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[Dee]

...

[redbaron]

I definitely have one sanguine and one melancholy child. Not sure what #3 is yet.

[implied]

think i'm phlegmatic/melancholic.

[Joy]

Travis would be choleric. I am too.

[redbaron]

EJ and IP are both sensitive, though IPs are more, but IPs can control themselves better and EJs find it very hard to control their emotional excitation. EJs also chill down slower and work on full mode till they drain out and do it for much longer, where as IPs have to always take it easy as they quickly tire.

This is completely true. I'm an IP married to an EJ and this plays out around here all the time. We are both overly sensitive to criticism and the mood of the other (although he's worse) and he works on full mode until he's completely drained. I stop in the middle of a task if need be, to recharge. He doesn't get that. He thinks the job should be done before recharging.

[FDG]

I had already studied temperaments, concluding that I'm a strange mix between sanguine and melancholic, which means that things affect me deeply but I will always try to keep a smile and look like I wasn't bothered, and keep playing hoping it'll pass.

[implied]

IPs are very emotionally sensitive and usually hide emotions inside. it is very easy to offend them and they can suffer for a long time while recovering. new situations or people make them freeze sort of. IJs are way more think skinned, can control their emotions extremely well, have high level and stability of energy and stability of emotions, and can work at repetitive and boring tasks for ever. choose.

i assume this was directed at me. i'm generally somewhat emotionally sensitive, but i consider myself somewhat thick skinned. this could easily be the result of living with an EJ who constantly flies off the handle and makes huge deals out of everything. and my current job is one boring, repetitive task. i don't consider myself to be poor at detail intense, boring, repetitive work, although i can't say i love it either. so slightly more phlegmatic.

[FDG]

i think you might be an EP since you said controlling comes easy and you can go on playing or whatever. i think though since you are an EP, you wouldn't be as sensitive to the tiny teeny things like IPs are.

Well, my method works this way. I will accumulate things that bother me (which can be very well things that don't bother most people) while keeping a smile and looking like I wasn't bothered till one day I can't handle it any more and I have a nervous breakdown/become extremely angry and impossible to calm down/cut off the person forever from my life

[redbaron]

i think you might be an EP since you said controlling comes easy and you can go on playing or whatever. i think though since you are an EP, you wouldn't be as sensitive to the tiny teeny things like IPs are.

Well, my method works this way. I will accumulate things that bother me (which can be very well things that don't bother most people) while keeping a smile and looking like I wasn't bothered till one day I can't handle it any more and I have a nervous breakdown/become extremely angry and impossible to calm down/cut off the person forever from my life

I know IPs like this. But my EJ husband can also be very tolerant of somethings up to a point and then watch out.

[marooned]

hmm... as a child I could have been more sanguine than melancholic... Though it depends what age I suppose. As a baby I was apparently very mild... hardly ever cried, was very inexpressive, my mother felt so "blessed" by my mild manners... then my sister came along... I think she's clearly an IJ. She had many tantrums.

[FDG]

my EJ husband can also be very tolerant of somethings up to a point and then watch out.

EJs are said to be quite good at controlling themselves, though are also said to exhibit hidden nervousness, which is perhaps the result of that. their Fe role is purposed to energize their dreamy dual, which might be done in a rough way, which may not be very acceptable in the society as a whole. i've read controlling oneself too much is not a perfect thing for an EJ though.

I notice the difference between me and my IJ girlfriend in terms of controlling one's self: when I practice self-control up to an excessive (for my nervous system) degree, I will not be able to let the emotions out all at once like an IJ does, simply because there are too many of them stored; thus, either I have a complete nervous-emotional breakdown, or I'll need a lot of time, sports, socialization and alchool in order to stabilize my mood.

[marooned]

She had many tantrums.

you mean EJ, right?

Hmm. You know, I'll have to think about this. I did mean IJ. She's too sluggish and low energy to be an EJ. As an adult, she's quite inexpressive and rarely gets angry. She still is easy to irritate however. But as a child, she apparently had quite a few tantrums. It took her a while to learn to control her temper. Both she and I internalize our emotions... but I am more easily hurt than she is (it can be very easy to hurt my feelings)... I am also more emotionally expressive than she is... I have thought EII or ESI for her... she's clearly Fi/Te valuing from my point of view.

[redbaron]

I notice the difference between me and my IJ girlfriend in terms of controlling one's self: when I practice self-control up to an excessive (for my nervous system) degree, I will not be able to let the emotions out all at once like an IJ does, simply because there are too many of them stored; thus, either I have a complete nervous-emotional breakdown, or I'll need a lot of time, sports, socialization and alchool in order to stabilize my mood.

sounds like IP since they have to LET themselves stabilise whereas statics can consciously do it. i think two scenarios are possible for IPs when in much stress: Je freeze and retreat to recovery (perhaps letting sports do it, though i would imagine calm alone more) or explosion in the case of overload and then even further depression and greater time to recovery. don't know for sure.

Retreat to recovery is common among the IPs I know, myself included. I have seen explosion in the case of overload also, with ISFps. That is perhaps when they are harrassed by others and feel trapped. I almost never explode but I'm pretty in touch with what I need, emotionally and as a type I can pretty much anticipate my moods and work to deal with them right away.

[redbaron]

Retreat to recovery is common among the IPs I know, myself included. I have seen explosion in the case of overload also, with ISFps. That is perhaps when they are harrassed by others and feel trapped. I almost never explode but I'm pretty in touch with what I need, emotionally and as a type I can pretty much anticipate my moods and work to deal with them right away.

IF you happen to explode, does that send you in temporary depression?

yes.

[redbaron]

thanks. and do you happen to find it hard to calm down at times when you are excited or you usually calm down very quickly? also, can you let your guard down and be very reactive like EJs, or it is not about a "guard" but sort of how things are naturally there?

Hmmm. It's not about a "guard" thing at all for me. It's how things are naturally. I don't really ever put up a guard that I can think of. Only in the most extreme situations. I generally react however I react. When the EJ gets emotional I find myself naturally feeling more calm and centered to balance him out and try to calm him down. Doesn't necessarily work though. When I do flip a lid (pretty rare, but it has happened), it's hard to calm down. I need my own space for awhile away from others.

[redbaron]

sounds like IJ since they kinda balance out the EJ's excessive Je. also, that "popping a can" stuff does sound IJ. IJs are also said to experience strong emotions, though i suppose it's at times and it quickly gets under control. IPs have to stabilize automatically, and are more sensitive to the tiny teeny little thingies that don't even worth being bothered about apparently. also, IPs would be more unstable emotionally, experience mood and energy fluctuations, whereas IJs wouldn't so much. IJs would also be more consistent and persistent in things. but you said you have that as far as i remember, or am i wrong? it's weird if yes. but could be to do with using different functions being different temperaments, though my current thoughts are that nervous system is designed for each type's leading one.

No, I'm def. not IJ. I do play the role of an IJ (a.k.a. my husband's dual) at times because that's clearly what he needs. And at times he plays the role of my dual (like aggressor in the bedroom :wink: ) but I'm very obviously INFp.

[aka-kitsune]

Retreat to recovery is common among the IPs I know, myself included. I have seen explosion in the case of overload also, with ISFps. That is perhaps when they are harrassed by others and feel trapped. I almost never explode but I'm pretty in touch with what I need, emotionally and as a type I can pretty much anticipate my moods and work to deal with them right away.

I was recently in a group situation where something acute occurred that severely overloaded me, but I couldn't get away, couldn't explode and couldn't break down and find a place to cry. I was trapped and was quite frantic, like my feelings were strangling me. (Had trouble breathing). I found myself being quite mean to the individual at the center of my frustration.

Eventually, though all I could do was channel the overwhelm and somehow (miraculously) got past it.

[FDG]

sounds like IJ since they kinda balance out the EJ's excessive Je. also, that "popping a can" stuff does sound IJ. IJs are also said to experience strong emotions, though i suppose it's at times and it quickly gets under control. IPs have to stabilize automatically, and are more sensitive to the tiny teeny little thingies that don't even worth being bothered about apparently. also, IPs would be more unstable emotionally, experience mood and energy fluctuations, whereas IJs wouldn't so much. IJs would also be more consistent and persistent in things. but you said you have that as far as i remember, or am i wrong? it's weird if yes. but could be to do with using different functions being different temperaments, though my current thoughts are that nervous system is designed for each type's leading one.

No, I'm def. not IJ. I do play the role of an IJ (a.k.a. my husband's dual) at times because that's clearly what he needs. And at times he plays the role of my dual (like aggressor in the bedroom :wink: ) but I'm very obviously INFp.

vid

[redbaron]

sounds like IJ since they kinda balance out the EJ's excessive Je. also, that "popping a can" stuff does sound IJ. IJs are also said to experience strong emotions, though i suppose it's at times and it quickly gets under control. IPs have to stabilize automatically, and are more sensitive to the tiny teeny little thingies that don't even worth being bothered about apparently. also, IPs would be more unstable emotionally, experience mood and energy fluctuations, whereas IJs wouldn't so much. IJs would also be more consistent and persistent in things. but you said you have that as far as i remember, or am i wrong? it's weird if yes. but could be to do with using different functions being different temperaments, though my current thoughts are that nervous system is designed for each type's leading one.

No, I'm def. not IJ. I do play the role of an IJ (a.k.a. my husband's dual) at times because that's clearly what he needs. And at times he plays the role of my dual (like aggressor in the bedroom :wink: ) but I'm very obviously INFp.

vid

what's "vid", you want a video? he he

[Dee]

...

[FDG]

sounds like IJ since they kinda balance out the EJ's excessive Je. also, that "popping a can" stuff does sound IJ. IJs are also said to experience strong emotions, though i suppose it's at times and it quickly gets under control. IPs have to stabilize automatically, and are more sensitive to the tiny teeny little thingies that don't even worth being bothered about apparently. also, IPs would be more unstable emotionally, experience mood and energy fluctuations, whereas IJs wouldn't so much. IJs would also be more consistent and persistent in things. but you said you have that as far as i remember, or am i wrong? it's weird if yes. but could be to do with using different functions being different temperaments, though my current thoughts are that nervous system is designed for each type's leading one.

No, I'm def. not IJ. I do play the role of an IJ (a.k.a. my husband's dual) at times because that's clearly what he needs. And at times he plays the role of my dual (like aggressor in the bedroom :wink: ) but I'm very obviously INFp.

vid

what's "vid", you want a video? he he

yeah but only of the bedroom part

[Dee]

...

[redbaron]

told you!!

Sorry, I'm not trying to derail anything!

(no video available by the way)

[redbaron]

But fwiw I do think that spouses can sometimes play the role of each other's dual in certain situations especially when they have been together for awhile and know what the other needs. I'm pretty impressed with how calm I can be actually. And logical. And he's learned to be flexible with my need for open-endedness even when he prefers things to be all planned out.

[redbaron]

are you sure he is not sanguine?

pretty sure, yeah. He can ACT sanguine sometimes. But for example, he doesn't like to play games with me (or anyone else) because he hates to lose. When we're in the car he rants about how inefficient the traffic lights are, stuff like that.

[FDG]

are you sure he is not sanguine?

pretty sure, yeah. He can ACT sanguine sometimes. But for example, he doesn't like to play games with me (or anyone else) because he hates to lose.

lol omg, never been able to understand that mindset..

[redbaron]

are you sure he is not sanguine?

pretty sure, yeah. He can ACT sanguine sometimes. But for example, he doesn't like to play games with me (or anyone else) because he hates to lose.

lol omg, never been able to understand that mindset..

Yeah I know. It's really too bad. I can convince him to play sometimes though. He is open to persuasion. :wink: And the loss isn't felt as strongly when there's a reward at the end. Problem is, I always win when we play word games. And he knows it.

[FDG]

btw i have friends like that too that dislike it when i bike faster or if i play a sport better...but i end up trying to let them win because i don't really want them to feel too bad about it (since they seem to care about such trivial bullshit)

[redbaron]

btw i have friends like that too that dislike it when i bike faster or if i play a sport better...but i end up trying to let them win because i don't really want them to feel too bad about it (since they seem to care about such trivial bullshit)

Well that's kind of you. I feel a little fake doing that with my husband but I suppose I could try it. I grew up in a family that played games all the time but even when we were little my dad would never let us win. He taught us to be good sports and have fun regardless so I guess I expect that of others! oh well.

[redbaron]

@ redbaron: what type's your dad?

ISFp Fe-subtype so he sometimes acts a bit IEI but I really believe he's SEI.

[FDG]

btw i have friends like that too that dislike it when i bike faster or if i play a sport better...but i end up trying to let them win because i don't really want them to feel too bad about it (since they seem to care about such trivial bullshit)

i do that with my little brother. but he just has to win all the time. he even breaks the rules for it. not fun.

Although I have the habit with those people to brutally humilate them from time to time winning in a destructive way with maximum effort just to show that they're not winning because I suck, but just because I'm letting them...does this point towards anything?

[redbaron]

btw i have friends like that too that dislike it when i bike faster or if i play a sport better...but i end up trying to let them win because i don't really want them to feel too bad about it (since they seem to care about such trivial bullshit)

i do that with my little brother. but he just has to win all the time. he even breaks the rules for it. not fun.

Although I have the habit with those people to brutally humilate them from time to time winning in a destructive way with maximum effort just to show that they're not winning because I suck, but just because I'm letting them...does this point towards anything?

You sound EP to me. But what do I know.

[redbaron]

Saturday I was feeling kind of numb the whole day, just kind of generally blue and depressed, then Dad came home and said something (trivial and stupid) that really hurt my feelings but I didn't show it because obviously he didn't mean anything by it and I didn't want to make a big scene. So come Sunday morning I'm sitting in church with my family and then out of nowhere, I start crying my eyes out. I mean, trying as hard as I can not to BAWL like a baby.

It never works when I tell myself to "supress it" or "don't cry, don't cry, don't cry". I would give SO much to be able to hide my emotions, because I seem to react at the stupidest things, then the people around me back away slowly, thinking "nutcase".

Oh I hear you. It does come out eventually, doesn't it. For me too.

[redbaron]

Saturday I was feeling kind of numb the whole day, just kind of generally blue and depressed, then Dad came home and said something (trivial and stupid) that really hurt my feelings but I didn't show it because obviously he didn't mean anything by it and I didn't want to make a big scene. So come Sunday morning I'm sitting in church with my family and then out of nowhere, I start crying my eyes out. I mean, trying as hard as I can not to BAWL like a baby.

It never works when I tell myself to "supress it" or "don't cry, don't cry, don't cry". I would give SO much to be able to hide my emotions, because I seem to react at the stupidest things, then the people around me back away slowly, thinking "nutcase".

Oh I hear you. It does come out eventually, doesn't it. For me too.

-sigh- There's someone else out there cursed with my crazy emotionality? NOT a good thing.

I know. It's really not good at all. What I wouldn't give to not be this way. One of my best friends is INTj and I envy her so much for her rational and logical viewpoints. I always turn to her when I'm feeling crazed about something and she helps me gain perspective. After a good cry, that is.

[Joy]

Has anyone (or anyone you've known) been one of these temperaments in childhood and then a different one as an adult?

[redbaron]

Has anyone (or anyone you've known) been one of these temperaments in childhood and then a different one as an adult?

My mother used to think I was choleric, growing up. I'm not sure I agree with that, although she might be right about when I was a baby. But I think I was allergic to the formula she was using which made me crankier than I would have been.

[FDG]

Has anyone (or anyone you've known) been one of these temperaments in childhood and then a different one as an adult?

I was more choleric as a small kid, then changed to melancholic, then switched finally during adolescence to the blend I am right now.

[aka-kitsune]

Has anyone (or anyone you've known) been one of these temperaments in childhood and then a different one as an adult?

I think I was probably phlegmatic as a child. Didn't cry much when I was really young, was generally quiet and polite. Then became more dramatic, insecure and attention-seeking when my brother was born (I was an only child up til age 6). Generally, I gradually grew more melancholic -- sensitive, emotionally labile, imaginative, self-conscious, averse to groups, comfortable only with one "best" friend. More recently, I have been manifesting impatience, reactivity and other choleric traits.

Overall, I'm probably still mostly melancholic.

[Joy]

The only difference would be that I can control my temper a little better, though it seems that my ability to deal with my emotions constructively is inversely proportionate to my ability to control them in the short-term. I think it is better for my emotional wellbeing to just be able to act out, but of course it's not really socially appropriate. I haven't found a real "balance" yet, it's always a win-lose situation with that.

That's is EXACTLY what I've found as well.

I haven't found a real "balance" yet

http://the16types.info/forums/viewtopic.php?t=15814

[Joy]

hmmmm... none that I know of