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Thread: The Dilemma with Duals

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    Default The Dilemma with Duals

    I am either ILE or ILI. Regardless, I have recently been pondering about duals. To begin, I don't like very many people in general. However, one thing that came to my attention is that I would rather spend time with my Mirror or Identical. Has anyone else had similar feelings? I simply feel that I would have too little in common with my dual. I would much rather have a like-minded person with more similar interests to be around with.
    Classical socionics: (), ILI-Ni
    Dual-type theory: INTp-ENTp

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    xyz's Avatar
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    Well, who says you won't have anything in common with your dual? Or who says some of the identity relation wont be too dumb for you?

    Have you met any of these types of people seeing as how you hate people in general??
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

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    mine cannot stand me, i'm pretty convinced.
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    Haha, fuck why not
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard
    Well, who says you won't have anything in common with your dual? Or who says some of the identity relation wont be too dumb for you?

    Have you met any of these types of people seeing as how you hate people in general??
    I'm not saying that I wont have anything in common with my dual, however, I am relatively confident that my interests are more likely to be held by someone of my own socionic type, or at least a very similar one.

    There is one friend of mine who is either my identical or my mirror. I'd much rather spend time with her than most other people.
    Classical socionics: (), ILI-Ni
    Dual-type theory: INTp-ENTp

    5w6 sp/sx
    MBTI: INTJ

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    I like my Dual a lot ... I don't get this Dual hate. Maybe it's cause I've experienced my desire, my true need for in my life especially. Talking to LSIs is usually always more fulfilling than talking to an identical or mirror. I don't like mirrors that much to be perfectly honest - a lot of IEIs grate on my nerves and the similarity between mirrors or identicals is just too much for me to handle. It's like we're almost in competition with one another ... there is nothing to balance our massive & overloads with. My Dual complements me perfectly... there is less disagreement/less feeling of competition ... just overall more comfort. Also, Duals can actually HELP with my problems ... mirrors + identicals I've noticed just talk and talk, no real action.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Diana
    Quote Originally Posted by Iconoclast IX
    There is one friend of mine who is either my identical or my mirror. I'd much rather spend time with her than most other people.
    Then you should.
    Like you, I'm not really seeing a dilemma here. If you enjoy the company of your friend, why would you not spend more time with her?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iconoclast IX
    I'm not saying that I wont have anything in common with my dual, however, I am relatively confident that my interests are more likely to be held by someone of my own socionic type, or at least a very similar one.
    Relatively confident? (c:
    Find a dual in RL and see how it goes... I don't think you can Ni your way around experience here...

    Time spent with identicals is very comfortable ime, but duals are way more fulfilling.
    LSI

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    The concept of an SEE on paper never would have interested me before I experienced relations with one, but having had a fair few SEE friends over time, I can definitely see the worth of it. One thing I've considered before is that, especially if someone has had problems with other types who have one or both of your super-ego functions in their ego block, that person might then be opposed to those type of functions in general. Which I've done a crap job of explaining so I'll use an example:

    Say an ILI had problems with, I dunno, an ESE for example, without having experienced anything more than mere casual relations with an SEE or ESI. Said ILI might then think they dislike the feeling and sensing functions in general, therefore thinking (in their mind) that they wouldn't enjoy dual or activity relations. I know in the past I've heard of a couple of cases where a feeler type would think that they couldn't bear relations with any thinking types, preferring to go with another feeler instead. Just an idea.
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    Default Re: The Dilemma with Duals

    Quote Originally Posted by Iconoclast IX
    I am either ILE or ILI. Regardless, I have recently been pondering about duals. To begin, I don't like very many people in general. However, one thing that came to my attention is that I would rather spend time with my Mirror or Identical. Has anyone else had similar feelings? I simply feel that I would have too little in common with my dual. I would much rather have a like-minded person with more similar interests to be around with.
    This is a phase most of us have, when they read the description of our dual.

    By reasoning you would think an identical would be ideal. But if you experienced your dual you would know in what kind of way they are better suited for you romantically speaking.

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    I've recently become casual friends with a dual (the first dual I've known since I've been aware of socionics. But even in thinking about my past, I don't think I've known many of them). First of all, he's not someone I ever would have thought I'd like or get along with. We were put together through a couple of different social situations and once I realized he was SLE, I paid more attention to him and to my surprise, I have become very comfortable around him. To the point where I could see myself turning to him if I were in trouble (I'm not even sure what sort of trouble I mean...) Now maybe that's because he's SLE and I feel like he has all this power, he can get anything done. But my point being that I've been surprised at how I've reacted to him. I never would have guessed.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    My best friend is my mirror, and I love her to death. But I can definitely feel the psychological gap in how we think. I think the more duals you're around, the more you gravitate towards them, and even if you don't have much in common with them, you'll find yourself oddly attracted just because you get them. And they get you. Inexplicably, and in some ways off the deep end. Case in point: Way back when, I worked for a metal fabrication shop and my boss was a 200 lb. redneck ISTp. He was perfectionistic, taciturn, and always griping about some idiot in the shop who couldn't do things the way he wanted them done. And the longer I worked with him, the more I liked him.. and bizarrely found myself attracted to him, even though we had nothing in common other than physical location. If you saw the two of us at once, you'd think, "Okay, proof positive that socionics exists, 'cause that's the craziest thing I've ever seen." We got along like peas and carrots.

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    i always thought that this could occur in people who are either young and/or not developed enough in their type to see the value of your dual IRL.
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    If someone had told me before I met my husband that the "right type" for me was someone who was quiet and aloof and showed no expression on his face, I would have thought they were stark raving mad.

    But I wouldn't worry about it. Just meet and mingle and allow relationships to progress naturally.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom
    If someone had told me before I met my husband that the "right type" for me was someone who was quiet and aloof and showed no expression on his face, I would have thought they were stark raving mad.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom
    If someone had told me before I met my husband that the "right type" for me was someone who was quiet and aloof and showed no expression on his face, I would have thought they were stark raving mad.
    exactly, and that wrong assumption is made by nearly everyone who starts with socionics and/or doesn't understand model A and IM values.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom View Post
    If someone had told me before I met my husband that the "right type" for me was someone who was quiet and aloof and showed no expression on his face, I would have thought they were stark raving mad.

    But I wouldn't worry about it. Just meet and mingle and allow relationships to progress naturally.
    i know what you mean. i never thought i would be attracted to someone with authoritarian tendancies.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iconoclast IX View Post
    I am either ILE or ILI. Regardless, I have recently been pondering about duals. To begin, I don't like very many people in general. However, one thing that came to my attention is that I would rather spend time with my Mirror or Identical. Has anyone else had similar feelings? I simply feel that I would have too little in common with my dual. I would much rather have a like-minded person with more similar interests to be around with.
    The person I feel best in my own skin around has always been my INFp best friend... (mirror). The 2 ISTjs I know get on my nerves after a while. I'd have to know some with a higher yield of common interests because both of them can be rather dogmatic and I become irritated.

    I feel that you should taste test. It's not like you have to spend the rest of your life with this person.

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    Quote Originally Posted by tiny_dancer View Post
    ...my boss was a 200 lb. redneck ISTp. He was perfectionistic, taciturn, and always griping about some idiot in the shop who couldn't do things the way he wanted them done.
    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom View Post
    If someone had told me before I met my husband that the "right type" for me was someone who was quiet and aloof and showed no expression on his face, I would have thought they were stark raving mad.
    Same here. Why should I date a Yeti? I wanted someone who had a backbone and was steady, calming, quietly adventurous, un-whimpy, able to enjoy life, feel strongly about things and see issues from a balanced, unemotional perspective. And that's the ISTp, as it turned out. My first impression was rather off-putting, and I definitely would have felt more at ease with identicals or mirrors. With the ISTps I know, as I got to know them better I discovered that we do actually have stuff in common - interests, opinions, principles, likes/dislikes - but it's a side of them they often hide from people and show only if and when they're feeling at ease with someone. Then there's the effect of duality: how compatible you are. So even your differences sort of "fit" each other. If someone tolerates your faults well, lets you be totally yourself AND LIKES IT, and even sees some of your weaknesses as strengths... that's not bad. Really not bad at all.

    Might be different if both of you are teenagers, though.
    Last edited by schrödinger's cat; 12-22-2007 at 08:19 PM.

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    I can't stand a lot of my duals, but the ones that I DO end up hitting it off with, I do get along with particularly well.

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    Recently, as an INTJ. Well, I had her on my online contact, for quiet sometime. Didn't know she is an ISTJ female, we do have the same similar hobbies, topics, etc. Some areas are not the same, due to the N and S, thinking approach. Overall, the ideas are flowing and going. Both sides can stand each other. I'm a patient person, so I don't mind waiting a long time analyzing a certain topic. As compared with an xNTx experience, it much quicker. But, i respect each others views and processing difference. Its always a chance of gives and takes. Talking to your mirror self is kinda interesting and much easier, so less arguing and bumping around the bush.

    As someone mentioned in pg.1, I rather hang out with someone is more opposite because its more refreshing, etc. For me, would be INFJ, INTJ, ENTJ, ENTP, ENFP, ISTJ, etc.

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    When I actually get to hang out with my dual in some way i'll let you know.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mind_wander View Post
    Recently, as an INTJ. Well, I had her on my online contact, for quiet sometime. Didn't know she is an ISTJ female, we do have the same similar hobbies, topics, etc. Some areas are not the same, due to the N and S, thinking approach. Overall, the ideas are flowing and going. Both sides can stand each other. I'm a patient person, so I don't mind waiting a long time analyzing a certain topic. As compared with an xNTx experience, it much quicker. But, i respect each others views and processing difference. Its always a chance of gives and takes. Talking to your mirror self is kinda interesting and much easier, so less arguing and bumping around the bush.

    As someone mentioned in pg.1, I rather hang out with someone is more opposite because its more refreshing, etc. For me, would be INFJ, INTJ, ENTJ, ENTP, ENFP, ISTJ, etc.
    I'm totally the wrong person to say this, but MBTI? A wild guess says you came from an MBTI place to here, correct?

    Oh, and for the record... before you feel the need to get defensive in any way... I know nothing about MBTI or socionics, well... a very very small amount... maybe just enough to know there's a difference...lol
    Just a question though, I didn't really "get" your reply up there... This is a thread on Duals and you mentioned you are INTJ and then ISTJ directly after that in your post... INTJ is duals with ESFJ just so you know.

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    Quote Originally Posted by betterthandead View Post
    All I know and people should know that they should form social relationships with based on their last letter either P or J.

    Never limit yourself to someone's theories (especially those whacked out intuitives) go with the flow.
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    Quote Originally Posted by cracka View Post
    I'm totally the wrong person to say this, but MBTI? A wild guess says you came from an MBTI place to here, correct?

    Oh, and for the record... before you feel the need to get defensive in any way... I know nothing about MBTI or socionics, well... a very very small amount... maybe just enough to know there's a difference...lol
    Just a question though, I didn't really "get" your reply up there... This is a thread on Duals and you mentioned you are INTJ and then ISTJ directly after that in your post... INTJ is duals with ESFJ just so you know.
    Oops, sorry.

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    Quote Originally Posted by tiny_dancer View Post
    My best friend is my mirror, and I love her to death. But I can definitely feel the psychological gap in how we think. I think the more duals you're around, the more you gravitate towards them, and even if you don't have much in common with them, you'll find yourself oddly attracted just because you get them. And they get you. Inexplicably, and in some ways off the deep end. Case in point: Way back when, I worked for a metal fabrication shop and my boss was a 200 lb. redneck ISTp. He was perfectionistic, taciturn, and always griping about some idiot in the shop who couldn't do things the way he wanted them done. And the longer I worked with him, the more I liked him.. and bizarrely found myself attracted to him, even though we had nothing in common other than physical location. If you saw the two of us at once, you'd think, "Okay, proof positive that socionics exists, 'cause that's the craziest thing I've ever seen." We got along like peas and carrots.



    That's sweet.

    To answer iconoclast, yes i feel this way. I think there is psychological gap with any two types except maybe identcals? I'm not sure with duals. My experience contains cases where I am not very close to the dual or else the dual has really just pushed my interests aside.. it's when I have questions on how to do something that they are helpful and our interactions are seamless. I think even if the duals have similar interests, they may not be able to work together on the SAME projects in the same interest.. but it could still be a useful and worthwhile interaction. Again, I don't have much experience on it..

    I currently would still prefer my mirror because of what appears to be exciting and sometimes complimentary interaction in my favorite mental activities but know from experience that there are a lot of problems that probably would not exist in a dual relation.

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    I think Identical is actually the best match-up, with Duals as the close second or even third. Like I keep saying, if I wrote this junk that's what it would be like.

    Conflictors though, hmm that makes sense.

    Remember, this stuff was written by a nerdy, heterosexist Russian woman who really wanted to get laid and meet her twu luv. We have to take that into account instead of just accepting it on face value.

    With that said, my parents are duals, and they have a very good relationship. But it was a prime factor of my dad getting a stroke, because my mom just took care of him too much. If he was with his Identical, he'd have a new set of problems- but he'd be forced to try harder and not be babied so much. In the end, it might not have happened. I *never* tell them that though, because how else can you say that w/o sounding like a total asshole? *sigh* But I mean, sometimes- somebody covering up for your weaknesses is actually a bad thing. That's all I'm saying.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    With that said, my parents are duals, and they have a very good relationship. But it was a prime factor of my dad getting a stroke, because my mom just took care of him too much. If he was with his Identical, he'd have a new set of problems- but he'd be forced to try harder and not be babied so much. In the end, it might not have happened. I *never* tell them that though, because how else can you say that w/o sounding like a total asshole? *sigh* But I mean, sometimes- somebody covering up for your weaknesses is actually a bad thing. That's all I'm saying.
    what types are your parents? why do you think their relation had to do with your dad having a stroke?

    just b/c i've noticed a weird thing with infantiles....they can become more and more infantile in the presence of their dual.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    One of my ex boyfriends is ESFj...I have to say that out of all my exs he was my favorite...hmmm it wasn't a super serious relationship tho.


    So MAYBE mirror relationships could work out??? Bleh i dunno.

    Ok i'm off to go find an ENTp...

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    You'll find them in chem labs, being the loudest amongst their peers with a helmet and sunglasses.

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    Yup, that's where the one that I know hangs out. Actually, it's more like biochem... with monkeys with scary diseases.

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    I'm an ENFp and recently started hanging with an ISTp as a friend. At first he intimidated me, particularly because he's so insanely fit. But the creative/art connection is to die for and I totally dig his 'screw the establishment' attitude. Plus can he rock on the dance floor - as I can! Not sure I'd want to date him yet though but it's great to try out this dual thing on a friend basis.

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    By meeting an individual, who happened to be my dual, at a very bad time in my life I was helped in ways that I do not think anyone else could have helped. It literally shocked me into a new and clearer understanding of the realities of myself and the world around me.

    Before this I wouldn't have felt like duality was that important, but, and I mean this in the most sincere way, I really might not be alive if he had not helped me. Now when things are going wrong in my life and I think back to this person, I sort of think about what they would tell me to do if I asked them for advice. It makes me feel safe, and I get a clear head.
    EII 4w5

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    Out of the times in my life I had a dual to talk to to go over things, compared to the times when I did not, I feel much better when I have someone there that I can call or talk to who is on the same wavelength than me. I notice the difference.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by anamericancer View Post
    Duals suck.
    No dilemma, the just do.

    Except some, who I don't mind.
    But they are few.
    yup.
    agreed.

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    Quote Originally Posted by anamericancer View Post
    Ew.
    I rhymed, unintentionally.
    haha and the way the line spacing and stuff is makes it look like a poem.

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    Quote Originally Posted by anamericancer View Post
    Duals suck.
    No dilemma, the just do.

    Except some, who I don't mind.
    But they are few.
    Hahaha . . . I love you!

    For this unintentional poem, and because you just seem cool.
    EII 4w5

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