The friends first myth ...
I am sure that everyone has probably heard some variation of the "friends-first" rule, possibly from parents, or peers, or councilors, or pastors, or educators, etc. You have probably been told that it is best to be friends with the opposite sex and not attempt to pursue any sort of relationship with them, or to have sex, or to do anything that would stain your satin white reputation for the sake of appearances. Some people look at the "Friend's-first" rule and talk wonders about it, while other
despise and hate it. Why is this? You would think that being friends with someone would be a good thing, and yes, it is a good thing ... But, with all things there exist problems ... The way that one person views the world may not be the same view as another persons nor do people have the same life experiences, in the same way the "friend's-first" rule has many of these same problems in that it has not worked for everyone nor will it ever, though technically it should. Let's explore some of those reasons ...
Probably one of the most severest flaws with the friendship philosophy comes from the fact that there seems to be little way to tell the difference between "friendship rejection" and "friendship acception." In other words, when someone of the opposite sex says “let’s be [just] friends" he/she could be saying "I like you, but let's take it slow" or "I think you are a loser and I think this other person is way hotter than you." Both meanings are said in the same exact tone, and the same exact frequency, and the same exact way. In the former a person has been given a chance that can lead to a relationship and sex, but the latter equates to
rejection and is simply a total waste of time. While this remains a source of confusion, people who have been "friendship accepted"
tend to push the "friends-first" philosophy more than their "friendship rejection" countertypes, and for good and obvious reasons. This is why the "friends-first" Philosophy has also been responsible for bloating the ranks of the numerously abundant population of jerk ... The irony in this respect was that when it comes to many men who act like total jerks in relationships, they were actually once rather nice; however, from being constantly burned by the "friend's first" philosophy, not taking advantage of situations when they arise, and by constantly running into manipulative "**** teasing attention ******," and girls who see them as "big bother types," this causes them to resent many of their otherwise good qualities. Furthermore, women have a tenacious habit to attempt to soften the blow of rejection by bringing up the point that a certain guy is "sweet" or "nice" or by stating some of their otherwise good qualities back to them in the process. What women do not realize is that by doing this they unwittingly cause these men to make a logic connection between being nice, rejection, friendship, and this actually serves nothing more than to spoil
them for any future relationships they could enjoy. All in all, the men who have been "victimized" in this way eventually learn to resort to traits reserved for typical "A" type personalities, either from the impending inexperience or the fear of intimacy caused from these rejections, thus causing the typical jerk like traits that have been so popularized and often encouraged by men who have these same problems. Also, the "Friend's first" philosophy also exist as a balance of control for females; when men allow women that are not related to them and are not acquaintances to be non-sexual friends with them they are allowing them to have control in all interactions on the relationship level they exist upon. On the flip side, men who receive unbiased sex from women are the ones that maintain control on the relationship level should that ever happen.
One of the worst problems with "friends-first " has to do with that part of being a mature and healthy individual comes from the ability to form friendships friends with people in general regardless of gender ... Unfortunately,[as has been previously stated,] people who have been rejected with friendship tend to not develop the necessary social skills that a mature individual needs to be a good husband/wife and to raise children ... Virtually, they themselves remain children and conceptually have not progressed past the age of 12 from their stunted outlook. Because of this you will find that many of these people find ways to sleep around, not only to fulfill their own basic needs, but as an attempt to compensate for the fact that they have not been given or allowed the
opportunity to grow and mature for numerous and varied reasons. When relationships do occur with these people they are often noticeably and exceptionally one-sided, where one person plays the role of a[n overly controlling] parent to another who seeks a parent or rules in general. In stark contrast mature individuals with were able to maintain relationships with people of the opposite sex learn to replace their own parents by changing their own views and outlooks and controlling themselves from an
internal standpoint, where people who have been "friendship rejected" look for ways to control others or to be controlled by others
from an external standpoint.
I suppose being Friends with the opposite sex is not such a bad thing when you aren’t constantly having your man or womanhood insulted, or are not afraid of the possibility of that happening, and can handle it when it does happen. In the long-run friendship is always the best alternative especially for those who have been able to maintain relationships. But for those who haven’t, well, they'll probably just give you the finger...
Need help figuring out my type ...
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, or SEI....whatever we're calling ourselves these days.
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Originally Posted by Herzenfaust
