want it. Its probably why I tend to get scared of serious relationships, because love is vulnerable, do you think?

[Reuben]

Love is the most vulnerable emotion. It assumes no danger, no lies, no fear. It gives much and takes little. If everyone loves, then there will be no danger, no lies, no fear, and lots of giving. The trouble is most people don't. Not all the time.

It's like total pacifism. If all practices it, it's a win-win. But it's best not to start in a hostile world because you'd be the first to die.

Things suck like that. What do you think?

[Creepy-Cyclops]

Love is the most vulnerable emotion. It assumes no danger, no lies, no fear. It gives much and takes little. If everyone loves, then there will be no danger, no lies, no fear, and lots of giving. The trouble is most people don't. Not all the time.

It's like total pacifism. If all practices it, it's a win-win. But it's best not to start in a hostile world because you'd be the first to die.

Things suck like that. What do you think?

Things do suck like that. I want that sort of love tho, so it's nice to hear folk like you are around (but do they only exist on internet forums aha!)

My last two relations have been long distance..well say 250 miles away. It's not been the best but it's meant that there's someone there, but the risk of getting that vulnerable is diminished. And its not that far as its only an hours flying time. And it also means that you can go visit for the weekend, so you get to go to a different city and have some fun seeing the different place and doing different stuff, and still someone there..sort of. Its the best practical solution I've got to all it so far, and overall it can work out not too bad.

[Reuben]

Haha. As a young person I shall ditch practical love and go for something better. Maybe when I fall I'll become jaded, but let time take its course eh?

But I used to be an idealist. Now I'm not really idealist, nor a pragmatist either. Won't do for long distance love. Nor for "till death do us part" love.

Perhaps I believe in a love that transcends death. But it's hard. We're always caught in the trap of "I love you. But if I say that I love you, you may not love me. So I will not say that I love you." It results in nothing.

Willing to work for a more idealistic love? Or perhaps it's too unrealistic in this hostile world?

[Creepy-Cyclops]

Haha. As a young person I shall ditch practical love and go for something better. Maybe when I fall I'll become jaded, but let time take its course eh?

But I used to be an idealist. Now I'm not really idealist, nor a pragmatist either. Won't do for long distance love. Nor for "till death do us part" love.

Perhaps I believe in a love that transcends death. But it's hard. We're always caught in the trap of "I love you. But if I say that I love you, you may not love me. So I will not say that I love you." It results in nothing.

Willing to work for a more idealistic love? Or perhaps it's too unrealistic in this hostile world?

Hehe

I keep an open mind, something meatie (meatburger) and I said on another thread is you never know when or where you'll find it

So on that sort of idea, I'm thinking of mail ordering a Thai partner who's been psychologically typed for me aha! (or maybe Russian..they got good socionists..so less chance of a mis-type and finding myself landed with an ENFj hahaha..now that *would* suck!!)

Sod it..I'm off out tonight on the pull for a one nighter

[Reuben]

Sweet. I'm too young for that though

What type are you btw?

[Creepy-Cyclops]

Sweet. I'm too young for that though

What type are you btw?

SLI is I.

[Reuben]

Ah that's sweet. Wasn't obvious to me at first, but oh well. Have been of socionics for a year now.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

Ah that's sweet. Wasn't obvious to me at first, but oh well. Have been of socionics for a year now.

Took a sabatical? Welcome back to the jungle

THE RETURN OF THE LION KING.

[Reuben]

0.0 lol. I used to like lion king even though i didn't understand what it's all about. I sucked at catching conversations on tv.

[xyz]

0.0 lol. I used to like lion king even though i didn't understand what it's all about. I sucked at catching conversations on tv.

couldnt do long distance relationships even if i wanted too.. i dont think those are usually good ideas anyway.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

couldnt do long distance relationships even if i wanted too.. i dont think those are usually good ideas anyway.

Why not dude?

[xyz]

too much of a physical guy i guess and i don't se that working out for 250+ miles. i'd try to find somone closer, no one is THAT special.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

too much of a physical guy i guess and i don't se that working out for 250+ miles. i'd try to find somone closer, no one is THAT special.

It's only an hours flight, and I'm 5 mins from the airport.

It's kinda like the best of both worlds, cause you've got someone there but at the same time their not close enough to interfere with the stuff you want to do like seeing your friends and things. Thinking back, maybe if they really where the one then I would have found it harder.

[tiny_dancer]

Been there, done that. ... It sucked.

[meatburger]

Sod it..I'm off out tonight on the pull for a one nighter

Hope you wore a franger

[xyz]

an hours FLIGHT? The most far apart i've seen anyone was an hours' drive, and THAT was perfect enough for me

[aka-kitsune]

3) You like a person and you are trying to get the person to like you back.

This kind of feeling is a little cold, a little sparkish, like a cold shock. Every time you venture forward you have a chance of failure, thus the coldness. Whenever the person replies favorably you are warmed, every time the opposite happens, you get a cold shock.
(:

Really spot on!

Most if not all of my attractions have generally had this particular dynamic. Sometimes it's just at the beginning, and gradually warms to a genuine reciprocity, but sometimes it's been present for the entire duration.

Reminds me of a line from Oscar Wilde: "The very essence of romance is uncertainty"

[night_owl]

Ty everyone, for all your responses.....it was interesting!