IEEs-ENFps and inadvertent flirting

[timeofurlife42]

im often told that im a flirt, my cousins bug me all the time because i "flirt" with the waitress when we go out to eat. most of the time im just being polite, however i do enjoy flirting when its in a casual relaxed atmosphere where nothing is likely to happen (such as a restaurant).

actual relationships are a whole different ballpark though. whenever i meet someone who im actually interested in dating, (this happens fairly unoften because im picky as hell) it seems like i completely shut down and dont talk at all. i attribute a good amount of this to normal nervousness when starting a relationship, but i think part of it might be type related. it seems like enfp's are very reserved with their actual emotions. i myself will hide my real and true feelings from even my best friend most of the time. i think the problem i have with flirting with girls im actually interested in is that its revealing a part of myself that i dont reveal to anyone, even if the words are the same thing i use on everyone, if i actually mean it its harder to say. if that makes any sense.

my question is if any other enfp's experience this phenomenon

[meatburger]

Yep, from talking to a number of us we all seem to suffer similar problems. I just dont put myself out there at all. As a result i have been single for years. Im exactly the same i can be incredibly charming at flirting when it doesn't matter. In a restaurant, shop counter, department store etc.

Im also incredibly picky and its a terrible thing to be. Im not generally picky for looks as much as i am personality. I just tend to look for those special unique people and they are very few and far between. Then i think to myself well am i special and unique? Not really lol. I think our Ne is a little hesitant to pick one person out of a crowd who we think is awesome enough to put in the effort. Our Se role function makes it difficult to use physical touching etc for flirting.

ENFp girls on the other hand don't seem to have any problems. Since guys are traditionally forward they will tend to just go with the flow with the numerous guys hitting on them.

[jewels]

Yep, from talking to a number of us we all seem to suffer similar problems. I just dont put myself out there at all. As a result i have been single for years. Im exactly the same i can be incredibly charming at flirting when it doesn't matter. In a restaurant, shop counter, department store etc.

Im also incredibly picky and its a terrible thing to be. Im not generally picky for looks as much as i am personality. I just tend to look for those special unique people and they are very few and far between. Then i think to myself well am i special and unique? Not really lol. I think our Ne is a little hesitant to pick one person out of a crowd who we think is awesome enough to put in the effort. Our Se role function makes it difficult to use physical touching etc for flirting.

ENFp girls on the other hand don't seem to have any problems. Since guys are traditionally forward they will tend to just go with the flow with the numerous guys hitting on them.

Good point meatburger, but I've never been hit on by an ISTP in public before. It's almost always extroverts. Usually feelers also. I think they can tell I'm not going to say anything mean to them.

I think that my default personality can appear flirty. I didn't realize this for a long time. I tend to feel bad if a guy thinks I'm into him and not, and kinda blame myself for that, so I try to not be too friendly w/ people. Which sucks, because I really prefer to be. But whenever I think "oh this situaiton is fine, no one will get the wrong idea" that's when they suddenly get the wrong idea...

I've had people think i was flirting w/ a guy when I didn't like him like that at ALL. I just liked his personality. It's like I assume they know I'm not into them so I just let my guard down, and then later on wish I hadn't.

But generally, I don't consider myself a flirty person. And I agree that if someone has passed through the ENFP picky filter, I do get nervous. Like, "oh, I actually like this one. "

[Topaz]

im often told that im a flirt, my cousins bug me all the time because i "flirt" with the waitress when we go out to eat. most of the time im just being polite, however i do enjoy flirting when its in a casual relaxed atmosphere where nothing is likely to happen (such as a restaurant).

actual relationships are a whole different ballpark though. whenever i meet someone who im actually interested in dating, (this happens fairly unoften because im picky as hell) it seems like i completely shut down and dont talk at all. i attribute a good amount of this to normal nervousness when starting a relationship, but i think part of it might be type related. it seems like enfp's are very reserved with their actual emotions. i myself will hide my real and true feelings from even my best friend most of the time. i think the problem i have with flirting with girls im actually interested in is that its revealing a part of myself that i dont reveal to anyone, even if the words are the same thing i use on everyone, if i actually mean it its harder to say. if that makes any sense.

my question is if any other enfp's experience this phenomenon

I experience this problem too. I used to believe I could seduce any woman as long as I wasnt really interested in her When that happens my special 'powers' go bye bye and Im am defenseless.
Sometimes I run into a girl who is popular and expecially pretty and knows it. She thinks she can wrap me around her finger and then dump me like the rest. However, I see through her game and that she is shallow and boring and she ends up shocked that she couldnt snag me.
Sometimes I run into a very unique interesting girl and I think "This is the kind of girl I like" even though she is somewhat odd and stands outside of most social circles and doesnt fit in at all. But then Ive decided that she was too different and that to be with her I'd have to give up just about all my friends and habits to fit into her small world. So Cest La Vie....
I used to find myself surround by clingy needy girls (and guys) who had low selfesteem and flipped out because I was nice to them and treated them like a real person. I dont look down on people but there is no way I can make someone feel whole and fullfilled and worthy. They have to do that for themselves.
Ultimatley Im looking for someone who is decent looking (not necessarily a beauty queen) that shares my basic values and beliefs that I can be around for long periods without getting bored or want to get away from them. Ive had friends like that in the past so I know its possible.

[meatburger]

Good example of ENFp me tonight was i was playing pinball at the local pub with ENTp, ESTj friend. This pub is pretty packed so cool place. I was pretty drunk. One girl approached me and said, ive been nudging you for like 10 minutes trying to get you to move your beer. i looked and her and thought, shit shes pissed. I just said aww sorry you could have moved it and left it there. haha

Then when i was leaving one of her friends who didn't say anything to me all night says to me "Hope you enjoy your pinball" Just when there leaving. The ENTp friend says she was annoyed we would play pinball instead of flirt with them. My friend was like well we both have girlfriends you dont. I just said well its my progative to kick your asses at pinball not flirt with them

Im just like too innocent or something

[Topaz]

Im just like too innocent or something

Innocent as a baby.
baby weasle

[meatburger]

baby weasle

[Topaz]

baby weasle

Im not going to tease that weasle :wink:

[ENFp]

I think the most powerful attribute of ENFps is intuition. A few apt complements and victim are enchanted. But however it can be onerous when you for ex. enchanted your friend. I don't know how about you, but I don't control how, when and who I seduce. I think it's can really hinder social life.

[mustachio]

yeah, i used to go out with an ENFp. needless to say a lot of guys would stare like they'd just seen Aphrodite in the flesh or something. alot of people i know thought she was a flirt. she kinda was but never realised how she unconsciously enticed men (and some women!). but i always knew she liked me and wouldn't ever cheat on me. it was weird. i didn't know how i knew this since at a glance, it always seemed like she was after everybody else. and i'm a jealous cat. i really enjoyed spending time with that bombshell.

[mikemex]

I believe it's just a side effect of the ability to make other people to like them. ENFp are pretty good at that.

[xyz]

Yeah, you guys can be TOO innocent sometimes

I just realized one of my best friends from 3 years ago is an ENFp, and I'll tell ya, she's just what you guys described.

[astralsilky]

I've seen this in at least 4 ENFps I can recall off the top of my head right now. It seems that their desire to connect with others (and to secretly be known/accepted by others) is SO strong when "in action" that it is mistranslated as personal INTEREST in the minds of most people. Most people do not put in nearly so much effort into "getting to know you" on what appears to be an intimate level of interest unless they have more serious motivations for establishing a real relationship.