The tell-tale signs of an INFp/IEI

[mustachio]

hi there! i know what all beta types are like in irl except for the fabled INFp. i can't say i've ever been able to accurately type one and be 100% sure of my guess. so, in my endless pursuit of the dual, i've decided to recruit the help of my fellow socionics enthusiasts and ask the question: what are INFp's like in irl? furthermore, what are your personal experiences, the history of your interactions with this enigmatic type?

please share your most tender moments.

[Mediator Kam]

I know one INFP in real life, and met one on vacation, and talk to her occasionally.

They are "confused" people. They don't really fit into society in a way, and they freely admit it. They are also intensely quiet people who think about how life should be. Both are idealists.

Both INFP's I know are avid writers and derive great personal enjoyment from it.

The one I know personally is VERY opinionated and comes off a little as a "bitch", while the other is the opposite, maybe a bit opinionated.

EDIT: I do know one more INFP in real life. Enjoys writing, has that "bitch" feeling, but generally is nice, and is gothic. We're friends in a way.

[PotatoSpirit]

I am sure about two, they are both pleasant, dreamy, easily offended. They like to write (both take notes on their thoughts).

[redbaron]

I am sure about two, they are both pleasant, dreamy, easily offended. They like to write (both take notes on their thoughts).

I'm pleasant, dreamy, easily offended too. I also like to write and have kept a near-daily journal since I was 16 (I'm 37 so that's kinda significant). I have two INFp friends. They both talk a lot when you get to know them (just like I do) and can see any side of an issue without being judgmental. Indecisiveness can definitely be a problem for all of us. Probably the biggest problem I have.

[Mediator Kam]

My INFP friends are easily offended and talk a lot when you discuss something they are genuinely interested in.

They are real nice people to get to know, but watch what you say around them.

[Mediator Kam]

I can't really think of a way to describe them, other than that when you talk to them, you'll probably get this weird happy fuzzy feeling.

never felt that vibe.

[Mediator Kam]

This is funny, because I never seem to offend any of the INFps I know, even though I say a fair amount of offensive things. Heh, who knows.


So there's this INFp guy at my school, and he happens to be a good looking nerd. I've been trying to figure out a way that I could hang out with him sometime, but he's always around really sporadically, so I can't really do anything until he's more consistent in showing up at school. I'm not at all concerned with him rejecting me because he's nerdy and probably would like it if a girl approached him (even if it is platonic), but I don't want to come on too strong (sort of like what this ESFp guy did to me a while ago). Damnit I wish he would just sit alone at a table sometime so that I could approach him.

Come to think of it, that ESFp guy might come in handy with this sometime.

Catch him writing sometime, and ask him about it.

One of my INFP friends wrote this:

"A mirror stands in a room of love
And sometimes I look into that mirror
Look into my own eyes and see
Only the flaws of my soul"

deep eh?

Anyway, INFP's love it when you have something in common to talk about. If he writes, (which he probaby does), he'll love it if you talk about it.

[Mediator Kam]

Whenever I see him, he's usually just walking somewhere, doing something on a calculator, buying food, or talking to someone while having this really funny grin on his face. Based on the things I've seen him write on Facebook, I highly doubt that he'd write that type of poetry.

I've never met a male INFP, maybe one, but he's a pervert (no offense to your INFP, he sounds like a nice guy.)

Otherwise, I know three female INFP's. What kind of writing do your INFP do?

[Mediator Kam]

He writes yes, but writes about incestuous relationships between two wolf brothers, graphic anal stuff.

His "Story"

He seems like a INFP in some of his actions.

[Ms. Kensington]

I've never met a male INFP, maybe one, but he's a pervert (no offense to your INFP, he sounds like a nice guy.)

i doubt it's something to apologize about.. sorry, i just had to comment because i love the perverted um. sexually imaginative, ones.

They are fucking hot, yo. I am attracted quite, quite often to male INFps and the female ones give me a calm, pleasant feeling. One of my best friends is a female INFp.

Not sure what kind of experiences you're looking for, mustachio, but i agree with herzy that you've probably met one before. I think most of the time INFps are funny, good with languages, and are good in social situations.. more likely to be polite and engaging in conversation (rahter than standoffish) once being accosted.. they might be shyer if noone has approached them.

[Mediator Kam]

I've never met a male INFP, maybe one, but he's a pervert (no offense to your INFP, he sounds like a nice guy.)

i doubt it's something to apologize about.. sorry, i just had to comment because i love the perverted um. sexually imaginative, ones.

They are fucking hot, yo. I am attracted quite, quite often to male INFps and the female ones give me a calm, pleasant feeling. One of my best friends is a female INFp.

Not sure what kind of experiences you're looking for, mustachio, but i agree with herzy that you've probably met one before. I think most of the time INFps are funny, good with languages, and are good in social situations.. more likely to be polite and engaging in conversation (rahter than standoffish) once being accosted.. they might be shyer if noone has approached them.

ooo true that, one of my INFP is taking japanese and spanish.

[Mediator Kam]

He writes yes, but writes about incestuous relationships between two wolf brothers, graphic anal stuff.

His "Story"

He seems like a INFP in some of his actions.

Is he Japanese?


And holy shit, Auvi, that sounds exactly like him.

What I found funny was his list of hobbies:

gaining weight, running, music, gaming, and...staring into space

No, as American as can be.

Wait, whose hobbies?

[Mediator Kam]

The guy I was talking about on page 1. I just thought the "staring into space" thing was really fitting here.

I'd tap that, I love the space-starers.

[olduser]

the few infp i've met are really funny. auvi is the serious infp. he's too nice to be funny.

[Mediator Kam]

the few infp i've met are really funny. auvi is the serious infp. he's too nice to be funny.

ahh that's sad. Too nice to be funny? I can't imagine that.

Wait, duh. All the INFP's I know never crack jokes.

[Mediator Kam]

Wait, duh. All the INFP's I know never crack jokes.

ok, the two I know are infp for sure, not too well.

I sit with one at lunch, but we don't really talk. I crack jokes with her in chemistry, but she just smiles and laughs a little.

The other I sit with in study hall, we talk and she reveals a bit about herself, she's relatively open, but she is not the joking type, very opinionated and serious at times, but that alternates with a light idea of life.

She's confusing.

[olduser]

the few infp i've met are really funny. auvi is the serious infp. he's too nice to be funny.

ahh that's sad. Too nice to be funny? I can't imagine that.

Wait, duh. All the INFP's I know never crack jokes.

it was sort of a joke. i like to talk about auvi because he probably gets embarassed.

[PotatoSpirit]

I am sure about two, they are both pleasant, dreamy, easily offended.

I'm guessing the position of power makes him too much of an authoritarian?

I think IEI is one of the greatest types to spend time with and have in your group: they keep the conversation going and usually laugh at my humor, but not the best to live with as they are too disorderly.
Last night my INFp brother cut some onions and left them out in the kitchen, along with some paper drenched in fried oil. Smells good in the morning.

[ScarlettLux]

INFps...

- likely to be staring at nothing in particular in the general direction of the floor or the space in front of them; might appear to be in a daze, especially when you catch them walking alone - calling their name will usually snap them out of it
- fidgeting with their hands or some object
- may usually avoid eye contact at first but once you start talking may hold your gaze for an uncomfortably long period
- "dreaminess" varies; most tend to be somewhat arty types with a good knowledge of music/books/pop culture references
- unusually reserved/polite/dignified in speech followed by confounding bursts of the most tasteless, profane language you'll ever hear
- will usually have a smirk/funny grin on their face and say barbed/offbeat things just to get a rise out of you
- may be uncomfortable verbalizing affection, but usually very comfortable physically showing it (at least, in private, and when you're REALLY comfortable)
- like to laugh.. a lot; usually have an almost evil-sounding laugh
- usually find an outlet for emotional expression in a variety of ways - music, writing, art, etc.
- body types vary widely, IME; more commonly either rake thin or solid/stocky; don't usually carry around a lot of fat
- pretty good aesthetic sensibility - well dressed, usually prefer dark colors (a lot of the time, you'll catch them wearing black)

That's about all I can think of.

Excellent. I couldn't have put this better into words myself - nice observational skills, auvi.

Hmm, something else more related to INFp Fe subtypes..

- have a characteristic tendency to get over-excited easily and almost embarrassingly enthusiastic in group situations where they are comfortable with the people around them
- in large groups of people they are intimidated by, will close up almost entirely until they feel welcomed
- very rapid changes in mood
- in general, will try to maintain a positive emotional atmosphere especially upon greeting them (always smiling)
- attention seekers in the way they tell stories (exaggerated most of the time)
- get really confused/stressed out easily and takes things seriously (in need of to relax them)... in these moments, it is almost scary to see their emotional fervor
- may seem self-centered due to tendency to ramble about own stories
- really enjoy random trivia games, enjoy competition a lot
- usually achieve high academic marks but actually appear to be somewhat spacey
- clumsy, clumsy, clumsy!

[allofthelights]

Excellent. I couldn't have put this better into words myself - nice observational skills, auvi.

Hmm, something else more related to INFp Fe subtypes..

- have a characteristic tendency to get over-excited easily and almost embarrassingly enthusiastic in group situations where they are comfortable with the people around them
- in large groups of people they are intimidated by, will close up almost entirely until they feel welcomed
- very rapid changes in mood
- in general, will try to maintain a positive emotional atmosphere especially upon greeting them (always smiling)
- attention seekers in the way they tell stories (exaggerated most of the time)
- get really confused/stressed out easily and takes things seriously (in need of to relax them)... in these moments, it is almost scary to see their emotional fervor
- may seem self-centered due to tendency to ramble about own stories
- really enjoy random trivia games, enjoy competition a lot
- usually achieve high academic marks but actually appear to be somewhat spacey
- clumsy, clumsy, clumsy!

I agree with 99% of all of this.

[Creepy-bg]

-horns
-tail
-red coloration

[Mediator Kam]

-horns
-tail
-red coloration

Have you had a run-in with an INFP?

[Mediator Kam]

INFPs (and ENTPs) invented Burning Man. They're like natural hippies, free love and stuff...and that free love part, yeah that's true...OH yeah.

I happen to disagree. Every INFP I have met has never came off as a "free love" type of person. On the other hand, they seem to be quite reserved with their shows of affection.

[aka-kitsune]

INFPs (and ENTPs) invented Burning Man. They're like natural hippies, free love and stuff...and that free love part, yeah that's true...OH yeah.

I happen to disagree. Every INFP I have met has never came off as a "free love" type of person. On the other hand, they seem to be quite reserved with their shows of affection.

Have to second this. I'm not anything about "free love", bleh.

I've had copious conversations with an ENFp about just this topic. He was explaining to me his exhibitionist tendencies, his openness about sexual matters, etc. I did what I could to hush him from calling out various slang anatomical references in his enthusiasm as we chatted in public hearing! (I'm mostly quite decorous about these matters). Anyway, had a devil of a time trying to make him understand my attitude that I thought of my body as a *temple* for the select few that I choose to value highly. Certainly not just anyone gets the privilege. Spreading yourself around just makes you common, IMO.

I might be an emotional exhibitionist in public, but a physical one only in private. :wink:

[aka-kitsune]

the few infp i've met are really funny. auvi is the serious infp. he's too nice to be funny.

ahh that's sad. Too nice to be funny? I can't imagine that.

Wait, duh. All the INFP's I know never crack jokes.

Well... I don't really crack jokes. But I love to use my finely honed sense of humor to get others around me to laugh. I enjoy turning a phrase, relaying/reenacting something funny. I especially like to "gin up" the humor factor when retelling something amusing. I really get into it!

[Ms. Kensington]

Last night my INFp brother

can i see pics ?

[PotatoSpirit]

Last night my INFp brother

can i see pics ?

No :-P

[XoX]

???? INFp ????

[Mediator Kam]

^INFP MAN^

So, I think I debunked the INFP debacle once and for all. We now know their secret ways.

[redbaron]

With looser aquiantances, it's pretty normal for me to be emotionally and socially stiff. I say little, smile a bit, chuckle softly, but don't warm up until I feel that connection of psychological kinship. I think most INFps are like that when more or less alone with someone they haven't yet felt that intuitive cue of psychological safety.

well said. I feel the same.

[Mediator Kam]

With looser aquiantances, it's pretty normal for me to be emotionally and socially stiff. I say little, smile a bit, chuckle softly, but don't warm up until I feel that connection of psychological kinship. I think most INFps are like that when more or less alone with someone they haven't yet felt that intuitive cue of psychological safety.

well said. I feel the same.

Damn, but it seems so hard to gain their trust, because I'm always joking with them.

[Blaze]

hi there! i know what all beta types are like in irl except for the fabled INFp. i can't say i've ever been able to accurately type one and be 100% sure of my guess. so, in my endless pursuit of the dual, i've decided to recruit the help of my fellow socionics enthusiasts and ask the question: what are INFp's like in irl? furthermore, what are your personal experiences, the history of your interactions with this enigmatic type?

please share your most tender moments.

an early indicator of who could be an infp is their focus on time. they will discuss time explicitly and you will get the sense that they like to tap into trends as they evolve over time. it prolly sounds like i'm quoting from a socionics website, but this was the thing that helped me isolate the type of infp man early. before that i was unsure of whether he was SEI or IEI; this time issue was the slam dunk. it's hard to see right away since Ni is an introverted function.

couple more: they're kind of goofy, they joke around a lot and have a sense of humor that is non-offensive and universal. they spread a positive mood pretty easily, but not so obviously as an SEI. it's a little more understated. this behavior makes them blend in a little bit in a group, not stand out.

they space out a lot and need uber amounts of time alone to think, and contemplate, and mess around the house. they will protect this time to themselves and will not allow you to infiltrate it. you can tell how important you are to them by how much time they will spend with you. they will tell you that you are important because look at how much time i'm spending with you.

so, overall, you'll see the time element, again and again. you just have to look for it.

thing is, you might not see this at first....you only see this if you get into one on one situations with them. if you don't, then in a group situation you'll see somebody who fits the joking, Fe, even tempered, smooth things over type of behavior. if i were looking for an infp and i was estp, i'd look for somebody who first of all was clearly introverted, then go from there.

[Animal]

The negative side of INFps is their tendencies toward indirectness - which can be fine if you're with someone willing to make sense of you and plays with you, but most of the time is just unhealthy and leads to pretty much guaranteeing avoidant behavior and assertiveness issues later on in life. If you've ever read Robert Glover's No More Mr. Nice Guy, INFps tend to be the poster pathological "Nice Guys."

Ahhhh, I've actually been in quite a few situations where the said person was taking advantage of me, or I was letting them walk all over me, and couldn't get up the guts to say "back off". I fantasize about telling people off (hehe I love those feel good stories where the quiet girl yells at everyone when she's had enough) but when push comes to shove, I don't. I worry about hurting people's feelings. If someone asks me straight out in all seriousness what I think of something and I really want to say "they're being a jerk!! arg" I get really avoidant and try to sidestep the issue altogether.

It's not out of a genuine love of others - I'm not that nice of a person - but I let people think I am because I like hiding behind the "nice girl" reputation. I'm kinda paranoid that people will discover I'm not really a nice person, so I go to great lengths to cover that up...............once in while I get so close to someone that I trust them, I reveal how I really feel.................and scare them off by unloading my greivances, venting and bitching and general bitterness. I don't know why everyone talks about how nice INFps are, I'm not nice at all, I just don't show it. Does that make me a hypocrite?

Nah, it doesn't make you a hypocrite. I think someone else (I think it actually might have been Blaze) said that INFps can sometimes be nice on the outside, and not-so-nice on the inside.

When you're being nice like that - to the point where people take advantage of you and you don't set boundaries to fix it - it's bound to just cause resentment and future problems. Just learn to identify people and situations where you aren't saying what you really want to say, and then just go ahead and say it (tactfully, and in a balanced way, of course). Once I realized that I'm the only person in the world who's responsible to looking out for myself, it got easier, really. I mean, everyone else looks out for themselves. You've got every right to do it, too. You gain nothing from closing up and avoiding saying things you really want to say. All it does is just make you angry and allow for future instances of the same problem to happen again. Actually, the resentment seems to go away altogether when you're free to express yourself, and so you get a whole lot nicer on the inside, too.

[Blaze]

When you're being nice like that - to the point where people take advantage of you and you don't set boundaries to fix it - it's bound to just cause resentment and future problems. Just learn to identify people and situations where you aren't saying what you really want to say, and then just go ahead and say it (tactfully, and in a balanced way, of course). Once I realized that I'm the only person in the world who's responsible to looking out for myself, it got easier, really. I mean, everyone else looks out for themselves. You've got every right to do it, too. You gain nothing from closing up and avoiding saying things you really want to say. All it does is just make you angry and allow for future instances of the same problem to happen again. Actually, the resentment seems to go away altogether when you're free to express yourself, and so you get a whole lot nicer on the inside, too.

great example of how one develops one's dual seeking in the absence of one's dual.

actually, i don't know if baby's dual is absent or not, but whatever. :wink:

[aka-kitsune]

The negative side of INFps is their tendencies toward indirectness - which can be fine if you're with someone willing to make sense of you and plays with you, but most of the time is just unhealthy and leads to pretty much guaranteeing avoidant behavior and assertiveness issues later on in life. If you've ever read Robert Glover's No More Mr. Nice Guy, INFps tend to be the poster pathological "Nice Guys."

It must be much more difficult to be a male INFp, I think.

In many ways, INFp is very "Yin" energy, and that's just more acceptable for females to be than males in our society with its still very rooted patriarchal foundations. Of course, even female INFps find it frustrating to take direct action, having to go against the tendency to feel "unfeminine" for not playing the stereotypical role.

an early indicator of who could be an infp is their focus on time.

Yes. I'm frequently time-obsessed to the point of urgency. As a result, I'm usually quite impatient. It's easy for me to forget that other people don't have that much focus on the passage of time, and don't mind letting things "evolve". I, on the other hand, need to know that situations are progressing, making measurable progress. Eh.

]if i were looking for an infp and i was estp, i'd look for somebody who first of all was clearly introverted, then go from there.

Not so clearly introverted anymore, actually. In fact, most people are surprised when I say I'm actually introverted, as I've learned to really focus the in a very extraverted way. Still doesn't feel "natural" and I can't keep it up too long without feeling drained. Nevertheless, my first focus will always be inward.

[Ms. Kensington]

When you're being nice like that - to the point where people take advantage of you and you don't set boundaries to fix it - it's bound to just cause resentment and future problems. Just learn to identify people and situations where you aren't saying what you really want to say, and then just go ahead and say it (tactfully, and in a balanced way, of course). Once I realized that I'm the only person in the world who's responsible to looking out for myself, it got easier, really. I mean, everyone else looks out for themselves. You've got every right to do it, too. You gain nothing from closing up and avoiding saying things you really want to say. All it does is just make you angry and allow for future instances of the same problem to happen again. Actually, the resentment seems to go away altogether when you're free to express yourself, and so you get a whole lot nicer on the inside, too.

wow, me too.

[redbaron]

I'm extremely stingy with my time also and guard it very closely. If I really like someone, they will know it precisely by how much of my own time I offer them. My husband complains that I'm not very generous with my time and he's right. I need to work on that.

[hellothere]

yeah thanks for the stuff about time, sunshine lively (woops almost said lovely there), it was helpful

I wasn't sure whether I should make a new thread on this (tell me if you think I should), but what are some real life examples of INFps valuing Se over Si?

[Blaze]

thanks peeps. wow i get to be insightful that's cool.

as far as Se valuing. they'll like laugh their asses off at some push and shove type of joke. they have this like black sense of humor - they don't like to make these jokes themselves as much, but they love to hear you tell them.

they like to fuck with you; provoke you into a forceful response.

they kind of like cat and mouse. there's always a little bit of a game.

[redbaron]

thanks peeps. wow i get to be insightful that's cool.

as far as Se valuing. they'll like laugh their asses off at some push and shove type of joke. they have this like black sense of humor - they don't like to make these jokes themselves as much, but they love to hear you tell them.

they like to fuck with you; provoke you into a forceful response.

they kind of like cat and mouse. there's always a little bit of a game.

I agree with this. But I also value Si. I value both but yeah, Se more but probably because it's so out of my reach. I neeeeeed it! Here's the thing: I respect Se. Si is good but I can do it myself to some degree. Se, I don't have it so when I see it in someone else it's like "omg, you are so awesome"