INFjs money problems & questionable loyalty

[UDP]

NOTE: THE FOLLOWING STORY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH PERSONAL CHARACTER - real character is independent of type. So it is not "the type's fault", it is the person. That being said....

Especially since I have been considered one to blindly celebrate INFjs, I thought it would be good to share this:


We all know Dostoevsky - both the type and the actual person person - is characteristically bad with money.
Well I found out this weekend that one INFj in particular was so bad with money that it even extended into dealing with other parts of her family.

This particular INFj has a knack for selecting terrible "romantic partners", and married two scumbags in particular - this is not my value judgment, this is what her family has said about her mates. Would I disagree? Not really. So now what she has the second marriage, there has been an increasing number of situations that seem to imply her loyalty and first priority is her husband, rather than her family or even own daughter. The husband of the EII has several bad habits, and I would not be so interested in this gossip if her husband wasn't being an asshole to someone in my family. Among those bad habits is being extremely rude in a selfish way, constantly belittling, subtly, those around him. This weekend I almost let loose on him, but my restraint has served me well as there will be a much better opportunity upcoming.

This husband is the same one the EII was willing to support despite screwing her daughter over in the process. Apparently there was some sort of arrangement where the mother "took out a loan on the daughter's behalf", and so the daughter would be paying her mother back at regular intervals. It turns out the EII was in such bad shape financially that she was taking double the amount from her daughter, and only paying half of the money towards the loan. Upon finding this the daughter demanded that the amount of money she gave her went to the loan. The long and short of it is: the EII was so bad with money and very questionable about her ability to relate to others that she would lie to her daughter to support a questionable husband.


So another indication that is not pure morality, and neither are INFjs.


PS: I wonder if there could ever be work done about layers of health for socionics, like there is in enneagram. Unfortunately this EII is in the average to below average health range, maybe even towards the low end.

[Danielle]

The story is a bit too vague for me to follow. But I would bet that there isn't an INFj anywhere who thinks they are the essence of "pure morality". I do lots of unrighteous things on a regular basis. It is actually very difficult for me to do what is "right" just because other people say it is. Even if I agree that it is, I can't do it the right thing unless I am motivated from within. I don't even feel bad about it, which is the biggest problem.

I cannot relate to morality=EII if morality is right vs. wrong. If morality is good vs. bad, then I can relate.

[anndelise]

Apparently there was some sort of arrangement where the mother "took out a loan on the daughter's behalf", and so the daughter would be paying her mother back at regular intervals. It turns out the EII was in such bad shape financially that she was taking double the amount from her daughter, and only paying half of the money towards the loan. Upon finding this the daughter demanded that the amount of money she gave her went to the loan. The long and short of it is: the EII was so bad with money and very questionable about her ability to relate to others that she would lie to her daughter to support a questionable husband.

there's pieces of info missing from this story...such as, was the EII counting the money the daughter gave her as going towards the loan payback and figuring she (the EII) could cover in the future the parts she (the EII) was using now?

I'll try to make that clearer:
EII takes out a loan amount of $1,000 and gives it to the daughter
daughter uses the $1,000
daughter pays EII $200/mo
EII thinks 'daughter now owes me $800'
EII thinks 'i'll pay $100 to the loan payback, use $100 now, and make payments of $100 after daughter is done with her share'

expecting:
daughter gives final payment of $200 to EII
the next month, EII begins making her own $100 payments towards the loan...and expects to do so for the next 5-8 months.


or was the EII actually telling her daughter that she needed to pay double and thus was secretly keeping the money while charging her daughter double the total amount (charging $2000 instead of $1000)?

one possiblity is attempting to stretch the money (oblivious to the increased overall payments due to interest)
the other possibility is flat out lieing to and using the daughter


then there is the question of how involved was the husband in the decision as to how the money is actually being used? Is the EII to blame alone or is the blame to be shared?

and then questions like why is the EII so loyal to the husband? is she actually loyal to him or is it something else prodding her? perhaps fear of him? fear of losing him? fear of being alone? etc etc.

[anndelise]

This particular INFj has a knack for selecting terrible "romantic partners", and married two scumbags in particular …

…..Among those bad habits is being extremely rude in a selfish way, constantly belittling, subtly, those around him.

This brings up all sorts of other questions.

Obviously the EII feels she isn't worthy of anything better than the terrible "romantic partners" she's had. Obviously this husband feeds into her unworthiness. This carries with it numerous possible implications that could be affecting her actions, her motivations, and her views on things. Unless you ask her directly, you'll never know what all is going through her head and why she did what she did, etc.

[UDP]

there's pieces of info missing from this story...such as, was the EII counting the money the daughter gave her as going towards the loan payback and figuring she (the EII) could cover in the future the parts she (the EII) was using now?

... there is a lot left out because I am not going to fully disclose someone else's business online, even what little I know of it, especially considering the subject matter.

[cracka]

give it up INFJs, you are not that perfect starbucks-yoga-meditation-whole-foods-earthy-green-outdoor types.

lol, take out the "not" and you just described my almost exact view of rockclimber.

[UDP]

give it up INFJs, you are not that perfect starbucks-yoga-meditation-whole-foods-earthy-green-outdoor types.

perfect
starbucks
yoga
meditation
earthy
green
outdoor type
That does sound very much like RC.


We are all humans though - so in the original spirit of the thread, and perhaps what betterthandead was getting at, is that there are things that everyone has to deal with.

[rockclimber]

give it up INFJs, you are not that perfect starbucks-yoga-meditation-whole-foods-earthy-green-outdoor types.

lol, take out the "not" and you just described my almost exact view of rockclimber.

[rockclimber]

[cracka]

In other news... the kid in you avatar seems to think your eyes are about to pop out of your head and he looks a bit scared.

[Creepy-bg]

I can't help picturing what Rockclimber would look like with a little baby body because of that pic

[rockclimber]

In other news... the kid in you avatar seems to think your eyes are about to pop out of your head and he looks a bit scared.

heh. My brother was just annoyed that I was taking so many pictures of him. I had to bribe him with a cookie to let me take that one.

[UDP]

....I'm sorry....?

[rockclimber]

forget it.

[Khamelion]

heh. My brother was just annoyed that I was taking so many pictures of him. I had to bribe him with a cookie to let me take that one.