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Thread: How To Get Along With People

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    ...been here longer than the fucking monarchy Ezra's Avatar
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    Default How To Get Along With People

    I've done this twice now. And it works.

    You act as if you are the person's dual. You see what they value and devalue. You see how they value or devalue your functions. Then you use the ones they like.

    The first guy I experimented with using this method was a blatent Reinin Declarer. I think he had Si as a first function, and he disliked Se. So because I am naturally a Declarer, I began to act as an Asker. I took the emotion out of any of my words, and used a dry tone with him, asking him to describe things which he was happy to talk about.

    The second person I experimented with is, I think, an SEE. I don't know for certain. But she was also a blatent Declarer. We clash. This is because I'm forceful, and she's forceful. So I yield. I become quiet, and only interject in conversation when I'm asked for my opinion about something, or when I can perfectly execute a statement. But, after these first few minutes in conversation which felt forced and unnatural, I began to act naturally with her. The conversation flowed well.

    So try it out sometime. If you're naturally forceful, take a back seat, and learn a few things. If not, attempt to seek out what your interlocutor actually wants.
    Ideas don't determine who's right. Power determines who's right. And I have the power. So I'm right.

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    It only works for a very short time span because personality is quite hard to control.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    That is, in essence, deception. If I have to deceive people in order to get along better with them I think I'll pass.

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    Jesus is the cruel sausage consentingadult's Avatar
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    You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time. (A. Lincoln)
    The future of Socionics:
    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Many black Americans are SEE type.

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    I've been doing this ever since I started to understand Socionics properly. It's probably why I get along with most people I know IRL.

    EDIT: Perhaps I should clarify something - I don't try to act like their dual, but rather try to avoid subjects pertaining to their super-ego functions, where possible. And ooh, 500th post. I'm special. Special as in special needs special.
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    What if you just hate people?
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    ezra fdg is right it's very hard to do that consistently. one situation i can think of where it might be worth it is your work supervisor. that is, if you can control the amount of time you have to spend with them.

    basically i think it's easier to consciously try to minimize the negative impact of your superego functions and learn what to do with these functions at least at a basic level. also how to hold back your ego functions a little bit when they are obviously annoying people. then you'd basically be covered.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    ...been here longer than the fucking monarchy Ezra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    It only works for a very short time span because personality is quite hard to control.
    That's true. Sooner or later one's true character shines through.

    Nonetheless, this stuff is gold to people who like to get along with others temporarily to preserve peace and love in one's environment e.g. Nines.
    Ideas don't determine who's right. Power determines who's right. And I have the power. So I'm right.

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    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ezra View Post
    I've done this twice now. And it works.

    You act as if you are the person's dual. You see what they value and devalue. You see how they value or devalue your functions. Then you use the ones they like.

    The first guy I experimented with using this method was a blatent Reinin Declarer. I think he had Si as a first function, and he disliked Se. So because I am naturally a Declarer, I began to act as an Asker. I took the emotion out of any of my words, and used a dry tone with him, asking him to describe things which he was happy to talk about.

    The second person I experimented with is, I think, an SEE. I don't know for certain. But she was also a blatent Declarer. We clash. This is because I'm forceful, and she's forceful. So I yield. I become quiet, and only interject in conversation when I'm asked for my opinion about something, or when I can perfectly execute a statement. But, after these first few minutes in conversation which felt forced and unnatural, I began to act naturally with her. The conversation flowed well.

    So try it out sometime. If you're naturally forceful, take a back seat, and learn a few things. If not, attempt to seek out what your interlocutor actually wants.
    Yes, finding out what a person wants and figuring out a balanced way to give it to them is one (reasonably good, imo) way of getting along with people.

    As some have indicated, this works better with people who you don't have to live or work closely with. And it works more easily with some type-relations than others. The idea of "close psychological distance" comes into play here.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ezra View Post
    I've done this twice now. And it works.

    You act as if you are the person's dual.
    Yeah, this works. I remember trying it earnest years ago. Only problem was, since that was before I knew about Socionics, sometimes I would make bad typing assumptions and act like the person's conflictor instead. The other potential problem with this is that if you get good at being "lots of different ways," you can confuse yourself a bit.

    Nevertheless, on a more limited basis, it makes sense to find commonalities with people in terms of functions, as we all probably value all of the functions to some extent. So even though we may be mainly one type or another, it's not necessarily unnatural to allow different sides of oneself to flourish among different people.

    Also, to some extent, I think people naturally gravitate towards being the "dual" of the person they're talking to without really thinking about it (or something somewhat resembling it). This is because each person stimulates his/her super-id functions in the person he/she's talking to...so if you let this naturally happen, you do become that person's dual to an extent.

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    I do that too, but not to dualize with anyone...When I do it, it's more of a polite thing, more to show that I'm talking to you only because you came and talked to me, and it'd be rude to outright refuse, but the truth is I really don't want to talk to you at all...

    I generally hate myself when I do that..why can't people see I'm just being polite... I talk alot, like omg alot, and I can not handle when someone talks as much as me, or tries to control the conversation...it makes me take that flat tone...

    So I say that that is so not a way to get along with people because ultimately you are so gonna become like blindingly angry at the sight of the person you tried so hard to get along with... If you can't say what you wanna say, and you can't talk like you like to/normally talk, then it isn't gonna work, and you should just ignore the person...If you can't be yourself around the person, then maybe you shouldn't be around that person...

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    I'm just myself really, they either like it or they can get the fuck out.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    I think we like people that are more like us than different.

    I like quiet people too. Just because I'm quiet and somebody else is quiet doesn't mean we'll clash. Likewise, if two people are both forceful they'll both usually be very happy and quite pleasant. I like talking a lot sometimes as well as like, looking in my lover's eyes just being quiet. I see a loud and quiet person clash a lot more than two quiets or two louds.

    You probably clashed with that girl for other reasons.

    If I wrote this bullshit, identical would probably be the dual-ones. *shrug*

    Seriously, Ezra. I like you man, you have a good energy- but sometimes you need to stop talking shit that makes no sense.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    what you're talking about is basically usage of valued functions, best scenario - all valued functions match. then you really can be yourself and people are on the same wavelength, even though different...

    could you say which of these you value more:

    a. i desire to "control" conversations or
    b. just feeling alright all the time

    as well as

    a. not having to pretend or
    b. being an idea proover?
    A. I desire to "control" conversation

    A. Not Having to pretend

    What's this for??

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    machintruc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ezra View Post
    You act as if you are the person's dual. You see what they value and devalue. You see how they value or devalue your functions. Then you use the ones they like.
    At its best, this trick works just for "appear agreeable to someone".

    I read an article on a female casino's croupier. She wrote something like "The Casino taught me communication techniques. Always having a complementary behaviour than player's : if he needs to impress, you'll be impressionable ; if he needs to be 'bad', you'll be vulnerable ; and so on".

    Original article here (french) : http://www.toxicoquebec.com/actus/in...ce-les-casinos

    You know, the biggest lie is "some pairs of types are incompatible" but they aren't. If someone's healthy, he may connect with any healthy dude/girl of any type. The worst that can happen is that information exchange would be very hard ; but usually, it's more "challenging", than really "uncomfortable". As a type, you'll easily understand.

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    ...been here longer than the fucking monarchy Ezra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    sounds like a possible a static Se ego type who likes to keep it real (Fe vs Fi which is fake (it's an argument though)). how beta ST resonates with you, you feel ESTP>ISTJ.
    Refer to who you're talking about, dee.
    Ideas don't determine who's right. Power determines who's right. And I have the power. So I'm right.

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