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Thread: How can IEI/INFp catch attention of SLE/ESTp?

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    sigma's Avatar
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    Default How can IEI/INFp catch attention of SLE/ESTp?

    Ok... so I'm like desperate...
    I need solutions for my problem.

    I almost married my supervisor, got lucky and read Tolstoy before the wedding... it got me the courage to call the whole thing off 3 week before the big day.... after some time I reconnected with a Semi-dual I knew some time ago... anyway... that didn't worked... somehow got dissolved in the distance between us (some 300 miles) so now I'm single... and I hate it.

    I joined a popular dating site... managed to get the interest of 2 other Semi-duals (I guess I'm cursed or something)
    Also... I explained a little bit of socionics to an INFp friend I have on the internet and she changed her Yahoo status to something like "Which one of you is an ESTp.. I have an INFp in mint condition available" or something similar.

    Any strategies? Tips? What else can I do?
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

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    I'm back, assholes! Herzy's Avatar
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    Wait, tips on how to get the attention of ESTps?
    , Se-sub
    8w8-3w8-7w8 sx/sx

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    =)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Herzblut
    Wait, tips on how to get the attention of ESTps?
    yup... that!
    I'm confident that I can keep their attention once I got past those difficult first messages.

    Quote Originally Posted by maizemedley
    I can tell ya how I landed one...

    I actively looked for him. I got into an online dating service too. I didn't post a profile though. I wasn't comfortable getting unsolicitated attention. Instead, I e-mailed all the one's that had the "look"/qualities I was going for:

    1. Their picture wasn't taken in a photography studio with a fake backdrop.

    2. No obvious name-brand clothing.

    3. I preferred pictures of men doing something and/or being somewhere "non-showy." I wanted to see, creative/fun/real. (In his photo he was playing his guitar in his messy-ass room).

    4. I looked for condensed, witty, positive, fun, to the point, profile descriptions. I e-mailed all those "types" and ended up connecting with one exceptional ESTp.

    Best of luck to you!!!!
    1. Checked
    2. Checked
    3. Interesting....
    4. Hmm.... I think I so something like that last night.... I need to check that profile again when I get back from Poland.

    I think the situation is somehow more difficult for men:
    I girl is looking half decent I think she will get a lot of messages... (I've seen profiles ending in something like "and yeah... please stop with those 'I need your phone number' messages".

    I need an approach.... something that will get her attention, something that would somehow differentiate me from the armies of "single looking for someone to f**k" that roam this dating sites.

    An ESTp perspective on things might prove useful
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

  5. #5
    Creepy-heathiep

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    look. The depth with which you can get to know someone through a messageboard and socionics type is shallow. Do you honestly believe this is a good source of advice? A good place of for important life advice would be ask someone in your family, or someone who knows you dearly. eh, just avoid anonymous communication methods(like msgboards) for real human advice.

  6. #6
    Creepy-heathiep

    Default i should read these things before i post them.

    Quote Originally Posted by heathiep
    look. The depth with which you can get to know someone through a messageboard and socionics type is shallow. Do you honestly believe this is a good source of advice? A good place for important life advice would be family or a friend who knows you dearly. eh, just avoid anonymous communication methods(like msgboards) for real human advice. A degree of reality is lost when the person prepares what they will say to you.

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    I'm back, assholes! Herzy's Avatar
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    Okay, well for me, to get my attention, you have to sort of "stand out" from the other people in some way. For example, I met one of my best friends (who also happens to be an INFp male) just because he was being really cute.

    So if you're on a dating site, make sure that you keep any profile to the point and easy to read. Don't make it too long, fancy, or in-depth, or else Ms. ESTp will probably skip over it. However, DO make yourself sound fun, interesting, and intelligent, though. If you follow that, you just might find someone special.

    And yeah, if you say that you're an INFp, you might grab someone's attention.

    Good luck, do you have any more questions about this?
    , Se-sub
    8w8-3w8-7w8 sx/sx

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    bah just be yourself. thats the easiest thing to do with your dual. if you think too much with socionics stuff in your head while interacting with particular type the results will be lower. besides that i think the things should flow naturally. as you know not every dual out there is suitable for you.
    http://forum.socionix.com

    I don't see what's so important about the possibility of extraterrestrial life. It's just more people to declare war on.

    EVERYONE PLZ CONTINUE TO UPLOAD INFINITE AMOUNT OF PICS OF "CUTE" CATS AND PUPPIES. YOU KNOW WE GIVE A SHIT!!

  9. #9
    Creepy-Kioshi

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    When writing it helps to know your audience. The more specific you are, the smaller the audience, the greater the impact. You want to show your audience you can relate to them.

    Are profiles important?

    Wouldn't a theme based on classical (romantic) friendship better express the potential of an INFP-ESTP relationship? Use an objective, polyphonic, narrative format. Why say you're an INFP looking for a relationship with an ESTP when you can show how you as an INFP can relate to an ESTP audience?

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    Default Re: I need some help from an ESTp

    Quote Originally Posted by sigma
    Ok... so I'm like desperate...
    I need solutions for my problem.

    I almost married my supervisor, got lucky and read Tolstoy before the wedding... it got me the courage to call the whole thing off 3 week before the big day....
    Wow, isn't that a bit extreme?? I mean, Socionics is fun and helpful and all, but this is really, ehm, yeah, extreme...
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

  11. #11
    Creepy-

    Default Re: I need some help from an ESTp

    Quote Originally Posted by Kim
    Quote Originally Posted by sigma
    Ok... so I'm like desperate...
    I need solutions for my problem.

    I almost married my supervisor, got lucky and read Tolstoy before the wedding... it got me the courage to call the whole thing off 3 week before the big day....
    Wow, isn't that a bit extreme?? I mean, Socionics is fun and helpful and all, but this is really, ehm, yeah, extreme...
    His feelings, thoughts, wants, needs, guide him just a tad don't ya think? :wink:

    Plus, in our INFp language we tend to exagerate our lives. "I sleep 24/7. I hate all corporations. I love mother-earth, bring-back the hippie movement!" It's just to inflate the feeling. It comes across to you as extreme, but for us it's just a silly/dramatic way to express ourselves.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Herzblut
    So if you're on a dating site, make sure that you keep any profile to the point and easy to read. Don't make it too long, fancy, or in-depth, or else Ms. ESTp will probably skip over it. However, DO make yourself sound fun, interesting, and intelligent, though. If you follow that, you just might find someone special.

    And yeah, if you say that you're an INFp, you might grab someone's attention.

    Good luck, do you have any more questions about this?
    It would be simpler indeed if people would know what INFp meant... unfortunately socionics is pretty obscure... at least in my country

    Actually my current profile is kinda short and to the point... several keywords decribing my traits.... and some describing the traits of my "target"

    I thought about updating it to be even more specific... like in using some of the short description on this site.... however... I'm hesitating.... I find asking for a "forceful; demanding of others; go-getter; not easily intimidated; ready for battle" in a girl..... a little bit... I don't know... weird... even if this is actually what I want

    Also... some of the people here misunderstood my intentions... I don't plan to develop an Internet relationship... is not the relationship I have problem with... but with the initial phase.... if I get past the first few messages I'm confident that I am able to keep that girl interested

    Quote Originally Posted by Kioshi
    Why say you're an INFP looking for a relationship with an ESTP when you can show how you as an INFP can relate to an ESTP audience?
    Actually this is what I need help with... how could I accomplish that?
    "Obedient puppy looks for forceful mistress"?
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

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    Quote Originally Posted by maizemedley
    You'll come up with something!! Something that is perfect for you. Trust yourself, you can/will come up with something that is truly you. It'll feel better too. Knowing you attracted someone with something YOU came up with, will definitely feel better than knowing you attracted someone with a line that you got from someone else. Be yourself/genuine from the start. You're a cutie pie, I can tell. So, I trust you'll be able to express that in your own INFp way.

    How fun, fun, fun to be where you are! I can almost feel your jitters and excitement. Best to you!
    well you know how INFp people are so doubtful... that is the problem, I don't trust myself... I guess I never really did

    I don't plan to actually use something someone says on this site, I don't need the actual words to carbon copy them in that dating site... what I need is an idea, a "type" of approach, some inspirational examples

    As for the fun part... it is no fun, and there are no jitters nor excitement, only tiredness... I'm sick and tired of being alone... I used to tolerate it better back in college or in highschool but now... is just too depressing...

    I'm one weird puppy... I think I prefer to feed myself with other people happiness... take sex for example... my definition of great sex does not involves my partner making me feel a certain way but rather making me make her feel a certain way I feed on her ecstasy and it tastes way better than anything I can come up with on my own
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

  14. #14
    Creepy-Kioshi

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    (I know myself in relation to others and my environment. If she does not feel loved, I am only deluding myself if I believe I am her lover.)

    General Rules on Narratives:
    Involve your audience. Recreate the story don't tell it.
    The more specific you are, the smaller your audience, the greater the impact. Know your audience.
    A narrative has characters, a theme, and a plot. Details should be relevant to the story.
    Write the story, then think of an appropriate title.

    Specific:
    Objective details emphasize my non-critical thought processes. It brings out my best.
    I observe in the third person ("he" "she" "it"). Third person narratives come naturally (he said, she said).
    I am self-critical. I think of myself in the third person, even though I refer to myself as "I" not "he".

    INFP-ESTP Relationship:
    For me the relationship is friendship in the classical (romantic) sense.
    I am her confidant. She is mine.
    I am her "best girlfriend, only a guy". She is my pet.
    I am her knight: courageous, courteous, gentle, and principled. She is my lady.
    I am her peer, not her servant.
    Our relationship is based on mutual support and respectful deference. It is not based on our potentials as marriage or sex partners.

    There are many other symbols of classical (romantic) friendship. I do not know what, if any exist in your culture. In my culture most romantic themes are now used to refer to social activities leading to sex or marriage.

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    Quote Originally Posted by maizemedley
    I'll share my husband's subject line, it was "Lost in the Real World." I found it honest and endearing. Because in a sense I felt the same way. He came across as someone who was searching, someone who didn't have it all figured out, someone who wanted to be found. I found it very vulnerable. He wasn't pretending to be a hot shot who had it all figured out. Who was a WHOLE, HEALTHY person...no, he was his honest growing imperfect self...and that drew me to his profile. Once I read his profile, I saw that he wasn't a depressed psychopath and that he was a person looking for the same connection I was looking for. Best to you Sigma!
    This sounds dangerously familiar...

    Anyway... thanks for your post... it fed my optimism for several months to come made me realise I am not chasing an impossible dream.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kioshi
    There are many other symbols of classical (romantic) friendship. I do not know what, if any exist in your culture. In my culture most romantic themes are now used to refer to social activities leading to sex or marriage.
    These themes are universal... yes there are in my culture too... yes secretly all of us dream of them... and yes... I think they should be emphasized in a relation. Jumping directly to sex altho it might be fun for some is too much like russian roulette. I would like to guide myself after the advice Kent Nerburn gave his son:
    http://www.wowzone.com/marriage.htm
    Ever since I first read this piece I've known exactly what I want from a relationship... however... even if this is nice... is not trivial to put in practice.
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

  16. #16
    Creepy-Kioshi

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    (INFP is the ideal courtier of the 13th-16th century romances. I can't think of any modern treatments on the theme. In the states, some "best girlfriend" relations follow the theme. They are expected to "grow out of it".)

    Friend, in the classical (romantic) sense, refers to mutually supportive clients. There are only two relationships that fit this definition. The first is the valiant and the squire: ENTJ-ISFJ. The second is the courtier and the lady (or lord): INFP-ESTP. The courtier is the confidante and assistant to the lady.

    Ladies during the romantic period often had loveless marriages. The courtier was her lover. Castiglione described love as a desire to possess beauty. He made a distinction between the beauty of the senses (like animals), the beauty of reason (like man), and the beauty of understanding (like angels). The ideal courtier was a lover in the purest sense.

    My sense of integrity is the only thing that keeps me grounded in reality. Her sense of reality is the only thing that keeps her from disintegrating. In a world that constantly distorts reality, it is amazing she can keep herself together. I need to understand others and the world around me. She needs to be understood. I need to love. She needs to be loved. I am her courtier. She is my lady.

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    That was not only beautiful, Kioshi, but so very, very true about INFp's. She is blessed to have you.

    What's you view on polygamy?
    <--- Me pouring out all my love on you!

    Some days its just not worth chewing through the restraints.

  18. #18
    Creepy-Kioshi

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    I was just exploring the theme.

    My closest friend was a Spanish girl. I was a close family friend. We were romantic friends. I would have become a patron to her husband and godfather to her children. She would have become a patron to my wife and godmother to my children. We would have raised our children together.

    But things happen.

    ESTP is my ideal romantic friend. ENFJ is my ideal marriage partner. ISTJ is her ideal marriage partner.

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    Default Re: I need some help from an ESTp

    Quote Originally Posted by sigma
    I almost married my supervisor, got lucky and read Tolstoy before the wedding... it got me the courage to call the whole thing off 3 week before the big day....
    Wait, you mean to say Tolstoy was what motivated you to finally decide to call off a wedding? How does that work? Isn't that a pretty bold move to base on simply reading something?

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    Default Re: I need some help from an ESTp

    Quote Originally Posted by Kreatuv
    Wait, you mean to say Tolstoy was what motivated you to finally decide to call off a wedding? How does that work? Isn't that a pretty bold move to base on simply reading something?
    It did not motivated me into calling off the wedding, the book simply made me more honest with myself. I realised that altho compromise is a part of married life... it should not be the dominant part. There were some things that I agreed to even if I really didn't liked them... for example the first year of our married life was supposed to be spent apart... seeing each other on weekends...

    After reading the book I realised that I was deluding myself and that deep down inside I knew for some time that I don't want to marry her.

    Lousy thing from me to do it so late but... better late than too late.
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

  21. #21
    Creepy-

    Default Re: I need some help from an ESTp

    Quote Originally Posted by Kreatuv
    Quote Originally Posted by sigma
    I almost married my supervisor, got lucky and read Tolstoy before the wedding... it got me the courage to call the whole thing off 3 week before the big day....
    Wait, you mean to say Tolstoy was what motivated you to finally decide to call off a wedding? How does that work? Isn't that a pretty bold move to base on simply reading something?
    Anna Karenina was a romantic tragedy. It presents a common romantic theme regarding marriage. Marriage is serious business, not a fairy tale. Rationalization and social idealism only perpetuates problems; it doesn't solve them. People need to know who they are in relation to others, so they can develop effective coping strategies. The identities of the individuals in a relationship must be preserved.

    Its amazing how simply reading something can make people think about what they are doing. It is one the reasons people like Tolstoy write.

  22. #22
    Creepy-

    Default Re: I need some help from an ESTp

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymous
    Quote Originally Posted by Kreatuv
    Quote Originally Posted by sigma
    I almost married my supervisor, got lucky and read Tolstoy before the wedding... it got me the courage to call the whole thing off 3 week before the big day....
    Wait, you mean to say Tolstoy was what motivated you to finally decide to call off a wedding? How does that work? Isn't that a pretty bold move to base on simply reading something?
    Anna Karenina was a romantic tragedy. It presents a common romantic theme regarding marriage. Marriage is serious business, not a fairy tale. Rationalization and social idealism only perpetuates problems; it doesn't solve them. People need to know who they are in relation to others, so they can develop effective coping strategies. The identities of the individuals in a relationship must be preserved.

    Its amazing how simply reading something can make people think about what they are doing. It is one the reasons people like Tolstoy write.
    Well said. Who are you guest??????? Reveal yourself! I must shower you with accolades.

    How does that work? Isn't that a pretty bold move to base on simply reading something?
    Kreatzuv, I like how you asked questions to make your point instead of pushing your point/understanding on Sigma. I've had several light bulb moments from reading books. It's a glorious thing when I see and recognize a truth that I've been supressing in...a book a poem...another person. It resonates and the light bulb goes off. I wonder if NF's have this experience moreso than other types?????? Maybe for other types, truths are conceived/revealed in more concrete way??????

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    Default Re: I need some help from an ESTp

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymous
    People need to know who they are in relation to others, so they can develop effective coping strategies. The identities of the individuals in a relationship must be preserved.
    This is why I like socionics, it helps in this domain. If you know both types involved in a relationship... you can find some solutions... dualisation might be possible... however, is it that much to ask for a dual? If i know that there is a better chance for compatibility with someone from that psychological type why not try and find someone like that?
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

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