Why do Deltas

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I'm going to try to say this as politely as I can, because I know it's an inherent criticism but please- help me explain the thought processes. Do not try to reflect the problem back on me. I want you to explain *your* thought processes about this, and I in turn will try to defend mine. Let's try not to attack one another but instead come to some sort of mutual understanding.

Who knows, we might say 'fuck it' and just try to beat each other in a bloody pulp. To be honest, that's fun too. But let's try to be civil for starters.

Here's the deal: With Deltas, I often get morally criticized if I make a blowjob joke in public. ((If I'm really comfortable I'll do this. Sometimes just for the hell of it)) And with you guys it's like there's no talking about it with you. It's just like 'this is wrong' just because- and it frustrates me to no end. Sometimes I feel forced to 'tattle' on my beta friends to move ahead in a heavy-delta atmosphere. I hate doing this....but you guys leave me no choice. If my supervisors are Deltas (supervisors as in 'bosses' not socionics supervisors of course) I have to do this.

So yeah deltas, nothing is ever wrong just because you say it is! It really is annoying. It only usually ends up being offensive to deltas anyway. Maybe I am indeed stereotyping/projecting. Maybe only depressed/sheltered deltas think this way. But it really is annoying.

With Betas, I can just be myself a bit more and make sexual jokes. However, I know not everybody wants to hear them- and me too, if somebody *always* talked about sex I would think they were crude too, so I'm working on it. But the extreme sensitivity you guys have is kind of bothersome to me. How can I improve my relationships with Deltas? Because I don't like feeling stifled or feeling like I deserve to be locked up for saying something a little kinky.

I get the impression that Deltas act like they're the only ones that was ever hurt or made fun of in life...or something. How can we both work together to come to a better understanding?

When a Beta does this with you, we're not trying to like um bother you or make you grossed out, we're just trying to connect with you and kind of humanize you. And I know what it's like to be sexually offended....but to me it's much more offensive when people act all...I dunno. Uppity about sex?

To be fair I've had very good delta friends that have warned me not to sleep with somebody that wasn't good for me, and to avoid people that were total assholes. For that I am very thankful. I don't want to 'just lust' either. But for me, it's like I need to experience it myself even if the situation is bad... and as for seducing Deltas, I don't even try even when it's clear to me they like me- because I am afraid of hurting them or something. I'm afraid what we'd do would never ever match your ideals on what sex *should be* so I just kind of give up.

So yeah. Balls in your court, deltas.

[Mariano Rajoy]

Making 'blowjob jokes' in public offends Alpha too. We are more likely to ignore you and not spend time with you in the future, as opposed to telling you to shut up. Such things can be embarassing, no matter what quadrant.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I understand, but it seems bothersome to deltas the most. I've also had alphas before tell me to shut up....or go away. Something about the ENFps/INFjs that this really offends...so I'd like to hear from them in particular.

[Mariano Rajoy]

Why are blowjob jokes in public so important to you?

[PotatoSpirit]

It could be a Ti/Fi difference... there's no logical (Ti) reason I can think of why a blowjob joke should offend someone, but if it is considered "wrong" in a Fi way, then it's gonna be tough to change people's mind.
It's really more of an upbringing thing, people of all quadras might or might not be offended, but it makes sense to me that Fi types would react in a way that makes it obvious they consider it wrong.

As agent 00Minde: license to feel put it, they can feel as they want, I'd stop with the jokes or find another crowd.

[tereg]

I don't know if it would offend me personally as much as it would just make me uncomfortable. It would appear to an outsider that I'm really uptight or that I'm being offended, but I can visualize myself with a group of people and how I would react/respond and I would honestly say that the internal feeling is more one of hiding in my shell.

I can envision a social atmosphere where I'm with a group of people, and I feel very neutral with the group, and then a raunchy joke is said to loosen up the group, and I would at that moment feel... like almost like an outsider suddenly. I think it's more of a feeling of just feeling uncomfortable to be a part of something that I don't identify with.

Believe me, I understand exactly the intention behind jokes like that and that those intentions are not bad. And, I don't have a problem with people doing something they want to do or talking about whatever you want to talk about. You have the freedom to do that. It's just that, well it's twofold... on one hand there's this feeling I have where my discomfort will be apparent to the other people if I remained there, and that somehow gives me the impression that I would be responsible for "bringing down the mood" which is something I've been guilty of more than a few times in my life . And then there's this added layer of, again, feeling a certain way (i.e. loosening up) about things that I don't quite identify with where I would then feel like I'm just trying to be something I'm not to accomodate the social mood. In other words, there would be an internal disconnect where I felt like I would feel like I need to kind of force my mood in order to sync with the mood of the group, which internally makes me uncomfortable.

So, in that particular social situation, I would turn very quiet and I would feel very awkward, but it's because there's this sudden need for me to ... jam a square peg into a round hole emotionally. I think you should have the freedom to talk about what you want, but there are some things that I'm just like "Ok, I'm going to just let you guys talk about that and let you guys have your fun" kind of way. Which sounds really... um... it looks really standoffish from the outside, I understand. But, I'm trying to explain to you what's happening internally in people like me.

It's really just a sudden jolt of internal discomfort.

Hope that makes sense.

[Minde]

As agent 00Minde: license to feel put it, they can feel as they want, I'd stop with the jokes or find another crowd.

???

[Christy B]

I understand, but it seems bothersome to deltas the most. I've also had alphas before tell me to shut up....or go away. Something about the ENFps/INFjs that this really offends...so I'd like to hear from them in particular.

If the joke was stupid then maybe I wouldn't laugh, or if it was meant to hurt someone's feelings it would make me mad. But, as long as it wasn't mean spirited I would not care. ENFPs I know wouldn't care either. Betas seems to get pissed about this stuff in my experience, mainly ISTJ and ENFJ.

[jessica129]

I don't get offended..annoyed would be the better term. People who talk about sex in public seem very immature, that's the only reason it'd bother me. And i only speak for myself.

[UDP]

With Betas, I can just be myself a bit more and make sexual jokes. However, I know not everybody wants to hear them- and me too, if somebody *always* talked about sex I would think they were crude too, so I'm working on it. But the extreme sensitivity you guys have is kind of bothersome to me. How can I improve my relationships with Deltas? Because I don't like feeling stifled or feeling like I deserve to be locked up for saying something a little kinky.

The discomfort is mutual, speaking for myself. I don't feel stifled of course, I feel like you're invading something, particularly my emotional or sexual sphere. I don't appreciate when people probe or dive into that. And I REALLY dislike it when people try to get a reaction out of me, or use that sort of technique to establish some sort of a bond. It just puts me off.

You can improve relations by not acting that way of course, but that is one sided. Deltas could just not care and try to be receptive, but that would be one sided too. It seems like the best thing to do is just realize that some people are not receptive to your natural state, modify it a little bit to get by, and just realize that your better friends and stuff might be in your own quadra, etc. I mean, obviously people in opposing quadras are not inherently bad or evil, they just don't value the same things you do. But we can still coexist of course.

I get the impression that Deltas act like they're the only ones that was ever hurt or made fun of in life...or something. How can we both work together to come to a better understanding?

I don't really enjoy making fun of my friends, and that is not how I establish relationships, by making fun of other people, it bothers me to do that. I don't like it when people directly challenge me either, or try to provoke me.

The surest way to develop a friendship with me is to just be polite and not antagonizing. You don't have to say or do a lot, just show, by your actions, that you are trustworthy and decent. Trying to put on an entertaining image or create "atmosphere" only works so much.

When a Beta does this with you, we're not trying to like um bother you or make you grossed out, we're just trying to connect with you and kind of humanize you. And I know what it's like to be sexually offended....but to me it's much more offensive when people act all...I dunno. Uppity about sex?

To each is own.

The difference here seems to be that you use sexual jokes and comments as a means to create relationships, and yet, we only talk about those things after relationships and understandings have been made. It is almost as simple as just a matter of order of things - which one comes first to make you happy. For yourself, the emotional connection is important. That is why you are "Merry". For others, likely deltas and "Serious" people, having some sort of a bond in place is necessary for those jokes or things to be well received. Otherwise it is like - what, who is this, who are you? What are you doing? You don't know me in that way, I don't know you well enough to be talking like that. And so on.

To be fair I've had very good delta friends that have warned me not to sleep with somebody that wasn't good for me, and to avoid people that were total assholes. For that I am very thankful. I don't want to 'just lust' either. But for me, it's like I need to experience it myself even if the situation is bad... and as for seducing Deltas, I don't even try even when it's clear to me they like me- because I am afraid of hurting them or something. I'm afraid what we'd do would never ever match your ideals on what sex *should be* so I just kind of give up.

So yeah. Balls in your court, deltas.

Balls in your mouth


I've been attracted to one ENFjs idea of really passionate sex and her wanting me to ravage her and enjoying getting me worked up, but that's really about it. Betas generally seem too sort of .... passion based? Like I can't take you guys seriously, and everything is sort of a joke. And it seems like they don't appreciate it when I talk seriously about.... most things.

I do get a sense that I am too heavy or too serious about things, especially relationships and related areas, for beta.