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Thread: Shyness vs Introversion

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    Default Shyness vs. Introversion

    "Shyness vs. Introversion
    Research differentiates between shyness and introversion, although they are related. Introverts prefer solitary to social activities, but do not fear social encounters like shy people do. “If you see two people standing by a wall at a party,” Carducci says, “the introvert is there because he wants to be. The shy person is there because he feels like he has to be.”

    In fact, shy adults often attempt to force themselves to be extroverted, Carducci says. “That is the number one way people try to deal with shyness,” he says. “The problem with this strategy is it’s incomplete. Once a shy person is at the party or event, he thinks that’s all he has to do. But that’s just the first step. Shy people have trouble taking the next step -- approaching people and making conversation.”

    Carducci says one way to deal with this is to master the art of small talk. “Shy people say once they’re in a conversation, they’re OK. The problem is initiating it. So, we teach them small talk,” he says." - http://psychcentral.com/library/shyness.htm

    So which one are you?
    Shy or Introverted?
    Maybe both?
    Maybe neither?

    Do you think that you are mistaking shyness for introversion?

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    Default Re: Shyness vs. Introversion

    =)

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    Default Re: Shyness vs. Introversion

    Quote Originally Posted by maizemedley

    I like how the research approaches the issue of shyness.
    I don't think shyness is a healthy state of mind.
    And I think Introversion is a healthy state of mind.
    Well said.

    I think I am a little too introverted. I often wish this was not the case. I know I'm not shy, but if I am in a social setting, I'd almost always rather be somewhere else.

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    I also think I'm a bit more shy than introverted but could be both.
    ISFP, SEI

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    Default Re: Shyness vs. Introversion

    Quote Originally Posted by INTJ
    Quote Originally Posted by maizemedley

    I like how the research approaches the issue of shyness.
    I don't think shyness is a healthy state of mind.
    And I think Introversion is a healthy state of mind.
    Well said.

    I think I am a little too introverted. I often wish this was not the case. I know I'm not shy, but if I am in a social setting, I'd almost always rather be somewhere else.
    I'm very like INTj in this respect.

    @mm: I see your point but would you please elaborate as to why shyness is unhealthy other than I know it can be debilitating. My first husband, Cone's dad, would have anxiety attacks in public.
    <--- Me pouring out all my love on you!

    Some days its just not worth chewing through the restraints.

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    My shyness is strange.

    I can easily start up a conversation with a stranger when I'm alone. Like, I'm on the train coming back from uni, with no people I know, and I almost always start up conversation with strangers.

    On the other hand, when there are people I know around, I'm terribly shy in reagard to new encounters.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    My shyness is strange.

    I can easily start up a conversation with a stranger when I'm alone. Like, I'm on the train coming back from uni, with no people I know, and I almost always start up conversation with strangers.

    On the other hand, when there are people I know around, I'm terribly shy in reagard to new encounters.
    Expectations. Your friends peg you and then in the back of your mind you're always playing up to them in some way. Sometimes I don't think you can really change without changing who your friends are.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    My shyness is strange.

    I can easily start up a conversation with a stranger when I'm alone. Like, I'm on the train coming back from uni, with no people I know, and I almost always start up conversation with strangers.

    On the other hand, when there are people I know around, I'm terribly shy in reagard to new encounters.
    i have the same problem(but i've recently overcome it and started making friends with everybody/anybody, and my long lasting friends have come to expect it), and as a result i'm always making new friends and moving about socially. Does this inhibition you force on yourself when those friends are around you really bother you? I hate it. I usually am thinking about and trying to figure out how my friends are reacting to these new people, and guess their next line/subject, whatever. i think it may be due to having introvert friends, who when meeting new people tend to talk about themselves and present themselves to the new people, whereas I would rather get to know the new person. THOUGHTS GUY?

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    Quote Originally Posted by heathiep
    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    My shyness is strange.

    I can easily start up a conversation with a stranger when I'm alone. Like, I'm on the train coming back from uni, with no people I know, and I almost always start up conversation with strangers.

    On the other hand, when there are people I know around, I'm terribly shy in reagard to new encounters.
    i have the same problem(but i've recently overcome it and started making friends with everybody/anybody, and my long lasting friends have come to expect it), and as a result i'm always making new friends and moving about socially. Does this inhibition you force on yourself when those friends are around you really bother you? I hate it. I usually am thinking about and trying to figure out how my friends are reacting to these new people, and guess their next line/subject, whatever. i think it may be due to having introvert friends, who when meeting new people tend to talk about themselves and present themselves to the new people, whereas I would rather get to know the new person. THOUGHTS GUY?
    Exactly. My friends are all introverts, and I can come off as introvert too (NT). However, when I'm around people I don't know, I like to make new friends but....I find out that I'm usually the one that does all the talking. And maybe then my friends criticize me for something I said, or they think I'm interested in the chich I've talked with when I don't give a fuck about her romantically, and so on.

    Yes, I hate it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by heathiep
    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    My shyness is strange.

    I can easily start up a conversation with a stranger when I'm alone. Like, I'm on the train coming back from uni, with no people I know, and I almost always start up conversation with strangers.

    On the other hand, when there are people I know around, I'm terribly shy in reagard to new encounters.
    i have the same problem(but i've recently overcome it and started making friends with everybody/anybody, and my long lasting friends have come to expect it), and as a result i'm always making new friends and moving about socially. Does this inhibition you force on yourself when those friends are around you really bother you? I hate it. I usually am thinking about and trying to figure out how my friends are reacting to these new people, and guess their next line/subject, whatever. i think it may be due to having introvert friends, who when meeting new people tend to talk about themselves and present themselves to the new people, whereas I would rather get to know the new person. THOUGHTS GUY?
    Although it may sound cliche: If someone is a friend, they may make fun of or even give lots of shit for a person changing, but if they're truly friends it'll just be talk. They'll stick around regardless, and eventually get used to it. That is, unless someone decides to one day become a serial killer, then I think they should be committed instead.

    I can see how some people might want to avoid getting the fun poked at them, but it's just your friends. Mine are jackasses either way haha, but that is why I like them. They would probably be very happy if I walked up to a girl and started a conversation, because they are always trying to get me to talk to new people, though I'm usually shy with strangers or just disinterested and think I have enough people in my life. Though I admit, with the people I am attracted to I become very shy even if I know them.

    I find that my concern honestly has nothing to do with my friends when meeting new people. In fact, it has more to do with living up to the standards of a society than the standards of those close to me. So there are things that, of course, I have to hide and lie about just to get by. I do have very contraversial and unique ideas, and even here I get ridiculed for sharing them, so naturally in the real world it is even worse. However, around my friends, I generally don't feel like I have to act any special kind of way at all, and in public places I can simply ignore everyone else and focus on them. I suppose focusing on them would seem inhibiting to some people, but really, I'm usually not eager to meet anyone new if I have 2-3 friends. They have to meet some pretty strict requirements, because I wont allow myself to be friends with people who inhibit me: I'd eventually hold it against them anyway. 2-3, that's plenty for me, and even that can become really difficult to keep up with.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kreatuv
    2-3, that's plenty for me, and even that can become really difficult to keep up with.
    Identical. There are quite a few comments on here that I relate to. And, of course anyone would say thats not suprising considering my type.

    The 2-3 friend thing...

    When I was younger (29 now), I would berate myself for not having more friends. They've always come in spurts, but the "true" buddies were never more than 2 or 3 at a time.

    But now I've come to realize that I am the one that that which i probably thought was there, but rather I was doing it out of my own subconsious. Not only could I not handle more friends, the quality of friends seems to decrease (inversely proportional) as the friends increase. I much prefer quality over quantity.

    The things I can't or don't share with my wife (who is, apparently my dual - enfx) I share with them. It is a very rich and rewarding and very personal kind of friendship that I have with them.

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    Shyness and introversion are not the same thing ... both extroverts and introverts can be shy and have social problems and phobias.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rmcnew
    Shyness and introversion are not the same thing ... both extroverts and introverts can be shy and have social problems and phobias.
    What the fuck rm
    That's what the whole article and first post is about, why restate it? For shits and giggles?
    Did you even read anything in this thread? I doubt it

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kreatuv
    Quote Originally Posted by rmcnew
    Shyness and introversion are not the same thing ... both extroverts and introverts can be shy and have social problems and phobias.
    What the fuck rm
    That's what the whole article and first post is about, why restate it? For shits and giggles?
    Did you even read anything in this thread? I doubt it
    I have basically been saying the same thing for ages, so unless you think there is something wrong with reiteration that was a pretty pointless statement to make.

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    I'm introverted and definitely not shy. I like to stand back quietly and observe. I'm not very verbal and have little time for prattle. People often approach me as if I am "shy and need a little encouragement". Some have difficulty taking no for an answer and need a little encouragement. In school, I was the outsider, the "unsociable" one with the "bad attitude".

    I have an extroverted friend who is shy. It looks painful. It is not the quiet shyness of an introvert. She is very talkative, but she laughs nervously and fidgets all the time. Sometimes it looks like she's about to panic.

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    =)

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    My shyness is strange.

    I can easily start up a conversation with a stranger when I'm alone. Like, I'm on the train coming back from uni, with no people I know, and I almost always start up conversation with strangers.

    On the other hand, when there are people I know around, I'm terribly shy in reagard to new encounters.
    ESTP?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymous
    I'm introverted and definitely not shy. I like to stand back quietly and observe. I'm not very verbal and have little time for prattle. People often approach me as if I am "shy and need a little encouragement". Some have difficulty taking no for an answer and need a little encouragement. In school, I was the outsider, the "unsociable" one with the "bad attitude".

    I have an extroverted friend who is shy. It looks painful. It is not the quiet shyness of an introvert. She is very talkative, but she laughs nervously and fidgets all the time. Sometimes it looks like she's about to panic.
    She sounds really cute...
    Also, yeah, I can relate to this a lot. I've never been shy Except for around people I find look really good. Sometimes I pretend to be shy, though, because it makes people smile haha. It's a good flirting tactic, and girls think it's cute and loveable.

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    Quote Originally Posted by maizemedley
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymous
    I'm introverted and definitely not shy. I like to stand back quietly and observe. I'm not very verbal and have little time for prattle. People often approach me as if I am "shy and need a little encouragement". Some have difficulty taking no for an answer and need a little encouragement. In school, I was the outsider, the "unsociable" one with the "bad attitude".

    I have an extroverted friend who is shy. It looks painful. It is not the quiet shyness of an introvert. She is very talkative, but she laughs nervously and fidgets all the time. Sometimes it looks like she's about to panic.
    Are you the same guest that posted in http://the16types.info/forums/viewto...=1757&start=15 ?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kreatuv
    Although it may sound cliche: If someone is a friend, they may make fun of or even give lots of shit for a person changing, but if they're truly friends it'll just be talk. They'll stick around regardless, and eventually get used to it. That is, unless someone decides to one day become a serial killer, then I think they should be committed instead.
    thank you for the valuable life advice guy. I keep that and all other cliches in mind next time i make any decisions.

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    I find out that I'm usually the one that does all the talking. And maybe then my friends criticize me for something I said, or they think I'm interested in the chich I've talked with when I don't give a fuck about her romantically, and so on.
    man i've had that happen so many goddamn times. I think sometimes(and it's an arrogant, comforting assumption) that it's out of jealousy about the ease i have approaching the opposite sex. ahahah definitely could be wrong.

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    Quote Originally Posted by heathiep
    thank you for the valuable life advice guy. I keep that and all other cliches in mind next time i make any decisions.
    You're welcome, little girl.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kreatuv
    Quote Originally Posted by heathiep
    thank you for the valuable life advice guy. I keep that and all other cliches in mind next time i make any decisions.
    You're welcome, little girl.
    ahahah i suppose that was in order

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    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymous
    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    My shyness is strange.

    I can easily start up a conversation with a stranger when I'm alone. Like, I'm on the train coming back from uni, with no people I know, and I almost always start up conversation with strangers.

    On the other hand, when there are people I know around, I'm terribly shy in reagard to new encounters.
    ESTP?
    Why?

    Dunno, It's quite impossible to me to question my NT-ness. But if you put forward some arguments, well, maybe.

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    Quote Originally Posted by heathiep
    man i've had that happen so many goddamn times. I think sometimes(and it's an arrogant, comforting assumption) that it's out of jealousy about the ease i have approaching the opposite sex. ahahah definitely could be wrong.
    Yay, maybe. But maybe they don't understand that I don't necessarily approach a girl or talk with her in order to bang her. Whatever.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG

    Yay, maybe. But maybe they don't understand that I don't necessarily approach a girl or talk with her in order to bang her. Whatever.
    i'm REALLY glad the slang term 'bang her' has extended all the way to italy, you sir, are a pioneer. ahahaha.

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    Yeah, I even Italianized the term with my friends, like in italy there is the suffix -are for verbs, so it's

    bangare

    nice to use with girls who doesn't speak english that much. Just for joking, obviously.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    nice to use with girls who doesn't speak english that much. Just for joking, obviously.
    you don't have to lie to me, brother.

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    Ok, the last line was only a politcalcorrectness

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Ok, the last line was only a politcalcorrectness
    ahahahah goddamn that's pretty great

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    I feel like I wanna comment this. I am the most shy person ever and still extroverted.

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    i so hate it when people say "i used to be introverted", intending to cure me. ok fine, i used to be shy as a teenager, but i worked on that and am not plagued by shyness anymore. my introversion, though, is perfectly normal, thank you.

    i also have about 3-4 best friends, all of them have been close to me for at least 10 years. average friends, i have several more - but they aren't privy to my secrets and they come and go. i simply can't find more than that that suits me, with that kind of loyalty and commitment. but i definitely agree with INTJ - i never regret having fewer friends of higher quality.

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    hjgklfjhklgdf

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    "When I was your age, I too used to [introverted activity]. But look at me now!"

    I look at you, and I'm glad I'm not you. That's what I think to that.
    Beware! Nerd genes on the prowl.

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    Lol, this reminds me of when I was at my friends new year celebration last year. Sufficient to say there was about 15 of us and only 3 introverts.
    How do I know?
    Easy, cause all the extraverts stopped by me to ask “Are you feeling alright? You just sit there …" like there's something wrong with me.

    It's hard not to take offence because they're only doing it out of concern for you, but still ...

    The irony in all of this was that they never even attempted to establish a conversation with me, but were just surprised I’m not wasting my time on, what was IMO, insignificant small talk or discussing ideas I found to be meaningless.

    ...

    But on topic, yes, very much shy

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