SLEs/ESTPs with strict parents from traditional cultures

[gershwayne]

Hello everyone,

I am an INFP male in college and I have such a crush on this ESTP gal... she is very hard to read and a lot of guys have told her so.. she says that she seems to think that the character descriptions for the astrological sign Gemini fit her pretty well because she says sometimes it seems like she has two personalities...i see her talking with a lot of guys (one on one) but i also get a sense that we both dont want to part from each other when we actually do talk and that we need each other when we are away and that she likes me a lot but doesnt show it at all... She says she has a boyfriend, but I get the sense that she is lying and some details she has disclosed have been inconsistent.

I think she may have had a hard time growing up.. she has also moved around a lot in highschool, because she would live with different relatives. She hasnt said so, but i think this may be because of her strict, traditional, Muslim parents who were born in the Middle East.. how do strict parents affect the personality type of an ESTP? especially coming from a culture that traditionally subjugates the role of the woman? Should I call her out on the boyfriend thing? should i do it very delicately? I read somewhere that ESTPs who have their spontaneous desires stifled go wild when given the freedom and become pornstars later in life.

[xyz]

Forget her, ESTp's are nothing but trouble =p

[Ezra]

This is very interesting. There was a post just like this made a few months ago. I can't be bothered to find it; maybe someone else will. But it was basically about An SLE with strict parents (except that I think it was a he, not a she).

[Jarno]

Hello everyone,

I am an INFP male in college and I have such a crush on this ESTP gal... she is very hard to read and a lot of guys have told her so.. she says that she seems to think that the character descriptions for the astrological sign Gemini fit her pretty well because she says sometimes it seems like she has two personalities...i see her talking with a lot of guys (one on one) but i also get a sense that we both dont want to part from each other when we actually do talk and that we need each other when we are away and that she likes me a lot but doesnt show it at all... She says she has a boyfriend, but I get the sense that she is lying and some details she has disclosed have been inconsistent.

I think she may have had a hard time growing up.. she has also moved around a lot in highschool, because she would live with different relatives. She hasnt said so, but i think this may be because of her strict, traditional, Muslim parents who were born in the Middle East.. how do strict parents affect the personality type of an ESTP? especially coming from a culture that traditionally subjugates the role of the woman? Should I call her out on the boyfriend thing? should i do it very delicately? I read somewhere that ESTPs who have their spontaneous desires stifled go wild when given the freedom and become pornstars later in life.

First, you seem to have the right grasp of feeling for this relationship. It sounds like duality, the way you describe it... So congratulations :wink:

Secondly, don't make the mistake to alter your behaviour, as you are already trying to ask us how you should approach her. The ironicle thing here is that whatever your own choice is, that is the best choice. If you stay yourself, and act normal, you automaticaly behave in a way that makes the right impression. (Because you are her dual).

The strict parents don't affect her type, but may indeed affect her norms and values, rules etc. That muslim thing can certainly be a problem, it depends how strict they are. They aren't allowed to date/marry a non muslim sometimes...

ESTP's can certainly go wild. One of the few times that I wasn't bored in my life was when I was in the company of an ESTP.

[Mediator Kam]

Hello everyone,

I am an INFP male in college and I have such a crush on this ESTP gal... she is very hard to read and a lot of guys have told her so.. she says that she seems to think that the character descriptions for the astrological sign Gemini fit her pretty well because she says sometimes it seems like she has two personalities...i see her talking with a lot of guys (one on one) but i also get a sense that we both dont want to part from each other when we actually do talk and that we need each other when we are away and that she likes me a lot but doesnt show it at all... She says she has a boyfriend, but I get the sense that she is lying and some details she has disclosed have been inconsistent.

I think she may have had a hard time growing up.. she has also moved around a lot in highschool, because she would live with different relatives. She hasnt said so, but i think this may be because of her strict, traditional, Muslim parents who were born in the Middle East.. how do strict parents affect the personality type of an ESTP? especially coming from a culture that traditionally subjugates the role of the woman? Should I call her out on the boyfriend thing? should i do it very delicately? I read somewhere that ESTPs who have their spontaneous desires stifled go wild when given the freedom and become pornstars later in life.

First, you seem to have the right grasp of feeling for this relationship. It sounds like duality, the way you describe it... So congratulations :wink:

Secondly, don't make the mistake to alter your behaviour, as you are already trying to ask us how you should approach her. The ironicle thing here is that whatever your own choice is, that is the best choice. If you stay yourself, and act normal, you automaticaly behave in a way that makes the right impression. (Because you are her dual).

The strict parents don't affect her type, but may indeed affect her norms and values, rules etc. That muslim thing can certainly be a problem, it depends how strict they are. They aren't allowed to date/marry a non muslim sometimes...

ESTP's can certainly go wild. One of the few times that I wasn't bored in my life was when I was in the company of an ESTP.

I am a Muslim, and I must agree with what was said above. Muslim teens-young adults in general are severely dissuaded from getting romantically involved with anyone until they are ready to get married, muslim or non-muslim.

In my opinion, even if she does have an eye for you, she is worried about what her parents will say, "OO, our good Muslim daughter went to college out of our sight, and now she has a BOYFRIEND!" No way at all.

The Muslim idea of courting/marriage is a world away from the Western idea of dating/marriage.

So imo, this is not a type issue at all, rather a cultural/religious issue.

[snegledmaca]

The Muslim idea of courting/marriage is a world away from the Western idea of dating/marriage.

Middle eastern muslims perhaps. My mother is muslim and her mother was divorced. And my mother is constantly pushing me to "have fun", or basically to get laid as I'm young and as she says it "these are the best years of my life and I should be having fun". But that could be because she is alpha, an ESE.

[gershwayne]

is it common for someone like her to lie about having a boyfriend rather than explain about her parents because its embarrassing or something?

[Slacker]

When she's old enough to be on her own, she might do whatever the hell she wants and marry the conflictor and supervisor of her parents like I did.

Patience!

My mom's problem is that she was raised as a very strict Calvinist and therefore had strong opinions and was very controlling about dating and teh sex. So it was still a cultural/religious thing, just a different culture and religion than this situation. She had given up on the religion by then, but when you've been taught that kind of thing for so long it's hard to get past what you learned growing up. I've been married for 10 years and I think she still disapproves of me having sex.

SO yes I agree that it is not a type issue, it's a culture/religion thing. Be patient or move on.

OH yeah and I did lie about boyfriends. In fact, I didn't introduce them to my husband until we'd already set up our wedding.

[Animal]

The Muslim idea of courting/marriage is a world away from the Western idea of dating/marriage.

Middle eastern muslims perhaps. My mother is muslim and her mother was divorced. And my mother is constantly pushing me to "have fun", or basically to get laid as I'm young and as she says it "these are the best years of my life and I should be having fun". But that could be because she is alpha, an ESE.

And also it might be different because you're male, methinks? I grew up around a lot of Muslim families (from India and Egypt mostly) and from what I've observed there's a HUGE difference between how girls are cultured and guys.

Unfortunately, trying to make a pass at her at this point might be ill-advised. ESTps are not really the type that would make excuses if they didn't have a good reason, IME. (That's our job. ) I'd wait and see if she makes any moves first.

[Mediator Kam]

is it common for someone like her to lie about having a boyfriend rather than explain about her parents because its embarrassing or something?

Yeah, she would do anything to get you away from her. You might be a great guy, but she really can't afford getting into a relationship with anyone in college.

[gershwayne]

I think my ESTP gal might be very depressed.. there was one time when she got very excited when i told her she was mysterious but the last time we spoke i hinted that i had figured her out and thought that her family had a tight grip around her life ( i noticed that she was kind of in a bad mood already, and i think i made it worse). anyway, she got out of talking to me very quickly and as i reflect i think some of the things she said were not sensical at all and i think she may have been very disturbed.. I think she might think that i will lose interest in her now that i know she is constrained by the parentals.. i also noticed that she hadnt been attending classes for some awhile...should i tell her how i feel and that im willing to wait for her and that i think is quite special? i really want to make her happy. how do i go about this?


some info i got from Ptypes.com that support my conclusions

compulsive attachments Compulsive Aversions
being admired being scorned
aggrandizement being criticized
being special being seen as common
being unique being ordinary
status being seen as inferior
superior image
superiority
special favors
favorable treatment
failure
others not according them admiration and respect

[gershwayne]

sorry, dont know how to make a list

http://www.ptypes.com/narcissisticpd.html

narcissistic pd is common for ESTP supposedly

[lefty]

sorry, dont know how to make a list

http://www.ptypes.com/narcissisticpd.html

narcissistic pd is common for ESTP supposedly

how much do you think this fits you?

Dramatic INFP 4w3 Histrionic Leo

As an ENFJ i'm catagorized as being obsessive compulsive and i can relate to that a little bit, but i have my own diagnosis relating to myself and its more fitting. I think from my current closest ESTP male friend that I ascertain that a relatively healthy ESTP wants to make money, be social, be clever, do things here and there to work on their future, and feel that they have a sense of self respect. So if those things are being addressed in their life they should be moving along. My friend is 31.

ESTPs dont want to be slighted more than anyone else does and that's what I love about them that assures me that they are a beta. A beta, to me, really doesn't take any shit. We may sometimes because people will mistake kindness for weakness, but we know whats going on...just like ESTPs do. So I'd wonder if it isn't something lacking in any of the above areas.

Have you ever seen the breakdown of type functions by age that's out there? That can be relevant too adn would love to discuss it with you.

[Suomea]

I think she might think that i will lose interest in her now that i know she is constrained by the parentals.. i also noticed that she hadnt been attending classes for some awhile...should i tell her how i feel and that im willing to wait for her and that i think is quite special? i really want to make her happy. how do i go about this?

Wow, that's really cool.... (not that she might lose interest, but that you care enough about her to wait for her and want to make her happy)

[gershwayne]

Lefty,

I can relate a little to the Dramatic INFP 4w3 Histrionic Leo.. I think i have a well developed thinking function, which kind of balances out the feeling a bit (i often reflect on every possible motivation with someone im interested in unless its completely beyond my imagination, i then decide how i feel about each scenario).

Im not sure if Ive seen anything relating to the breakdown of type functions by age, could you explain or link a site?

Thanks for all the responses.

[Ezra]

sorry, dont know how to make a list

http://www.ptypes.com/narcissisticpd.html

narcissistic pd is common for ESTP supposedly

how much do you think this fits you?

Dramatic INFP 4w3 Histrionic Leo

As an ENFJ i'm catagorized as being obsessive compulsive and i can relate to that a little bit, but i have my own diagnosis relating to myself and its more fitting. I think from my current closest ESTP male friend that I ascertain that a relatively healthy ESTP wants to make money, be social, be clever, do things here and there to work on their future, and feel that they have a sense of self respect. So if those things are being addressed in their life they should be moving along. My friend is 31.

ESTPs dont want to be slighted more than anyone else does and that's what I love about them that assures me that they are a beta. A beta, to me, really doesn't take any shit. We may sometimes because people will mistake kindness for weakness, but we know whats going on...just like ESTPs do. So I'd wonder if it isn't something lacking in any of the above areas.

Have you ever seen the breakdown of type functions by age that's out there? That can be relevant too adn would love to discuss it with you.

You're not PTypes on EIDB are you?

[lefty]

Lefty,

I can relate a little to the Dramatic INFP 4w3 Histrionic Leo.. I think i have a well developed thinking function, which kind of balances out the feeling a bit (i often reflect on every possible motivation with someone im interested in unless its completely beyond my imagination, i then decide how i feel about each scenario).

Im not sure if Ive seen anything relating to the breakdown of type functions by age, could you explain or link a site?

Thanks for all the responses.

wow you just gave an insight into how infps work that i'd never been able to conceptualize before. are you thinking about what people can do for you or what they want from you or both.

i can't find the link, but should have saved it because its one of those nice sites with pure information that isn't trying to sell information. It says something like:

INFP
0-10 years Primary Function: Introverted Feeling
10-20 years Secondary Function: Extroverted Intuition
20-25 years Tertiary Function: Introverted Sensing
25-35 years Tertiary POLR Function: Extroverted Sensing
35-55 years Fourth Function: Extroverted Thinking

Then theorizes that after 55 we return to our oringinal two functions primarily. Someone else could probably shed more light on the tertiary POLR thing...It kind of baffles me, because a lot of people say we only have four functions, but I'm guessing it might be a time of dual seeking both in terms of finding someone or finding opportunities in life.

ESTP
0-10 years Primary Function: Extroverted Sensing
10-20 years Secondary Function: Introverted Thinking
20-25 years Tertiary Function: Extroverted Feeling
25-35 years Tertiary POLR Function: Introverted Feeling
35-55 years Fourth Function: Introverted Intuition

It also specifies, I think:

Primary Function: Our general orientation to life
Secondary Function: How we take in information
Tertiary Function: How we make decisions
Fourth Function: How we arrange our lives

[lefty]

sorry, dont know how to make a list

http://www.ptypes.com/narcissisticpd.html

narcissistic pd is common for ESTP supposedly

I'm actually get a newsletter from this guy: http://samvak.tripod.com/

once you get in there there's a ton of free articles and all of it can feel a bit too dramatic for me at times, but is a good free reading source for NPD issues. Also I think he's an INTJ (am guessing) and so might be a bit different than an ESTP. He'dcall himself a cerebral narcissist and an ESTP when unhealthy a somatic (bodily) narcissist.

Again I wouldn't buy into it too much, its just a good primer for curiosity about a classification of personality disorder.

[lefty]

I think she might think that i will lose interest in her now that i know she is constrained by the parentals.. i also noticed that she hadnt been attending classes for some awhile...should i tell her how i feel and that im willing to wait for her and that i think is quite special? i really want to make her happy. how do i go about this?

Wow, that's really cool.... (not that she might lose interest, but that you care enough about her to wait for her and want to make her happy)

ya big entp sweetie. i heart entps.