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Thread: Dual relationship lacking fireworks

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    Default Dual relationship lacking fireworks

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    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
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    What's probably happening is that your SLE might think that you think he's getting a little too close (SLEs hate to be thought of as clingy). So he's backing off for a bit just to restore some balance. Don't worry though, he'll probably be back soon.

    I do the same thing. I think that it's sort of a SLE tactic that makes it so that we don't have to use as much , and so our doesn't get stepped all over.

    So what should you do? Probably tell him. We SLEs can read people well, but we just can't interperate it all in a fashion that's required for relationships and such. If he knows that you feel ignored, he'll probably step back in just for you.

    I hope that answered your question.
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    Default Re: Dual Relationships - Coming Second

    Quote Originally Posted by ishysquishy
    I'm not complaining about my current situation, but this is something that tends to happen - ESTp partner gets caught up in other things and INFp me gets left behind/temporarily forgotten about and upset.

    I'm not sure whether this is one of the hazards of dual relationships or just a type-related hazard (i.e. ESTp's seem to need to be doing everything they can think of and INFp's can't stand to be ignored).
    Same situation here as you know. I think it's the hazard of our specific relationship matchup. How they figure we are duals, I sure don't know! Seems hubby and I are so mismatached. We discuss the same things over and over and only talk about things we have in common. I like a you-show-me-your-world-and-let-me-show-you-mine relationship. If it doesn't interest him he refuses to listen. I want to say I feel misunderstood but I'm just not stood at all!

    That's why people like rmcnew don't understand me. I get tired of a lone-sided realtionship so I do my own thing and get what I can out of the relationship. I am very much a giver but I run dry at times as hubby doesn't give back. I have needs too, and when I know I am being chatted up or built up because he wants something from me, I fry.
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    I'll agree that my dual marraige, while very cozy and relaxing and easy, doesn't have the constant fireworks of other romantic relationships I've had - I mean, we never fight, but then we never make up either and making up can be fun :wink: But I really got tired of the constant drama of other relationships. Of course I was in my late 20s when I got married so I'd had enough experience to know what I wanted and what wouldn't work out.

    And if I complain to him that I'm feeling like I need more affection, or attention, or whatever, my husband is very good at accomodating me. He will NOT pick it up on his own, though. I have to explicitly tell him what I want.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Megan
    These dual relationships sound fairly shitty and boring .
    That's because your dual is LSE. Haha, just kidding.

    I'd say they;re somewhat boring, but I wouldn't call them shitty.
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    I think its just me being unrealistic yet again but I thought dual relatonships were suppose to be something else. I can see the good points of some of the ones mentioned though. I just had a very different perception of duality in mind. I thought the people involved would recognise and attend to each others needs naturally. Some of the relationships mentioned sound a lot like a normal relationship with lots of give and take and compromise. Silly,lazy me for thinking dual relationships were more effortless in reality .

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    Quote Originally Posted by Herzblut
    That's because your dual is LSE. Haha, just kidding.
    Yeah, Yeah, I know I have done quite badly in the big lucky dual lottery

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    Quote Originally Posted by maizemedley
    Quote Originally Posted by artemis
    If it doesn't interest him he refuses to listen.
    He refuses to listen??? Really? I'm shocked. What do you mean he refuses to listen?

    By the way Artemis, sorry I plucked your feather over on that "favorite infp" thread. Hope it didn't hurt. You can have it back if you want.
    About listening, he gives me "uh huh" and goes about doing something else.

    I'm fine. I get used to feather plucking as I am so damn honest all the time! Sucks. (BTW, you posted under 'guest' in that thread. :wink: )
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    Really, the IEI should just be paired up with the SLI... that one just makes so much more sense.
    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Rocky's posts are as enjoyable as having wisdom teeth removed.

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    Nooooooooo, let's keep it with the SLEs! :wink:
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    Quote Originally Posted by maizemedley
    Quote Originally Posted by Megan
    Some of the relationships mentioned sound a lot like a normal relationship with lots of give and take and compromise. Silly,lazy me for thinking dual relationships were more effortless in reality .
    Silly, silly. Duality is full of compromise!

    INFP: I want a naked hug.
    ESTP: A naked hug???? *chuckles* What's a "naked hug?"
    INFP: I want to lay naked under the covers and hug.
    ESTP: I want a masssssage.

    INFP: No, I want a naked hug! pouts.
    ESTP: How 'bout you get naked and give me a massssage.
    INFP: *thinks about it*....OKAY!

    See, compromise. It's an endless struggle. :wink:
    Lol, your husband sounds like a male version of me.
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    General question to those with ISTp or ESTp mates/partners/husbands.

    Are they faithful/have ever been unfaithful in the past? I heard somewhere that they are very likely to cheat and are good at covering their tracks. I don't know if there is any truth to it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Megan.
    General question to those with ISTp or ESTp mates/partners/husbands.

    Are they faithful/have ever been unfaithful in the past? I heard somewhere that they are very likely to cheat and are good at covering their tracks. I don't know if there is any truth to it.
    I have a bit of a jealous streak, but even given that I don't believe my husband would ever cheat on me. But he's ok with my jealousy issues and is always very easy to reach on the phone, always has his cell phone on, and is always where he says he'll be. Also, he doesn't like going away without me. He's going to a conference in Las Vegas for a week this winter and said he doesn't want to be away that long so he's taking me with him. He would have plenty of chances to cheat in Las Vegas and I didn't expect him to take me with him - he suggested it on his own. If he were likely to cheat or had that in him, he wouldn't have asked me to go to Las Vegas with him.
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    This isn't a duality relationship, but my online ENFP girlfriend likes to go out a lot to hang out with her real friends instead of "hanging out" with me.
    INTJ

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    Hanging out with yoiu *online*?


    I can't imagine why!

    ENFP - Ethical Subtype.
    In touch with semireality.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Megan.
    General question to those with ISTp or ESTp mates/partners/husbands.

    Are they faithful/have ever been unfaithful in the past? I heard somewhere that they are very likely to cheat and are good at covering their tracks. I don't know if there is any truth to it.
    My husband has cheated (and you all wonder why I have the opinions I do ), but he is lousy at hiding it. I can read him like a book. I don't believe he cheats anymore . . . well, I know he doesn't . . . my being psychic and all. He has leaned the price is high and he isn't willing to pay it. So perhaps if I am bitchy you understand a bit better. I like the financial security I have and am not willing to leave. When I crave something more then I'm sure I will make changes. Just not there yet. (Yes, mcnew, it's me the filthy whore)
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    I don't believe my husband has ever cheated on me and we've been together 14 years, but I know he cheated on previous girlfriends before we met and were married!

    He'd rationalize it "She and I were broken up any way."

    He can be pretty good at covering his tracks, though, so if he were to cheat, he would probably get away with it.

    I loved the time when he left the computer on a page verifying a $7000 loan. For his boat which he never discussed with me and which he pulled into the driveway 2 weeks later.

    I know he's stashing for a bigger boat, now, too.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blaze
    I loved the time when he left the computer on a page verifying a $7000 loan. For his boat which he never discussed with me and which he pulled into the driveway 2 weeks later.

    I know he's stashing for a bigger boat, now, too.
    Wow! I don't know how I would deal with that! But I do tend to hide my financial deals but they don't amount to that much. Hubby tends to spend and not tell me and blows up our checking accounts and leaves me to pick up the pieces as he is conveniently out of town. Always makes mistakes and uses the wrong accounts or cards.
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    Quote Originally Posted by P-chan
    This isn't a duality relationship, but my online ENFP girlfriend likes to go out a lot to hang out with her real friends instead of "hanging out" with me.
    *suspiciously raises an eyebrow* I don't see how such a thing could be possible. I talk to people online quite a bit, but I don't see how a person could "be with" someone who isn't physically there.
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    fdfs

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    meeting someone online is different than having an online girlfriend
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    I will find myself an ENTj as a pet. At least I will be lifted up with lame jokes at my expense, eh?
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    meeting someone online is different than having an online girlfriend
    True. But people are different. I can see how they can feel that it's turning into something like a relationship. And meeting can be so daunting.
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
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    Quote Originally Posted by Steve
    You could always get cats. Dozens and dozens of cats.
    Wow, I feel very attracted to that idea. In so many ways I can think of, cats are just like ISTp men .

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    Heh heh.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim
    I will find myself an ENTj as a pet. At least I will be lifted up with lame jokes at my expense, eh?
    I hope you mean an actual pet and not a person; I totally find it disturbing and a tad offensive that anyone could refer to a person or specifically a man, as a pet. I really do not favor the company of women with that mindset.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rmcnew
    Quote Originally Posted by Kim
    I will find myself an ENTj as a pet. At least I will be lifted up with lame jokes at my expense, eh?
    I hope you mean an actual pet and not a person; I totally find it disturbing and a tad offensive that anyone could refer to a person or specifically a man, as a pet. I really do not favor the company of women with that mindset.
    May I say McNew, it seems to me that you are having some type of problem with women. You calling people dirty filthy whore immediately comes to mind. I thought people of your type were generally less moralistic and judgemental. I can't believe that someone of a judging type like myself is saying this, but lighten up a bit McNew. I don't think the females here are "evil", "slutty", "man-hating", "harlots".
    At least I think the rest of them aren't :wink: .

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    Quote Originally Posted by rmcnew
    Quote Originally Posted by Kim
    I will find myself an ENTj as a pet. At least I will be lifted up with lame jokes at my expense, eh?
    I hope you mean an actual pet and not a person; I totally find it disturbing and a tad offensive that anyone could refer to a person or specifically a man, as a pet. I really do not favor the company of women with that mindset.
    NOT THIS AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, I'll say it....

    ...it would be less offensive to have a woman as a pet?!?!?!?!?!

    Kim and rmcnew, you're not trying to date eachother, so it doesn't matter what each of you wants in a relationship. Kim can go get what she wants from a man who wants the same thing she does, and rmcnew can go get a woman who wants the same thing he does.

    We are all free to set our own relationship ideals.
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    Quote Originally Posted by rmcnew
    Quote Originally Posted by Kim
    I will find myself an ENTj as a pet. At least I will be lifted up with lame jokes at my expense, eh?
    I hope you mean an actual pet and not a person; I totally find it disturbing and a tad offensive that anyone could refer to a person or specifically a man, as a pet. I really do not favor the company of women with that mindset.
    Better said than before, rmc! :wink: You're improving!
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    Quote Originally Posted by rmcnew
    Quote Originally Posted by Kim
    I will find myself an ENTj as a pet. At least I will be lifted up with lame jokes at my expense, eh?
    I hope you mean an actual pet and not a person; I totally find it disturbing and a tad offensive that anyone could refer to a person or specifically a man, as a pet. I really do not favor the company of women with that mindset.
    I totally find it disturbing and a tad offensive that anyone could refer to a person or specifically [a woman] as [a whore]. I really do not favor the company of [men] with that mindset.

    Well, mcnew, how about that?

    PS: It was a joke to get back at Steve. Lighten up!
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    Hahaha, lol, you crack me up Steve.
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    Am I the only one that detects a lot of fear and sadness when Mcnew launches these attacks?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Megan
    Am I the only one that detects a lot of fear and sadness when Mcnew launches these attacks?
    No. But his posts may also trigger fear and sadness in people. And so it goes on and on.
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
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    Quote Originally Posted by Megan
    Am I the only one that detects a lot of fear and sadness when Mcnew launches these attacks?
    Yes, and I feel incredibly sorry for the poor soul. Really. I am extremely openminded and guess I expect everyone else to be too. I mean though that if I was deliberately treated badly and used by someone then (and I have been), I would be hurt and livid over it, but that wouldn't make me sour at all all men or women. People are people and to each his own morals or whatever, and each is responsible for his/her own actions. This getting personal thing (guilty in repose) is too much.
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    It's not like he goes around posting 'I hate women" all over the forum. It's specific things that get a negative response, things that involve people talking about using men.
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    I think joy understands me alot better than others, I would listen to her ...

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    Yay for identical relations!
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    Somehow I have my doubts as to whether Joy is really like Mcnew.
    McNew has no problems it seems when the men here talk about using women. I wonder why?

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    Quote Originally Posted by rmcnew
    I think joy understands me alot better than others, I would listen to her ...
    Stand on your own two feet, damn it!
    <--- Me pouring out all my love on you!

    Some days its just not worth chewing through the restraints.

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