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Thread: giving criticism vs giving compliments

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    Default giving criticism vs. giving compliments

    I know people's answers will depend on what the criticism/compliment is, the person giving it, the situation, and other various factors, but generally speaking I think most people feel more comfortable giving one than the other.

    State your type (if you want to) and whether you generally feel more comfortable giving others criticism or compliments. (Assume the compliment is sincere.)
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    This one is a lot harder for me to answer than the other one (receiving criticism vs. receiving compliments)...

    I like to do both at the same time.
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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    I think I criticize more naturally.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    That's a good way of putting it. When I want to compliment someone, it's difficult to find a way of doing it that doesn't feel weird. Criticism, on the other hand, is something I'm told I do without even realizing it.
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    In spite of what it may look like here, I have hard time giving criticism. I prefer to do the task myself than to tell the person they have done something wrong.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    take a guess

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    I criticize people when I'm stressed, sad or very euphoric. Sad, because sometimes i don't rreally know when I do this. Good, because after I said it, i feel very good with myself.

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    I am very comfortable giving compliments but I try to avoid giving criticism, and if I am in a position where I have to I am very careful to give it gently and pair it with a compliment if at all possible.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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    It's way way easier for me to compliment someone than to criticize. If I do feel critical, I will often just hold it inside, unless I'm trying to correct a child (for instance, table manners. And even then I try to do it in a nice way of course).
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    It's generally easier for me to criticise (it's my natural tendency) but that doesn't mean I'm tactless in doing so. I'm also aware of when it's generally more appropriate to compliment rather than criticise. Oh no, I'm violating PoLR rights for my Fe, I can't be an INTp now!

    Not that I really know whether the above is use of Fe (although I'm thinking it is due to social appropriateness etc.) but meh.
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    I find it much harder to criticize than to compliment.

    I think I give compliments a lot. I think it's good to recognise a person's potential. Even when I'm trying to point out a flaw, I try to soften it and highlight the compliment. Heh.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom
    I am very comfortable giving compliments but I try to avoid giving criticism, and if I am in a position where I have to I am very careful to give it gently and pair it with a compliment if at all possible.
    haha this sounds like you're a pro with people.

    uh.... i think i just avoid talking, but if someone persists, I find it very easy to criticize and tell them exactly what I think is wrong with what I am criticizing.

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    Default Re: giving criticism vs. giving compliments

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    State your type (if you want to) and whether you generally feel more comfortable giving others criticism or compliments. (Assume the compliment is sincere.)
    I find it very hard to criticize people on a personal level. Like saying "you are dumb" or "you have failed me" or "you have done a bad job". It is almost impossible to do unless I'm very angry at someone in which case I can go overboard with criticism (actually at this it is more insults than criticism). Happens very rarely.

    However I have no problems criticizing _things_ i.e. giving impersonal criticism. That is what I do all the time and spontaneously. E.g. "This design doesn't work and needs to be changed.". Someone can perceive that as personal criticism if they tie their persona to the piece of work. Actually I rarely even consider someone's personal feelings when I give criticism to a "thing" i.e. to a piece of work. I just criticize the "thing" in an impersonal way. And I try to make my criticism constructive as in not just say "This sucks" but also suggest how it can be improved (if possible). And I expect someone to act on that criticism. But as I said it is very very hard for me to give personal level criticism without being angry and taking an insulting, exaggerated and somewhat subjective rather than objective stance.

    Similarly it is easy for me to take impersonal criticism (especially constructive) but impossible to take personal criticism. I like it when someone constructively criticizes a piece of work I've done. It helps me to improve my work. It benefits me and others. However whenever someone criticizes me on a personal level I consider that as an attack and an insult. If you say to me "this piece of work is of low quality and needs to be improved, and this is how you do it..." I am grateful and respect you. If you say to me "You have done a very poor job and failed me." I attach my teeth to your neck

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    Oh I love impersonal criticism! I just don't like it on my character. If I can change something I've done for the better, it's awesome. BUT don't tell me it's "low quality" just tell me "X Y Z is wrong" even if the list is very long i'm okay, but i'm not really okay with evaluations
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Default Re: giving criticism vs. giving compliments

    About compliments. I am not good at receiving of giving compliments. When I receive compliments I secretly like them a little bit but publicly feel a bit embarrassed and don't know how to respond. I usually respond with silence or changing the subject quickly.

    I'm not good at giving compliments either but still I sometimes do this if I really feel someone deserves it. I usually give it to them in a bit "light" way though. Like "Pretty ok job you did there" instead of saying "That was totally awesome of you". Very very rarely I give deep personal level compliment if I think someone really really really deserves it. It still happens.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Oh I love impersonal criticism! I just don't like it on my character. If I can change something I've done for the better, it's awesome. BUT don't tell me it's "low quality" just tell me "X Y Z is wrong" even if the list is very long i'm okay, but i'm not really okay with evaluations
    I love your summary. My text was too long for anyone to read it but this summarizes it perfectly. Impersonal for teh win.

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    LOL "low quality" that sucks.

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    I give compliments if i feel the person will really appreciate the fact that I complimented them, I don't do it too often because I don't want to come across as a complimenting machine. This in itself makes a compliment from me mean a lot to whomever I give them to. At work for instance, if i tell someone that they did something very well and how appreciated it is then it's as if the sun just shined right into their face and said hello. Mainly because if I do compliment a person they know it's a valid compliment that shouldn't be taken lightly because I don't pass them out very often.
    Criticism on the other hand, I find that I don't do it often away from work... at work on the other hand, I try to get everyone on the same level as myself and I tend to criticize just about everyone in the process, but not in a totally bad way... More of a teaching/training way. People have told me that the difference between my criticism and others is that when I do it people usually learn from it instead of saying "you're wrong" I'll say, "this is why you're wrong, this is what you need to do to fix it, do you understand what I just showed you...etc"

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    Quote Originally Posted by cracka
    this is why you're wrong, this is what you need to do to fix it, do you understand what I just showed you...etc"
    Yeah of course this is always welcomed
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Giving criticism is far easier than giving compliments. I think I often use criticism for humor...
    "To become is just like falling asleep. You never know exactly when it happens, the transition, the magic, and you think, if you could only recall that exact moment of crossing the line then you would understand everything; you would see it all"

    "Angels dancing on the head of a pin dissolve into nothingness at the bedside of a dying child."

  21. #21

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    Quote Originally Posted by MysticSonic
    Giving criticism is far easier than giving compliments. I think I often use criticism for humor...
    Funny, I tend to think the opposite is true mostly because you get less flak for it. So I give sarcastic compliments because people tend to accept them more readily. By the way, great thread.

    that was a joke
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    Creepy-Diana

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    .

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    I like to compliment on a truly good job with a lot of soul. I like to criticise constructively. Otherwise, neither matters at all.
    Ideas don't determine who's right. Power determines who's right. And I have the power. So I'm right.

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    I rarely give any but when I do I find it easier to criticize. Compliments to me sound very cheap.

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