i have an ISTj friend and although we get along at times, we always come back to disagreeing about the same issues.
1 - in arguing with this ISTj, i told him he can't see the bigger picture. he responded, "no, YOU can't." i clarified that by "bigger picture," i did not mean the literal future, which i suspected he had thought. sure enough, he started talking about plans for the literal future, how i have no concept of these plans, and that he has no idea what i mean by bigger picture. i told him that i meant looking beneath the surface, searching for truth, discovering the root of a problem, and as a result of doing these things, arriving at a more accurate perception of things. this process seems foreign to him although he'll do lip service to understanding it.
related to the confusion with "bigger picture" is the misunderstood concept of correction for the sake of learning. 9/10 times, when i've pointed out a discrepancy or problem, and sought to correct it, he's considered it petty, not understood it at all, or completely denied there was a problem. i tried telling him several times that being discriminating is necessary to making improvements, but he doesn't seem to get it and continues to perceive my corrective tendencies as annoying, unnecessary, negative, argumentative, etc.
2 -next ongoing conflict which i havent been able to understand fully but which seems related to Fe/Fi: he seems to interpret playfulness as affection and mocks me when i am playful as if i'm coming on to him. this REALLY does not work. why is this? also, he has the irritating habit of asking, half jokingly, why i am worshipping him. ?? he will say this when i have not even remotely complemented him. what is this hang up with repelling playfulness yet seeming to have a need to be praised,or perhaps just interpreting innocuous comments as praise?
3 - third, our logical standpoints often put us at an impasse. he often considers my logic irrelevant to his points and i consider his logic irrelevant to mine. i mean when we are getting down to the technical points of an argument.
4 -then there's trouble with Se. would be nice if the ISTj could offer me some of the Se i need, but it's way too forceful, nagging, basically confirms that i will do anything BUT what he suggests. if he "advises" me to quit smoking, he expects a postive reaction or some effort to quit. baffling. i told him many times that i will quit when i feel like it and that he should stop worrying about it. doesn't seem to make a bit of difference. it's as if "as his friend" i am expected to perform to his "healthy" standards, which i must say, don't seem all that healthy or realistic to me.
i don't mean to bash ISTjs at all, but would like a little more insight into the type and into their relationships with INTps. i don't see much appeal for the long term although i think there's possibly an attraction to each other in the early stages and that they can be good "distant" friends, not too wrapped up in each others' lives.