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Thread: IEI/INFp too shy to talk to an ESTp

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    Your DNA is mine. Mediator Kam's Avatar
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    Default IEI/INFp too shy to talk to an ESTp

    I have a IEI friend who really likes this SLE guy. She tells me that she sits beside him in class fantasizing abut talking to him, but she cannot bring herself to actually talk to him, and it's really making her go crazy. She has become more emotional and pissy about her "inability" to tell him how she feels about him, and she's beginning to doubt her self-worth.
    I really want to help her, but I'm not sure how to spur her to get them together, because she's a real nice girl, and I personally don't like the SLE.

    Any ideas on giving her some help?
    D-SEI 9w1

    This is me and my dual being scientific together

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    kill them both

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    Your DNA is mine. Mediator Kam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by niffweed17
    kill them both
    Fair enough.
    D-SEI 9w1

    This is me and my dual being scientific together

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    machintruc's Avatar
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    Default Re: IEI help!

    Quote Originally Posted by Kamangir
    I really want to help her, but I'm not sure how to spur her to get them together, because she's a real nice girl, and I personally don't like the SLE.
    If she can't do the first pace, tell the SLE to do so. You may not like him, but she does.

    Some IEI's are shy. How can someone overcome shyness ? It's very simple : by repetitive cognitive exposition. Next iteration, it'll be easier ; next iteration, it'll be easier ; next iteration, it'll be EASIER. That's all. Tell her to train herself to have INITIATIVE.

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    Default Re: IEI help!

    Quote Originally Posted by machintruc
    Quote Originally Posted by Kamangir
    I really want to help her, but I'm not sure how to spur her to get them together, because she's a real nice girl, and I personally don't like the SLE.
    If she can't do the first pace, tell the SLE to do so. You may not like him, but she does.

    Some IEI's are shy. How can someone overcome shyness ? It's very simple : by repetitive cognitive exposition. Next iteration, it'll be easier ; next iteration, it'll be easier ; next iteration, it'll be EASIER. That's all. Tell her to train herself to have INITIATIVE.
    easier said than done!!! he'd be better off bringing her to a hypnotist or forcing a line of cocaine up her naval cavity right before class lol
    INFp-Ni

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    Default Re: IEI help!

    Quote Originally Posted by machintruc
    Some IEI's are shy. How can someone overcome shyness ? It's very simple : by repetitive cognitive exposition. Next iteration, it'll be easier ; next iteration, it'll be easier ; next iteration, it'll be EASIER. That's all. Tell her to train herself to have INITIATIVE.
    Lies. All lies and bs.

    I am living proof that one DOESN'T ever entirely get used to initiating. In many cases, (including my own) it's not really shyness, it's fear of rejection. And that never goes away, no matter how many times you initiate. The underlying belief is a deep unworthiness.

    Don't know what I'd suggest she do... I still have to force myself to initiate contact sometimes. And never just "approach" someone I don't really know out of the blue.
    socio: INFp - IEI
    ennea: 4w5 sp/sx

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    machintruc's Avatar
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    Default Re: IEI help!

    Quote Originally Posted by misutii
    Quote Originally Posted by machintruc
    Quote Originally Posted by Kamangir
    I really want to help her, but I'm not sure how to spur her to get them together, because she's a real nice girl, and I personally don't like the SLE.
    If she can't do the first pace, tell the SLE to do so. You may not like him, but she does.

    Some IEI's are shy. How can someone overcome shyness ? It's very simple : by repetitive cognitive exposition. Next iteration, it'll be easier ; next iteration, it'll be easier ; next iteration, it'll be EASIER. That's all. Tell her to train herself to have INITIATIVE.
    easier said than done!!! he'd be better off bringing her to a hypnotist or forcing a line of cocaine up her naval cavity right before class lol
    Then put her under some -like pressure ! She'd like that.

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    Yup, the issue here is the INFp curse of inactivity. Ni is all thought and no action it sometimes feels like >_<. Tell her to stick her courage to the sticking place and approach the guy. I am sure she has had a thousand conversations in her head with the guy she is interested in, but they all count for nothing if she doesn't connect to him in the real world. It doesn't have to be a huge show of Fe but rather a small but unmistakable hint of interest. A little creativity here can go a long way. Or a simple three word note saying she likes him. Anything really to get things moving.

    Even if it comes to nothing he should appreciate her interest if he has any sense at all, if he doesn't nothing real is lost is there. If he's an asshole, he's an asshole and this will soon be forgotten. If he is a real guy something will happen, even if he turns her down, and they can still appreciate each other as human beings and have respect for each other. I am 40 years old now, and thinking back I have never regretted the times I have made a move even if things didn't work out as I had wished or even painfully. It is the times I failed to act in time I regret. She can only do her best, and if it fails it wasn't meant to be.
    INFp

    If your sea chart does not match reality, go with reality (Old mariner saying)



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    Quote Originally Posted by niffweed17
    kill them both
    Systematic eradication does appear to be the only effective solution.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kamangir View Post
    She has become more emotional and pissy about her "inability" to tell him how she feels about him, and she's beginning to doubt her self-worth.

    Any ideas on giving her some help?
    Is not her duty to "tell him"... just have her stick to her weapons.. tell her to be goofy... to find something where he could help her...
    Last edited by sigma; 12-22-2007 at 10:13 AM.
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

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