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Thread: What relationship does this seem like?

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    Haitus DeleteMePLOX's Avatar
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    Default What relationship does this seem like?

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    Jarno's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ChibiKeba View Post
    We share a lot of the same interests such as pondering the complexities of the universe and human behavior, researching UFO mysteries, etc...

    ...I know most people here (the ones that remember me anyways) view me as I(?)Fp.
    I'm not sure about the relationship. But if I would have to choose between INFP and ISFP you seem an INFP. The ISFP falls asleep when discussing complexities, universe, behaviour etc.

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    Hmm, I know a guy exactly like that. But I don't know him personally that well, so I haven't been able to type him for certain. The one time we had a real discussion it was of the kind you describe where you have to cut through miles of bullshit and madness. What type do you think he is?
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    BLauritson's Avatar
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    I've heard before now that ENFjs are meant to be very good at social manipulation, although I don't know whether this is an example of it or not and I wouldn't use that alone to type him. Saying THAT, I don't think that's a standard Socionics relation - sounds like he's got psychological issues that were causing the problems rather than anything type-related.
    ILI (Indescribable Lovemaking Inc.)
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    Creepy-Diana

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    O__o

    He sounds like me... in my unhealthy states.


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    ENFj as your friend's type makes a lot of sense. And if you are INFp it would be a relation of Activity/Activation
    [q]
    "Activity relations occur between two members of the same quadra who share either introversion or extroversion. Relations of activity can resemble duality since the super-id functions are both present in the ego functions of the other partner. However, activity relations are somewhat less fulfilling than dual relations. Each partner's dominant function is the others Hidden Agenda function. Activity relations are better suited to friendly correspondence.

    Activity relationships are often romantic if both partners find each other attractive. These relationships are often very easy to start, as both partners share either extroversion or introversion."
    [/q]

    The part where you describe how you can talk about anything with your friend sounds a lot like what I do with an ENFj friend of mine (I treasure her greatly but we are not romantically involved).

    Alos ENFj for that unhealthy guy I mentioned earlier makes perfect sense in the overall context of the situation I dealt with him in. He was the love interest of another friend of mine and was treating her like shit. I got along really well with him at first until it became obvious he had problems. That almost duality vibe can be really confusing.

    Chibi, your story was very interesting, it made a lot of socionics puzzle pieces fall in place for me.
    Last edited by Wittmont; 12-31-2007 at 08:21 PM.
    INFp

    If your sea chart does not match reality, go with reality (Old mariner saying)



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    BLauritson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wittmont View Post
    ENFj as your friend's type makes a lot of sense. And if you are INFp it would be a relation of Activity/Activation
    ENFj and INFp have mirror relations, not activity.
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    strrrng's Avatar
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    he is definitely ENTp. enjoying discussing the universe's complexities is not only N, but alpha behavior, so I could see you being ISFp, thus enjoying those conversations with him.

    Quote Originally Posted by ChibiKeba
    He's very oblivious to the feelings of someone who he's in a relationship with, but when it comes to his friends he seems to be VERY receptive.
    that is dead on for ExTp's. their polr is Fi, so they won't care about intimacy and peoples' feelings, but their agenda is Fe, so they will crave attention and seem very friendly (socionics.com has their agenda tagged "to be loved").

    I'm not sure if you're N or S, but you seemed more alpha than beta from your post, i.e., if you didn't value Se you may not take action and truly stand up to him for his behavior.

    if you were INFp, your relationship would be illusionary, which your description didn't sound like.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BLauritson View Post
    ENFj and INFp have mirror relations, not activity.
    Ah, point well taken
    INFp

    If your sea chart does not match reality, go with reality (Old mariner saying)



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    on second thought, this thing may not be type-related after all. If that is the case, however, I find it funny that ENTp was the type many of us came up with to match the description.

    If it is a psychological disorder thing, I can see ENFj, because they are more skilled than any other type at emotional manipulation. I would expect them to be able to play such mind games as you described and also become defensive when accused of such things. If he has been "damaged" by his past relationships, his Fe may have been turned away from the good aspects.

    question: does he seem more amiable and gregarious, in a sort of genuine but also attention-craving way, socially, or is there a subtle tacticality guiding his actions, like he's playing a strategy game?

    maybe you could give more details about him, not regarding this problem.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ChibiKeba
    Hmm I'm not sure because I've stood up to him plenty of times. In fact that's what causes the most problems is when I stand up to him or point out that he's done something to hurt me.
    This sounds kind of aggressor-like on his part. I doubt he's ENFj now, because that would make him an infantile. you seem more victim, in terms of the dynamics of this relationship, which would make sense if you are INFp. Maybe the guy's ESTp... He seems very much to like to be in control...his friendliness with people he doesn't know as well makes sense...I mean, that's how you get people to become closer to you...then when they are, your true nature comes out, and his seems very dominating and controlling.

    now I say ESTp>INFp duality, but failed due to his psychological problems...

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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    This sounds kind of aggressor-like on his part. I doubt he's ENFj now, because that would make him an infantile. you seem more victim, in terms of the dynamics of this relationship, which would make sense if you are INFp. Maybe the guy's ESTp... He seems very much to like to be in control...his friendliness with people he doesn't know as well makes sense...I mean, that's how you get people to become closer to you...then when they are, your true nature comes out, and his seems very dominating and controlling.

    now I say ESTp>INFp duality, but failed due to his psychological problems...
    I was considering this too. I got a definite sense of some kind of duality thing going on between Chibi and her friend. I do think this is a type specific case because what Chibi is saying about her friend can be applied point for point to the guy I knew.

    It would be great if we could determine the type of your friend Chibi. The guy I was talking about that hurt my friend was behaving exactly like you have described your friend doing, he was also a socially gifted guy who attracted a lot of women with ease (but not a womanizer really, he didn't really want a girlfriend but enjoyed the attention). Like your friend Chibi, he was also extremely emotionally insecure and said repeatedly he would never allow himself to love someone again (he had also been hurt in the past). He was an achiever, quite driven to excel in his career and always wanted to be top dog.

    One thing that guy would do if upset or threatened was to turn extremely aggressive and cause major drama to get his way, completely disregarding the feelings of persons he might crush to get his way. Afterwards he would be extremely sorry and upset but say he could not help himself. Also when my friend got past his "aggressive BS and madness" defense he'd also collapse into numbness. To him it was the most extreme psychological torture when she put him on the emotional defensive and had him look at himself and what his actions did to others (Fi PoLR I guess).
    INFp

    If your sea chart does not match reality, go with reality (Old mariner saying)



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    Illusionary. ENTp. And, he's NPD.

    I swear I know this guy too.

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    Asshole-victim relation?
    LSI

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    hey chibi, nice to see ya again...:-)

    typing is in a way pointless here. this guy sounds effed up and the evidence clearly points to that. psychological dysfunction supercedes type in this case.

    it sounds like you are unwilling to put up with this kind of treatment anymore and like you want more, which you totally deserve. look for somebody who is more of an adult and tuned in to you needs and willing to work on a relationship. it might help to get closer to your own age, where there might be less of a power differential, too.

    yeah ILE's can be inconsiderate....but this guy takes it to the nth level and he can't take any feedback. so if he is ILE, he's a nutjob one. most ILE's are not like that.

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    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Yeah, def sounds illusionary INFp and ENTp. And I agree with the others doesn't seem like a healthy one.
    INFp

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    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wittmont View Post
    To him it was the most extreme psychological torture when she put him on the emotional defensive and had him look at himself and what his actions did to others
    I do not get this, why someone would behave like that. It just... makes no sense to me. I can understand how it could be unpleasant and painful at times, to realize that actions have consequences and to look at those consequences. But... avoidance? Considering it torture just to think about it? That's the type of thing that would drive me nuts.
    INFj / EII / FiNe
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    I could be way off base here. And I am in no way diagnosing him, but its possible he's borderline personality disorder. You didn't say anything about him physically hurting himself, so I could be wrong.

    My best friend dated a guy like that and he was borderline personality. He would make her feel guilty about not being there when he needed her and she ended up spending all her time trying to make him happy...but he derived more pleasure out of punishing her for no reason. His personality type was ESFp, we think. Overall the things you have been saying about him are spot on with your guy. Her personality type was ENFp.

    I'm not sure this helps at all. But you sound like you at least have a good understanding of how strong a person you are and are able to stand up for yourself. Its because you're such a good person that it hurts you so much. I'm glad you're able to still have a friendship with him after being involved romantically. That's very big of you.
    "this shaking keeps me steady. i should know. what falls always is always. and is near. i wake to sleep and taking my waking slow. i learn by going where i have to go." -t. roethke

    ENFp!!!

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