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Thread: Gift giving and receiving

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    XoX's Avatar
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    Default Gift giving and receiving

    Are you good at giving gifts? Do you enjoy it or hate it? How about receiving? Does it make you happy or confused about how to react?

    Can you see a connection between gift giving / receiving and type or is it just learned behavior or something. Anyways, in one thread someone claimed ISTps like to show their affection with gifts as they are not good at showing it in other ways.

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    Horrible at giving gifts.......always have a trouble remembering people's birthdays and what not. I like getting small girfts from the heart. Expensive gifts make me not know how to react.
    Suomea

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    escaping anndelise's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gift giving and receiving

    Quote Originally Posted by XoX
    Are you good at giving gifts? Do you enjoy it or hate it? How about receiving? Does it make you happy or confused about how to react?

    Can you see a connection between gift giving / receiving and type or is it just learned behavior or something. Anyways, in one thread someone claimed ISTps like to show their affection with gifts as they are not good at showing it in other ways.
    gift giving/receiving is one of the 5 Languages of Love
    Most people have one or two primary preferences, and may have one or more dislikes (regarding the 5 languages of love). I do not believe that these are type related.

    For myself, gift giving is in the middle.
    I love giving things that promote a person's ability to pursue their interests.
    I hate giving because it's expected (such as b-days, xmas, etc).
    I appreciate gifts that help me pursue my own interests or somehow improve the enjoyment of my surroundings...without interfering with how *I* want my surroundings to be.

    For example, if someone were to give me a painting, I'd be frustrated. It might be a gorgeous painting, but I prefer to have eye clutter removed (nothing at or above eye level). I'd also hate the having to keep it dust free and cleaned. It's like someone adding to my work.

    Another example, I purchase toys and games for my daughter about 1-3 times a month throughout the year. I get upset that I'm then expected to give her even more gifts on birthday/christmas. I mean, sure, if I was only giving her things 1-3 times a year that would be different.

    I don't make a presentation out of giving the gift. Usually it's just a "here, I saw this at the store and thought you might like it".
    I would feel uncomfortable if someone made a presentation out of giving me something.
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    I think gift giving is the last of my languages of love, so I don't really give a shit about getting them.

    I've been told I'm good at making them,even though I must be reminded of the occasion.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    escaping anndelise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    I think gift giving is the last of my languages of love, so I don't really give a shit about getting them.

    I've been told I'm good at making them,even though I must be reminded of the occasion.
    You've always struck me as more of a quality time and acts of service kind of person.
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    For me it's very dependent on whether or not there is any sort of obligation involved.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise
    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    I think gift giving is the last of my languages of love, so I don't really give a shit about getting them.

    I've been told I'm good at making them,even though I must be reminded of the occasion.
    You've always struck me as more of a quality time and acts of service kind of person.
    quality time by far, if there's that i don't need anything else (and if it's not there, it's not even a relationship imho)

    second would come words of affirmation probably. but far from the first.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    quality time by far, if there's that i don't need anything else (and if it's not there, it's not even a relationship imho)

    second would come words of affirmation probably. but far from the first.
    i was thinking of the times when you'd mentioned that you would write some of your gf's papers for her, and seem to remember thinking you'd done similar things for others, (I could be wrong )
    i hadn't heard anything from you regarding the words of affirmation (though now that I think about it, i can now easily see you appreciating words of affirmation)...but as you said, that would be far from the quality time which seemed a definite given for you.


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    I don't think I'm very good at giving gifts at all unless it's a female I'm romantically involved with. I do however usually give "the right gifts" when I do give gifts to people. Thinking back I've given some Perfect gifts to ex-g/f's, there were times where I actually thought, holy shit she's gonna love this one and almost hi-fived myself!

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    When I receive gifts, I used to get really excited if it was exactly what I wanted. But now I don't really. So if by receiving gifts well you mean words of gratitude accompanied by a smile or a horribly fake expression of happiness (when there is none), then I don't do it well. If I like something, I feel thankful, no matter what my outward appearance is. I'll try to show it just because I know people want to know what you think, and you can't just look into their eyes and they instantly know you're happy with what they gave you. A lot of people work on outward expression of emotion.

    I love to give gifts. I love to make people feel good, because it makes me feel just as good.
    Ideas don't determine who's right. Power determines who's right. And I have the power. So I'm right.

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    I think that both giving and receiving gifts is one of the instances where my Fe PoLR shows. This means that I strongly object to gifts of politeness (you know, the 'we cannot go empty-handed' types of gifts).

    When giving a gift, I need to know the recipient very well. I have to WANT to make him/her happy with the gift. Otherwise, I'll be really disinterested.

    Receiving gifts is also complicated. I don't really want things for some reason - it'd be just more stuff to keep somewhere (with the exception of books, I can always find a place for more books). However, occasionally people surprise me by getting me something that I never knew I wanted until I got it... Now these are the moments to treasure.

    To summarize:

    Strong Ni - I like surprises. I like to surprise other people. Therefore, gifts that take the recipient by surprise (a pleasant one, naturally) are the best ones.
    Strong Te - A gift has to be useful in some way. Things that just 'are' are unsuitable gifts.
    Weak Fe - A gift has to be meaningful. As a social ritual, gifts are pointless.
    Fi preference - A gift has to be something that the recipient wants, not something he/she needs.
    ILI, INTp

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    I've always been good at giving gifts. I'm not comfortable receiving them, however. I feel a sense of guilt for some reason..

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    Quote Originally Posted by cracka
    I don't think I'm very good at giving gifts at all unless it's a female I'm romantically involved with. I do however usually give "the right gifts" when I do give gifts to people. Thinking back I've given some Perfect gifts to ex-g/f's, there were times where I actually thought, holy shit she's gonna love this one and almost hi-fived myself!
    That is so cute!
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    The gifts I appreciate most are quality time. By far. But I do appreciate thoughtful gifts. For example, a friend of mine was helping me with my garden--just giving advice, etc and decided to give me some plants from his own garden. This was a complete surprise and just so generous of him. He loaded up my car with plants and I enjoyed them all summer long. That was touching and way more meaningful than anything else he could have given me (other than his time). My dad once gave me a DVD filled with copies of his favorite music including his organ recital from college. That was very cool. My husband is taking me to the opera for my birthday because he knows I love it. So that's a great gift also. I really don't want a lot of "things".

    (oh. except for the new macbook I just ordered. he he)
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    I guess I'm quality time / physical touch person. Hard to tell which one more. It depends on the person and situation.

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