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    And hopefully one which isn't too Ni-focused like my previous ones.

    A woman is alone in a pub (or bar) that is rather busy on a Friday night. She has to wait for quite some time, standing, among other people waiting to be served, until the bartender rather hurriedly (but still very politely) asks her for her order. She asks for a pint of a particular brand of beer. A couple of minutes later the bartender takes her money, gives her the change, and hands her her beer, all very quickly. He then turns his attention to one of the many customers standing around her, waiting to be served. Only then she realizes that the beer she got was not quite what she had ordered, and that, being 20 pence more expensive than her original order, her change was accordingly smaller. She ended up paying slightly more for a beer she didn't order. Yet she decides to say nothing and walk away with that beer.

    Question:

    - what thought first comes to your minds as to the woman's motivations? Why didn't she complain to the bartender to get what she had actually ordered - in terms of both brand and price?
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    She would act so because there is this inexplicable inhibition against confrontation.

    Also, more specifically -

    The drink really isn't that important, neither is the slightly extra money lost.

    The bartender is busy and strained enough as it is, why add to his/her stress? Besides, he/she is already elsewhere and it would be a hassle to recapture their attention. Also, doing so would divert attention from other customers who also want to be served. They deserve to be attended to.

    The atmosphere is oppressive, with so many people crowding about, and it would relieve that sense just to get away. After all, she does have mostly what she came for.


    Those are my first thoughts as to her motivations, mainly because she would be acting almost precisely like I'd tend to and those would be my own motivations.
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    It seems, glamourama, we had similar reactions.
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    She pretty much felt that it was much more trouble than it'd be worth to reorder and get her money back, seeing as how she'd have to not only wait for the barman to get through with the other customers, but also for him to remake the drink and pay her back. Also the barman seemed to have enough to do already, so she didn't feel like adding to it. Too much time and effort for such a little payoff..

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    Without reading responses my first thought was this:

    "The bartender looks really busy, and I think it would be best to not add anything more on their plate since it looks like they are at the saturation point. (If they go over the breaking point, then it affects everyone the bartender needs to serve.) This beer will be just fine, I like this beer anyway and I'll take it, even though I paid more for it. At least they'll have one less thing to worry about."

    Ok, having said that, I am fully aware that it is their job to serve other people, but I'm certain that this is the mindset, because I have found myself in that exact position enough to know.

    It's like I'm thinking in my head "Ok, yeah they made a mistake, that's understandable considering the circumstances."

    And if you're asking "So, why don't you make them fix their mistake if they made a mistake? I mean, not only is it their job to serve you, but it's their responsibility to get it right too." I can't argue against that. It's just... I dunno, it just gives me some sort of peace of mind that they have one less thing to worry about while they're running around trying to get to everyone they can and it's apparent to me they're trying their best. It just feels better that I can alleviate a little bit of it.

    Is it justified that I do that? Probably not. I'm just telling you what my mindset is (as weird as that mindset seems to be at times)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Diana View Post
    whoops. There weren't any other responses I saw when I started typing. . . I guess that wasn't a dumb reason to a lot of people. Sorry.
    Actually, I thought it was funny, what you said in contrast to others' responses, particularly tereg's.

    I think the point is to be honest and give your initial reaction, which is what you did.
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    didn't read the other responses, here is mine:

    Because she saw how busy the bartender was and thought that it wasn't so important as to potentially put him off (make him feel bad for the mistake, which was probably just made because he was under some stress) and hold up all the other people who have been waiting for a long time.

    She probably also didn't want to look like she was being fussy to everyone else, given how busy it was, other people probably wouldn't have responded favourably if she did make a fuss.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Diana View Post
    whoops. There weren't any other responses I saw when I started typing. . . I guess that wasn't a dumb reason to a lot of people. Sorry.

    No, I don't think it's dumb at all. It's just, when I was typing mine out, I knew in the back of my mind that that question might be asked. It is a legitimate question that needs to be answered. So, I felt the need to address it because I .... I dunno, I felt it coming, I guess. Edit: Whoops, misread. =/ Sorry about that. Edit2: I thought it read.. n/m, I completely misinterpreted your post.

    But yeah, I think Minde hit it right on the head: confrontation aversion.

    I just demonstrated it in my post (trying to avoid the "inevitable" question) and in describing the situation.
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    First thought was that since it was a busy friday night, and she had already been waiting for some time before she got her order, she decided not to saying anything because she did not wanna wait all over again and also possibly did not wanna cause the bartender more trouble.
    I seriously wouldn't understand why she did not mention anything about the price unless she was just unwilling to wait.
    The brand might be something that she did not mind drinking.

    If I was in that situation. It's more likely that I said something. Paying more for something is really not something I like, moreover, I've been waiting for quite awhile before that.

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    A couple of reasons come to mind, she didn't want to draw unnecessary attention to herself, she didn't want to cause trouble for the bartender, not enough self esteem, she wanted somebody else to do it for her.

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    She probably liked this different beer more.
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    She probably didn't give a shit about such small change, and, I dunno, maybe the beer was close enough to what she ordered to not be worth waiting (since it's so busy)/something she hadn't tried before/was another of her favorites.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat View Post
    - what thought first comes to your minds as to the woman's motivations? Why didn't she complain to the bartender to get what she had actually ordered - in terms of both brand and price?
    About the brand: Well, she did order a specific brand but in reality she doesn't really give damn about brands. Perhaps someone suggested that brand or perhaps that's the first brand that popped up in her mind. In the end beer is beer and it tastes quite the same anyways and produces the same effect. This other brand might even be better. And you can always order another one later. So in summary: she doesn't really care about the brand

    About the money: She is probably already anxious to get going after waiting for so long. She is pissed off, annoyed about the bartender, annoyed about the whole place (make you wait and steal your money). She figures it just isn't worth the effort to make it an even bigger mess because the amount of money was so small and it is more important to get the party started. She will get her "revenge" by not coming to this place again, badmouthing the bartender and the place to her friends (heh), making some selected "spiky" comments to the bartender later on should the opportunity present itself and so on. Perhaps she also feels a bit forgiving as the bartender is very very busy and technically such an error could happen to anyone. Still, it should NOT happen. Good bartender would make sure that client is satisfied. But if it seems like the bartender is not really incompetent but just made one error under heavy stress then, well, let it slip this time. The practical effects are very very minor anyways and being an idealist doesn't pay off.

    So summa summarum, I rarely if ever complain if they bring me wrong drink, food, ... but I am quite interested in getting the right amount of money back.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat View Post
    - what thought first comes to your minds as to the woman's motivations? Why didn't she complain to the bartender to get what she had actually ordered - in terms of both brand and price?
    "It's noisy - he probably didn't hear me right, or maybe he did but it slipped his mind because he' so busy. Either way, because the price is negligible and all beer pretty much tastes the same, my time would be better spent shaking my booty on the dance floor."

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    It's not worth that. After all 20 pences isn't that much, and those brands are similar.

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    I like these kinds of tests

    Quote Originally Posted by Expat View Post
    Question:

    - what thought first comes to your minds as to the woman's motivations? Why didn't she complain to the bartender to get what she had actually ordered - in terms of both brand and price?
    Because she was feeling in a good mood. Because doing so would have created tension/negativity, for both her, the other people waiting to be served, and the bartender. After all, the queue is long and the bartender was polite. It was probably a genuine mistake.

    It’s only 20p, after all.

    And she might well be able to enjoy that beer even if it isn't what she would have wanted.
    Last edited by Five; 01-13-2008 at 12:47 PM. Reason: Small addition
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    Quote Originally Posted by Diana View Post
    I guess maybe she didn't want the hassle of waiting longer, that the beer and price she got was better than having to wait for a new order. That's the best reason I can think of.
    that was my reaction. i was trying to think of my own motivations in a situation like that, and those would be them. time can be better spent doing something else. unless the beer was just something absolutely horrid, for 20p difference i doubt i'd waste the time getting another beer.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat View Post

    Question:

    - what thought first comes to your minds as to the woman's motivations? Why didn't she complain to the bartender to get what she had actually ordered - in terms of both brand and price?
    She feels that it is inconvenient for him to change the beer and return her the correct change and she doesn't want to trouble him since he has a lot of customers to attend to. Moreover, she sees it as an opportunity to try a different brand for a change since the one she has originally ordered is the one she has always been drinking.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat View Post
    And hopefully one which isn't too Ni-focused like my previous ones.

    A woman is alone in a pub (or bar) that is rather busy on a Friday night. She has to wait for quite some time, standing, among other people waiting to be served, until the bartender rather hurriedly (but still very politely) asks her for her order. She asks for a pint of a particular brand of beer. A couple of minutes later the bartender takes her money, gives her the change, and hands her her beer, all very quickly. He then turns his attention to one of the many customers standing around her, waiting to be served. Only then she realizes that the beer she got was not quite what she had ordered, and that, being 20 pence more expensive than her original order, her change was accordingly smaller. She ended up paying slightly more for a beer she didn't order. Yet she decides to say nothing and walk away with that beer.

    Question:

    - what thought first comes to your minds as to the woman's motivations? Why didn't she complain to the bartender to get what she had actually ordered - in terms of both brand and price?
    "It's not a big deal. This beer tastes good too, so correcting the mistake is definitely not worth the time and hassle it would take to do so."

    It would also probably cross my mind that probably happened because it was so busy and wondered if someone else got the beer I had ordered. I may wonder how (s)he dealt with it, if (s)he would make a big deal out of it, complain to his/her friends, drink it even though (s)he didn't want to, etc. I'd think about how petty people can be. I'd feel a teensy bit bad for the bartender if that person made a big deal out of it, knowing that it would be annoying to deal with that situation on such a busy night, and decide that I would handle that other person's complaint by letting them keep the cheaper beer, getting them the more expensive beer without taking more money from them, and apologizing. My mind would drift to different situations in which I'd handled various customer complaints.

    If I really did not like the beer I'd received, then I would have held it forward (so it would be apparent to the bartender that there's a problem with my drink and I'd get faster service) and flagged down the bartender and asked him/her to give me what I'd ordered, or another beer I like that costs the same as the beer I'd been charged for.
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    Oh, but if I witnessed someone else near me doing that, I would wonder if her motivations were the same as mine would be or if she was simply too mousy to get what she really wanted. Her body language would probably give that away though.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat View Post
    what thought first comes to your minds as to the woman's motivations? Why didn't she complain to the bartender to get what she had actually ordered - in terms of both brand and price?
    She did what I'd do. She'd settle for it. There's no point making a hassle just because you paid 20p more and got a beer that was slightly different. It really wouldn't matter. As long as you got what you paid for.
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    given how busy the bar was, she probably thought that it would take too much time to get the bartender's attention and explain to him the mistake, and that the mistake wasn't sufficiently large for her to make a bother out of it.

    the other reason that i thought of was that she might have been too nervous to demand that the bartender correct the order for whatever reason.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat View Post
    And hopefully one which isn't too Ni-focused like my previous ones.

    A woman is alone in a pub (or bar) that is rather busy on a Friday night. She has to wait for quite some time, standing, among other people waiting to be served, until the bartender rather hurriedly (but still very politely) asks her for her order. She asks for a pint of a particular brand of beer. A couple of minutes later the bartender takes her money, gives her the change, and hands her her beer, all very quickly. He then turns his attention to one of the many customers standing around her, waiting to be served. Only then she realizes that the beer she got was not quite what she had ordered, and that, being 20 pence more expensive than her original order, her change was accordingly smaller. She ended up paying slightly more for a beer she didn't order. Yet she decides to say nothing and walk away with that beer.

    Question:

    - what thought first comes to your minds as to the woman's motivations? Why didn't she complain to the bartender to get what she had actually ordered - in terms of both brand and price?
    Not worth the hassle of complaining and I've heard people sometimes spit in your drinks and stuff when you send things back. Unless it was ungodly bad, I'd probably just let it pass. And I don't know just how much 20 pence is but it doesn't sound like much. Especially if he was busy because it's easy to make mistakes when you're busy. And it isn't like he was a jerk about it. He was polite. No biggie.

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    She didn't mind having the other beer. She could have ordered the other beer under other circunstances and she would have been ok with paying the higher amount of money for it. And the second reason is that the bartender will feel bad about messing up the order, but he didn't do it deliberately, so she forgives him without confronting him about it.
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    Something that kind of angers me that I've seen is when someone else causes a big fuss about something like this on an obviously busy night (when it looks as though the server is trying their best, mind you), and watching the server walk away with a numbed look where nothing they can say will alleviate the customer's wrath Edit: and you see them go into this damage control mode.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat View Post
    Question:

    - what thought first comes to your minds as to the woman's motivations? Why didn't she complain to the bartender to get what she had actually ordered - in terms of both brand and price?
    My first thought is that she prefers to avoid confrontation. Decidedly non-Fe, IMO. I personally come off extremely "pushy" in this kind of situation I suppose, as I don't generally accept what I didn't order and would rather argue the point to get what I initially wanted (not to mention the correct change).

    Also, I only began drinking beer recently and only really like specific kinds. Lots of them are just too bitter, too tasteless, etc.

    I'm certain I've pissed off many a careless food service and retail worker. (Just Friday, in fact this happened to me at a Wawa). Although I try to be polite when I point out an error, say please and thank you, incompetence and lack of attention to detail really irks me. I guess I'm just bound to be the token hardass reply here. Everyone else seems to have the utmost sympathy for the bartender and don't want to make any "trouble", or otherwise assume that any order is interchangeable. How self-sacrificing...
    Last edited by aka-kitsune; 01-13-2008 at 04:26 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Diana View Post
    Well you don't have to make a big deal about it, just get their attention, and tell them that you ordered something else. It's not a big fuss, and takes only a couple minutes more of their time.

    I have seen people overreact before, and I tend to wonder what's wrong with them that they're acting that way. It's really dumb and pretty rude to not only the staff, but also to the other customers to overreact.
    That's what I was referring to; people overreacting.

    Yeah if I see someone else grabbing a waiter's attention and isn't making a big fuss about it, yeah that's normal.
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    Quote Originally Posted by tereg View Post
    That's what I was referring to; people overreacting.

    Yeah if I see someone else grabbing a waiter's attention and isn't making a big fuss about it, yeah that's normal.
    Well... I *try* not to come off irritated, but the confrontational aspect does make me somewhat tense. I don't go ballistic, but I also don't generally just accept what I did not order. If a waiter/bartender gets pissed off because I'd prefer to have what I actually ORDERED well, that's not really my fault. I understand mistakes, but the assumption that nothing should really matter to a customer is ludicrous. Certainly the customer isn't always right (I've been on both sides of this exchange), but I was always willing to correct a mistake.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Diana View Post
    Well you don't have to make a big deal about it, just get their attention, and tell them that you ordered something else. It's not a big fuss, and takes only a couple minutes more of their time.

    I have seen people overreact before, and I tend to wonder what's wrong with them that they're acting that way. It's really dumb and pretty rude to not only the staff, but also to the other customers to overreact.
    That's exactly what I wanted to say.

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    She was thinking something over and didn't mind the wait because it gave her more time to ponder without interruption. Since the bartender was polite when he finally got to her, she decided to forgive him for the wait (though it hadn't bothered her anyway) because she figured he was just busy and swamped with too much to do. She was sympathetic about this. She noticed that he was too hurried when he took down her order, and that it may not have gotten in his mind correctly. She had a bad feeling about that, but decided to let it be because she determined she didn't care enough anyway. Anything he gave her would have sufficient alcohol so who cares. When she got her order, she was somewhat irked in a moment that she was paying more for the mistake, but decided she could go with it. Maybe she'd never had the sort of beer he brought her before, maybe it's interesting how these things all play out, so she decided to go with it and just drink it and go back to her thoughts, which was where she had wanted to be the entire time. Sure, she could complain that he got her order wrong, but why bother, there's nothing to correct. He was busy and did the best he could. Mistakes are to be expected in such instances. So now she can store it in her mind -- the particulars of the "mistakes" and how what she did, what he did, and the overall atmosphere contributed to this, so as to prevent it in the future, if it even matters -- and return to her thoughts, as she hasn't had enough of a good chance to wander through them yet, and it is currenly her strongest compulsion.

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    "Fuck it, what's the big deal. It's just a drink, confronting him about it and getting my shit changed isn't worth it."
    "To become is just like falling asleep. You never know exactly when it happens, the transition, the magic, and you think, if you could only recall that exact moment of crossing the line then you would understand everything; you would see it all"

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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat View Post
    And hopefully one which isn't too Ni-focused like my previous ones.

    A woman is alone in a pub (or bar) that is rather busy on a Friday night. She has to wait for quite some time, standing, among other people waiting to be served, until the bartender rather hurriedly (but still very politely) asks her for her order. She asks for a pint of a particular brand of beer. A couple of minutes later the bartender takes her money, gives her the change, and hands her her beer, all very quickly. He then turns his attention to one of the many customers standing around her, waiting to be served. Only then she realizes that the beer she got was not quite what she had ordered, and that, being 20 pence more expensive than her original order, her change was accordingly smaller. She ended up paying slightly more for a beer she didn't order. Yet she decides to say nothing and walk away with that beer.

    Question:

    - what thought first comes to your minds as to the woman's motivations? Why didn't she complain to the bartender to get what she had actually ordered - in terms of both brand and price?
    -she doesn't want attention
    -it was just a beer she wasn't sure she wanted to begin with
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom View Post
    Do women go alone to bars in the UK? I have never gone to a bar alone.
    It depends on what you mean with "go alone to bars". In London, it is usual for a woman to enter a pub alone after working hours, and even order something, if she agreed to meet someone else there. Groups of two or more women go "alone" all the time. It is not unusual at all to see a woman sitting alone in an armchair, drinking beer or whatever, in one of the quieter pubs, while reading a book or writing something etc. I guess they'd prefer to go to a Starbuck's (or whatever) but in some areas in the UK a pub is all you've got.

    The results of the test are interesting. Many of the answers were variations of "it's not worth the bother", but others also drew attention to specific points, such as not wanting to give extra trouble to the already overworked bartender, or fear of attention or of confrontation. I think this is a good question to ask someone when typing someone IRL, at least as a starting point.

    Obviously there is no "right" answer.
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    without reading any of the other responses, I would think (because I would do the same thing) that it would be too much trouble to draw it to the waiter's attention, both trouble to get his attention again now that it's already been shifted to the waiting people, and trouble for him to have to get her a different drink. It's not worth the intrusion. It's also not worth the 20 pence. She's lazy and goes with the flow (that is, if she's me). And she isn't so into beer that having the wrong kind would ruin her entire evening.

    Now my ESE husband might ask for the correct beer. Because he likes specific kinds of beer over others and because it's the principle of the thing to make sure it's done RIGHT!! LOL
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    i thought it was because she didn't think it was worth the wait (the lost money and difference in taste). If i really didnt like the taste I would have complained. Or.. lol.. i might not notice the label was different until i had walked behind even more people in the crowd

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    Without going through the hassle of reading everyone else's responses, I'll post mine which will probably be a carbon copy of everything everybody else has said.

    The first consideration would be the hassle in waiting. It took her so long to get the wrong beer in the first place, now she's got to sit there, not drink it, explain the situation, and get 20 pence back for the trouble. Heck, it might even be another 20 minutes before the situation works itself out.

    The next would be that the bartender seems to be a good person who is just being swamped at the moment. I know I'd have a tough time remembering all these people's orders (assuming that he can serve a customer every minute, that meant that there were about 20 other people to be taken care of before he could even get to her). He was polite and swift in serving her when the chance presented itself, he just made an honest mistake.

    I might also view it as an opportunity to try another unexpected brand of beer, though on my return visits I'd be certain to emphasize my order extremely clearly.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat View Post
    And hopefully one which isn't too Ni-focused like my previous ones.

    A woman is alone in a pub (or bar) that is rather busy on a Friday night. She has to wait for quite some time, standing, among other people waiting to be served, until the bartender rather hurriedly (but still very politely) asks her for her order. She asks for a pint of a particular brand of beer. A couple of minutes later the bartender takes her money, gives her the change, and hands her her beer, all very quickly. He then turns his attention to one of the many customers standing around her, waiting to be served. Only then she realizes that the beer she got was not quite what she had ordered, and that, being 20 pence more expensive than her original order, her change was accordingly smaller. She ended up paying slightly more for a beer she didn't order. Yet she decides to say nothing and walk away with that beer.

    Question:

    - what thought first comes to your minds as to the woman's motivations? Why didn't she complain to the bartender to get what she had actually ordered - in terms of both brand and price?
    i didn't read the thread, so my response is clean.

    motivations: she doesn't want to hassle herself or the bartender.

    doesn't complain: because how important is it really, a beer is a beer. i assume 20 pence is a small amount of money, so it's like who cares.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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