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Thread: Let's type a college essay first draft

  1. #1
    JuJu's Avatar
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    Default Let's type a college essay first draft

    Written by an 18 yr. old, US male. Probably an introvert... What type do you think that he is?

    "Music has had a huge impact on my life in several ways. It has helped me deal with many stresses that came to me in the course of my life. The main stressor that really affected my life was the lack of stability in my living situation.

    As a young child all the way to my teen years, I could never really rely on living in one place, going to one school, or keeping the same friends for more than six-months to a year. Oddly, I was never sure of the exact reason for these moves, as they always changed and seemed unclear to me, but I gather it was due to my father’s job or maybe our financial situation at the time.

    The matter was though, it was causing me to isolate myself from other people because I figured I would just have to be pulled away again and be hurt; a sort of dissasociation I placed on myself. I also began to lack commitment to school and my grades began to sink.

    Then I found something new and once unappreciated by me: music. It opened my eyes, helped me identify myself, and gave me an outlet to vent through. I soon got into rock music and became very fascinated by the guitar. I picked up lessons and practiced everyday. I could identify with where the music was coming from and idolized bands like Alice in Chains, Nirvana, and Tool and finally felt that I could get out my angst in a way that was productive. I started to meet other people who were interested in the same kinds of bands I was into and played similar musical instruments as me.

    As I took on my new interests and hobby, I began to be more open as I was having a better time and outlook on things, I believe. My grades got a little better and I became generally happier. When I began high school, I stayed in the same one for the whole time, which I’m sure helped to a degree. Friends and interests were what I gained, and inhibitions were what I lost."

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    thats a really really boring college essay. if it's yours, i would suggest that you rework it completely between now and december.

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    JuJu's Avatar
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    Holy crap dude, are you kidding? I'm 25 and in grad school at Harvard.
    I agree w/ you though about the essay... Now, type it.

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    JuJu's Avatar
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    And by type, I mean Socionics type.

    Otherwise we could type it: boring, grammatically lacking, kinda shallow, etc. I understand.

    Just looking for Socionics type, and with any luck, a little explanation as to why.

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    Quote Originally Posted by JuJu
    Holy crap dude, are you kidding? I'm 25 and in grad school at Harvard.
    like i'm supposed to know that.

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    JuJu's Avatar
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    peace dude, who cares? do you have a guess as to type?

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    no. there's really nothing here that would suggest any type.

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    JuJu's Avatar
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    why do you say?

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    Garmonbozia's Avatar
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    That is not an essay, it's three paragraphs.



    I wish mine could be that long.


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    ...been here longer than the fucking monarchy Ezra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JuJu
    Holy crap dude, are you kidding? I'm 25 and in grad school at Harvard.
    Then I know not how the fuck you managed to get into Harvard with writing skills like that.
    Ideas don't determine who's right. Power determines who's right. And I have the power. So I'm right.

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    Maybe he's a grad student/instructor and that's one of his students' essays? He said it wasn't his, and he said he's 25 and the writer is 18. So we have two reasons to believe it isn't his.

    Beyond that, I agree with Niffweed. Not enough information to type. A huge variety of teenagers could have written that.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ezra
    Quote Originally Posted by JuJu
    Holy crap dude, are you kidding? I'm 25 and in grad school at Harvard.
    Then I know not how the fuck you managed to get into Harvard with writing skills like that.
    Please show a little respect, Ezra. This essay was written by an 18 yr. old who's not yet in college. (A really nice kid, by the way.) I asked that board members try to type it. What came in return? "Boring, bad writing skills," etc. NOT ONE GUESS as to type. (However, I'm grateful to Niffweed17 and others who at least addressed the topic... Thanks.)

    The idea on this board is to TYPE--not to take bitchy, thoughtless potshots at my (or his) writing skills... That is what you were doing, right Ezra, (i.e. taking bitchy, thoughtless potshots?) Instead of doing that, it'd be great if you'd try to type.

    Also, if you have questions regarding my qualifications for grad school (wtf?!) PM me.

    Peace.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom
    Maybe he's a grad student/instructor and that's one of his students' essays? He said it wasn't his, and he said he's 25 and the writer is 18. So we have two reasons to believe it isn't his.

    Beyond that, I agree with Niffweed. Not enough information to type. A huge variety of teenagers could have written that.
    The writer is my 18 yr. old cousin. His Mom asked me to critique his college essay.

    Thanks, Slacker Mom.

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    Garmonbozia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JuJu
    Holy crap dude, are you kidding? I'm 25 and in grad school at Harvard.
    I agree w/ you though about the essay... Now, type it.
    Hey, do you know that girl who was died a few weeks ago?

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    JuJu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Garmonbozia
    Quote Originally Posted by JuJu
    Holy crap dude, are you kidding? I'm 25 and in grad school at Harvard.
    I agree w/ you though about the essay... Now, type it.
    Hey, do you know that girl who was died a few weeks ago?
    No, I don't. Harvard's a pretty large school. (Much larger than Yale or Princeton, for example, in terms of graduate enrollment.)

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    JuJu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Garmonbozia
    Quote Originally Posted by JuJu
    Holy crap dude, are you kidding? I'm 25 and in grad school at Harvard.
    I agree w/ you though about the essay... Now, type it.
    Hey, do you know that girl who was died a few weeks ago?
    No, I don't. Harvard's a pretty large school. (Much larger than Yale or Princeton, for example, in terms of graduate enrollment.)

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    Garmonbozia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JuJu
    Quote Originally Posted by Garmonbozia
    Quote Originally Posted by JuJu
    Holy crap dude, are you kidding? I'm 25 and in grad school at Harvard.
    I agree w/ you though about the essay... Now, type it.
    Hey, do you know that girl who was died a few weeks ago?
    No, I don't. Harvard's a pretty large school. (Much larger than Yale or Princeton, for example, in terms of graduate enrollment.)
    I know about her and I damned extension undergrad in MEXICO.

  18. #18
    ...been here longer than the fucking monarchy Ezra's Avatar
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    JuJu, I am actually really sorry mate. I didn't realise you didn't write it, and for an 18-year-old non-grad, that's what I'd expect. I'm pretty embarrassed. Again, apologies. I'm completely in the wrong.
    Ideas don't determine who's right. Power determines who's right. And I have the power. So I'm right.

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    Garmonbozia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ezra
    JuJu, I am actually really sorry mate. I didn't realise you didn't write it, and for an 18-year-old non-grad, that's what I'd expect. I'm pretty embarrassed. Again, apologies. I'm completely in the wrong.
    I'm just confused by "18 year old US".

    United Statesian is a rather odd term.


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    ...been here longer than the fucking monarchy Ezra's Avatar
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    I see Delta Fi in that description.
    Ideas don't determine who's right. Power determines who's right. And I have the power. So I'm right.

  21. #21
    JuJu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ezra
    JuJu, I am actually really sorry mate. I didn't realise you didn't write it, and for an 18-year-old non-grad, that's what I'd expect. I'm pretty embarrassed. Again, apologies. I'm completely in the wrong.
    I really appreciate the apology man. We're cool.

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