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Thread: relationship possessiveness

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    UDP's Avatar
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    Default relationship possessiveness

    What do you think about it?


    Se types seem to have a reputation for being possessive, but then again I know a lot of Si types that like to spend lots of time with the people they like.
    And then there is the matter of seeing how your person of interest acts to other people.
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    I'm back, assholes! Herzy's Avatar
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    I think it's more related to events regarding relationships that happened in the person's life rather than their type. For example, take two people of the same type. Say one of them has had nothing but great relationships throughout their lifetime. The other one, however, has been cheated on twice, has divorced parents, and has never been able to relate to people in general. Which one's going to be more posessive now?


    And honestly, I tend to be the opposite of posessive in relationships. In fact, I prefer if the person does their own thing, or else it'll get really stagnant really fast.
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    I don't know, I think you have to separate possesivness from just wanting to go out with the person. Somebody possessive wants to know what the other person's doing in hir free time, somebody who isn't and is in love/likes a lot the person just wants to go out with hir without giving much thought to what they do when they're not toghether. What Herzy says tends to be generally true, even if it becomes less true when both parties are really good for each other, meaning when two people tend to be best friends other than each other s.o.'s
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    aka-kitsune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Herzy
    I think it's more related to events regarding relationships that happened in the person's life rather than their type. For example, take two people of the same type. Say one of them has had nothing but great relationships throughout their lifetime. The other one, however, has been cheated on twice, has divorced parents, and has never been able to relate to people in general. Which one's going to be more posessive now?
    I rather agree with this.

    My father passed away when I was 10. While I wasn't the most secure kid, this event really put my fear of abandonment into overdrive. I guess on some level, I'm expecting that a guy will always reject and abandon me. But my personality is also very geared towards being autonomous and self-reliant, so I won't let myself be "clingy" with anyone. Instead, I've usually just suffered my constant fear in silence. But people in my life "leaving" (moving away, fading away, breaking contact, etc.) always affects me deeply.

    Ironically, guys have probably also always seen me as not needing them enough because I'm afraid to express any needs and trigger abandonment. (Hence abandonment is brought about anyway).
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    xyz's Avatar
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    I dunno, maybe it's because I'd just laugh if people tried to be possesive with me; I'd never do it to a significant other.

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    Hmm, first I suppose we should define what we mean when we use the word "possessiveness"
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thunder
    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    I don't know, I think you have to separate possesivness from just wanting to go out with the person. Somebody possessive wants to know what the other person's doing in hir free time, somebody who isn't and is in love/likes a lot the person just wants to go out with hir without giving much thought to what they do when they're not toghether.
    I still greatly disagree with this.
    Ok, we have to make a distinction. One thing is having conversations regarding what happened in each other's day, another thing is asking "SO WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN WHO HAVE YOU SEE" as to imply the possibility of cheating.
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    I'm not sure if possessiveness is type related. But I was with an ESTp and ENFj, both were EXTREMELY possessive.
    Especially the ENFj. He wanted to meet me everyday, and he didn't like me going out with my friends AT ALL. I couldn't even have any male friends. If a guy talks to me, he immediately assumes that he likes me and would make me avoid him or he'd call the guy and start harassing him.
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