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Thread: A question for IJ's

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    Default A question for IJ's

    When you meet a potential friend or partner who is EJ and seems rather... over the top (or something like that?), do you feel a desire to get involved in friendship (or possibly relationship) with this person? As if the person needs to be "tamed" or stabilized somehow, and most people wouldn't be able to handle it (or it doesn't cross their minds), but you know you could? Or perhaps you see them as just needing *insert something you can readily give here* in order to settle down?

    I'm reminded of something Diana said about her parents:

    Quote Originally Posted by Diana
    I don't know what type my parents are, but my dad said something recently that I thought was funny. He was commenting on one of my cousins a very outgoing and entertaining, energetic one, who he compared to my mom. He called her "a powerful force" lol, and he said, "A powerful force needs an immovable object to balance it out. I'm that immovable object."

    Anyway they've been married for 33 years, and they're very cute together.
    (When you look at the nature of EJ's and IJ's, it makes sense. An EP could be compared to "a powerful force", but I think IP's tend to give EP's more... direction? rather than being compared to an "immovable object", which I don't think fits IP's very well at all. )


    Anyways, I know I'm not explaining this very well, but I hope I'm getting the general idea across. Does anyone have any comments?
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    I think the EJ's are a powerful force and the IJ's are that immovable object. That analogy was dead on. when I meet a person like that, and am considering a relationship with them, it is always their willpower that I am attracted to, because I know I have it in myself, while they are just more action-oriented with it. So, while I know heads may clash, I feel as though myself and probably a good amount of IJ's feel as though we can 'handle' the 'over-the-top' or aggressiveness of EJ's.

    on second thought, it may just be the ETJ's and ESP's who are the powerful force. either way...

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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng

    on second thought, it may just be the ETJ's and ESP's who are the powerful force. either way...
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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng
    I think the EJ's are a powerful force and the IJ's are that immovable object. That analogy was dead on. when I meet a person like that, and am considering a relationship with them, it is always their willpower that I am attracted to, because I know I have it in myself, while they are just more action-oriented with it. So, while I know heads may clash, I feel as though myself and probably a good amount of IJ's feel as though we can 'handle' the 'over-the-top' or aggressiveness of EJ's.
    I think this is a pretty apt description. When I meet someone of this caliber, it isn't really that I want to change them at all. The 'will' aspect certainly is attractive in an interpersonal sense. I guess that it's kind of a matter of me feeling more natural in the position of advisor, rather than leader. I'd prefer to find someone forceful (about the right things) and help them along the way. The closest way I can think of describing it might be how Immanuel Kant said that people should treat others not as a means, but as ends in themselves.
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    Meh.

    Okay, you know what guys? I don't really believe that the powerful force needs a quiet, immovable object so much anymore. Who plays the top/bottom, male/female...all those dichotomies. Hate them. I'm sick and tired of it. If relationships are really as cut and dry, day/night like that, then I don't even want one. I get just bored after awhile if somebody expects me to be passive all the time or vice-versa. I have dreams where I'm both dominant and submissive, and I like them both equally. =)

    I'm a quiet, sensitive guy (for the most part), and in all honestly, for romantic/sexual long-term partners I want somebody that is the SAME as that. They need to be different, of course (who wans to talk in the mirror? Boring! Not to mention narcissistic...) but on a very slight subtle level. I'm attracted to people who look like me a lot, that is my same height and has my same life values and basic same personality.

    If you are a weak little mouse, chances are you are going to be with the OTHER weak little mice, not be sexually attracted to the big scary cats, who you might be in fantasy, but in reality, birds of a feather flock together.

    Have you ever thought from a distance that a person was gonna be perfect for you. The whole she-bang, just because they were like, ya know, more forceful than you, or more powerful, and then when you really got to know them, you hate them? You even sexually hate them, because they end up being bad lovers. Do you have any idea how often that has happened to me?

    I still admire differences. They make things edgy, mysterious, and interesting, but in the end, when the chips are down and when it REALLY matters the most - another mouse is gonna save your back not a fucking cat. Please be realistic guys.

    Though I am not a weak mouse, somewhere inbetween....I'm probably just like a golden retriever puppy dog if anybody wants one. ;p

    Oh and: Versatility FTW. If you have to be 'in-charge' all the time or have to be the weak little girly-girl I will drop ya faster than hotcakes.

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    Default Re: A question for IJ's

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    When you meet a potential friend or partner who is EJ and seems rather... over the top (or something like that?), do you feel a desire to get involved in friendship (or possibly relationship) with this person? As if the person needs to be "tamed" or stabilized somehow, and most people wouldn't be able to handle it (or it doesn't cross their minds), but you know you could? Or perhaps you see them as just needing *insert something you can readily give here* in order to settle down?

    I'm reminded of something Diana said about her parents:

    Quote Originally Posted by Diana
    I don't know what type my parents are, but my dad said something recently that I thought was funny. He was commenting on one of my cousins a very outgoing and entertaining, energetic one, who he compared to my mom. He called her "a powerful force" lol, and he said, "A powerful force needs an immovable object to balance it out. I'm that immovable object."

    Anyway they've been married for 33 years, and they're very cute together.
    (When you look at the nature of EJ's and IJ's, it makes sense. An EP could be compared to "a powerful force", but I think IP's tend to give EP's more... direction? rather than being compared to an "immovable object", which I don't think fits IP's very well at all. )


    Anyways, I know I'm not explaining this very well, but I hope I'm getting the general idea across. Does anyone have any comments?
    I'm not sure about immovable objects and powerful forces, but "over-the-topness" usually makes me want to either watch from a corner or find some way to escape it. I guess it depends on what kind of "over-the-top" that you mean, though. Some kinds that people don't always like I do; and others everybody seems to love but I really don't.

    In terms of EJ/IJ interaction, I don't know that I have a lot to say. Except - I think I give my little ESFj something to focus her energies on. I also am a sort of release to her, though that may be more circumstantial than typical.
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    Snomunegot munenori2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves
    Meh.

    Okay, you know what guys? I don't really believe that the powerful force needs a quiet, immovable object so much anymore. Who plays the top/bottom, male/female...all those dichotomies. Hate them. I'm sick and tired of it. If relationships are really as cut and dry, day/night like that, then I don't even want one. I get just bored after awhile if somebody expects me to be passive all the time or vice-versa. I have dreams where I'm both dominant and submissive, and I like them both equally. =)

    I'm a quiet, sensitive guy (for the most part), and in all honestly, for romantic/sexual long-term partners I want somebody that is the SAME as that. They need to be different, of course (who wans to talk in the mirror? Boring! Not to mention narcissistic...) but on a very slight subtle level. I'm attracted to people who look like me a lot, that is my same height and has my same life values and basic same personality.

    If you are a weak little mouse, chances are you are going to be with the OTHER weak little mice, not be sexually attracted to the big scary cats, who you might be in fantasy, but in reality, birds of a feather flock together.

    Have you ever thought from a distance that a person was gonna be perfect for you. The whole she-bang, just because they were like, ya know, more forceful than you, or more powerful, and then when you really got to know them, you hate them? You even sexually hate them, because they end up being bad lovers. Do you have any idea how often that has happened to me?

    I still admire differences. They make things edgy, mysterious, and interesting, but in the end, when the chips are down and when it REALLY matters the most - another mouse is gonna save your back not a fucking cat. Please be realistic guys.

    Though I am not a weak mouse, somewhere inbetween....I'm probably just like a golden retriever puppy dog if anybody wants one. ;p

    Oh and: Versatility FTW. If you have to be 'in-charge' all the time or have to be the weak little girly-girl I will drop ya faster than hotcakes.
    Your point that relationships between people shouldn't be characterized as so simple or formulaic is a valid and well-taken point. Though I think the general dynamic is something more along the lines of one partner (an important term to keep in mind here) is more naturally disposed to certain attitudes which the other finds exhausting or of limited personal importance/ability. It's not so much as two people getting together and the more extraverted one being happy that they are now THE BOSS OF YOUR LIFE!!!!1!! Not to say that there aren't trends whereby the extraverted partner may be predisposed to the mantle of leadership (bear in mind that I'm approaching this purely by my mental appraisal of an INFj/ESTj conception, i.e. at best it's just a piece of the grand puzzle, if that), but can any relationship (a healthy one, anyway) exist where one partner completely dominates the other? A better example (although still a narrow one) might be that the extraverted individual might find it easier to direct and put things into motion, while still incorporating the partner in the decision of the ends to be pursued and to help in their attainment. In order for this to work out, there has to a balance and genuine concern between the two. As you say, there can hardly be peace between an animal and its prey. But hey, just shootin some ideas around.
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    Winter will end
    Harvest will come
    Your heart will mend

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